Lael’s hand touching his sent a shock wave of warmth through him. Her words were quiet and ginger, bringing his attention to her as she garnered it. The heat vanished as quick as it came, knowing that there wouldn’t be much to follow it. As she had said, she was engaged. She was happy. At least someone was. It felt like everyone was now. Her words made his heart sink and his eyes went with it, his frown deepening as the sadness in his hazel-brown eyes muted the color into a murky, muddy color.
Ares only looked up again when her fingers went to move a strand of hair out of his face. He sighed through his nose and looked at her, his brow gently creasing. He was meant to be stronger than this. Ares had to teach himself growing up how to be a man and that meant bottling things up for everyone else’s benefit. He had to be rigid, but it was hard to be. His heart hadn’t just been broken – it was blown to pieces. To think that Lael thought he was being mean or rude to her, that confused him more and only made the sadness deepen. He hadn’t meant to.
Ares closed his eyes as she spoke about Birch. He didn’t want to hear his name. He knew that this show that he was on wasn’t by his choice. This was the Capitol’s doing, but he enjoyed spending time with Lael. He didn’t want to hear about other people finding some sort of purpose, that there were people out there that depended on one another when Ares felt no connection to anybody in the world anymore. Lael had commented on the fact that she knew that he was sleeping with other girls and that only made his heart hurt. He looked away again, hardly able to look at her anymore. He was, but not in the way she was thinking. Lael was the only girl he was doing this with now that he was doing it willingly. Now, if he didn’t say so himself, Ares was being occasionally raped by Capitolites by getting these notes and bookings. But he had to no choice, because he was being punished for his sister’s mistakes.
She stood on her toes and gave him a kiss on the cheek, the warmth spreading again but died just as fast. He swallowed and nodded his head, saying nothing. It was hard to stand there and pretend that everything was okay. Every bit of his body language probably told her that it wasn’t. It was the same feeling with Thalia earlier. All he wanted was for someone not to criticize him, to actually be gentle with him, to have some sort of connection that made him feel like he wasn’t alone.
Except he was, and even standing in a quiet closet with her, he knew that more than ever.
“You should get back to the party,” Ares said, his voice barely higher than a whisper, looking toward the floor, but his hand didn’t leave her shoulder. He wanted to have human touch for just a second longer.
Lael could see he was deep in thought, pondering. It was no secret what had happened to his sister, and if she was just there as a physical release for him, or an excuse to get his mind off of everything, that was fine with her. But they were friends at this point, even if they were doing certain things that might have gone beyond the bounds of friendship, and she wanted to help.
“We don’t have to talk about what I’m doing, or... anyone else, if you don’t want to,” she said, leaning down to pick up her purse from the floor. “But I’m here if you want to talk, ok?”
She took a deep breath. Ares didn’t have a great reputation around here, whether it was because he was picking fights with trainers pretty often or sleeping around or what. And Lael could kind of understand why he had earned that reputation. But part of her believed was selfishly using him because she was feeling desperate for a man’s touch, and maybe he was using her in the same way.
Lael ran her hand down his arm for a minute before stepping closer in the tight closet. Physical touch felt healing right now, so she laid her head against his chest for a second before nodding.
“I probably should,” she answered, her voice as soft as his. “And we can’t be seen, but... you know that.”