Ladysplaining Security

"What was the point of a TOTP token if you're going to use SMS to deliver a 6-digit code anyway? Continued success of SIM hijacking?”

"In 2016, you use Snow Leopard. Did someone tell you the world is a 'set it and forget it' computing environment?"

"You installed Wordpress, but never updated it? Or any of its plugins? Have you ever heard of botnets or malware?"

"And you loudly repeated the word encryption without explaining what it is or how to do it? Think anyone got it?"

"So you've set up a webcam and trained it on TOTP hardware tokens? Did you think the camera was a second factor?

"Tell me more. Why do you think North Korea started hacking you last week? Because you pirated that Sony film once?"

"So you think you've been hacked. Could it be related to sharing your Netflix password? And using it everywhere?"

"I see that the passcode to your phone is '123456.' Did you randomly think generating this in your head was secure?"

"Your hard disk is encrypted, but your backups are not. Are you punishing your security team? Or is this a joke?"

"You're communicating securely in the app, but didn't configure end-to-end encryption? Could you define 'secure'?"

"So you encrypted it 3 times, but all of the passwords were 'Pa$$w0rd'? Can you explain the point of the crypto?"

"So the building's facility management software runs on Windows XP? And it's the tallest building in the world?"

"It's been how long since you turned off auto-updates for your browser? Tell me why this seemed like a good idea."

"So you want to switch from cloud computing to fog computing for security? And your password is still m0nk3y?"

"You said you work in Bitcoin. Coincidence, or did you intend to learn web application security the hard way?"

"Oh, my heart? Darling, I'm more upset that you broke opsec. Did you have no other option than to ruin everything?"