Respect the fucking patch, bitches.

-pulls his lips back to flash her a grotesque mockery of a smile, looking demented- What the fuck you want a hug for? Ha! Wouldn't want your tits to deflate? -sticks out his arms and rushes toward her in a violent and uncomfortable hug-

I’m in no rush. Hugin and Mugin taking my eye, then rejecting him when I had the chance to be ‘redeemed’ on his terms was de-Odin-ization enough. I’m more than my blood, and I still have grandma’s in my veins. It’s enough.

Crows are perceptive. They might not be able to pay enough attention to get the  whole story, but they’ll know if something is off. That’s sweet of you, really. And how is there nothing to be happy about? You’ve got a cute girl with a tail giving you serious tail. There should be nothing making you miserable other than the fact that you’re you.

Bitch better watch, then. Pestering you to further insanity is my job, damn it.

If you say so. By my own logic, I don’t even have Mictlantecuntli’s blood in me, but I’m still one of his. So I guess you’re right. Ah, but don’t tell anyone I said that. I’ll just deny it!

Shit. I’m gonna have to recruit me summa those bird-eating spiders. But- if I must be honest, and believe me this is as hard for me to say as it is for you to hear, I guess I’m marginally happy they said something. I…needed someone to talk to, that understands me, because it is because I’m me. I’m gonna fuck this up so bad. And I…I’m not the only one, there’s someone else, and I don’t know if I can. Compete. Ah, fuck. Maybe I do need your couch, after all.

To be fair, I was checking on how you were doing that would make you miss me like I’ve been hearing. Not to check up on your dick. And you deserve to have someone, so I’m glad asswipe.

Man, what asshole told you about that anyway? Can’t trust anyone these days. Not even those gossipy little eight-legged fucks…to be fair, it’s what my dick’s been up to that’s made me so miserable lately, and you’re the only asshole that knows how to deal with my bullshit- wait, what was that? Did you just say you were glad for me?! …are you sure you’re the M I know and hate?

Crows are chatty. And everywhere. They're easily distracted, though, so all I've gotten was that you were more emo than usual and that you've been dropping my name considerably. Remind me to never be happy for you again, you miserably ungrateful piece of shit. <3

Ugh, fine, fine. I don’t really have it in me to argue this much. My fuckin’ head hurts. But you started it. I didn’t ask anything…you know, there’s some shit I just can’t be spiteful about. I managed this long, for fuck’s sake. It’s not like I can just roll out to the club and pick someone up. It took ten years to meet one other person that didn’t make noises about my dumb face.

Good, maybe you’ll stop spamming my fucking inbox with fluffy baby animals, then! I have more important things to attend to, like deleting junk mail. And it’s not porn, shit. She’s not that feline, oh my god. I’m not into bestiality like some Norse scum. She’s a perfectly sweet human girl. With a tail. So what! But she is cute.

Ehheheheheh! I told you! I warned you and you didn’t listen! I hope you’re happy. I sure fuckin’ am! It was amazing, by the way, since you want to know.

……

Y’know, chica, you really oughtta be careful where you point that thing…you may see something you really, really don’t wanna see~!

Oh, Ashley.

Did we forget?

You can't~<3

You really, really–