merc interrupted

Peter only rolled his eyes at her weird saying. Why she even remotely cared was beyond him. He really couldn’t care less what she thought, but since she was more experienced, he might as well take some advice from her, whether or not it was actual advice or not.

“Why do you even care how I live my life?” Peter asked. “You’re no better off than I am.. probably. But still. You’d think, after all the expensive jobs you do, you would be able to ditch this life and go off to Hawaii or some shit.” He points out. Since she had said he shouldn’t take jobs that are less than 10k, then shouldn’t she be rich?

“I don’t get why you’re even remotely interested in what I’m doing to get money.” He shook his head and turned around, heading towards the roof ledge. “Internet or not, a job is still a job.”

Retirement was for boring old people, or those annoying techie dweebs that managed to sell their startup dotcom for millions back in the early ‘noughties when people were still mesmerized by the interwebs. Definitely not for someone like Wanda who enjoyed the killing just as much as she liked the money.

“Hell, with all the cash I got I could probably buy a damn island. But I don’t have a face for relaxing by the beach sipping appletinis. Bodacious bod notwithstanding, my ugly mug would probably scare the locals so much they’d think I was some kinda hell-beast sent to torment them by an angry God. And maybe the tokens of their repentance would be amusing at first but then the blood sacrifices start making things kinda weird...” Wanda trails off and blinks clearing her throat. “Just a random example.”

Peter watched in slight annoyance and amusement as the girl shoots herself in the foot, and doesn’t even realize it until moments later. He supposed it was a perk to never being able to die. He raised his eyebrows at her outburst.

“Technically speaking, I just stood here. You shot yourself on your own.” He looked at the blood being spread on the rooftop. “I don’t get why you’re angry at me. I was just doing a job. Why don’t you get all pissy at the guy who hired us at the same time?” Peter was honestly a little annoyed by this whole situation. He shakes his head some.

“Spanking me won’t do anything. Unless you get off to other people’s pain. Then that’s just sadistic.” He shakes his head and turns around. “If all you’re going to do is act like a child and whine about who stole whose kill, then I’m leaving. And I swear if you follow me I’m going to have to kill you again and ship your body parts off to different areas of the world.” He looked back with a frown. Wilson was just too melodramatic and it was really annoying.

Okay so  maybe Parker’s remark about Wanda’s misplaced anger isn’t complete bullshit. It’s not like Wanda hasn’t pulled the same shit like a dozen times over, it’s just usually she doesn’t loose. She hates loosing. It’s totally why no one ever plays monopoly with her, and not because she doesn’t have any friends. Obviously.

“Hey I’m completely sadistic, who told you I wasn’t?” It’s super true, Wanda is like the most sadistic person ever, duh. She doesn’t have a masochistic bone in her body, not even in her pinky fingers or toes. That was the most untrue falsest argument over. She was a lean mean sadist machine, ask any one of the friends she didn’t have.

Honestly, Peter had been told to get the job done quickly, just like every other hit man or criminal in the city. And quite frankly, he just needed the money. So, when he was told that if he didn’t get it done before the other guy, which wasn’t even a guy at all, but rather Lady Deadpool, he had decided to literally swing on by and get the guy quickly and swiftly.

Obviously that didn’t bode very well for his competitor. And nothing was worse than having Wilson on his ass whining like a little bitch because he stole her kill. And as soon as he heard her voice, he tilted his head back with a heavy sigh. Fan-fucking-tastic. Just what he needed.

Standing from his perch, he spins on his heel and looks towards her. “Look, I don’t care what the hell you’re thinking, but the dude told me to go after the same guy. And I got there first so… he paid me. Sorry. But next time you should be faster.” The male gives a slight shrug, reaching up to push the hood of his sweater down, looking towards the other. “Maybe that’s why I was asked. Because I’m a lot faster with jobs.” The male couldn’t help tue slight grin.

Is this a STROKE? Was this how having a stroke felt? Was it even possible to get so angry you gave yourself a stroke? Because if that was even a little bit possible, Wanda is fairly certain she’s having one right now. A rage induced stroke.

Rage induced strokes involved way more bleeding than regular strokes. Wait, did regular strokes make you bleed? No,so then...

“Oh,” Wanda sighs thoughtfully as her brain catches up with what’s happening and fills in the blanks. “You just made me shoot myself in the foot!” Wanda screams outraged. It’s not technically Peter’s fault, that she gets irrational and unstable when she’s angry, but he’s the fucker who pissed her off.