-K
I am writing this from a very interesting position.
I am dizzy, and flustered, my cheeks a bit red and my mind a bit fuzzy.
I have just finished a yoga session with myself.
But it was different.
I have been “practicing” this thing for several years, or so I thought. I can remember moments of several deep stretches where I said to myself” yeah this is the thing they’re all talking about”.
By they, I mean yoga people. People who do yoga. People who understand it, or are just really good at saying they understand it. Hundreds of thousands of followers on instagram and a rockin body
And I wanted it. That’s what I wanted. I wanted a peace of mind and a rocking body and to just genuinely feel better about myself.
I couldn’t ever find it. Unless I had smoked enough weed to just throw myself on an already moving elevator and hold on for dear life.
But that’s not the THING.
The thing is the thing I feel right now. Which is… a bit of an understanding of the work it is going to take to actually feel out this new found frequency in a world of blaring stations.
In the readings I have done on Taoism and Buddhism and all the isms that involve being mindful and kind and all the good stuff,
I have read that happiness comes within and it’s all about breathing and kindness is within you and non judgment and suffering
And all of the beautiful things people have said. But there’s one I just started to understand in that pile of enlightened phrases,
It’s all in your breath. If you can come back down to your breath, you can do anything.
If you can focus on a breath in, then you can commit to focusing on an exhalation as well.
And you fucking know how to stretch. It’s there. Your body really wants to be sitting straight up and breathing and stretching and I guess a lot of my anxiety came from not knowing how to combat those things.
If I can come back down into my breath, I can do yoga… I have heard the poses and the postures and the catchy things to remember how to sit and not hurt my wrists
And I can stand on my head!
But I did not know how to concentrate
Or have discipline in an ancient art form that allows you to access this frequency.. This beautiful and silent frequency that buzzes through my fingers and my closed eyes.
That is what I want to wake up and find again. That is what I want to share with my kids
And the people I come in contact with. We all meet someone who gives off this buzz. And usually we ignore it. Continue walking. Very rarely do we stop and actually focus on the the feeling that a stranger can share.
I dunno maybe I’ve gone too far in and now I’m just riding this idea out.
All to say, I know how to do yoga. I have been telling myself that I need this and that and the gloves and the pants to do yoga
But I don’t. I just need some discipline and some concentration and some mindfulness. To shut my eyes and my mouth and just sit and stretch and breath and feel out the frequency that I am made of. Learn what it sounds and looks and feels like. The frequency at which I function the best. The middle line that everything comes back down to, where I am pulsing and free. I think I can find that pulsing point, that equator. And why do I keep saying “I think”. I’m always saying I think i can do something which is why I don’t ever do it. I need to say
“I can.”
I can. I can do that thing! That yoga or that meditation or build those cabinets or learn that song or play the guitar or sing in a band or get in shape. It’s all there and I can do it. I may have to settle in to it and breath
But it all comes back down to breath. Breath and mindfulness.
