miscarriage survivor

My baby was just a few weeks when I lost him. I say "him" because the moment I found out I was pregnant I imagined a little boy. I went to get my first ultrasound, I was so excited but that excitement quickly faded when the doctor did not find a heart beat. Everything that happened next is so blurry. How can you feel so much pain but feel so numb at the same time ? I was given a pill along with a little container. I vaguely remember being told that after taking the pill I would experience contractions until " a little ball like" would come out and to put it in the container which was to be brought back to the doctors the next day. I laid in bed all night crying like I've never cried before, contractions all night until it finally happened. I put my baby in the little container and headed back to the doctors in the following morning. I was scheduled for a D & C to extract whatever was left to avoid any infections. The local anesthesia did not work, I was way too scared I could not "relax" like the doctors kept asking me to. I laid there and felt everything.

I haven't really talked to anyone about it. Typically the babys parents share the same pain but he's perfectly fine, I'd even say almost relieved. So I feel alone and Im sharing this all because this happens to 1 in 4 of us, if you're one of those 1s, you're not alone. I'm so sorry that you experienced this painful heart wrenching unimaginable loss.