I think all of this started with killing Duncan. But “what’s done cannot be undone” (5.2.71), right? Oh, poor Macbeth. Poor me.

Do you ever find yourself at a point in life where you think it can’t possibly get worse, then, boom, it gets worse? That’s my life right now. “The Thane of Fife had a wife. Where is / she now?—What, will these hands ne'er be clean?” (5.1.44-45). Cruel Macbeth. What has he become? And poor me. Will my hands just keep getting bloodier and bloodier? Will I ever be able to wash any of this blood off?

Imagine a world where we didn’t kill Duncan. Macbeth and I would still be happy, honorable, relaxed, and all that good stuff.

Oh man, the guilt is kicking in really hard… What is happening to me? It’s Duncan… and Banquo… and all of them. It really wasn’t worth it. I regret and regret and regret and regret, but “what’s done cannot be undone” (5.2.71)–they’re still dead. And I can’t move on. Hell, they’re in my dreams! Last night, I had a dream where it was the night of Duncan’s death. This time, after I put the daggers next to Duncan’s guards and tried to wipe the blood off my hands, the blood wouldn’t wash off! Macduff eventually saw all the blood on my hands and accused me of the murder. It was pretty miserable. I wouldn’t be feeling this guilty right now if I was caught that night, though.

I’ve been thinking about what Macbeth said earlier, and I do feel a bit guilty about Duncan, I guess. I thought being queen would overweigh the guilt from the murder, and that’s why I pushed through it. But I’m not even that happy right now, and everyone knows we killed Duncan. I mean, on the bright side, we have all this power with us. “What need we fear / who knows it, when none can call our power to / account?” (5.1.39-41). Right?

Yup, Macbeth has officially gone insane. He left in the middle of the feast that I was talking about, which is disrespectful enough to our guest.And when he returned, he started yelling at his stool as if someone was sitting on it! And what he was yelling about is even crazier: graves, Banquo, and ghosts, basically. Could he have made it any more obvious that he killed Banquo? And God knows how embarrassing it was for me to make up excuses about that in front of all my guests! I told them he was having one of his regular hallucinations. I don’t think ANYONE believed that. And after I let the guests go, Macbeth told me about how he “blood will have blood” (3.4.152) and how he fears Banquo’s revenge. Uhm… Banquo’s dead?!?! And that freakout didn’t even look like fear–he just went totally crazy. What he did “would well become / A woman’s story at a winter’s fire / Authorized by her grandam. Shame itself!” (3.4.77-79). Oh, I bet all our guests are talking about us right now. How embarrassing. I’m so done with Macbeth.

So me and Macbeth are hosting a feast tonight with everyone, and I was talking to Macbeth earlier about how he should “be bright and jovial / Among your guests tonight” (3.2.31-32). I mean, it’s obvious stuff, but he has been acting so strange recently! Also, side note, I think he’s gonna kill Banquo, but he won’t tell me anything about it! And I really don’t think it’s a great idea. Once he kills Banquo, everyone is gonna be suspicious of him, and it’s only a matter of time before they take our crowns away! Also, he’s only doing this because of that stupid prophecy about how Banquo’s children will become king. Who even cares! It’s not like we have children anyways. But whatever, the king can make his decisions, I guess. 

I’m in my #depressed era… Macbeth isn’t happy at all! I mean, we are literally king and queen–why isn’t he happy?! And if he was gonna be so sad about it, why did he even kill Duncan? I just cannot understand him. I bet it’s because of that stupid prophecy about how Banquo’s children will be king… Ugh, he cares way too much. And I worked so hard to get that crown for him! “Naught’s had, all’s spent” (3.2.6). Hell, at this point, “'tis safer to be that which we destroy / Than by destruction dwell in doubtful joy” (3.2.8-9). I bet Duncan is laughing at our miserable selves from heaven right now. At least I’m still queen, right?

Life update! Macbeth is the king and I am the queen. I AM THE QUEEN!!!!!

Oh my god okay so this is gonna be a short post because someone’s knocking on our door at 4 AM(wtf.) So we killed Duncan. There was a plot twist, though. Macbeth, being the dumbass that he is, brought the daggers back to me! Like why? And when I told him to put them next to the guards, he was TOO SCARED. Lmfao. So I put them back myself, and it was not scary at all! Coward Macbeth. “I shame / to wear a heart so white” (2.2.82-83). I’m glad we finished the murder, though. Now the only thing left for us is to be king and queen!!! Woohoo.

And not only is Macbeth a liar, but he’s also a bloody coward! During that same conversation where I had to convince him back into killing Duncan, he was also like, “what if we fail…” Like uhm… We’re not gonna fail??? I literally have the most perfect plan in the history of murder. I really think he should just trust me and let this happen.

Ok so Duncan came to my castle, and we welcomed him and he loved our place and all that hospitality crap. And then after dinner, I was talking to Macbeth, and he told me that he doesn’t want to kill Duncan anymore! He talked about how Duncan trusts him and honors him and everything. Ugh, who cares! We’re gonna be KING AND QUEEN. Like I thought we agreed on this, liar! I would “have plucked my nipple from [my baby’s] boneless gums / And dashed the brains out, had I so sworn as [he] / [Has] done to this” (1.7.65-67). Ugh. Men, right? Never keeping their damn promises. I’m not even sure he loves me anymore.

Just talked to Macbeth. And guess what!! THE KING IS COMING TO MY CASTLE TODAY!!! Oh, it’s so perfect! It’s like fate wants Duncan to die and Macbeth to be king or something! Oh wait… Ha. I’m so excited about this. I don’t even know how I’m gonna kill him yet, but I’m sure I’ll figure that out. But God! What happens tonight will “to all our nights and days to come / Give solely sovereign sway and masterdom” (1.5.81-82).

The messenger told me that Macbeth is coming soon... Oh, I can’t think about anything else other than being queen! And Macbeth… Oh, Macbeth. If only he had the willpower to push through this. I can help him through this, though. I’m summoning every power in the world… God! Satan! “Fill me from the crown to the toe top-full / Of direst cruelty. Make thick my blood” (1.5.49-50). Hell, I’m gonna be queen! “I feel now / The future in the instant” (1.5.65-66).

Oh my god!!! Macbeth just sent me a letter saying that some witches told him that he will be king one day. This is crazy!!!! Wow, I’m gonna be queen! But there’s one thing… I think Macbeth is “too full o’ th’ milk of human kindness” (1.5.17) to pull this off… I know he wants to be king though… I mean, who doesn’t?! Ugh, whatever. Oh wait, there’s a messenger waiting for me. Brb.