Re: Memories

photo: MRT Boni Avenue

I'm here to complain about infatuation.

I'm a lover boy and it may sound fucking cliche or whatever but I'm already at peace with that side of myself. I like taking care of people I'm in love with romantically and platonically. And when my Leo moon needs attention, I ask my friends out for coffee. That's how it's been like for me for since over four to five years ago. It's been a while since I've opened myself up to the idea of falling in love. I started trying to genuinely shoot my shots just last year and make an effort to get to know people I find interesting. My shots were reciprocated initially but I end up getting told that they're already taken or they don't want to lose me as a friend if dating me won't work.

I understand but this is where it gets confusing.

They will still flirt with me once in a while and it's getting annoying. It's almost like they can't make up their mind. Or they just want me to be available for them when they're ready to try it with me. Or they just like the idea of someone having an interest in them. I'm fucking frustrated.

We kept on hanging out. You brought me to places I've never been to. You fall in line while I search for seats. That's when the yaya-bebe boy nicknames started. We went to see fancy furniture and galleries to window shop and daydream. We went to cheap cinemas either to sleep or scream to jumpscares from horror films we barely understood. We were delusional and it was fun. It was like there's no difference in our differences. Both of us were impulsive. Very young. We couldn't focus on one thing. And yet us became a routine.

I was very amazed at how mature you already were at a very young age. But when I heard more of your stories, I understood why. It made me angry and fall in love at the same time. You took care of me in high school and when we went to college, it became the other way around. You're always in love with all the people you meet and you were confused at how the world can be cruel sometimes. Your friends became my friends. Your heartbreaks became mine. We laughed at your failed grades and you snuck me inside PUP for some random reason. We went to gigs and create our little space where we dance and sing out loud. With you, it was easier to ask strangers for free cigs. We were the sidewalk benchwarmers. Our small world became a lot bigger and it was exciting.

so maybe