You can honour your mother by taking care of her as she ages instead of creating more people that absolutely did not need to come into existence and wasting your life and money on them.

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@la-vache-intrepide
You can honour your mother by taking care of her as she ages instead of creating more people that absolutely did not need to come into existence and wasting your life and money on them.

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Genuinely the easiest form of protest is boycotting and it’s more available than ever it’s never been easier to pirate or shoplift or just buy a fucking alternative youre not going to die if you don’t get your overpriced treats
imo engaging critically with texts and scholars is not something you should just do when you disagree, but also when you agree. it can be enriching to identify the limitations of an author or activist that you largely agree with because it can give you broader perspective and opportunity for introspection. also, to put it bluntly, everyone says stupid shit at one time or another, so you shouldn't uncritically accept everything someone says to you.
feminist killjoy hours again, what the actual fuck is “weird girl literature” and how often do we acquiesce to the latest degrading gendered advertising campaigns
Women did not fucking pioneer horror, thriller, and science fiction as we know it for publishing to infantilize it into a high school phase
is Stephen king “weird boy literature”? Or does he get to be an adult horror novelist?
In the current climate I think it's a major flex to spend disposable income on rare literature and other cultural items instead of blowing it all on travelling and drug abuse.

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having unwashed hair will have you believing shit like i can’t be saved
It’s kind of harder for me to participate in abortion discourse since having an abortion myself. bc now with this hindsight i feel like a lot the discourse gets it it a bit wrong and it’s hard for me to explain how and why exactly it’s just the wrong perception of what abortion is. It is not remotely easy physically or mentally and this should be much more prominent in discussion, but instead i feel like it’s all very flippant and most people have the perception that abortions are pretty simple and easy to recover from especially if you’re 100% sure and not maternal or emotional about it- which is the perception i also had. It’s only since having an abortion that i know this perception to be misguided and believe the physical and mental toll, pain, and discomfort should be at the forefront of discussions.
See, this is very interesting for me, because I have also had an abortion, and while I don't relate at all to any mental or emotional stress or distress, and didn't really feel any toll in that regard (I, myself, was very flippant about it, and still am. I respect that some women won't be, but I had no feelings but relief about it), so I won't comment on that portion, I was entirely blown out of the water by the physical pain of the procedure.
I feel like anything I'd read, including a great many medical sources, feminist sources, and the actual instructions given with the medication, didn't prepare me at all for what to expect, and in fact, I feel like it was minimized by a lot. I went into it expecting "extra rough period cramp" type of pain. Several articles (and the advice given by with the meds) advised to put on a comfort show and have some food that I enjoy; take some over the counter pain meds. It was easily the worst pain I've felt in my life. I had an abdominal surgery a few months ago, I've broken a few bones, I cut the tip of my finger off last year, and none of these, even a teensy bit, compared to the mildest pain I experienced during my abortion.
I was completely blindsided. I almost caved and asked to be taken to the hospital, because NOTHING I had read had described anything even close to how bad the pain was. It came in waves, and there would be thirty to forty minute intervals where I couldn't even speak if I wanted to. I curled into a ball and just laid there. I won't lie and say it wasn't traumatic.
My first thought, tbh, was "holy shit, is this what other women's period cramps feel like? Have I just been lucky this whole time?" But a while back, when I still used TikTok, I came across an abortion joke video, and a ton of women in the comments were discussing how painful it was, and how they weren't prepared for it properly because they'd been told to expect much milder pain.
It was about a 9 hour process, for me, and as soon as the pain waned, I was out like a light. I had no residual symptoms the next day, thankfully, but during it I was almost positive that something had to be going wrong, because I hadn't seen anyone anywhere mentioning that it could hurt that bad.
I'd have made the same choice, regardless, but honestly I think some much stronger pain medication should be prescribed, and I think more research should be done to find out what factors impact how bad the pain will be, so we can at least be better prepared for what to expect.
The pain is often described as similar to period cramps, catching some women off guard if it turns out to be more severe.
My abortion pain was honestly the worst thing I have very felt. Incomparable to anything else. Not even close. They said I would start experiencing mild discomfort within 30 minutes of taking the second pill. It was more like within two minutes I was getting severe cramps. Within 10 minutes I had projectile vomited on my bathroom wall. Within 30 minutes I was screaming.
My partner gets flashbacks to it sometimes because I locked my bathroom door behind me when I bolted in there (the meds also gave me instant diarrhea) and then I couldn't stand long enough to unlock it again. He listened to me screaming on the other side of the door for 15 minutes before the pain abated enough for me to stand up and let him in. I bled so much we thought I was hemorrhaging.
I took all the pain meds we had in the house and was in and out of consciousness for 20 hours. I was too weak to walk up my stairs without a break for a week afterwards. I have come out of a surgery that required general anaesthetic in a better condition than I was after my abortion.
And like @goodmiffy I had quite a lot of mental difficulty with it that I hadn't expected as I was completely confident in my choice. I would have a termination again if I was pregnant now, pain notwithstanding. But it was not easy at all, and it took about 6 months of processing the feelings around it before I would say I was back to normal. I definitely agree that most feminist conversations make it out to be something very easy and I was woefully underprepared for the reality.
As someone who has experienced two medical abortions and two deliveries of babies (one single and one set of twins), the problem with these discussions about abortion and about pregnancy and childbirth is that there is no "normal" experience. There is an insanely wide range of what women experience, more than most other medical experiences. Same with periods. Even the same woman can experience vastly different things.
My two medical abortions (10 weeks and 11 weeks) were extremely easy. They were easy for me emotionally. I felt nervous beforehand but I felt relief afterwards. While I did experience some pain, it wasn't worse than my typical period cramps or bad food poisoning.
My two births and pregnancies were also extremely different. My firstborn extremely traumatized me. The delivery was wretched, my postpartum was horrible and slow and painful... I just assumed everyone else was lying about their positive delivery stories to save face. Meanwhile, for my twins, the pregnancy was horrible and I wanted to die, but my delivery was basically painless and was done super quickly.
For periods, I used to have cramps so bad I would lose consciousness and black out on the bathroom floor, whereas now, I get some back pain for a few days and get very sleepy.
What this has taught me on a personal level is that anything to do with a woman's reproductive system is incredibly varied, and there is nothing an individual can do to affect it. Someone having an easier time doesn't take away from the trauma of someone else's experience, and someone else having a horrible time doesn't mean that the women who have it easier are lying or covering anything up.
Culturally, we dismiss women's ability to tell their own experiences and relay their own narratives honestly and faithfully. Even after years of trying to deprogram, I still subconsciously do it, and other feminists do too - cultural programming is hard to completely rid yourself of. It's easy for people who haven't had these experiences to listen to the stories that validate their own worldview and dismiss the ones that "don't fit the narrative".
Abortions, periods, and childbirth all utilize the same organs, affect the same systems, and affect every woman incredibly differently. This is why it is so important, in my opinion, that women speak openly and freely with each other about their own experiences. The abortion narrative should have women who have had abortions at the forefront. The pregnancy/childbirth narrative should have women who have been pregnant and given birth at the forefront. Same for women who have had miscarriages or have underwent IVF.
I don't understand how mixed race people can openly say that they're proud of their heritage when both of their parents literally diluted their genes by marrying out. Do they think that the rest of us are blind?
Working and lower class people are inferior to the middle classes, and it is because they have inferior values. One of the most important values of the middle classes is the preservation of education and culture, which is precisely the thing that keeps entire societies in working order. That's why everyone is panicking at AI companies burning all the books. Poor, uneducated people don't have any knowledge to pass on because they don't value it at the base level in their families the way that the middle classes do. Once the educated middle classes are killed off, there will be only the fascist elites, and the illiterate poor, who will be even easier to control than they are now.
I honestly think that if you're trying to assist in social change for a marginalised group, you should never have to sacrifice feminism. at all. every step of the way, every decision, women should never be put on the back burner.
people act like that's really hard but its really not considering all you have to do is have female default when asking "what can we do to help these people" rather than male default. at least 50% of whatever group you're talking about is probably women. further: helping women will help the children too.
you are not being anti-racist if you ignore racism against and the struggles of POC women. you are not fighting ablism if you don't consider how disabilities effect women specifically. you are ignoring at least 50% of the group you claim to advocate for - that means you are not advocating for that marginalised group, you are just advocating for men.

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Me: White people aren’t victims of anti Arab racism, reverting to Islam or marrying an Arab doesn’t make you Arab.
Guy: I’m French (read white) and Muslim (even if my dad is Arab) and my mom used anti Arab slurs against me. My in-laws make my kids eat pork on purpose all the time. I had friends who would tell me I’m okay unlike other Arabs “you’re not like the other Arabs I like you”. [list other racist stuff including using bleach on a child’s skin to make him lighter so he wouldn’t look so Arab] So just because you don’t know any of us doesn’t mean us white people aren’t victims of anti Arab racism!
Me: Okay dude but YOU’RE NOT WHITE?!?!?
Like how the fuck am I the one who has to announce to a grown ass married man with children that he is not white?!
Wallahi men of color will have children with racist white women and then said child will be a victim of racism from their white family and they’ll go around growing up saying they are white but they are targeted by racism… making confused children because you didn’t have the dignity to not sleep with a racist woman and not have children with her. Men are the ones who shouldn’t get in mixed marriages because you can always fucking tell.
eating disorders and abortions are two things that are like, spoken about in most mainstream discourse as though they are pretty rare and aberrant, but then when you’re actually friends with a lot of women you come to find out that they are extremely extremely common and kind of banal & mundane
Casually mentioning our soldier will be committing mass rape soon.
learned today that one of the hosts of a podcast I occasionally listen to was in the epstein files because of an incident wherein she was being sexually harassed/abused by a man who worked in her field -> she created a google doc for other women in said field to anonymously submit the names of men who had harassed/abused them -> one of these men sued for her for defamation even though she didn’t know him & didn’t even know who his victim was -> he couldn’t afford lawyers & reached out to epstein for funding -> epstein gave it to him -> after 5 years she was forced into a settlement & had to pay him over $100k. the way these predatory men find solidarity with each other is so so so profoundly evil
anorexia as class signaling in the US needs a dissertation atp because that's genuinely why celebrities are like that. it's not just being thin but underweight to the point where if you didn't have proper resources, you would be unable to function in daily life. that's where class comes into play. it's a way of saying you can afford to live on the edge. I fully believe this

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People across all classes and ethnicities seem to lack a genuine sense of curiosity or interest in women's lived experiences. Few people want to know what it feels like to be a professional woman in any field. Even in fiction, there are very few opportunities for women to be whoever they want to be.
For example, hardly anyone wants to read about the daily life of a single mother raising a quirky child, while we can find plenty of manga and comics about single fathers, both gay and straight.
Even many women seem more interested in imagining the experiences of male protagonists than exploring the perspectives of women whose lives differ from their own.