Returning to the Craft
Itโs been a bit of a dry spell (no pun intended - but by all means if it gave you a chuckle Iโm glad) but I havenโt been very active in my practice lately. Itโs been a HOT minute and so many things has happened in my life. What a hell of a year - not just for myself but SO many people to be honest !! I literally HATE 2020 and canโt wait for it be finally over. In this year alone - I have lost my job, lost my home ( had to move out of the apartment - after I lost my job I had to find another position immediately and it wasnโt sustaining our way of living any longer), and the GREATEST LOSS - I lost my father to cancer - 3 DAYS before my 30th birthday - one of the biggest birthdays I had been looking forwards to in my entire life ( I have my reasons - but because this is a public blog, Iโll leave it at that). Oh an get this โฆ we had to have the wake for him ON my actual 30th birthday โฆ do you know what itโs like to have to say good bye to one of your BEST FRIENDS who is also your parent - ON YOUR BIRTHDAY AND HAVE ABSENTEE family members WISH you a Happy Birthday followed with sly comments - I canโt stand my fatherโs side of the family. They were never there for us growing us and Iโm GLAD we didnโt have them stand with use duringย โCalling Hoursโ. Itโs reserved for FAMILY after all - no strangers that bare a family name. I donโt know what Iโm going to do without him - how Iโm going to go one without him; in the physical realm anyways. Heโs already sent me a couple signs and while I find comfort in that - there will never be a substitute of having me father physically here with me. We weโre suppose to dance toย โButterfly Kissesโ together at my wedding, and break into an upbeat dance, he was suppose to give this moving wedding toast and bounce his grandchildren on his knee. I have been robbed and lost al joy an all the things I once done - I havenโt cracked my journal this entire year - I think I wrote one entry but lets face it - better to just start fresh next year now โฆ my great accomplishments as far as hobbies go... finishingย ONE book. So far for readingย โ20 books for 2020โณ. I donโt even feel connected to my tarot cards anymore โฆ nothing โฆ. and the picture of him or seeing his memorial in the house - just brings me to TEARS.ย
ย ย ย ย ย ย Iโve decided that I want to return to my craft though - I REALLY do, reconnect with nature - am I still Catholic ? I mean โฆ yes โฆ but BOY am I pissed at God right now โฆ it wasnโt a peaceful death โฆ I can tell you one thing, there were three people holding me fatherโs hand when he passed โฆ. I didnโt see God there sitting at he bed side โฆ I DID see my father cross into Heaven over aย โRainbow Bridgeโ I know how that sounds - but it REALLY did happen, so I know heโs a peace now โฆ but Iโm positive he still around. Heโs already sent me some signs with Blue Jays - but GOD do I miss him. I LOVE YOU DADDY.ย
