S U P E R G I R L

Just last week, I felt that I could breathe a little bit again but within 3 days, since Thursday, I feel like I’m turning to my prayers once more for solace. The news didn’t hit me until earlier today, when I heard it again in person and an overwhelming sadness took over.. I could barely say two words before my voice cracked. Why is the inevitable so painful? These are the times I wished I didn’t let my emotions control me and that I could hold it in. But life happens right? We just need to count our blessings thus far, keep praying and let life run its course with Buddha along side with us.

The last two and a half months have been rough trying to process everything. It sucked coming into 2021 with life changing news and dealing with my own personal issues but Lunar New Year came full of blessings. I’m extremely grateful and feel like I can finally breathe a bit more now. Although there’s more to come, I’m praying and hoping for the best.

I allowed myself to momentarily forget but when the memories resurfaced, joking about it didn’t make it hurt any less.. )’; Why?!!? I thought I was done asking myself why when the million answers I’m coming up with only takes me on an emotional roller coaster. Welp, I just need to make peace with it.

Hurt? Disappointed? Shocked? Confused? I don’t know how to describe what it is I’m feeling but I wish I was ignorant or maybe even oblivious..yet, at the same time, I’m thankful that I’m not?! I’ve given myself so many excuses and tried so hard to rationalize something because I wanted to believe so much.. but you can’t force something and Mars is definitely in retrograde.

Note to self: Never let anyone invalidate your feelings. But don’t let your feelings consume you.