Head empty

I am a huge fan of retiring to my quarters

In this economy you'll be lucky to retire to your nickels

wait wtf that mercury elixir actually made me immortal. i thought my eunuch was just fucking with me

Took me years to understand the "why the long face" punchlines to "so a horse walks into a bar" jokes because I just thought that's a normal sized face to have if you're a horse. It never occurred to me to judge a horse by the standards of man

@theshitpostcalligrapher

honestly i never thought the phrased “i want that twink obliterated” was like a sexual thing. like when i read the phrase i imagine “a meteor like the one that killed the dinosaurs is summoned from the heavens and hits the twink in question” type situation

Maid cleaning a massive chateau surely belonging to the richest people you’ve ever seen, and as she’s walking from room to room you notice that every single portrait is of her

Retiring to my bedchambed-frameber forever goodbye.

@theshitpostcalligrapher

people werent ready for this post in 2011. what about now

hate when people are like "trust your gut! listen to your intuition!" like okay well my gut is telling me every person i lay eyes on is hunting me for sport and my intuition is saying i should find a secluded cave and live there forever so what do you suggest i do with that information