a satirical play.

(  dialogue  prompts  taken  from  thunderbolts*  (2025),  directed  by  jake schreier.  feel  free  to  edit  and  change  as  you  seem  fit.  ) 

❛ there is something wrong with me. an emptiness. ❜

❛ you weren’t listening to me. it’s like your mind is somewhere else. ❜

❛ do you think i like taking orders? ❜

❛ you shoot, i dodge. ❜

❛ you guys can never aim for shit. ❜

❛ can you please just say it normal? ❜

❛ how long has it been, huh? a year? ❜

❛ so you… you feel fulfilled? ❜

❛ look around you. i’m miserable. ❜

❛ the light inside you is dim even by eastern european standards. ❜

❛ i've just been wondering, you know, like, what… is the point? in any of this? ❜

❛ the point of work is fame and fortune. fortune buys friends, and love, and a lot of cool clothes. ❜

❛ why do you have this photo out? ❜

❛ we were so bad. ❜

❛ you were happy. ❜

❛ i’ll make you something. ❜

❛ yeah, this just isn’t working for me anymore. ❜

❛ i need you to follow the target inside and find out what she intends to steal. ❜

❛ you’re not even my target. ❜

❛ i’m not here for you. ❜

❛ i know who you are and what you’re doing. ❜

❛ what am i doing? ❜

❛ you’re working me. you’re trying to get me on your side. ❜

❛ you say you know who i am, so you know my story. and you know i didn’t have a choice who i worked for. but you do. ❜

❛ it’s my business card. in case you need some help or you wanna share some secret hidden evidence. ❜

❛ i’m not sure what’s happening here, but you’re all exhausting and my job is done, so... ❜

❛ god only knows the blood on your hands. ❜

❛ pretty ludicrous coming from the dimestore captain america. ❜

❛ that was funny. thank you. we needed that. ❜

❛ it was getting so tense in here for a second. ❜

❛ all right, um… tie yourselves up. ❜

❛ next time, why don’t you just text me like a normal person? ❜

❛ we don’t need to go rogue in the darkness, or whatever you people do. ❜

❛ what exactly are we looking for? ❜

❛ we’re looking for not stupid questions. ❜

❛ hey. didn’t think you’d come back. thanks. ❜

❛ are you hurt? ❜

❛ no, i’m fine. i’m fine. ❜

❛ you do not seem fine. ❜

❛ yeah, well, we’ve only just met. this is… this is how i am. ❜

❛ well, you guys should just go without me. it’ll be easier. ❜

❛ we all feel like shit sometimes. and loneliness, i get that. and that that darkness gets... pretty enticing. ❜

❛ you shove it way down. you just... push it down. ❜

❛ let’s just stick together until we make it to the surface, and after that, you can start a fight with a super soldier. get yourself killed. i don’t care. ❜

❛ so, none of us fly? what, do we all just punch and shoot? ❜

❛ you do not want to start the whole sob story game. i win. ❜

❛ well, you were just a kid, so… ❜

❛ i just think it might be nice to know that you didn’t really know any better. ❜

❛ cucumber, cucumber, cucumber. ❜

❛ growing up, somebody told me that you can stop a sneeze if you confuse your brain. i always just yelled “cucumber.” ❜

❛ you’re the boss now? cute. ❜

❛ anyone else have any pointless childhood stories to tell? ❜

❛ i will fight. you stay behind me. ❜

❛ i’ve always had these episodes since i was a kid. there’s a high, then there’s a big low, and then my memory just goes blank. ❜

❛ you were right, she definitely wants us dead. ❜

❛ this has the makings of a team that can raise to glory. a team that can bring light from the darkness. a team of heroes that can be on the wheaties box and have little kiddie toy… ❜

❛ let’s just forget about them, and let’s focus on you. and how perfect you are. ❜

❛ isn’t that what you want? to be accepted? to be chosen? ❜

❛ no one else sees it, but i do. and i think maybe your past is what makes you so perfect. ❜

❛ look, i’ve been where you are. you can run, but it doesn’t go away. sooner or later it catches up to you, and when it does, it’s too late. so you can either do something about it now, or live with it forever. ❜

❛ you want to be good? or do you want to be somebody who changes the world? ❜

❛ you can do anything. ❜

❛ i'm the only one who knows what your true potential is. and it’s limitless. ❜

❛ i don’t wanna hurt you guys. why don’t you just turn yourselves in? ❜

❛ you can trust me. i know you. ❜

❛ they’re not a threat to me, so why do i need to kill them? ❜

❛ there is no “us.” there is no “we.” ❜

❛ you’re not a hero. you’re not even a good person. ❜

❛ why would a god take orders from anyone at all? ❜

❛ i’m starting to think maybe you don’t know what i am. or what i’m capable of. ❜

❛ i'm not afraid of you. ❜

❛ well, then, chase me forever. ❜

❛ If you cared, you would have called. ❜

❛ i’m sorry. i don’t know how to do this. i’m not good at it. ❜

❛ i didn’t think you wanted me. ❜

❛ i’m late, but i’m… i’m here now. ❜

❛ all i do is sit and look at my phone and think of all the terrible things that i’ve done. ❜

❛ when i look at you, i don’t see your mistakes. ❜

❛ aren’t you tired of fighting? let me help you. ❜

❛ you can’t outrun the emptiness. ❜

❛ it’s what you said. we’re all alone. all of us. ❜

❛ i have these good days, you know? where i feel invincible. but then there are a lot of bad days when i remember that nothing matters, you know? ❜

❛ so you’re just gonna sit here and let it take over? ❜

❛ well, there’s no use in fighting it. ❜

❛ at least i found a nice room. the other rooms are much worse. ❜

❛ you can’t stuff it down. you can’t hold it in all alone. no one can. we have to let it out. ❜

❛ even if it doesn’t make the emptiness go away, i promise you it will feel lighter. ❜

❛ we can find a way out of here together. will you try and leave here with me? ❜

❛ there’s no death here. the pain only gets worse. ❜

❛ i have a great past, so i’m totally fine. ❜

❛ the most shameful thing of all was thinking you could be anything more than nothing. ❜

❛ wait. you think they care about you? you don’t matter. to anyone. ❜

❛ i’m stronger than you. ❜

❛ you thought you were gonna be some great man? some savior? you can’t even save yourself. ❜

❛ we will always be alone. ❜

❛ i’m here. ❜

❛ it will always be just us. ❜

❛ we’re losing credibility. which we had very little to begin with. ❜

❛ we’re running out of space? It’s impossible. this building is enormous. ❜