kyle what a boring name

Bleh

Other Blog

“He’s right behind me, isn’t he..?”

MY GRANDMA GOT ME A FEDORA

IM SLOWLY TURNING INTO A NICE GUY INCEL

Hi.

So I've been trying to be more consistent about posting things. I've been trying to get people to see my art, so like since January I've been trying to really treat my art and my content as more of a job than a hobby. (It'd be really nice if I could make money with my art by the time I'm an adult, so I'm basically trying to get people's attention early.)

I decided to multiple blogs to sort of split my interests. I'll have this one for all the random thoughts I wanna spill out, one for fandom content, one for my original projects, yadayadayada

I did something similar with my youtube channel as well, and while I think making more curated content for YOUTUBE is good, that's... just not how tumblr works.

Tumblr is about community, humanity, shits and giggles. People are here for fanart, fanfiction, relatability.

Overly curated content here just... kinda feels wrong, y'know?

Idk. I know people use the multiblog thing for certain hyperfixations they have? I...

Mostly I've just been feeling tired recently. I'm honestly not sure how I want to make the social media thing work. I don't really feel like being around on everything, so I'm trying to find which communities I like. I thought tumblr would be cool, since you could ask creators questions directly and it just seemed really nice. But I'm not really interacting with any fandoms or communities. I never have. Talking to people, regardless of whether it's online or in-person is just really hard for me. Half of the time, I can barely get myself to care.

I don't really feel like a person. How do I be passionate again? How do I feel alive again? Everything is a task, a chore, a goal, I don't do things for "fun". And isn't that what social media is supposed to be? Fun?

Isn't playing a game supposed to be fun? Isn't watching your favorite show supposed to be fun? Isn't drawing supposed to be fun? Isn't writing supposed to be fun? Isn't rambling on about your special interests supposed to be fun?

CW: isolation, self-hatred, misanthropy

I remember walking behind two others.

I remember being silent as a group of friends told stories about an event I wasn’t a part of.

I remember being in groups, but never really being a part of them.

I remember my friend telling me people were making fun of me, and I never noticed.

I remember being mocked for being transgender.

I remember in elementary school, being friends with people one day and feeling like they hated me the next.

I remember crying myself to sleep, wondering what I did wrong.

I remember making rules and systems to try and keep people around.

I remember nothing working.

I remember being called selfish.

I remember being called disrespectful.

I remember being called dull.

I remember feeling like I was stupid.

I remember hating myself.

I remember feeling ignored.

I remember just wanting to belong to something.

I remember just wanting someone to help me. (No one knows how to help me)

I remember hating people for not paying attention to me.

I remember hating people for just trying to talking to me.

I remember hating people for just existing.

I remember wanting love, but i felt like it was unrealistic. (No one can love me, no one can hate me either)

I remember feeling like I was nothing.

I remember not caring about things, and feeling bad for not caring.

I remember how exhausting trying to make friends became.

So I’ve decided I won’t do it anymore.

Today i learned that not all fluids and liquids are not the same.

All liquids are fluids…

But not all fluids are liquids.

I can have a water bottle and not being drinking any of it, yet just having the water bottle makes me feel less thirsty than if i didn’t have it.

I highly suspect this one will have too many jesters and not enough clowns, but we’ll see. (For fandom shit)

Character lineup for a comic in working on :3

Names from left to right: