Kyle Cabral

- ARYYYAAAAAAA! MY BABYYYYYY! SLAYYYYYYYY!

- Season 7 is already starting off in the best way possible: my baby girl committing mass murder with zero emotion and zero fucks given. As awesome as the scene was, it somehow doesn’t quite hold the equal yet opposite shock value that The Red Wedding originally had on both paper and screen. I mean, maybe it’s just because at this point, mass homicide is has become an expected party trick on the show? It’s like when a queen does a death drop or split during a lip sync for their life. Like, gurl, it’s great that you can do it, but you did that last time you had to save yourself in the bottom two.

- Also, I think it’s rather obvious that the show runners are using Arya’s doppelgänger device to quickly eliminate all the insignificant players in the story. Especially when you consider that in the books it is Lady Stoneheart who goes on a personal crusade of vengeance, hanging any and every Frey she can find. I’m still VERY butt hurt about the exclusion of Lady Stoneheart, by the way.

- Fucking Lyanna Mormont is a Westerosi treasure and I will never EVER get tired of her shutting down and throwing shade at a group of grown ass men. Like, Lyanna Mormont for Queen of The North Season 7 2017 plz and thx.

- OKAY CERSEI IS JUST FUCKING CRAZY. I’d say she’s gonna be an easy challenge for Dany, but if there’s anything I’ve learned about Cersei, it’s that her pettiness and utter disregard for politics make her an unpredictable wild card. Like, I love her, but I also hater her, and someone needs to kill her soon please. Still, I’d be very interested to see what happens if she ever came face to face with The Night King.

- Wow, Sansa really has ZERO chill anymore. Winter may have come, but this ginger is burning hotter than Dany’s hooha when she birthed them baby dragons. Understandably so though, this girl has been through ENOUGH. Get your life back, gurl! Also, Petyr Baelish is hella annoying, and I honestly wish he would just go away. You’ll never hear me complain when Sansa spills all that piping hot tea all over his shriveled little finger.

- I’m guessing Eurotrash Greyjoy thinks he might be able to net Cersei one of Dany’s dragons. In the books, Euron has a horn called “Dragonbinder” that supposedly allows you to command any dragon that hears it. I’m REALLY hoping that this is not the case. Dany’s babies should never be touched by anyone else other than herself (and Jon Snow and Tyrion of course because they’re part Targaryen as well, obvi).

- Okay, as soon as I heard that voice and saw that ginger mane, I knew it was Ed Sheeran. Yay, Ed Sheeran! Also, the fuck is Ed Sheehan doing in this show!? I’ll admit, he does serve Westerosi peasant realness really well though… Still, ED SHEERAN!? Honestly though, I don’t’ care. It’s not a big deal that he’s in the show. Sure, it took me out for a second, but he’s only an itty-bitty ginger baby Lannister guard, and Arya is probably gonna shank him before the end of the season anyway. So like, why is the biggest controversy of the first episode his cameo?! Y’all need to calm down.

- MOTHER HAS ARRIVED! But why the fuck she still gotta climb all those damn stairs tho!? As if crossing The Narrow Sea wasn’t enough!? Like, I would’ve requested a dragon lyft straight to the throne room and sat my ass down because I would have been so over wasting time on travel and transport.

- Still, I do appreciate the time and attention they spent on Dany’s triumphant return to The Seven Kingdoms and her first steps on shore. This is literally one of the biggest moments we’ve been waiting for since season 1 - and for a lot of us, since the first book came out - and my heart was pounding the whole time. I mean, she really only walked around some rocks for a bit and said three words before the episode ended, but I was DYING through all of it.

- It’s also interesting, but cool, that we really haven’t seen the outside of Dragonstone, or its many rooms and halls, until now. It almost feels completely new in a way, and I can’t decide if the show runners were purposefully hiding its magnificence until Dany came back, or if it simply wasn’t in their budget in earlier seasons to fully design it all.

- Finally, can we all agree that none of us like Euron Greyjoy, his guy-liner, or his Iron Island eurotrash aesthetic?? Like, in the books I imagined him to be so much hotter because he was described as this imposing tall, dark, and handsome man with an eye patch and a penchant for walking around with his tentacle monster hanging out, but I see him in the show and I’m like, “Okay, crunchy moist Ewan McGregor… nobody likes you. Go drown yourself in The Narrow Sea. What is dead should stay the fuck dead.”

Other random thoughts:

- I’m so happy TorBrienne is still a ship that is sailing.

- That was quite possibly the most artful montage of literal shit I’ve ever seen. Well done. Also, please don’t do it ever again. EVER.

- How the fuck did Jorah Mormont end up in Oldtown? He better put some aloe on that rash or something.

- More importantly, why must Samwise Gamgee get more screen time than my beloved Dany?! He was LITERALLY doing shit half the time.

- Can we just get a Stark Children reunion already!? Like, Arya, please go the fuck home. Meera, drag Bran’s telepathic ass back to Winterfell. And, I honestly almost just forgot that Rickon died already. Nobody cared about him anyways. Oh well.

And here’s a breakdown of all the films, prioritized in order from best to worst in their respective categories:

BEST 5 MOVIES (must watch, they were awe-inspiring and revelational) La La Land Moana Arrival Don’t Breathe Kubo and The Two Strings

WORST 5 MOVIES (don’t bother, my brain was either shut off or died at some point) Suicide Squad Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice Ghostbusters Assassin’s Creed X-Men: Apocalypse

HONORABLE MENTIONS (perfect or not, I kinda just really like them, so...) The Revenant Captain America: Civil War  Zootopia Collateral Beauty Rogue One: A Star Wars Story The Hateful Eight: 70 mm Roadshow 10 Cloverfield Lane Deadpool

BEST MOVIE OF 2016: La La Land WORST MOVIE OF 2016: X-Men: Apocalypse MISSED MOVIES (I really wanted to watch them, but didn’t get to) Nocturnal Animals Moonlight The Handmaiden Fences The Huntsman: Winter’s War Looking back on the year, I’ve come to realize that although I’ve become decidedly disillusioned by superhero movies and most animated films (namely Pixar’s films - sorrynotsorry), they will, most of the time, be well-produced and well-told stories, with enjoyable characters, and overall satisfying experiences. Regardless, that alone does not make them outstanding pieces of cinema. Superhero movies have become the blockbuster, tent-pole films of our generation, and while I’m glad Marvel has figured out a way to make them popular and profitable (with the exception of Fox’s X-Men franchise and DC, who both REALLY still need to get their shit together - still holding out hope fro Wonder Woman tho...), they’ve also now raised the bar for themselves. Nothing short of a genre-breaking/redefining superhero movie will stand out in the massive and masterfully crafted cinematic universe that they’ve created. Video game movies though, apparently, still have a lot to learn (PLEASE don’t fuck up the Tomb Raider reboot!) As far as animation goes, Pixar, for me at least, seems to be suffering the same stigma - all their movies are amazing and super well-made, but not really memorable. With that in mind, it’s ironic to me that the villain in my favorite film of theirs, The Incredibles, foreshadowed their current fate when he said: “When everyone’s super... NO ONE will be...” In contrast, although Disney’s movies aren’t exactly perfectly produced, it at least appears that they’re taking risks in the messages and themes of the stories they’re telling. They’re pushing and poking boundaries with cultural representation and social subject matter. Granted, their handling of such topics is still somewhat clunky and controversial, but I appreciate that their voice is evolving and adjusting to the modern world and diversity of people around it. Now that I think about it, it is that clarity, freshness, and uniqueness of voice that is probably the greatest common factor shared among my top 5 moves of the year. Whether it’s through style, themes, message, character, or literal language and vocals (or lack there of), each film expresses its story with a voice so clear that it rings out, distinct above the din of drama, and echoes still, strong as ever, inside my heart and mind.