Im A Fuckin Hot Mess

I ran into the Briar University Sports Arena on a fucking mission; to find John Logan. Last week, I had stupidly sent him a series of texts that was meant for my best friend, Hannah Wells. Texts read as follows:

oh, my gosh!!  you’ll never guess what just fucking happened?  i was walking into malone’s and i had turned my head for two seconds to say hey to someone in my class,  and i hadn’t seen anyone in my peripherals, so i ran smack into someone.  when i turned my head to look at who i had ran into - oh, my god.  hannah. IT WAS FUCKING JOHN LOGAN!!!! YOUR BOYFRIENDS BEST FUCKING FRIEND. oh my god, hannah. he’s so fucking hot, like, i can’t. i mean, i’m kind of friends with him, so it’s not like i’m seeing him for the first time or anything that didn’t make sense. ignore that. he makes me feel like i’m the only girl in the room when we’re hanging out, ya’know? i’ve been crushing on him for a while. like trying to go to all the home games kind of crushing.

When I had seen those three dots appear on my screen, I had stopped typing out another message, reading the message that had appeared in a gray bubble on my screen.

You know this isn’t Hannah, right?

yes it is. stop fucking with me, wellsy.

Look at the contact name.

I had looked and felt my cheeks flush with embarrassment; John’s picture and name was at the top of my screen. When he called me, I threw my phone like there was a spider on it, letting it ring until either he hung up or it went to voicemail.

As I ran through the arena, down every corridor I knew by heart before stopping at the entrance to the players room, seeing every single Hawk sitting in their respective places. 

Oh, yeah. Did I mention that my dad is the coach? No. Well, I have now. So, seeing him didn’t shock me. What did shock me was seeing Garrett Graham standing in front of the team, speaking.

“I acted like I was bigger than the team,” Garrett said.

“Yeah, you were a bit of an asshole,” Logan responded.

I looked from the back of Garrett’s head to Logan, a smile gracing those perfect lips. When he spotted me, his smile fell a little before a softer one appeared.

“But even when I abandoned you,” Garrett continued. “Even when I lost my shit when you didn’t deserve it, when I forgot about the game and the team and how much fucking fun we have when we’re out there together, you were there.”

A soft smile also graced my face at Garrett’s speech, Hannah’s tutoring paying off pretty nicely. I mean, I helped out some when Hannah wasn’t able to because of her shift at Malone’s, even though her and Garrett had a schedule worked out.

“You guys backed me up.” Garrett looked over at my dad and said, “That’s why I… love this sport. Is that it’s about showing up and leaving it all out on the ice. Not for yourself, but for the guy on your right. For your brothers. I know I let you guys down. I haven’t been the captain that you deserve, but…”

His arm moved, like he was taking something out of his jacket pocket as the players murmured as he did so. Even my brows furrowed and my mouth fell at his movement in question.

“But until then,” he said. Garrett chuckled, lifting his head. “You guys already have a captain skating with you out there.”

I looked right at Logan, my vision blurring with unshed tears. Looking at my dad, my smile returned a little, his arm extended for me. I walked into his embrace, watching the rest of the scene play out in front of me.

Garrett looked over my dad, eyeing me before his eyes cast back to my dad. “That okay, Coach?”

Dad squeezed my shoulder and said, “I’m good with it.” He looked at his players and asked, “Gentlemen?”

They all started banging their sticks and cheering a little, Tucker saying, “Yeah, Logan!” bringing a smile to my face as I looked at him, a tear sliding down my cheek, my happiness shining for him.

Logan huffed out a small laugh before standing as Garrett made his way over to him, handing him what I now know was the C letter that stood for captain.

“Captain Logan!” someone said.

Logan and Garrett hugged before he said, “Let’s fucking go!” The players agreed before he looked at me again and smirked. “You guys go ahead, I’ll be there in a minute.”

All the players and my dad walked off to the stadium, ready to defeat the opposing team on our own rink. Logan walked up to me slowly, a smile forming on his face.

I sighed, and let another tear slide down my cheek before I said, “Okay, you have to know that those messages were meant for Hannah, not you.”

“I know,” he said.

“And while all those messages are 100% true, you have to know that I never intended on telling you like that.”

He was no more than 3 feet in front of me as he said, “And what was your plan for telling me.”

“I don’t know, but just know that I am incredibly embarrassed by it. I never meant to send you those texts. I literally thought that I was texting Hannah. And, no, I didn’t notice whose thread I opened before I did. I just… opened it.”

I  had to tilt my head back to look up at him since he was standing directly in front of me.

“Well, just so you know,” he said, taking his gloves off. “I feel the same way.”

“Really? Because I would totally understand if you didn’t anymore, and–”

He cupped my face before saying, “Shut up.” Logan’s lips were on mine in a second, stopping my words and thoughts entirely. 

Our lips moved in such synchronicity, you’d think we’d been a couple for a really long time when in reality, it was our first together. When we pulled apart, he rested his forehead against mine before he released a happy chuckle, if that’s even a thing.

“Jensen, I’ve liked you since the moment you ran into this room freshman year.”

Letting out a soft laugh, I pulled back a little more to look at him, a soft smile on my lips. “I’ve liked you since then, too.” Running my fingers over the scruff on his chin, I added, “The beard is a nice touch. Makes you hotter.”

He wrapped his arms around my waist, picking me up for a second, a louder laugh escaping me. 

“Logan, if you still want to be captain, I suggest you get your ass out on that ice!” I heard my dad say.

Logan laughed and said, “Yes, Coach.”

As I kissed him again, all I could think was that I was actually that I sent him those texts. I pulled back and just looked at him for a second, a small smile on my face before I said, “Go get ‘em, John Logan.”

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A/N 2:  hi, friends! let me know what you thought about! again, please do not hesitate to reblog and give some feedback, whether it be in the reblogs, comments, or my inbox.

Additional Notes: i'm open to writing for more off campus characters if this does well.

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Forever / Everything Taglist: @stiles-o-dylan24 @stixnstripesworld @fandom-princess-forevermore @quanticobae @mischiefandi @kellyashcroft @lauren-novak​

If you’re tagged and didn’t want to be, please let me know.

Italics wouldn’t let me tag!

~~~

*Please don’t post my writing anywhere else without my consent. The author of this work will always and forever be @harringtonstilinski​.

All characters, story lines, and plot aside from y/n and her storyline & plot, are all of the work of Elle Kennedy, author of the Off Campus book series.

*These works contain material protected under International and Federal Copyright Laws and Treaties. Any unauthorized reprint or use of this material is prohibited.

No part of these works may be reproduced in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without express written permission from the author / publisher.

"Did you hear the soldiers and us will be eating lunch together this week?" She asks, her eyes sparkling with joy. I only chuckle at her question, getting back to what I was doing before she came into the tent. "I did hear. It doesn't matter though, I'm stuck with cleaning duty this week." I sigh out, annoyed. I didn't really care either, getting to know the soldiers who treat us nurses like dirt. As if we aren't the ones who take care of them whenever they get injuries that range from the tiniest splinter to gunshot wounds.

"Oh, [Name], you have to join me. I'll help you get your work done." She grabs my hand, forcing me to look at her once again. I raise a brow at her. "Please, I would like to get to know them. Maybe... we won't be as lonely." She whispers, glancing around but there was no one else but us there.

I knew she had another motive though. She wanted to fall in love. It was something she always talked about. Wishful thinking. All because of these romance novels she read before becoming a nurse.

"I don't mind being lonely, Esther. Besides I don't think I could handle the stupidity that reeks off of those men." I take my hand back from her grasp. Finishing up my cleaning.

"[Name], I will only beg this of you for the rest of the week." She tells me in a sharp tone. "That's only 7 days. I shall live." I grin cheekily, sitting down as I write down things I need from the utility room.

"[Name], join me one day at least. Please." She pleads with me, dropping down in front of where I sit. I place my clipboard and pencil down. Staring at her for a moment before throwing my head back. "One day, Esther. That's all I give you. No more begging after that." I point a finger in her face. Her expression beams with happiness, she stands up from the ground, grabbing my hands once again. "Thank you, thank you. You will not regret it!" She squeals, kissing my hands as if I had saved her family member from death or something. I shake my head, with a tiny smile that I couldn't hide even if I tried. "I better not." I mutter in a joking voice.

And the day after that conversation is the day she chose for me to join her to lunch. Lunch with the army men that chatted with every woman that they could. Multiple coming up to us. I sat silent during most conversations. Esther enjoying every moment. I quietly ate my food. Observing how the nurses almost dumb themselves down for all the men that come their way. It was embarrassing. I felt embarrassment for them. Even though I know they couldn't care less how they're perceived unless it is by the said men.

I stand up abruptly to throw away my empty tray. My best friend doesn't even notice I had left. I shake my head with a small laugh. She would've been fine without me, if only she had known.

After throwing away my tray I stand there for a moment, deciding on if I should go back to my seat or go start on some cleaning. My thinking was interrupted by a tap on the shoulder. I stand up straighter, mentally preparing myself for a horrible, short conversation. I turn to see a longer haired blond.

He looks familiar as well. I glance down to his empty tray. "Sorry, am I in your way?" I ask, stepping to the side. "Only a little bit." He gives me a curtly smile, his dimples forming immediately. "My apologies." I bow my head, I go to walk away but he clears his throat. "May I ask what your name is?" He speaks up once again. "I guess you may." I joke before answering him. "[Name] [Last Name]." I tell him.

"That's a beautiful name." He compliments me and I feel my face begin to heat up. I stammer for a moment, attempting to calm myself down before speaking. "Uh, thank you. I uh I better get going." I start to walk backwards bumping into a table. Apologizing to it like an idiot before hurrying away to start on cleaning tasks.

"I looked like a fool Esther!" I cry out, hiding my face in my hands. "I'm sure you didn't." She disagrees with me, I could tell she wasn't paying attention though. Her eyes looking off into the distance as we were supposed to be doing tasks for the day. Cleaning the sheets from the men's beds. "Oh but I did. I bumped into a table and said sorry to it as if it were a human." I ranted to her anyways. "Oh wow." She mumbles.

"I feel as though you do care for what I am saying." I stop my cleaning, staring at her. "Mhm." She hums, she was looking around, outside of the tent. I roll my eyes. "Who are you looking for, Esther Anne?" I question her loud enough to snap her out of it. Her eyes widen as she looks at me. "I'm not looking for anyone." She shakes her head. Lying to me. "Right. What did I just say moments ago?"

She stays silent in response and I begin to laugh. "Ugh, I'm sorry [Name]. I just, I've been talking to one of the soldiers. His name is Ryan. He's perfect. He walked me to the tent after lunch yesterday and then found me later in the day." She excitedly informs me, going back to looking out of the tent where the men walk by. "He told me he'd look for me today." She smiles brightly. "I'm sure he will." I assure her, going back to washing the sheets.

"Oh I hope so." She quietly says under her breath. "So the man you talked to yesterday, was he cute? He had to have been if you called yourself a fool over him." She changes the subject and I glare at her. "I did not call myself a fool over him. It was over me bumping into a table." I argue with her, upset that she would even say that. Acting stupid over a man. I make fun of women like that all the time. I wouldn't go doing it myself. "You didn't answer my question." She sings.

"What question?" I furrow my eyebrows. "Was he cute?" She asks with a smirk. "He was..." I think back to his looks. His hazel eyes, his dimples that appeared when he smiled or even talked a little bit. His blond hair that fit him perfectly. I shake the thoughts out of my head. "He was all right." I shrug my shoulders. She stares at me for a moment with a disbelieving expression. "Yeah, okay."

I don't have the energy to argue with her this time though. Moving on from the conversation as we put all the sheets into baskets, heading out of the tent to hang them up to dry.

Esther begins to talk about Ryan again, describing his features and physical beauty. I stayed quiet only responding when there was a pause of silence.

As we hung up the sheets I felt a couple of presences pop up behind us. I turn around to see the man from yesterday along with two others.

"What can we do you for?" I ask, wondering why they came up to us. Esther notices them and her eyes widen. "Oh Ryan, you found me." She grins, hooking up one last sheet before going up to him. "I told you I would." He smiles gently. He was on the shorter side but he genuinely matched her so well.

"This is Jasper, a friend of mine. And this is John." He introduces his friends. I stare at the ground as they talk. Esther shaking the other men's hands. "Nice to meet you two." She sweetly says. "You as well, I have to get going though. Just wanted to see the pretty girl he won't shut up about." John messes with Ryan before walking away. Ryan rubs the back of his neck embarrassed but Esther only grins ear to ear hearing that.

Suddenly she snaps out of her trance and pulls me forward. "This is [Name], she's my best friend I told you about." She tells the two men not knowing that Jasper is the man I told her about. "Pleasure to meet you." Ryan nods his head to me and I do the same. I look at Jasper who already has a smile on his face. "Nice to meet you, again." He says to me and I give a short smile. Esther has a shocked face but then smirks.

"I was going to show Ryan something on one of the trails, you two should get to know one another." Esther grabs the shorter man by the arm, beginning to walk away. "What? But- Our other chores!" I call after her. "We have time to finish them later." She smiles, turning away and ignoring my other protests.

I give up and turn to the man in front of me. "Hah, so... Jasper is your name." I awkwardly say. He chuckles, nodding his head. "Jasper Whitlock." He sticks his hand out. "Whitlock." I repeat quietly. It's familiar. I take his hand but I don't let go as I try to remember who he is.

"I've taken care of you before." I tell him suddenly. My grip lessening on his hand but I still don't let go. Not even realizing I'm doing it. "That is true. I got sick with a common cold." He says. I stare at him, scrunching my nose. I glance down to see our hands still holding and I let go quickly. "Right, glad to see you're feeling better." I grab the baskets from the ground, stacking them so it's easier to carry.

"Thank you, let me help you." He begins to take the baskets from my hands and surprisingly I let him. We go to the tent to put the baskets away. "Thank you." I say softly, he smiles. His dimples forming even more. I feel my body stiffen and I don't know what to talk about with him.

"Would you want to join me on a stroll in town?" He asks me suddenly and I go to talk but he speaks up once again. "Not today, maybe during the weekend. When you've finished your tasks." He finishes, he seemed nervous and I still stay silent. Not knowing how to respond without stuttering or making myself look like an idiot in front of this beautiful man. "You don't have to, it would be as friends." He assures me, the word friends disappoints me though. I smile. "I would love to join you." I begin to walk out of the tent. "Even if it was more than friends." I tell him.

"I have to go to my higher up, maybe I will see you in the evening?" I ask him, turning to look at him as he still stood in the tent. "Maybe I will look forward to it." He responds and I break out into a smile before walking away.

Days pass, Esther has been busy with Ryan along with her duties so we haven't seen each other much. Only before we go to bed and attempt to catch each other up on everything that has been happening. Jasper comes to find me every day. Even for a short minute it's only to talk to me. Making sure I'm still up for our stroll on Saturday evening, today. He will be seeing me outside of my uniform. Unfortunately he will still be in his. I don't mind it though, I rather enjoy him in it.

I finish up with my tasks for the day, changing into a frilly black skirt and a light pink long sleeved shirt. Tucking it into the skirt. I go to the mirror, checking out the outfit before putting my boots on. It's rare I ever wear these types of clothes. Only being in my uniform lately. It was a nice change. My hair was curled as normal, styled in a certain way that was a little different than what I do for work.

I was happy with how I looked. I head out of the bedrooms and go to the dining hall where he told me to meet him. To my surprise he was already standing there. He didn't notice me walking up to him so I try to stay quiet before loudly saying "boo!" His body jolts up and he looks up at me. "Oh my goodness." He clutches his chest. I laugh, apologizing. "That was too good!" I clap my hands together.

"That was good, but just know there will be payback." He tells me and I smile. "Oh really?" We begin to walk. "Mhm, you'll never expect it." He looks ahead, leading me to the horse stables.

We take his horse into town, I hold onto him the whole time. Maybe more than I have to but I don't hear him complaining.

Once he gets to a spot to tie the horse to I let go of him so he can get down. I watch as he ties the reins to a pole. He pets the animal before his attention goes to me. He lifts his hand and I take it. I swing my leg over and make sure my skirt won't slide up.

I then panic on how I'm going to get down. "I have never really been on a horse before." I tell him suddenly. He furrows his brows. "You got on with ease though?" He reminds me and I smile awkwardly. "I just watched how you get up and I hoped for the best." I tell him and he begins to laugh.

"Just jump down." He tells me and I look at the ground and it feels higher up than it actually is. "I'm a little fearful, Whitlock." I admit to him. "I got you darlin, I promise." He says, but it's still not enough. "What if my skirt rides up?" I pat down the fabric that I am wearing.

"I won't let that happen." He assures me and I sigh out. I was still holding his hand. "here." He lets go of my hand and then both of his hands grab my waist. "Jump off, I got you." He nods for me to do it and I grimace. I close my eyes and then do as told. I let out a little noise but he puts me down gently and I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding.

"See, nothing to worry about when I'm around." He nudges me and I smile. "Sorry about that." I frown, holding my hands together. "You're quite alright, darlin. It was a cute moment I will cherish." He takes my arm and we begin to walk. "Darlin a new name for me?" I tease him, moving closer to him as I hold his arm. I look up at him to see him smiling. "If you'd like it to be." He looks down at me in the corner of his eye instead of actually turning his head.

"I don't mind it." I answer, looking forward.

The rest of the day we talked, he bought me little treats throughout the stroll. Telling me it's to support local businesses.

It was a wonderful date that I want to do for the rest of my life. Especially with Jasper. It has only been a week and I think I've fallen for him. In a way that's almost painful when we're apart. I take in every minute we have together.

Weeks pass and it seems we only fall for one another harder than the day before. Our lips haven't even locked but the passion between us is something I've never felt before. We talk of the future. The ending of the war and building a life together.

At least that's what we did until he got told he was leaving to another base. He ran immediately to me to tell me. "Maybe I can leave too, you guys will need nurses." I say in a hopeful tone but he frowns. "I was told they already had their nurses at that base." He was gripping my hand as if I would go away. "I can still ask. We have to be positive." My chest began to move up and down. Panicking. You never know what is to happen in the war.

If this will be our last moments together. I couldn't bear the thought of never seeing Jasper ever again. "Hey, my darlin. It's okay. It's okay." He places a hand on my cheek trying to soothe my thoughts away. I lean into his hand.

"I will write to you every day." I tell him, letting go of his hand to pull him into an embrace. His arms go around me, holding my waist tightly. "As I will do the same." He whispers, kissing the top of my head. We let go and I stare at his lips. One of his hands was still on my waist.

A tear fell from my eye. "Don't cry, darlin." He kisses it away. "I'm not." I lie.

He lets out a small, pain filled laugh. "Can I kiss you?" I ask. "You don't have to ask, my love." He tells me and I put my hand on the back of his neck as I pull him into a kiss. The touch of our lips leaves shivers down my spine. Igniting a fire within me and I never want it to go out.

I never wanted this feeling to go. Even when he left, I saved every letter he sent me. I waited for every letter to come. Writing back immediately.

Then a week passed where I got nothing. Then it turned to two weeks. I couldn't sleep, knowing there was something wrong. He wouldn't do that to me. He wouldn't stop writing to me for no reason. His last letter filled with love and affection. He couldn't have just lost that feeling with me. Something had to have happened. I ran to Ryan not knowing who else to go to.

Esther and him were eating together when I showed up. I looked like a mess. My hair hasn't been kept together, my clothing wasn't as neat as usual. The eye bags under my eyes showing how much sleep I haven't been getting. "Have you heard from him?" My voice was raspy and hoarse. Ryan's eyes faltered and I didn't know what that could mean. Anxiety filled me.

"Have you heard from him, Ryan?" I repeat myself. Esther stared at me sadly. Did she know something I didn't? Did everyone know something I didn't? "Ryan?" I ask.

"They can't find him." He tells me and my body straightens. "What do you mean they can't find him?" I ask.

"He was doing a stroll, he was by himself and hours passed. He never showed back up. I just got word from my Lieutenant. He hasn't been seen for two weeks. His horse came back but not him." He explains to me and I begin to feel dizzy. I grip on the wall beside me. "He could be found. They can find him." I say, it was mainly to myself. I started to spiral. Clutching my chest. "He might've um, he must've gotten lost. The horse possibly flung him off." I say to the two in front of me. "Running off without him, you know? Right?" Eyes filled my eyes as I look to them for reassurance but their faces don't give me what I wanted.

I lose it and begin to sob. Seconds later arms hold onto me. It was Esther. She tried to give me comforting words but nothing works. I soak her shirt as I cry.

I cry only to feel numb. The numbness growing as more weeks pass and nothing new is brought to Ryan or to I. He's officially a missing soldier. They want to call him a dead man but I won't let them. I won't let anyone call him a dead man. He's alive. I know it. He can't be dead.

I ended up getting moved to a new base, Esther and Ryan also were coming. There's been cases of animal attacks here. Draining blood from the bodies. It's incredibly strange. Us nurses are working hours on end, even going into the next day. Helping the villages around the base as we've been instructed to do.

I was told to go to one with Esther, and two other nurses. A few soldiers were guarding the village, Ryan was luckily one of them for Esther. They were the lucky couple. Somehow always getting put together. I was envious. Wishing that could've been Jasper and I and we never would've been separated. He never would've gone missing.

It was a late night and Esther and I were working the shift tonight. Working with children that had lost their parents. I was tired, holding a toddler in my arms. Esther was reading a story to the older children to get them to bed. The toddler I held was fast asleep. His slowed breathing only made my tiredness worse.

And eventually I accidentally fell asleep.

Waking up to the sounds of screaming outside of the tent. My eyes shot open, the toddler I once had in my arms was now in a crib beside me. I look around to find Esther but I couldn't see her. I count to make sure all the children were there and it seemed like one was missing. Maybe they were going to an outhouse is what I thought to calm myself but when I remember I woke up to screaming I go to the exit of the tent. Hearing another scream.

I look back to the sleeping children. None of them even flinching to the scream. I poke my head outside of the tent and see something run in front of me. I gasp, getting back into the tent.

I back away not knowing what to do. It was fast. Faster than a human, faster than any animal I've ever seen.

I look around and find a metal stick that's to control fires. I step outside of the tent. Hearing a scream again. This time I realize it's Esther's screams. A child crying with it. My heart begins to race and I run towards the sound. Staying quiet.

I look up to see smoke, along with light further in the village. I grip the stick and head towards the fire. It was a stupid idea but I couldn't just let Esther die. Along with that poor child.

As I get closer I see Esther holding the child. There were people standing around her and she was cornered. I didn't know what to do. I stood there like a coward. Like a fool.

I am a fool.

I didn't even notice the man that stood behind me. The man who grabs me, covering my mouth as he bites into my neck. I let out a muffled scream. I feel my blood draining from my body but it stops and my body drops to the ground. I see a woman attacking the man who just bite me.

I feel immense pain growing in my neck. I sweat from the pain. I groan, gritting my teeth together. The woman comes over to me and I stare at her in fear. Her eyes were red and she wasn't a woman. She seemed to be a teenager. "Who-" I grunt trying to speak but she just shushes me. It seems like she's about to kill me but a man shows up behind her. "Hold." He says.

"She's a strong one." His eyes were wide as he stares at me. I sit myself up, leaning on the wall, still breathing heavily from the pain. "Who are you!?" I scream out, still holding my neck. The pain growing throughout my body.

"Shh." He puts a finger to his lips. I glare at him, confused on why they are shushing me. I'm confused on why a bite from a man is hurting so badly. Burning my insides.

"What is happening to me?" I beg to know.

I don't get an answer though. I don't get an answer, I never do. Three days of agonizing pain. They left me in an empty village that was killed off.

I sat against a wall the entire time. The only sight I see is the body of the child I never saved along with Esther who still held that child. Even while dying. And the man that attack me with no head beside me.

The sky changing was the only thing that kept me going. Begging that this would pain end eventually.

And when it did I stood up. A strong smell filling my nose. The smell of blood but stronger than usual. I felt feral.

I walk towards the smell, it was coming from the children's tent, the one Esther and I were in three days ago. The night it happened.

I enter inside, seeing the bodies of the dead children. I cover my mouth and nose, smelling their blood. Making me weirdly hungry. I felt disgusted with myself. I felt like I was stopping myself from doing something I know I shouldn't do.

I hear a small voice and I groan out, the feeling getting stronger. My eyes shoot around the tent needing to know where it's coming from. I see movement beside a crib and I go over to it in a fast motion I didn't even know I could make. I see a woman lying there. I worked with her. She's one of the nurses. She seems to be waking up. Her eyes open and look at me as I stand over her. "[Name]?" She mumbles and I just stare at her not knowing what to do but I know that my urges are to suck on the blood from inside her body.

"[Name] are you okay?" She asks me, starting to sit up, my nostrils flair. I start to breathe out of my nose heavily. "You're acting weird." She holds her head and I try to back up but it feels like my body is stuck in place. I see blood from the side of her forehead.

She goes to speak to me again but in a quick motion I'm biting on her neck and draining the blood from her body. She tries to scream but she can't. I feel someone behind me but I don't care enough in this moment as I feel like I've been starving.

Hands wrap around my body and pull me away from the woman that I can't remember the name of. "You've drained her completely, hun." A gentle voice tells me and I glance up to see a blond man with golden eyes staring back at me. "Who are you?" I push him away from me, he grunts but doesn't seem to be surprised by my response.

"My name is Carlisle. I just want to help you." He tells me but I hold myself, backing away from him. "Help me with what?"

"Don't you want to know what you are? Why you just fed off of a human?" He questions me and I glance from him over to the woman's body on the ground.

"You're a vampire. You're not human anymore." He informs me. I snort out a laugh. "Those are myths." I shake my head.

They were myths, but I guess they actually exist. Carlisle told me everything I needed to know. He taught me how to control my hungry and only go after animals. Controlling my thirst around humans.

We learned I have an ability. He told me how some have them. I turned out to be one of them. I can make people forget what they're thinking about in that current moment. Make them forget things that happened ten minutes ago and replace their thoughts and memories with something different. We found it out when we were caught eating off an animal by a hunter. We didn't want to kill him and I somehow focused on him and I was begging him to forget everything. Somehow it worked.

Now we've been practicing on random people.

Carlisle has truly been the biggest help in this whole weird thing.

I told him I wasn't staying with him though. I needed to find what happened to Jasper. I told him about Jasper, about how he was the love of my life. I never told him his name though. I wanted to keep my human life private. It was nothing against the man that saved me but I just wanted to keep certain things to myself. And Jasper was mine. He wasn't for everyone to know about.

And after both Carlisle and I knew we were okay on our own we went separate ways but I told him if he ever needed me I'll be in this area. I gave him my name so he can always look me up. I'd be there to help him with whatever it was.

I spent decades, over a century trying to find anything about Jasper but it was like he disappeared off the face of the earth. No one saw him. I couldn't find anything about him. Nothing about his death. I searched everywhere. Even going into oceans to see if his body was dropped in them. Lakes, the desserts around to see if he was in small areas no one could find him.

Nothing. No trace.

It was the 2000's and still nothing. I had given up at one point. Once it hit 1982. It had been over 110 years since my love went missing. A part of me hoped he became what I have. The selfish part of me. The other hopes he's in heaven, getting everything good that he deserves.

I still traveled, hanging out with random covens for a couple years before moving onto the next thing. That's how it's been for years.

Until I got a call from Carlisle Cullen. The man who saved me from damnation. "Have you heard what's happening in Seattle?" Was the first words out of his mouth. "Yeah, I thought the Volturi would've taken care of it by now." I answer him, crossing my arms as I stood outside of an alley in Chicago Illinois.

"We thought so too. But it looks like they're coming to Forks. We have a human they're after." He tells me and I furrow my eyebrows confused on why they would be protecting some random human. "I'll explain when you get here. We need your help." He says and I stiffen, licking my teeth.

"I'll be there in a couple hours." I tell him before hanging up the phone. He didn't need to explain anything. I'd help him with whatever he asks me to do. Even if it was against my morals. It's Carlisle.

And then I was on my way to Forks, Washington.

I pull up to a beautiful house, lots of glass, doesn't really hide anything. It fits Carlisle though. And his wife Esme. I met her once when I bumped into Carlisle. She had just turned. She was a lovely lady. Only got a few days to know her though.

She matched him perfectly.

I park my car and get out, Carlisle, two men, Esme and the human girl were standing on the porch. I raise my eyebrows. "A welcome party, oh you shouldn't have, Carlisle and Esme." I comment cheekily, walking towards them.

"Anything for you [Name]." Esme smiles to me and I grin back to her. "This the human girl we're fighting newborn vampires for?" I cross my arms,  observing the brunette in front for me. She was nervous but she was observing me back. One of the boys pushes her behind him.

"Who are you?" I ask with a smirk. "This is Edward. That's Bella, his girlfriend." Carlisle explains to me. "And this is Emmett." Esme points over to the other boy. "Got yourself a little family now, cute." I hum quietly.

"There's others as well. Let's go introduce you." Carlisle says and they lead me into the house. There were three other people standing in the living room. A man and two women. We get closer and the three turn to me. My eyes widen when I see the mans face. He looked exactly like Jasper...

I walk closer to him. Eyebrows scrunched together. It looked like he recognized me as well. "Jasper Whitlock?" I say the name that almost seemed foreign at this point. "Darlin?" He smiles back and my face falls before pulling him into my arms rather harshly.

"Jasper Whitlock!" I squeal as he lifts me up, I grab his face kissing him aggressively, my legs wrapping around his waist.

"I thought I'd lost you!" I cry out, no tears coming out of course. All he does is hum in response, kissing me once again. "You have been with Carlisle Cullen for how long!?" I jump down asking him. "Since 1953." He tells me and I close my eyes putting my head down.

"I've been searching oceans for you for over a century and a half." I tell him. "And you've been with one of my closest allies for 50 of those years." I whisper. "I could've been with you for 50 years." I lay my head on Jasper's chest.

I then turn to everyone who was just watching the scene confused. Except for Carlisle.

He was the only one either of us told each other about and he didn't even know it was about one another. I didn't let go of Jasper the entire time they told me about what was happening.

Having to reconcile with my lover after the explanation. I got introduced to Rosalie and Alice. Alice was a nice girl, she was super excited for Jasper and I. She kept going on and on about how amazing it was until Carlisle pulled her away so we could catch up on everything.

And when it was just the two of us, I look at him. My eyes piercing into his. "I never thought I'd see you again." He tells me earnestly. "Where did you go?" I ask, my voice breaking slightly. "I stopped getting letters, no one could find you." I tell him and he frowns.

He explains how a vampire named Maria turned him, forcing him to be her right hand man. He told me about his abilities which led me to tell him about mine. About how and when I turned. I told him about Esther and Ryans horrible fate.

How for the past century I literally searched bodies of water for him along with the desert he disappeared at. He told me how he heard about the base attack and heard I was there. He thought I was dead this whole time.

"I am never leaving your side ever again." I tell him with a serious expression.

"I would never want you to." He pulls me onto his lap, kissing me on my lips.

"I love you, I'm such a fool for not calling out your name to Carlisle." I lay my forehead on his.

He kisses me once more. “I am a fool as well, darlin.”

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This was 6000 words. 😕

It took me almost all day.