Kaonashi Akogare

for nearly a decade this has been the only place where I could let out all my thoughts

I’ve loved this site from the beginning and it was always a place where I could just say stuff and I knew that no one would see it -

For the first time in a long time I felt something again, and it’s crazy to think that it was just through a presence of someone. Someone who I was drawn to so naturally. and nothing physically and maybe not even romantically but in a way two souls just idk chill? vibe? I am thankful for these moments, but whatever i feel now is just like something I thought I got rid of. And the craziest part is, nothing happened. Like absolut nothing. I shot my shot and I missed, which is ok and I rather miss than regret saying nothing at all. I overthink too much again

summer nights are great but if you spend them alone it’s just emptiness

and now I sit here, alone in the apartment I’ve always wanted, with every material thing I always wanted and it feels like I got nothing and no one

it’s nothing but it gave me a shimmer of what could’ve been and a hard reset to reality - loneliness

it’s crazy to think that just one encounter with a random person can make you feel things again you thought were something from the past

there is so much beauty in this world, so many songs to listen to, books to read, smells to enjoy, food to eat, love to give - i was so afraid to miss so much that i stopped enjoying life in general a long time ago. but i see a light at the end of this dark tunnel, that i was in for the past few years. the wind feels more refreshing, the sun shines a bit brighter than usual, everything tastes a bit better, i smoke less and if i do, i do it because i enjoy it and not because of stress. i’m not there yet, i’m not fully out of this dark lonely hole i dug for myself but i’ll get there. step by step. day by day. there will be good days and there will be bad days. but i’ll get there.

i’ve stopped caring about so many things i used to find joy in. life has become grey.

haven’t felt rain in years

think what i need rn is a good cry

i miss the sound of birds