Ku

So, here it is! My second project all together is also a first in a way, my first collaboration project. For context, this is an updated cover for DSPs, it has all the original pieces but since then we've both had name changes. I was going by Gavin Burtscher at the time, yes simply my legal name. I decided to change it to Gavin Parished a while later, because I don't want to know what it'd be like being a white-passing person named Burtscher trying to be an underground rapper. However, at this time it was even worse. My name was GBX, thank God I didn't keep that one. It was taken actually which is what motivated me to switch. $alem is a great name for that style of production honestly but at the time she was going by 2can. I honestly don't remember why she changed it but I prefer the newer name as well.

So, how did this record come about? If I remember corerctly, this album came out in 2018 so my memory is a bit foggy on it, $alem messaged me because she liked the songs I had out at the time. All I had released by then was a now lost single titled Sometimes and my first album, The Beats Inside My Head. After a lot of talking about how we'd do this we decided, after creating 2 of the 3 collab tracks, to just take our own songs and mix them in. So the project would become a rule of 3: 3 of her songs, 3 of mine and 3 collaboration songs. We both thought it seemed like a cool project so she attached 3 of her previously released songs, one of the most recent at the time, and I attached 2 I had made during the summer with Don't Go serving as the album outro. During the summer the two songs I made for this were Lost In Space and Unknown Temptation (along with my own single "i hate me, and you should too" which I'll get back to later).

Lost In Space was a very large song. I spent weeks on it. It was inspired by my electronic and dubstep roots in the music creation field along with the trap music I was currently into. It's the most complex song on the album, switching up every few bars so the beat is always unique sounding.

Unknown Temptation was my tribute to XXXTENTACION, as it had been finished a few weeks after he had passed away. It was finished before Lost In Space but came out after, I saved it to release with the album. This is the more "me" sounding song of my songs on the project. The weird synths, hard hitting drums, freaky loops. This is the DNA I kept as I grew. I made this song as a tribute to him because he inspired me a lot as an artist, despite all the rotten things he did as a person. I remember when he passed away, I was sitting in my room on vacation in Austria, visiting my family with my dad. His and Chester Bennington's deaths were, at the time, the only celebrity deaths that really effected me and honestly? Without X, there wouldn't be the same Gp standing here today. But you'll hear a lot more of that in my next album.

Before I get to Ruby's contributions I want to add that currently only our collab songs and my singles are up on DSPs, but this post inspired me to message her about getting her songs up and making it a whole again. However, if you'd like to hear it in it's original form, you can listen to the whole thing on SoundCloud, with links to both our profiles, below.

So, as far as her contributions go. The intro track, 10 kills g, was new at the time and I knew it had to be the intro. It got a rerelease and slight edit as the album dropped. Cocaine and Xaxax were her already released editions. We decided on those 2 after just talking about what the album is and what I'm doing creatively. They fit so we went with them. There's sadly not much more to tell here.

But now we have it, the 3 collaboration tracks. How'd they happen? Well, we made coffin first, which samples some Lil Peep interview clips. After making that beat around it we decided to go with that concept for all the tracks and sample artists we're inspired by. Ruby chose the artists and I did a lot of the lifting on the producion side. She was the lead on the first listed collaboration, Let Me Elevate Your Mind. She picked out the song and the voice clips while I did minimal editing. However, I did my best to work with what we had for graveyard robbers with the BONE$ and $UICIDEBOY$ clips. It fits her sound a lot more and honestly you can tell we were both amatuers at the time but that's part of the charm of these old projects, right? It was fun putting these together and eventually this lead to something a lot bigger that I'll get to down the road. You can listen to these tracks, as well as my 3, on Spotify. Here's the link to the 3 collaboration tracks.

So, the album is done! 10 kills g, Unknown Temptation, Let Me Elevate Your Mind and graveyard robbers were here, fresh to the public. And people liked it. It was nice. Honestly it was the last time for a long time that people in my life actually liked my music which felt great. Another album done, on to the next. During the creation of this record I was creating my debut hiphop mixtape, this time with vocals! This tape inspired how I went about producing a lot on there and my history wouldn't be the same without this cool project. Thank you to Ruby for reaching out for me and making The Wandering Minds happen. Sadly she doesn't produce much anymore but hey, maybe I can get her out and about again to do a lil sequel to this. I'll leave with this, show her SoundCloud some love! She's a really nice person and deserves it all.

“I could kiss you senseless,” Luis says, idly flickering the rusty lighter on and off, the orange flame illuminating his features in the darkness— Luis glows, Leon thinks, he glows.

Leon rolls his eyes and grumbles something, a murmured “Don’t be ridiculous,” before his eyes glue themselves back to the contraption in his hands.

“You’re doing it all wrong, Sancho.” Luis speaks again, voice smooth and confident as he steps towards the worn down table, gently plucking the contraption from Leon’s fingers.

The mechanism effortlessly clicks into place, and Leon almost wants to roll his eyes again, but he doesn’t— Too transfixed on how beautiful Luis looks with his brows pinched together in concentration, chewing his bottom lip.

God, Leon craves. He craves so much that he aches with it.

“Voila! All done.” Luis announces proudly, and Leon smiles. Leon actually smiles.

-

Luis catches all the things Leon hides. The coldness in his stare, the vacancy in those icy eyes that really means he’s thinking about something, really thinking about it.

“You keep thinking those thoughts so deeply, Mi Amor, and you’ll drown in them.” Luis says, voice adorned with its typical playful edge, but he cares. His eyes show that he cares.

Leon snorts, “I can swim, y’know.”

Luis just smiles and shakes his head, then, a playful tut, “Even the best swimmers drown, Sancho.”

“Tell me, Leon, what is it you want?”

Leon opens his mouth; “I just want…”

You.

You.

I just want you.

But the words don’t come out.

-

“I could kiss you senseless,” Luis says again, but this time—

This time blood spills with every word, a strained cough, this time, Leon is begging the world, don’t take this sinner from me, not yet.

“Don’t talk,” Leon speaks, a pleading crack in his voice that betrays the way he tries to keep his hands steady, but the wetness in his lashes is not something he can hide.

“Don’t cry, Mi Vida— Don’t cry,” Luis soothes, eyes fixed on Leon, watching, admiring, adoring. “No lover leaves a rose garden without blood on their hands.”

Leon laughs. Soft. Disbelieving, because even with his last breaths, Luis is reciting sappy poetry to him.

So Leon leans in.

And—

He kisses him. He kisses Luis and he tastes blood on his lips.

He tastes something he can’t have. He tastes Luis.

You can’t force the stars to align when they’ve already died.

“Leon?” Luis asks, calls for him in his time of dying, voice so soft and fragile that it makes Leon ache. “Yes, Luis?”

“I’ll tell every star about you.”

-🦇

Prompt— “I can’t help you if you hide things from me.”

Fandom — Strangers From Hell

Jongwoo shut the bathroom door with trembling fingers.

It wasn't the first time he'd hidden there. Not in Eden. Not from Moonjo.

His reflection in the cracked mirror stared back at him—haunted, sunken eyes and lips chewed raw. The man in the mirror wasn’t a writer anymore. He wasn’t anything except hunted, maybe, prey in a maze.

But still he came back.

Because Moonjo knew how to speak to something else inside him.

A gentle knock interrupted the silence, casual, like they were friends. Like this wasn't Hell dressed up as a cheap apartment.

“Honey," came the voice. Calm, lilting, laced with something warm that curdled in his gut. "I made you something. Your favorite."

Jongwoo pressed his back against the door, whispering so low he wasn't sure if he wanted to be heard. “Go away.”

Another pause. Then—

“You’re hiding again,” Moonjo said, disappointment wrapped in a velvet tongue. “I can’t help you if you hide things from me.”

Jongwoo clenched his eyes shut. “You call this help?”

“I call it love.” Sickeningly sweet. A cruel benediction.

Silence stretched. Long enough for Jongwoo to think he’d gone. Long enough for him to sink to the floor and think maybe he’d escaped.

But then the door handle jiggled. Moonjo laughed, soft and cruel. “You forget, honey. I have keys to every room in this place.”

Click.

The lock turned.

Jongwoo scrambled backward as the door creaked open and Moonjo stepped in, sharp smile and surgical calmness.

He crouched beside him, tilting his head, like Jongwoo was something that needed to be studied.

The fear twisted into something else.

Shame, need, a craving that disgusted him. But still, he didn’t move away.

And Moonjo smiled like a man who knew he had already won.

────୨ৎ────

FAMILY HEADCANON YIPPEEE:

-Mrs Eom makes them all a ‘Sunday Roast’ every night, albeit with raw human remains, but it’s a little family tradition of theirs, a fucked up play on normalcy, It’s their normal.

(INSPIRED BY MY MAMA!! :D)

Secondly; What the fuck do you mean “Mocking narcissistic tendencies”? Narcissistic tendencies and NPD are not the same, ANYONE can have narcissistic tendencies, it’s not a disorder.

Thirdly; Remus oughta detach himself some from source if someone saying “You all missed me I’m sure” sent him off the deep end because what a fucking spinner. I am done with being nice and courteous about these things, it’s getting pathetic and these “triggers” are looking again like conveniently timed excuses.

Fourth; Queer IS a slur. Not everyone has to reclaim a slur they don’t want to, it doesn’t matter that “words change” and you have got to have actual rocks in your head instead of a brain to not be able to grasp that, who gives a fuck “genderqueer” is an identity, that’s not what you said now is it? Dyke is also an identity and guess what. Still a slur too!

Five; Your guilt tripping is fucking insane. Like truly. It doesn’t look like they were set off at all by your dumbass comment, looks more like Remus went off the fucking deep end and you just had to shift blame as per usual.

You don’t know shit about NPD, stop trying to talk on it like you do and advocate for what is and isn’t ableist, you clearly don’t even know what the fuck you’re talking about when it comes to the history of slurs, your Remus is a manipulative douchebag and no, I will not spare a predators feelings, and YOU are also a manipulator who guilt trips people like there’s no tomorrow. Seriously get a fucking grip.

You only do this to people that you think you can walk all over because Lucas says shit like “Everyone loves me” “I’m sure everyone missed me” “I know, I’m just the best” all the time, even to your Remus and there has never been some stupid aaa outburst over it at all. Stop looking for people you can fucking use a doormats.

you have no basic understanding of how intrusive thoughts, impulse and boundaries work. which is okay, thats totally something you can work on, you can also work on acting your age instead of like a toddler throwing a tantrum. harassing minors for being uncomfortable with behavior you've exhibited is extremely "predatory behavior."

They have demonstrated insanely vile behaviour such as sympathising with the Coloumbine School Shooters, talking proudly about their urges to harm children and calling people the R slur multiple times.

This user is the owner of a server that involves children and once their behaviour was brought to the attention of the other server owner, they said that there was nothing they could do about them and “not to involve them”

This person should not be in any position of any kind of power or authority around children whatsoever, they have repeatedly excused their behaviour and, as you can see, have said it’s not their fault if they say horrible things.

How the fuck do you think learning to control impulses work? There’s no such thing as “It’s impossible to control myself” it may be hard yes, but it is not impossible. Helping violent impulses sort of involves not feeding into your impulses.

This user has claimed that their behaviour stems from their ASPD but I will be the first to call bullshit on that. People with ASPD are often DISTRESSED about their behaviour, not this stigmatised bullshit you see online, wanting to hurt children and ASPD are not linked.

Not to mention the very rape-y logic of “Well I can’t control my urges if you’re gonna regress around me” this is straight up predatory, as violence against children is.

“Predatory behaviour” is also not synonymous with “Sexual predator.” So yes, it IS predatory behaviour because once again. ANYBODY can exhibit it. Children included.

TWO) A 14 year old can’t have ASPD. So that’s just bullshit, but the fact they’re 14 is obvious evidence enough of the pure bs of that claim, even so, here are the fucking SOURCES.

Three) “There’s so much evidence it doesn’t cause distress” LMAO, the suicide rate for people with ASPD is so high for a REASON, ASPD is even linked to having a LOWER TOLERANCE for handling distress. It’s Psychopathic tendencies that have a High Distress tolerance.

Four) CD does not always become ASPD. Nor are they the same disorder, so claiming ASPD while diagnosed with CD is not the truth, I’m not saying CD isn’t a precursor to ASPD, but they are not the same diagnosis. “You don’t unlock disorders when you turn 18” are you aware of how this works.. certain parts of your brain aren’t DEVELOPED until youre 18, so yes mate, there are some disorders you CANT have until you’re 18 because those parts of your brain are yet to even fully develop.

Five) Is it impulsive or intrusive? Because it’s been changed from regular old impulsive thoughts that everyone experiences to intrusive thoughts. Either way, in order to mitigate both of those things, you have to stop engaging in them. The fact you can control it IRL, where it’s much harder to control given you can just say shit before you stop yourself, etc but not online where you can delete a message.. block a person.. put your OWN phone down.. is wild to say the least.

Is this person fucking stupid, CD does not always turn into ASPD, hence why it’s a different diagnosis