untitled playlist

practicing self care less out of self love and more for the sheer logical reasoning of it’d be kinda stupid of me to expect myself to be able to function without proper maintenance

“oh i don’t deserve rest and relaxation, i haven’t done enough, i haven’t earned it” and my car’s breaks don’t deserve break fluid because they aren’t breaking well enough to earn it. that’s what you sound like!!!!!

fucked that you can’t fix other people especially when you really care about them. Oh so im just supposed to be there for you while you suffer. like a useless cunt gargoyle

the wisdom ive learnt is that becoming part of a friend group 1) takes a long time and 2) involves a lot of feeling awkward and left out at first. there’s nothing terrible about this but if you grew up chronically lonely or have any kind of trauma relating to social isolation this likely feels Really Wrong and activates danger signals. but both fortunately and unfortunately it’s just how becoming close to new people works most of the time

another thing that was not intuitive to me as someone who grew up an autistic loner: basically everyone on the planet is starved for connection all the time and almost everything people do is an attempt to reach out to another. most seemingly illogical interactions and behaviours can be explained by this. you have to take as many of these invitations as you can. even if you're wrong you still attempted to bring more warmth into the world

something i've noticed that has become really annoying in the past 10 years or so is this fad of what i've been calling, for lack of a better word, "structural whataboutism." it's that thing where, when faced with a concrete, resolvable problem in your community, your answer is to blame it on a vast, unsolvable issue of structural inequality and then throw up your hands. "there's trash all over the ground in this corner of the park" becomes "well, that's where MEN OF COLOR congregate after their 12-HOUR GRAVEYARD SHIFTS and i'm not going to support a CARCERAL SOLUTION to a CAPITALISTIC PROBLEM. WE NEED TO ELIMINATE POVERTY AND THE SUBJUGATION OF THE WORKING CLASS" and it's like okay but sis. someone still has to go pick up the trash. we don't need a carceral solution, we need more trash cans. you're not going to eliminate poverty and the subjugation of the working class and even if ya did, there would still be trash on the ground. how any of this passes for radicalism within their peer groups i simply don't understand. it's radical laziness more than anything else

Trying to explain yourself to your family feels like talking with a stick in your mouth. Sure its talking practice i suppose but get me the hell out of here

It doesnt help that im in the wrong sometimes but i cant explain myself without them telling me its excuses. Like im just tryna solve the root of the problem so im just giving you a reason!!!! I know i did wrong!!!! And i truly dont understand how i always do wrong so i really need to figure out why

Am i beating the autistic allegations

Trying to explain yourself to your family feels like talking with a stick in your mouth. Sure its talking practice i suppose but get me the hell out of here

It doesnt help that im in the wrong sometimes but i cant explain myself without them telling me its excuses. Like im just tryna solve the root of the problem so im just giving you a reason!!!! I know i did wrong!!!! And i truly dont understand how i always do wrong so i really need to figure out why

Literally always take headphones with you. If you decide that you probably won't need them today, that's the devil talking. You will. You will

talking about politics, ai or feminism to people irl will have you feeling like wow you're really going on with your life with your eyes ears brain all shut

[as if this is not a normal and natural human thing to want] yeah i just really want to connect with people for some reason. Like some weird loser freak