I've been heavily focused on locking in. The full circle will now involve counseling from what I've strayed away from. my accountability towards showing up will have to reason with more words to explain how I feel. and in certain cases, I don't feel like having to explain myself at all. It is within my own rhythm that I show up. here, I will give myself compassion before it is expected to be offered. also in the cases of which maybe it wouldn't be. there are no words for what has been growing subconsciously. or even on a spiritual scale. in the ways of my own awareness.
i am being asked if I have gone to church. my initial thought was
[ I fell asleep trying to type this out. I am currently in the "cafe" a 24 hour denny's in the small town of Alamogordo. ]
[I have not moved my pursuits to the clubhouse on the complex. Appreciative of the many different places I'm able to adapt to the spaces given for me to move through what I'm building.]
The days have been helping me construct what I'm making out of my future. There is a saying I have recently been roaming around subconsciously. What about the next 7 generations? How am I showing up to take care of the land and what reflections upon the health of the land are within my own being?
The first thing my mind results to are the ways of which the water is dirty, the land has flowers and plants that can cut into your skin, the air is dry, the monsoons are heavy, the dust spirals, the food is poor (as compared to the Charleston).
and even then, now in this moment if I was to compare how the land of which I had just came from spoke to me, the way the people harmed the streets amongst where they walked is of particular focus and what a biased view. The land shook its branches every time I drove past by, feeling as if it had known I would be passing through. Although the population is close to a million, there was always somebody to bump into somehow. There were established nonprofits already working towards a foundation that had been created before them to sign up for.
it's no brainer I may find it very hard to be here. a small town of 30,000 and new beginnings osculating often because of military orders.
the water is due to there being anything deeper than what use to lie here. a land that was once the sea. mountains filled with limestone and accumulation of fossils waiting to be discovered. my study towards groundwater will deepen. it's planned.
the land still grows flowers, despite being affected by radiation. New Mexicos plants grow spikes that can cut and it fascinates me because why? how does the creation of this environment results to the formation of a product that demands to be handled with care. branches that assert a clear boundary or else, get hurt in the process. the air is dry and yet the insects and animals here can thrive. As my body adjusts to the new, I no longer spit out blood like I once was for an entire year. my curiosity to the scientific process of how and why or ifs and buts go on in my mind about this. something I haven't discovered yet.
the monsoons are heavy because when it rains, it pours. and I mean it pours. not like it did in Charleston. the rain drops feel heavier here. and they drop differently because it doesn't have to fight any vapor contained by humidity. the monsoons create the effect of fracturing the clay and dirt. so much sandy dirt. they say you can't grow anything here yet, there are neighborhoods with grass and trees. dandelions and junipers. palm trees and mesquites.
the dust spirals because the land is flat. it's almost as if the wind that ricochet against the faces of the mountain hit like invisible tsunami's covering the land because it has no where else to go. the dust spirals are interesting to me. certain places and time, and you can see it from afar. just like the monsoons. the plain is vast near the mountains but yet, you can see every direction offered on the compass.
the food is poor. and that makes places that are certainly rich be viewed as sacred treasure. I haven't come to appreciate how the convenience of Charlestons vast amount of flavors and places placed a sort of addiction to spend be what created the insanity for me to realize how intoxicating the systemic oppression of the city functioned. because what do you mean I spent that much to eat out?
by all of this being said, I have truly come to appreciate on an entirely different level [and deepening the seeds offered as you read this] that what I am being asked to embody and embrace is far beyond me. the kind of care that is of requirement to my opportunities will require the embodiment to grow boundaries that cause me to bleed if I go against a threshold that clearly creates harm if I choose to disrespect what demands to be handled with care. i am asking for water that is deeper than what was once held here, so drink what I need only. honor the past and walk humbly onto what is asking to be held to move forward. the air being dry, I have no other way to feel this resonating other than discovering what this creates for me mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually. I hate how dry the air is here but I am also brought back to the point and case of which the land I am currently walking may be similar to what is being experienced in other deserts. I am being asked to help this land. this I do believe. but by which my actions align to this calling, it will move along with or without me. but my own shift will not move on unless it feels safe enough to pick up. and what grows from this will not reap unless I shift to move.
so here it goes. a surrender into the process and a sacred beckoning to dare dream wildly, live deeply passionately, and going into it all without analyzing it with my words and understanding. to walk alongside with God rather than towards or away. To accumulate the information with a subconscious intention for the future and sharpening a focus that can recall what's being taught with a knowing that it is the requirement to give forth what has been given.
the main focus will lie around organization for this upcoming new season from what felt like a very long winter. I think one of the longest winters I have ever experienced.
I am not isolated. I am not shut out from where I once was. I am journeying through a kind of suffering that will be needed for the kind of resistance I have to offer and help bring home to. I am embarking on a journey that requires clear, cut throat boundaries, and humble steps against invisible tsunamis that have kissed the face of these mountains. to honor my thirst and hold sacredly the privilege to drink when needed.
the more sharp and clear my boundaries, the more able I am to make room for what paths I can walk without worry to where I may fall. my understanding to this kind of surrender into the world is an adventure in my information of body alone. cheers to a very challenging next phase of new seasons, soon. I can feel it in the air. may I continue to be humbled and graced with compassionate and understanding people. may I continue to be humble and move swiftly into/by grace. may I have the strength to hold up consistency to gratitude and be unafraid of the results. to embrace the immersion of it, despite the grievance behind knowing the ones I want looking aren't around. may I have the courage to hold up resistance placed by sharp boundaries to honor deep respects of what is already placed so that the boundaries may remain untouched and my physical plane move away from harm.
ending this with a sacred prayer,
Everything is pervaded by God
Source: http://greenfaith.org
“Isha vasyam idam sarvam, yat kinch jagatyam jagat
Tain tyaktain bhunjhitha, ma gridh kasyasvid dhanam”
— Isa Upanishad, Verse 1
One translation and commentary is as follows:
Everything animate or inanimate that is within the universe is pervaded by Isha (God). One should
therefore consume only what is necessary for himself, with an attitude of caring and detachment;
God has provided us with the natural abundance but one must not hoard things (that are not
needed) – and thus depriving others who may need them. After all, whose wealth it is? Land and its
resources are not wealth of any individual, it all belongs to God.
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