Le garçon qui t’aime

let’s go on a date and by date I mean lay in bed and make out for 3 hours

I read middle aged as Middle Aged and was expecting a plague reference.

deer are such elegant and whimsical animals, i feel like every time i see a deer it’s a sign of good fortune and positive magic

If pocket knives aren't for getting a little gay with your friends in the woods, then explain why most of them have nail files on them.

The nail file isn’t actually a nail file but instead a file for sharpening tools.

it’s a nail file you homophobe

sometimes i’m like “i should buy some orange juice! i love it i don’t know why i never have it in the house” and then i get some and i remember it’s because some kind of dormant Scurvy Prevention Instinct activates within me like a sleeper agent trained to seek and destroy, except it’s just me standing in front of the open fridge at two in the morning chugging juice straight out of the carton like a crazed citrus gremlin