happily

“oh, katy, don’t do this right now,” cassidy said instead, apology stuck in her throat, her temper taking over. she watched katy’s movements, and despite the fear and caution that the girl exhibited, cassidy couldn’t think straight, couldn’t form words that seeped affection and love, the words she greeted katy with every morning, and bid her every night. running a hand through her hair, she pushed herself off of the bed, her other hand ran over her face, uncaring that her eyeliner may have smudged. “seeing as you can apparently study by yourself now, there you go.” she gestured to her notes, scattered around her bed. “study. unless you want to get kicked out, then, you know, that’s going to be your problem. i’m just trying to fucking help here, katy.”

cassidy breathed in, putting her face into her hands, trying to calm down. “we can’t always do what you want, okay?” she said, dropping her hands back to her sides. “it’s not a fucking walk in the park, katy. i can’t always miraculously save you all the time, because once you’re out of here, you’re out. and i can’t… i fucking can’t–” words abandoned her, and there was only anger, confusion, a tinge of regret. cassidy wondered why she got caught up in this–why she got caught up in her. she walked away from the bed, pacing a bit, before her feet led her to the vanity, where she sat down, elbows on the table, and her head in her hands.

“i just want you, cassie. i just asked to...” she didn’t dare say the word again, afraid she would be faced with rejection once again. she watched and listened while she gripped her book tightly, knuckles turning white. she was holding her breath, stopping herself from speaking. it was as if her voice was no longer there, words stuck on the tip of her tongue. was she asking for too much this time? maybe cassie didn’t like her anymore and this was her way of telling her in a nice way. before she could stop herself, the tears were falling. her mind had wandered to a plane of negative thoughts and she couldn’t get herself out of it.

but it was those words that made her confused again. she didn’t want to lose her. i love you. her eyes widened as she tried to soak everything up. her mind worked in a way that most did not. the simple things that most people understood was not understood by her so simply. she was silent. her face changing into that of surprise. her mouth hung open and her grip loosened. she remembered. she remembered her looking at another. katy knew -- a fact she hid in the farthest and darkest corners of her mind -- that she only stole cassidy from someone. she knew that each day she was with her, she was only stealing time. “you have that other girl. the one who’s always smiling. what am i?” what am i compared to that? her tone had taken a bitter edge. “you don’t love me the same way.” even if i leave, you will still have her. 

“see, if i fail the exams and leave she can stay here, you won’t miss her and she won’t miss you. when i’m in wonderland, i’ll be back to being my old self. i’m not quire sure if the mad can remember the time when they were still human. but it will be for the best. i don’t like remembering how pretty i was and then looking at my feline form.” katy was babbling. nervous, without context and meaning. she was convincing herself that this was the best option because she was afraid that she will fail the exams after she put in so much effort into being smart. she was afraid of disappointing cassidy, leaving her alone and so she took it upon herself to convince the other that there were better things out there. better people.

“katy.” her voice was stern now, but she didn’t let go of the other girl, even pulled her closer to her, voice soft, and warm breath brushing against katy’s cheek. “you can’t keep making excuses like that. otherwise, you’re going to fail, and you know what that means, right?” cassidy pulled back with furrowed eyebrows, frustration etched on her face. she looked directly at katy. “bye bye, perry. bye bye, elias.” a pause, not once looking away. “and, bye bye, cassie.”

“why are you saying things like that?” she asked in a voice that wasn’t her own. hearing her own fears come from another’s lips caused them to feel more real and more likely to happen. how could she pass all of her subjects when she barely had the attention span to do so? it was a lost case, surely. she could feel hear heart beating inside her chest, could feel cassidy’s gaze on her. she didn’t want to not look at her eyes in the future. she wouldn’t have any of that. but cassidy was not  being herself. she knew that she was troubled. but she had nothing to do with it. why was she talking to her like this?

katy pulled away from cassidy, not wanting to be near her in her current state. she was being childish but she didn’t have time to reflect on her actions. much less her words. she looked at cassidy with hurt in her eyes. “i just wanted to cuddle,” she said bitterly, turning away from the other to take her bag and zip it open. she took out her school supplies one by one and sat in an indian position, reading her thick biology book. but the words did not register. her eyes were simply dancing on the page. she clenched it tightly while her mind wandered. 

Eyes scanning the club room, they landed on a familiar girl. She had run into the said girl a few times already, and had already known that she was one of the Holloway siblings. Echo didn’t think much of it, since she was always so use to seeing Katy in the club room and never questioned it, until today. Stepping further into the room, and making her way towards the back of the room to occupy the empty seat next to Katy, sitting down, she turned to her with an eyebrow slightly raised. “I’m use to you coming here. But this time I’m really curious, because judging from the look on your face, it could be something serious?” Echo questioned the girl.

It shocked the Holloway further when the pretty girl sat beside her. She even turned to her and she could feel her eyes on her. It was hard not to look back at her and she already had her hands clenched into tiny fists. Her nails made with Japanese nail art sunk into her skin painfully. Cons of having long nails. Katy waited and prayed that she would just let her sit here and bother her instead but instead, she spoke. And she couldn’t just shut up after being spoken to. “It is,” she said with more conviction than she felt. “Important, I mean. You shouldn’t have approached me! I do that. Now I’m not feeling comfortable with how I will approach you...”

She decided a fancy brooch would be nice and left her closet hanging open with its innards out. Cassie will surely get mad at her later but she had other priorities at the moment. She grabbed her bag and slung it on, closing the door behind her when she went outside. She walked a few steps when suddenly she saw someone. A gasp left her lips and she stormed to approach the other. She was carrying her bags that looked very heavy and she was concerned. Not about the bags, but her hair.

“katy …” he mumbles softly, softspoken as always even when being threatened by imminent death if she didn’t let go sometime very soon. “i don’t mind you holding onto me like this … but can you lighten your hold a little bit?” sebastian licks at his lips nervously, and he’s always nervous around people but it’s worse when people are staring and they were definitely staring because of this girl that was clinging onto him like she was a koala. 

“i, um, i-i can’t breathe,” he whispers, his voice slightly strained and he makes leeway for her considering she’s not technically human but it’s kind of hard to remember things like that when his heart is thumping in his chest like a sledgehammer from the current lack of air heading to his lungs. 

she instead put her hands on his shoulders, holding onto the material of his shirt. “you have to grab hold of my legs so we don’t fall,” she said without as much as a hint of shame. like it was simply a fact that the other had to deal with. but then again with this position she wouldn’t be able to stare at his face which was the only redeeming factor about him aside from his hair. it looked soft and nice to touch so he petted it before she hopped off of him. 

quickly, she ran so that she was standing right in front of him. she was smaller than he was and she had to crane her neck upwards to fully look at him. even in his distress, he still looked pretty. he was just missing that one final tool to make him look even prettier. smiling, she took off her bag and put it on the floor. zipping it open, she took out a few of her things. notebooks, pencils, trash, a spare change of clothes and shoes and a few crtumpled pieces of papers after she found it. 

“What am I supposed to call you then?” Isla didn’t even bother to conceal the bewilderment dripping off of her voice. Hell, she wasn’t even sure if she should be answering her other questions that seemed to be laced with venom. A wrong word could prove to be dangerous in this matter. So she opted for silence instead and let the other continue. She did appear to have a number of things to say; she looked somewhat agitated. But when she stopped, Isla cocked an eyebrow, head tilted slightly to the side as she inspected the girl and allowed the words to settle, to be broken apart into smaller fragments and deciphered.

Her motions were almost robotic, her words equally so. Suddenly, Katy felt bored just talking to her. What was so special about her that made her approach her in the first place? She was quiet, said very few words but she saw a hint of character the day. So she held on to that hope and pushed on with a determined look on her face. “No, I do not have the wrong person. I’m not that old to not remember what you look like. I’ve seen you the other day. You took something, didn’t you? I couldn’t see what it was but I know you did it.”

“i...biology. i can handle history,” she said, her stomach turning. why was she speaking in such a weird voice? it lacked the warm tone that she often used around her. come to think of it, katy hasn’t been in the room with her for long but she felt as if she wasn’t welcome. but the moment cassidy reached out for her -- even that mere action -- made her feel lighter somehow. the smile helped as well. and maybe she was also foolish but she was back to how she was in mere seconds. “but i was lazy and my nails were pretty. it was difficult to hold the pen.” she added the last sentence with a small frown and she moved closer to hug the other. 

She took the dress and walked to where the other was, holding it in front of her body for her to see. “I bet this would look pretty on you, Perry. Remember how we always envied that old woman Alice’s dresses?” She asked with a small twirl. “Hm...I don’t remember. I sold a few dresses that were too boring. Then...” A laugh slipped past her lips, eyes twinkling with mischief. “Oh don’t think about those things, Perrianne.”  Eagerly, she tore open another box with her scissors and her hands, a frown on her lips as one of her nails broke. But it wasn’t the priority at the moment as she looked at the contents of the box. “Silly Perry. I haven’t commited a crime yet,” she said sweetly, looking up at her sister. “You know what’s inside this box?”

–especially now that exams were coming up. she couldn’t concentrate at all. after class, she immediately headed back to her dorm room, grabbed her world history notes from her bag, and plopped down on her bed, notes lying beside her face. she had no motivation now. she felt her phone sinking into waist, buried deep in the pocket of her uniform blazer. maybe she should call her best friend, ask how she’s doing, tell her that steven wasn’t the guy for her, and that cassidy had been there all along…

“i--” a loss for words, she looked down at her prettily polished nails that she used an hour on each hand. miraculously enough, it turned out lovely. she took off her bagpack and zipped it open, eyes on the contents. it was as messy as her wardrobe. notes did not exist, all crumpled. she took a chance and picked up her notebook, only to see various drawings of anime-like figures. there was a reason why she needed smart friends. she closed her bagpack again and looked at cassie’s form, feeling uncomfortable and strange. “i don’t have any notes, cassie. they’re all crumpled up and i’ve been skipping classes and no one’s there to give me notes,” she said apologetically.

which was why he was there, practicing late again; another afternoon, another morning, time never mattered when he was focused, lost between the lines of the scripts; though, even that was too dramatic for him, too romanticized. he saw acting as a way to escape, to pretend–the few childish antics he still allowed himself, little treats that made him feel youthful and energetic. it gave him peace, calm, a faintness he could enjoy.

without waiting for an answer to her question, she hopped on top of the table. it creaked underneath her weight. she cleared  her throat, opening her lips to sing a single a sharp. a little out of tune, she was, since she doesn’t really sing but she had an innate sense of singing. at least, she liked to believe it. she loved drama and theatrics. the clothes, the make-up and playing different people in different times and places. she was too excited she didn’t get the chance to really think over which clubs she wanted to join. so she took the time with marvin to feel what it’s like to truly be in the club.

and maybe mess with him because she liked getting him angry.

“wait a second, this is the kind of girl warner wants.” 

“someone serious, someone lawyerly.”

“someone who wears back when nobody’s dead”

the photography club is like a place of refuge for him. he can stay and just linger on the outskirts, only adding his opinion when it is absolutely necessary or if he has something he wants to contribute, being left alone for the majority of the time. which was what he wanted considering what happened whenever he was included and expected to participate. as it is, he’s fiddling with a camera as everyone in the club did their thing. he was playing around with different exposures today, tempted to try one or try the light painting technique, though he wasn’t sure at the moment. 

Timing must be perfect after all.

Once she was sure he was immersed in his camera, she jumped off of her chair and glared at anyone who tried to step in her way. With her winged eyeliner on point, she did seem a bit intimidating. Except she was wearing a canary yellow printed Spongebob shorts and a plain white blouse. Slowly sneaking up on Sebastian, she took each step carefully. Until bam. She was running from behind him when suddenly she jumped. Her long legs wrapped themselves around his waist, arms wrapping themselves around his neck. There were a few protests from bystanders and members alike but she kept her grip tight, not letting go. She probably would’ve choked him by now, too.