To Know Me Is To Ask Me.

 The fact that the evidence in the impeachment trial needs trigger warnings is horrifying. The fact that the impeachment managers are providing them is beautiful.

me after 15 seconds of work: i just cant do this anymore

The literal job of a bullet is to be fired

The year is 2022. You’re driving home from work, wifey calls & asks you to get some diapers for the baby. You grab roses for her. Life’s good. She’s crying in the closet you forgot the diapers what’s she gonna do with roses idiot there’s shit everywhere this is why your parents never loved y

The year is 1351. You’re driving your ship home from work, wifey calls and sends you to the local store to get some rags as diapers for the baby. You grab a bouquet of flowers for her too. Life’s good. You both die from the plague

The year is 2020. You’re driving home in your tractor after voting for Trump, the man of your people. Your sister calls and asks you to get some diapers for the baby you bought from the Walmart parking lot last week. You steal roses for her on your way out. Life’s good

The year is 2068. You’re staring at the most beautiful stranger. She explains to you that she’s your wife. You have dimentia. You smile and take her hand as your grandchildren jump around the room. You’ve lived a good life. Suddenly you’re staring at the most beautiful stranger

Anyway I’m back on my bullshit

The year is 2019. Your fiancé just got you roses in your big house with 3 cars and 5 dogs. You did all this to tweet it with “We’re only 19, what are you doing with your life?” You got 5 retweets. He’s been buying roses instead of food for weeks. You can’t cook. You haven’t eaten in 3 days

You really don’t have to forgive anyone for anything. Stay mad about shit that makes you mad.

- Courtney Cox, on her hair stylist for Scream 3

that boy you just called a krusty krab? his name is patrick

babygirl you would not believe the amount of tabs i have open

The average person is more generous than billionaires when you calculate generosity as a proportion of net worth

This is important. Absolutely call out people when you can safely do so. You are not a bad person for keeping yourself safe from harm.