My Heart Won't Die

     Certainly, there was not much noted in the historical texts about Cerberus. It was unfair in some way, Chanyeol thought to himself with a faint wrinkle of his nose. The hound was a unique creature, one of its kind, yet all was told about it could be summarized in a measly chapter, most famously known as the chapter of Heracles’s twelfth labor. 

     And even then, all that was known about Cerberus was the terror it struck in the hearts of those who have seen it and his unfailing guarding of the gates of hell. Okay, mostly unfailing, since he did kind of sort of let Orpheus past – but really! Chanyeol thinks it’s not its fault. 

     Chanyeol mulled over the question in silence, his brows furrowing and causing faint wrinkles. The gentle stroking of the other’s hair helped him sort out his thoughts somewhat, and he finally parted his lips to speak. 

     “To tell you the truth, there’s really…nothing happy I can tell you about Cerberus.” He admitted, shaking his head. “But, this is noted as a fact – that Cerberus is loved. At least by one; he is Hades’s beloved guard dog.” He smiled slightly then. “And I think that’s why in the same way, Cerberus devotes his life to serve Him.”  

Shou closed his eyes as he became more comfortable in his position. He didn’t know why but he absolutely loved the feeling of having his hair played with. But the silence between the two only confirmed Shou’s suspicions. Cerberus really was a bad creature. There were no good stories about him. Shou appreciated that Chanyeol was thinking so hard to ease his fears but, he wasn’t getting his hopes up. 

He clicked his tongue in response once Chanyeol told him the bitter truth. “Ah... I knew it.” he mumbled. Shou wondered why Cerberus chose him as a host. Shou was nothing like Cerberus. Or maybe he was? Was there something in Shou that resonated with Cerberus? Was there something about himself he wasn’t aware of yet? Shou shook his head slightly; he needed to stop thinking of these things. Now was not the time for an identity crisis. 

Shou smiled a bit, “loved huh? Well that’s a good thing~” he looked up towards Chanyeol’s blurry face and let out a small sigh, “but Hades isn’t a good guy either right? I mean he’s always the bad guy in the movies and stuff..” Shou rubbed his forehead before chuckling, “Sorry, I really don’t know much about this stuff aside from the stories you tell me~” Once again, he let out another sigh, “well... it’s good that he’s loving in a way... I still think he’s scary though.”

Shou folded his arms across his chest and closed his eyes once again, showing that he was deep in thought. There were so many questions Shou wanted to ask but Cerberus wasn’t answering them in his dreams. As far as he knew, Shou didn’t know anyone else who was also like him. Why were these beings even choosing people to reside in? What was the purpose of all this? All these questions were just confusing Shou even more. “Chaneyol... am I a bad person?” he asked. Everyone connected Cerberus with negative things so naturally, Shou assumed there must be something negative about him to attract Cerberus to him. 

The entire facade crumbled when she saw who had peeked out. The man seemed so full of innocence, treading out so willingly to her call. She wanted so badly to help him as he removed thorns he had no doubt gotten from running into the bush. Jieun felt responsible for that. She wanted nothing more than to reach out and hug him. Maybe it was his big brown eyes or her bleeding heart, but she felt such kinship to him. A natural, energetic vibe that made her inner-self smile widely.

Her exterior could not feign even the slimmest happiness though. Jieun felt like she had sunken completely into herself, with eyes stinging red and chapped lips. “It’s- I mean, you don’t- I-” Sentences weren’t forming correctly. She bit down on the inside of her lip, calming herself when the slight taste of blood trickled onto her tongue. “I’m Jieun.” She finally murmured. Smell? What an odd thing to say, Jieun thought.  “It’s okay I… I don’t think you know me…” She tore her eyes away from him, quickly hiding her shaking hands behind her back.

She didn’t want to answer Shou’s last question. Honestly, she didn’t know how too. Was she okay? Jieun was trying to convince herself of that but her conscious was so shaken that the thought just began to make her dizzy at this point. Instead, she turned his question back to him, “Are you?”

Shou closed his eyes for a moment as he listened to her stuttering. He was trying to focus on her scent. There was something that was just drawing him to her. Something about her was familiar. He felt a bit more calm with her presence and he could tell she didn’t mean harm. Because if she did, he would’ve been able to feel it and he wouldn’t have gotten close to her in the first place. “I swear you smell so familiar...” he mumbled. Then it clicked. This must be Cerberus’ doing; not his. Does that mean the girl had a being inside of her too? Shou didn’t want to ask, not at this point. He didn’t want to scare the girl since he had just met her (or he didn’t want her thinking he was crazy). “Ah I’m sorry... it’s probably nothing.. just this weird place..”

He still kept his eyes closed but this time he was focusing on the scent of blood. He could tell the girl was hurt. It didn’t seem to be anything life-threatening but there was obviously untreated wounds. He opened his eyes again to look at the girl when she asked the question and he smiled in response. He was trying to calm her down since her voice sounded so shaky. Maybe if he put on a calm, brave facade then she would be okay too.

“That’s quite a question,” Shou laughed nervously. “I woke up in this strange place and I have no idea where I am... All the scents and sounds are new... everything is too dark for me except for some glowing thingies..” he spoke, nudging at a glowing egg with his foot. He was avoiding saying how scared and nervous he was. He was also having a hard time distinguishing how the girl was feeling since he was playing by ear. 

“Ah, this probably sounds strange.. talking about scents and sounds~” Shou chuckled, smiling once again. “But don’t worry about me! I’m getting around! Thanks to the glowing thingies...” he hummed. “But it’s weird though.. waking up in a place like this... I swear I went to bed in my dorm room and the next thing I know I’m here...” Shou sighed. “Do you know how we got here... hey, are you sure you’re okay? Do you want me to look at your wounds or something?” He began to slowly approach the girl, trying not to startle her. He didn’t want to be left alone in this place once again. “I am a med student... I can look at your wounds if you’d like?”

     He heard the door slam open even before he heard the voice of his neighbor, jumping slightly in his chair at the unexpected noise. Adjusting his glasses so he would not seem too frazzled (both from cramming lecture material and being startled), Chanyeol cleared his throat before watching the other make himself comfortable in the premises of his room with a raised brow. 

     “I know I leave my door unlocked so it’s easier for you to visit, but knock next time, will you?” He nudged the male with his foot, mumbling something along the lines of ‘you scared the shit out of me’ beneath his breath. “And besides, it’s never too late to study! Look at all this material!” To emphasize his point, the giant rifled through the stack of books on his table in an exaggerated manner. “But you know, you kind of did come in at a pretty good time,” Chanyeol returned his attention to the book that lay open on his desk. “I was just looking up material on the three-headed hound from hell.” 

     He stood up from his seat, relocating to the edge of his own bed, his fingers absentmindedly threading through Shou’s locks. “Let’s see, where do I even start? There’s just too much,” he felt himself relaxing gradually at the repetitive motion; it gave him the same feeling whenever he would pet Toben, his dog back home. 

     “Honestly, I don’t understand why you think Cerberus is so scary,” he admitted truthfully. “I mean, I get that he’s normally associated with fear, anger and evil, but he’s really just doing his job as the watcher of the gates of hell.” Lips curved into a smile of amusement at his following thought. “Imagine if the Cerberus was a three-headed Pomeranian. I’ll bet there’d be more contenders trying to cross those gates.” 

Shou simply grinned at Chanyeol’s comment (especially when his ears picked up Chanyeol’s mumbling). He peered over at all of the books that his friend was gesturing towards and he shrugged. He couldn’t make out the individual books but he could see the colours of them, and there sure seemed to be a lot. “Eeehhh.... it all looks boring to me~” he teased. When he heard that Chanyeol was actually studying the creature he couldn’t help but let out a small shudder. “Three-headed hound from hell...” he repeated, mumbling to himself.

When he felt Chanyeol’s hands run through his hair Shou couldn’t help but lean into the touch. It felt so comforting; so calming. He shifted so he was resting his head in Chanyeol’s lap and motioned for him to continue petting his hair. He smiled as he got comfortable while laying on his friend. 

Shou laughed dryly, “I don’t understand why you think he isn’t scary.” He crossed his arms and closed his eyes deep in thought. “But there aren’t any stories of him being good, ya know? The hereos of the stories are always battling him and defeating him or are being eaten by him. There’s nothing about him that’s good.” He spoke. However, when Chanyeol put that thought in his mind, he burst out laughing. Shou nearly curled up into a fetal position from laughing so hard. “Oh man... a pomeranian... that’s good~” he chuckled while wiping away some tears that escaped during his laughing fit. “I can tell you right now, he’s nothing like a pomeranian~”

After his fit, Shou grew quiet once again. “Hey Chanyeol... are there any good stories about Cerberus?” he asked, his voice barely a whisper. 

“Just try to depend on other people, Taemin. Learn to depend on me”

Tuan Yi-en, you gullible bitch, Mark thought to himself as he yanks his coat from the table. It was not the café’s closing time yet, but the owner has to leave already. Ever since the aforementioned statement left Mark’s lips, Taemin made sure to use it extensively, demanding Mark’s company left and right. Mark knows he can say no, but also knows better than refusing Taemin’s invitation for a drink. The last time I did, he busted to my apartment drunk and angry, and I still have not replaced the broken television set, he warns himself, letting out a small laugh before giving a small rundown of the closing procedures to the personnel that are staying behind, they have been working in Seoltang for years, he can trust them, right? One step outside the café immediately revealed that the evening was unusually cool to the touch, giving Mark flashbacks of the realistic nightmare he once had. It was tortorous to the point that Mark was late in opening the café to the dismay of the office people and college students that loiter in it for a morning coffee or tae with sweets.

Mark’s nostalgia was cut short by a vibration from his pocket. “What do you want, Min? Yes… yes… what do you mean? A man?” Mark turns to look the surrounding area for a man that fits the description the caller has given him. However, the night was no longer young and the street was void of people already, so it was easy for Mark to deem his attempt a failure. He then continues to walk down the street, his eyes glued on the floor and a smile plastered to his face as he share a conversation with the man he’s supposed to meet tonight. “I told you, the man you’re describing is not here-”, he responded to the other line’s voice, but was cut due to the collision made by a running person. Mark fell on his back more because of shock by the sudden appearance of another person than the impact, but was quickly helped to his feet by the stranger. “Sorry about that”, he apologized, voice softer than a whisper, as he picks up his phone. Looking up from the scratched phone, he took in the features of the stranger and without any hesitation, Mark opened his lips “Um… Taemin? The guy you’re looking for? Yup, he’s here in front of me.”

Shou simply let out a smile in response to Mark’s whispered apology. His ears definitey picked up the voice; even the smallest whisper did not go unheard by Shou. However, Shou didn’t want to respond because of how quiet the other was with his words; he didn’t want to startle the male after all. 

The moment Taemin’s name were spoken it was like time moved in slow motion. Shou’s eyes widened and he brought his hands to his face dramatically. There was no way. Absolutely no way. This kid in front of him knew who Taemin was? Not just knew him, but sounded like they were on friendly terms. On the inside Shou was actually impressed that Taemin was friendly with someone apparently. But, that wasn’t the issue at hand. 

Right now, this man was telling Taemin that he was with Shou. His first thought was that the other was going to deliver Shou to Taemin. And that was something that just wasn’t going to happen. “No! Don’t tell him!!” Shou squealed. Instinctively Shou reached up to grab the other’s phone and quickly ended the call. With the man’s phone in one hand, he reached out to grab the male’s hand with his free hand and tugged the male closer. He then quickly spun on his heels and ran, dragging the other boy behind him. Shou wasn’t full-on sprinting so the other wasn’t tripping. 

After running down a few streets Shou finally stopped when he realized he couldn’t recognize any of the scents anymore. He slowed down and let out a small hum, still holding the other’s hand. Honestly, he almost completely forgot he had the other in his grasp until he turned and saw the blurry figure next to him. He jumped a minute and let go of the other’s hand. “Sorry, you’re new too so I just assumed your scent was a part of the other ones...” he mumbled. “How do you know Taemin, are you friends with him?”

( » @krshou )

seunghoon preferred writing with a cup of black coffee near his hand, preferably in a cafe than his own apartment. his place sometimes gave him quite a writer’s block, as though he knew each nook so well that not a hint of inspiration was coming from it anymore. therefore he happened to change those cafes too; he could hardly stick to a particular one. and so today, after waking up in the morning instead of sleeping until afternoon hours would roll in, he put on an oversized hoodie, ripped jeans and a pair of worn-out sneakers before heading out. with a notebook clutched in his hand, of course.

it was the only tangible object he couldn’t really let go of. the male carried it everywhere and he would sooner forget his phone than this little treasure. he had all the drafts there, along with ideas for upcoming interviews and the important dates that could quickly fade into oblivion (he never had the memory for those). he couldn’t rely solely on his laptop as it could break down fatally, leaving him with completely nothing and in journalism time was treasure more than anything else.

having crossed out some of the bullet points on the to-do list that was written down one of the pages, he closed the notebook and then shoved it aside before coming back to his now lukewarm coffee. taking a sip, the beverage’s temperature was no longer enjoyable, so seunghoon finished it in a gulp and rapidly stood up, remembering there were still a few locations he needed to visit.

So he got himself dressed and gathered some of his notebooks and textbooks and put them into his bag. Shou then made his way towards the cafe. He always worked better in a setting that wasn’t his dormitory. Plus he was still groggy from waking up so suddenly. Shou was blaming his horrible sleep on Cerberus. It was because of that creature he had so many nightmares and couldn’t sleep at night. 

When he got to the cafe he ordered himself a french vanilla late and sat down in the corner of the cafe. Instead of focusing on his books, Shou would sometimes glance upwards and look at the people around him. Not that Shou could really see what everyone looked like, they were all just colourful blobs to him. But he could tell everyone apart by their scents and their voices. Shou loved the cafe particularly because even though it was busy, everyone seemed to keep to themselves and everything was relatively quiet. Quiet enough for Shou’s tastes anyway. Shou remembers one man in particular who was drinking his coffee (it smelled like pure black coffee) and hunched over a tablet or notebook or something; Shou couldn’t see what it was. 

Shou didn’t notice when the man left; he was too focused on his studies. It wasn’t until he was ready to leave the cafe that he noticed the black object was left behind. Shou made his way over to the table and picked up the object (now Shou could tell it was a notebook). “The owner must be missing his notebook...” Shou muttered to himself. He didn’t dare open the notebook; because he couldn’t read it anyway. He could tell the notebook was handwritten from the scent of ink so that meant it didn’t have braille. With a shrug, he caught a whiff of the owner’s scent from the notebook and headed off. 

He was walking down the street, following the faint scent. It wasn’t long before the scent grew stronger and was beginning to cross his path. Shou approached the man from behind and tapped his shoulder lightly. “Excuse me, are you missing something?” he asked. Shou didn’t want to outwardly say he had the notebook in case this person wasn’t the actual owner. For all he knew, this person could’ve touched the notebook and left their scent behind. This way if the stranger said they were looking for their notebook, Shou would know it was the owner. 

@krshou

There is more dirt, sweat, and blood caked on to Jieun than she would care to think about. Her hands are stinging and raw, slowly still bleeding but mostly crusted in a deep red color and she’s trying not to keep picking at her hands but gripping onto that sanity is becoming more of a task than she is willing to take. A dry metal taste has overcome every area of her mouth and she would do anything for water at this point. There’s simply to many ‘wants’ spinning in her mind for her to stay completely calm like she wants too. 

She’s taking slowly but unsteady steps towards nowhere when she feels a familiar presence. One that is reminiscent of similar promenades, though the memory is one filled with laughter. Some dark backdrop that is simply encasing of the two spirits. She rubs her raw fingers together, feeling the ghost of a soft but strong fur before quickly glancing down at her stinging palm. Her eye’s begin to water once more as they are reminded of her curse. 

That feeling again. Shivers were crawling up and down his spine and he could smell blood. It wasn’t fresh blood and the scent was faint but, he could feel it. Shou knew that something was wrong and that someone needed help. So naturally, he followed where his feeling was taking him. It wasn’t until he got closer to the scent that he came across another new scent. Or at least he thought it was new. The scent was extremely familiar to him. It made him want to curl up in the girl’s lap and want her hands running through his hair. Wait a minute. Why was Shou thinking these thoughts about a stranger? Was it Cerberus’ doing? As Shou came close to the girl he immediately shook the thoughts out of his head and ducked behind a bush. He nearly waltzed right into her. He hid more out of fearing his own thoughts rather than the girl herself. 

Shou thought he had safely avoided her gaze and was just beginning to relax until he heard her calling for him. His eyes grew wide and he nearly launched himself into the bush, causing some of the thorns to go into his hands. He let out a small yelp and wandered out from the bush, plucking the thorns from his hand and licking the small bleeding spots. 

“I’m sorry.. I didn’t mean to frighten you.” He slowly began to walk towards her. “I’m Shou, and I’m very very lost...” he frowned. He took another whiff of the air and it was filled with her scent plus the faint smell of blood. “Hey... do I know you? You smell... so familiar...” he asked, wondering if he had met her before. This was also a test to see if this was Cerberus’ doing or poor memory on Shou’s part. “Are you okay? Are you hurt?” he asked, concerned about her wounds. 

usually, hanging out at her workplace wouldn’t be anywhere near wendy’s weekend itinerary, but jimin had insisted since he was bringing a friend of his. and to be honest? she wasn’t sure if showing up at all was a good idea. not because she just didn’t like being forcibly introduced to someone ( she really didn’t ) but more the fact that it was the excitable boy’s alternate ego -or something- who’d called her and explained hastily before hanging up.after working with him for as long as she had, wendy really shouldn’t be surprised.

and so, she sat on one of the many bar stools and tapped her fingers restlessly against the polished surface & praying as hard as she could ( to what deity, she did not know ) that her boss wouldn’t just happen to pop by for an impromptu visit. glancing at her phone, she rolled her eyes and suppressed the urge to order another shot- it wouldn’t do to be drunk on her first meeting with whoever she’s meeting tonight. and that was when the pair appeared, the boy with highlighter colored hair towing another man behind him, who looked like he wanted to be anywhere but here. she almost began to feel sorry for him, but then realized that since he was jimin’s friend or at east friendly acquaintance, he should be used to jimin’s antics.

realistically, jimin has long forgotten his call to wendy at 2 am or was far too intoxicated in the first place to recall it. as she suspected, the unfamiliar boy was left alone- whether accidentally or just plain subconsciously. sighing, she walked over to a stool closer to the messy - haired man. sitting down next to him, she tried for a smile. ❝ Pardon me if I’m wrong, but you look rather uncomfortable in here. Is there anything I can do to make it better? ❞ wincing at the way that her words must’ve sounded, she hoped that he’d understand her true intentions anyways. he really did look awfully nervous.  ❝ May I ask for your name? ❞

But, tonight was different. One of his best friends, Jimin, begged Shou to come to Allure with him. Shou assumes that Jimin knows he hates loud places but, there has to be a good reason if he was asking Shou to come. So, Shou decided to suck it up and go to Allure even for just a couple of hours with Jimin. It has been a long time since Shou has been to a crowded place so, maybe his ears have gotten stronger? That was his hope anyway. He followed Jimin into the club and immediately regretted his decision. His ears began to throb and hurt with every pulse of noise. The scent of alcohol and people overwhelmed him and he managed to pull himself away from Jimin and wandered over to a lone stool at the bar. 

Shou couldn’t tell where Jimin was anymore, he couldn’t hear or smell him. In fact, Shou couldn’t see anything at all. Shou was bent over the bar with his hands over his ears as he was trying his absolute best to block out the sounds. But, he couldn’t see. And that was one of Shou’s biggest fears (aside from Cerberus of course).  

The next thing he knew he heard a voice extremely close to him. The voice was muffled because his ears were picking up too many sounds but, he could tell it was a female voice. He glanced over at her and squinted his eyes (as if that would help him see) and kept his hands over his ears. He couldn’t hear what she was saying. He let out a soft whimper and removed one of his hands so he could hear her better. It didn’t help much but he could hear her asking for his name. “S-Shou. I’m Shou...” he managed to say. Shou quickly shook his head in an attempt to stop the sounds. But, it wasn’t working. “I can’t hear you...” he spoke. “It’s too loud here.”

He looked down a moment, trying to hide his face again in his hair. “I’m okay... I’m not hurt.” He spoke softly. “I just got scared that’s all.” He took another deep breath to regain his composure and he lifted his head once again. “It’s dark, or at least... too dark for me.” he scrunched up his face. “I can’t see anything except these weird glowing things.” Shou pointed towards some of the glowing eggs.

“Everything here is so different. It’s oddly silent... it took me awhile to even hear you.” he sighed. “And the scents... I’ve never smelled anything like this before. I have no idea where I am. I’m completely lost and I don’t know where to go.” he mumbled as he kicked at the ground. “It’s like a nightmare... do you know where we are Jimin?” he asked. Shou closed his eyes as he tried to concentrate once again on the sounds and scents around him, hoping that he would sense something familiar. But there was absolutely nothing familiar about this dark place. Well, except for Jimin who was standing in front of him. 

“Oh yeah.” Shou mused as he ruffled through his pocket. He pulled out a note from the egg he woke up with and held it out to Jimin. “Can you read this for me? I have no idea what it says.... maybe it will help me figure out how I got here or something.”