Kronos

i keep having this fantasy that i kill myself by dousing myself with gasoline and light myself on fire in the middle of the woods or something. I take what i have with me and it will die with me, except i have pretty much nothing tangible to bring.

i miss how it feels to take that edge and slice deep into my skin, dancing with the idea that if i just went a little bit deeper into my veins this could all be over. all this could be over. watching the blood seep out of my wrist i could just fall asleep peacefully and never wake another morning again.

please take me back to when i was yours.

i do not want to be alive, and i’m still suicidal despite telling my therapist im not but even if i do and get admitted to another ward i can’t attend this precollege program i’ve been looking forward to all year. i’m so alone and my boyfriend broke up with me a while ago and even though we’re still “friends” i hate every second of it. and i hate that i can never go back to the way things were before he broke up with me .