However, I have dreams. Dreams that, if I publicized, would go against my upbringing. Now its nothing horrific or anything, but this particular dream is one that I DID embellish upon and have become rather proud. So... I guess I’ll just leave this here and see what happens? 

Into the Maze with You (on Wattpad) https://my.w.tt/enBiW6SwaV Everyone has a story. Everyone has experienced heart break. When it haunts you years later and your heart breaks over and over, what can you do except mourn?

Cory Asbury, Reckless Love

So today marks the first day of "Lent", and though I am not Catholic, I feel that now is the right time to begin cleansing my mind and spirit from things that are counterproductive. I've chosen to stay off of certain social media apps, because I was beginning the habit of looking up people who did not want to be found because I am concerned about how they're doing in life. It was becoming enough of a habit that I couldn't put my phone away for too long before wondering if there had been any updates, and I knew that it wasn't going to do me any good. Prayer was the only thing that could help, and I needed to restrain myself because I was harming myself as well. This also marks the beginning of a life of singleness as well, which may not seem like that big a deal, but for the last... shoot almost eight years- I've either chased or been chasing after relationships, not really giving myself time to discover who I - Kaylee - really am. But I've come to see that through these years, I HAVE seen more and more change in my spirit through the many different experiences I've been through. Moving two states away where I knew no one except my boyfriend and trying to survive up there was quite an adventure. Being rescued from homelessness and moving back home made me realize who was really there for me through my foolishness. Breaking off that relationship, only to wander farther from God because I no longer valued the person I was - boy THAT was an eye opener - only to then try that relationship again, claiming God was in it, only to realize it had been a lie just to avoid feeling lonely. We had failed again, and this time, we knew there was no recovery. I handled it badly by seeking out the next man not long after, thinking I was already over it. It broke us both even more than I had expected. Since then, there have been viscious cycles of feeling the painful memories of all the times we had together, the milestones one should have with their spouse. There is a connection still that I cannot explain, the only thing tethering us from a distance. And I hate it for many reasons, namely, he is now married. I despise adultery in every manner, and to be connected in that way to a married man makes me feel tarnished. I want what God deems best for him and his wife, and wish nothing but blessings, because I know my heart. I would never wish his sadness or darkness to resurface, despite what he's told others. I miss his friendship, but not at the sake of his marriage. Thus the circle goes on, where I am here in God's presence, asking everything for others, and nothing for myself except peace, and to know that God will handle the worries I have, even if I never get to see the result. He's putting me through the ropes, which has been long overdue, but I knew it would hurt. Growing pains always are.

I hope that by now, most of you are familiar with the newest Sherlock show starring Benedict Cumberbatch (not sure I spelled that right). He is the master of observation, treasuring every detail in just about everything he sees. Well, in a lot of ways, I've been "Sherlock" on many occasions, usually involving people who I either know very well, or random people in crowds. I can sit and observe, and its amazing how much information I'm able to glean with my own eyes. But only recently have I been using this skill and fine tuning it with God's eyes. In this instance, I can FEEL as well as see what's before me. For example, I am newly single. Generally when I am involved with someone, I get tunnel vision, keeping my eyes from wandering and remaining loyal to my love. Now that those blinders are off, I am able to see people in new ways I wouldn't have seen before. Upon realizing this, two guy's I've been observing have "Shown me" the difference between being approached by me, and allowing God to be the mediator, or rather, if I friended one who seemed more keen on pursuing romance versus one who would feel more fulfilled by growing in friendship first, I'm now able to Feel the difference in my own spirit by allowing God to be the matchmaker, and to retain Peace by doing so. Chasing someone is tiring and runs the risk of injury. But by making those observations and allowing God to be the matchmaker, I find that I am at peace in my heart about being patient and seeing just where He wants me to be, while still allowing me to remain the wild child I am! After all, He knows exactly how much of a handful I am, and is grooming my future husband to be able to put up with all I have to offer. I'd rather sit back and let God be the MatchMaker this time, because I've fallen too many times to continue my Insanity.

I just published "When the Past pulls the Heartstrings" of my story "The Freedom Within". https://my.w.tt/UAvSJdXnKU

The Freedom Within (on Wattpad) https://my.w.tt/pId1OvNLJU Life has its ups and downs. No one is spared from that fact. But you Do get to choose whether or not to wallow, or to learn and grow. To glean the nutrients from the crap that surrounds you, or to allow it to fester and poison the potential within. My goal is to share with you what God's been trying to tell me all these years, and to express the J…

I run faster into the Storm

Into the Maze with You (on Wattpad) https://my.w.tt/lQLb2oqzJU Everyone has a story. Everyone has experienced heart break. When it haunts you years later and your heart breaks over and over, what can you do except mourn?