andria

New York is the exact opposite of Minnesota. New York is where the Big Apple is and Minnesota is where Minneapolis

one time I was lucid dreaming and I asked the Jennifer Coolidge figure in my dream how do i tell if something in a dream is real or not and she said. It’s only real if they charge your card. best answer ever

(touches your dating apps) stop... for me...

when i’m on my period my vagina is like the 2000 general election…all that Bush and Gore

what's your "if I won the lottery I wouldn't tell anyone but there would be signs" thing? mine is getting a fully green kitchen

I heard this out as "When criticizing something, you must judge it for what it is, not what it isn't"

#this is why so many of us urge people to get a wider diet of stories

if i was a soccer player i'd simply kick that ball in the goal instead of wasting everyone's time

i mean this in the nicest way possible but some of you need to learn how to be annoyed

i mean this in the nicest way possible but some of you need to learn how to be annoyed

I’m just an easy mark for dumb pilot humor. Today the captain was like “we’re now at altitude, feel free to move around, my one rule is you must stay inside the plane” and I lost it. It’s funny because you would die a horrible death akin to standing unencumbered on Pluto