Falling in love was always something that you wanted, your face has always been shoved into pages of books, wondering when it would be your turn to experience that type of love. Your mom would always tell you that your expectations were too high and that no man could ever be as perfect as a fictional man.

Until you met him.

There were no words in the dictionary to describe him. No words to describe how beautifully his eyes would sparkle whenever he would tell you he loves you, the way his thumb would caress you whenever you would hold hands, or the way he would kiss away the tears that would escape your eyes.

You a hundred percent believed God made men, and sent Jungkook as an apology.

“When did you learn to braid hair…?” You curiously ask, with a slight hint of jealousy in your tone, making Jungkook laugh behind you as his fingers thread the three strands of hair repeatedly. “Watched a YouTube tutorial,” he chuckles, trying so hard not to pull your hair.

“What for..?” You stare at the mirror in front of you with the goofiest smile plastered on your face, watching your boyfriend with no shirt, a pair of sweatpants hanging low on his hips as he carefully braids your hair with his lip between his teeth.

“You always braid your hair but then complain your arms hurt from keeping them up for so long soo… why not make myself useful.” He shrugs like it’s not a big deal.

Your heart did a cartwheel, might have exploded in your chest from how fast it’s beating. But nothing new. You were so accustomed to the feeling of butterflies flying in your stomach whenever he would do or say something to you.

He drops the most beautiful phrases anyone has ever told you so casually, like it was normal. But that was your normal since you met him.

You would hear your friends talk shit about their boyfriends, how they did something or what they didn’t do, but you really just never had anything bad to say about Jungkook. He basically took "Princess treatment" to another level.

You never had to ask for flowers, never had to pull out a chair, never had to open a door, never had to enter a car freezing... because Jungkook being Jungkook went out twenty minutes earlier to turn on the heater before you would get in.

Never had to worry about leaving your wallet at home when the only thing in your bag is lip gloss. Never having to turn on your brain whenever he was around.

Locked doors? Where are the house keys? Did you leave your curler on? Jungkook got it.

“That’s so much better than mine,” you point to his ice cream as your eyes widen from how the creamy flavors melt into your mouth. “So bo—mb!” You muffle out from the mouthful of ice cream shoved into your mouth.

“Let me try yours,” he opens his mouth, waiting for you to send a spoonful of your cookies and cream into his mouth. “Here comes the airplane! Brrr,” you try making airplane noises as your hand does a weird twirl before inserting the spoonful of ice cream into your smiley boyfriend.

“Mhm,” he nods his head, humming loudly, watching you smile at him.

“I actually like yours better, baby. Let’s trade?” Jungkook hands you his small cup of ice cream as you nod happily, while you hand him yours.

Jungkook watches with the biggest smile on his face while inserting another spoonful of the creamy content as he watches you eating the new ice cream flavor enthusiastically, hearing you rave about the new book you have just finished reading and how dumb the main character is.

Jungkook's heart aches, sizing double its size, beating hard in his chest. Your cheeks and nose are rosy from the cold outside the car. You both didn’t care about eating ice cream in the middle of cold December; you guys took it as a challenge on who would get sick first.

He laughs at the lighthearted jokes you threw at him, while you take another big spoonful of the chunky ice cream that was his not so long ago.

Little did you know that he really didn’t like your ice cream flavor.

When Jungkook first met you, he knew from the start that he was a goner. The way you smile at him, how your eyes will have a small glint on them whenever you look at him, or the way you would scrunch your nose if you found something funny or cute.

It took him by surprise when you pulled the move on him, thinking you found something disgusting when you first did it.

“I will literally eat you right now!” You scrunch your nose at your smiling boyfriend who’s slightly kneeling for you to be able to see your initial carved into his haircut.

“So that means you like it?” Jungkook stands up and spins to face you. You stare up at him, his dimples on full display looking down at you with your cute outfit he helped you pick on FaceTime.

“I fucking love it baby!! I have the urge to crawl inside your skin,” you bite your lip containing the laugh you’re trying hard to contain, failing miserably when Jungkook raises an eyebrow with a smirk on his face. “That’s… cute,” he replies before kissing off the little nose scrunch he loves so much off your face.

“Is that like your ‘cutie mark’?” You quip, your arms wrapping themselves around his shoulders. “Cutie mark?” He asks, a hint of interest in his voice while he wraps his arms around your waist pulling you closer to him.

“You never watched My Little Pony?” You fake gasp, eyes widening.

“I’ve heard of it, but me sitting down to watch ponies with superpowers… yeah, no.” Jungkook squeezes your waist as he explains.

“You suck,” you roll your eyes playfully sticking your tongue out before entangling yourself off his arms and making your way to the couch.

“Come big baby, we are watching My Little Pony.” You pat the empty couch space beside you.

He watched every season... all nine seasons with you.

Jungkook just wanted to make your life easier; you were always known for being “Miss Independent” in your family and amongst your friends, but here you were letting a man put your heels on for you.

“Too loose or…?” Your boyfriend looks up to you from his kneeling-down position in front of you.

“You look really good on your knees, sir.” You say instead with a sly smirk on your face, ignoring his question. “Pshh,” he rolls his eyes as he chuckles, tying a bow on your lace-up heels.

“Since when do you not flirt back?” You pout watching your boyfriend repeat his actions on the other foot. “Since we are late... and can’t be any more late.” He looks up with a mischievous grin on his face.

“Psh, okay.” You blow out in defeat as your boyfriend chuckles underneath you.

“Come on princess, let's go!” He stands up, giving you a hand for you to stand up off the bed.

The long rides to your guys' destinations were your favorite; Jungkook had given you the “passenger princess” award ever since you set foot in his car. He even installed a light-up mirror on your sun visor whenever you needed to fix your hair or makeup in the car.

Jungkook would listen to your little playlists. He still remembers when you explained to him that each playlist has a different emotion, which made him laugh. Now, anytime you played a song, he would ask you what emotion you were feeling right now.

“What emotion are you feeling right now baby?” He squeezes your thigh as he stops at a red light. The reddish hue illuminates your guy's face. “In love,” you turn your head to the side, staring at your boyfriend who’s already looking at you.

His eyes twinkle as he stares at you, a big smile adorns his face. As you mirror his actions before leaning in and giving him a kiss on the lips, his eyelids immediately flutter close.

“‘Cause I got my mind on you... I’ve got my mind on you.”

attending university straight out of high school wasn’t even jisu’s idea, more of her parents deciding for her that she was going to go wether she wanted to or not. the weight of meeting her parents expectations sat on her shoulders, and the crippling fear of failure and falling behind racked her brain constantly. she closed her textbooks and put away her calculator, notes, and pencil case as she murmured, “37 more credits… then my masters… then law school…pass the exams on the first try, become the best lawyer ever. easy peasy.” she let herself sink into her desk chair, the wood sticking to the back of her legs that weren’t covered by her sleep shorts.

a small huff of frustration left her lips as she let out a load groan, her hands coming to cover her eyes as she let her head fall back limply. for a moment she sat in silence, until her phone rang and vibrated loudly against the desk, startling her back to her senses. the screen read mom 💓 and oddly enough her stomach lurched at the sight. she took a deep breath and plastered a fake smile on her face as she answered the call.

a loud gasp sounded from the other line as the older woman beamed, “hi how are you honey?” jisu lied straight through her teeth and responded with artificial cheerfulness, “i’m pretty good.” she paused before continuing, “i just did some classwork and im finally finished so i think i’m gonna watch some Vampire Diaries until 11, then i’m gonna head to bed.” the older woman on the phone didn’t reply immediately, obviously trying to multitask something at home. jisu let out a soft chuckle at the silence before her mother answered, “that’s good that you finished your work- did you reach out to mr park like i asked? you need to accept that position as student representative of the housing council. it’s a good resume builder.” jisu cringed as she answered, knowing she was going to be met with an unpleasant reply, “no mom, i haven’t…i’ll get on that tomorrow.”

the woman once again didn’t reply quickly, but after a moment of deafening silence she responded sternly, “handle it tomorrow. i’ll be calling to confirm, understand?” jisu swallowed thickly and hummed, “yes mom.” the woman then questioned, “did you put in those applications for those government positions? you need summer jobs, jisu. and i need that study abroad information too. remember you also have to send your father that information his one friend is asking about- the woman who works in that one agency; you need that internship too. speaking of internships…i need you to figure out with your business professor where yours will be in your spring semester next year okay, and email miss daeun- she has that internship for you too, okay?”

jisu felt her head spin at the amount of information that was thrown her way. she let out a defeated sigh as she replied, “y-yeah mom…i’ll have all of the summer job and internship stuff done by this weekend. the other stuff i have to figure out later with my advisor.” her mother firmly concluded, “alright. i’ll check with you next week for the outstanding things. keep working hard, i’m proud of you. i love you, bye bye.” jisu easily replied, “i love you too mom, bye.”

she hung up the phone and tossed it onto her bed, she took in a deep inhale then let it out as her hands tangled in her hair. gently she massaged her temples then she wrote down on an index card:

summer government positions

summer internship

government internship

school internship

study abroad

a small hum fell past her lips as she bounced her leg anxiously, her stomach churning at the reminder that she couldn’t afford to rest or relax. deciding that sitting and letting her mind wander would only make her miserable, she instead dragged herself to the bathroom to take a shower. before the semester started she’d take this time to relax, but recently that just hasn’t been happening and she hated it.

after her shower, washing her face, and brushing her teeth- jisu retreated back to her room. she passed her housemates’ rooms and all of them were either asleep or watching tv; relaxing or doing some self care that jisu could only wish of having time for. she flicked on her room fan and closed her bedroom door behind her. she wasn’t sure how long she did, but she zoned out. for a moment there was silence before jisu felt a gentle tap on her shoulder, “hey, i was calling your name.” the girl looked up and noticed her roommate (and girlfriend) standing over her. she motioned towards her bedroom door and the small room fan that was on, “sorry i cant hear with that closed that on….what’s up?” she stared up at the girl with another fake smile, unbeknownst to her that her girlfriend saw right through it all.

gently ryujin held out a hand and jisu took it without hesitation. the younger girl led jisu to her bed and sat down, patting the bed beside her. pulling her hand back, jisu held a finger up to ryujin then turned to her nightstand. she pulled out a prescription bottle of pills and took two before chugging a gulp of water from the bottle on her nightstand. ryujin asked curiously, “that’s a different one, no?”

jisu looked at the bottle in her hands and shook it lightly, “oh- yeah…um- my therapist, she just wanted to like try a different anxiety medication for nighttime. the one she gave me for the daytime doesn’t work for sleeping anymore.” her voice tapered off and the look behind jisu’s eyes was blank and empty. ryujin simply nodded and chose to not go down that road of conversation, knowing it was sort of a sore spot for her girlfriend still.

ryujin opened her arms and motioned for jisu to come closer. the younger girl laid back and pulled her girlfriends blankets over the two of them in her bed. ryujin toyed with jisu’s fingers, the girl’s cuticles and sides of her fingers raw and scabbed from being picked and bitten at for the past few weeks. ryujin simply asked, “how have you been feeling, really?”

knowing that there was no lying to her, jisu admitted to her girlfriend, “lost….kinda?” ryujin didn’t have to prompt for a reply, jisu just rambled, “like…i’m doing all of this work and applying for all of these things but i don’t know if this is what i want. of course i want to be successful in my career and i think that ip law is where i want to be. but i just- i’m so tired and i am so burnt out and i want to just relax but if i relax too much then i’m going to slip up in my studies and i can’t afford to slip up. i need to finish my degree in 3 more semesters and i need to keep up my GPA- it already fell 5 points since my last academic year. my parents keep saying they’re proud of me but it just sounds so empty and meaningless now because i just get bombarded with applications and tasks any time i answer their calls. it’s like they think i’m some machine or something. like- i have to also get all of the opportunities my mom picked out for me and i don’t even want to do them but you know that doesn’t matter to her. you know i cant say no because…you know how my mom is, ryu… i just- i’m so overwhelmed and i cant do anything without being so anxious i feel like im going to throw up or pass out at every moment. i can’t even sleep without being medicated now and i cant even tell my parents because they’re just gonna say it’s that damn phone like they always do. i’m just- i’m so tired i don’t wanna be a student anymore but i cant drop out because my parents would kick me out or disown me or something. you know that would be bad for their reputations too. you know i have to be the mini version of them and i want to have- no i need to have their level success like tenfold but i don’t know if i can do this, ryu- i just” her voice finally broke and she openly sobbed into her girlfriend’s t shirt.

jisu gripped the fabric of ryujin’s top, desperately wishing that she could just open her eyes and everything be fixed. she shook violently as sobs racked through her body and she choked out coughs and tears. ryujin rubbed her girlfriend’s back soothingly, not knowing exactly what to say because she genuinely didn’t understand what jisu was feeling- her parents were more laidback and allowed ryujin to make most of her decisions for her future, something jisu never experienced before. she knew that the whole ‘do what makes you happy, you aren’t your parents’ talk wasn’t going to help; it was far more complicated than that and ryujin was aware of it.

after nearly fifteen minutes jisu’s sobs had subsided and she lay silently against her girlfriend’s body, her face buried in ryujin’s neck. bashfully the older girl mumbled, “sorry…i didn’t mean to do all of that.” ryujin quickly assured her, “it’s okay… and you know i’m proud of you right?” jisu shrugged and sighed, “uh huh.”

ryujin pulled away from her girlfriend’s embrace and turned onto her side so they were face to face. with eyes dripping of love and adoration, ryujin stated, “i’m so proud of you, baby. i know it’s hard and i know i dont and won’t ever understand what it’s like to be in your position- but i do understand hard work and success when i see it. you work your ass off day in and out and you are incredible and the most determined person i’ve ever met. you will get to where you want to be when the time is right, i have no doubt about it. i’m always going to be here for you, nothing you ever do will be alone as long as i’m around. you deserve all of the praise in the world because you do so much. you are absolutely talented and everything you do is brilliant, incredible, amazing, shows stopping, spectacular, never the same, totally unique, and completely not ever been done before.”

jisu broke out into her first genuine smile of the night and let out a small laugh, “did you just use a lady gaga meme to complement me?” ryujin laughed cheekily and leaned forward, gently kissing the girl’s forehead, “yes. and i’ll do it a thousand times over if it will let me see that perfect smile again.” with a playful eye roll jisu scoffed, “you’re a huge dork.” ryujin furrowed her eyebrows then added, “yeah sure, but i’m your dork.” jisu rolled her eyes once more and lightly pushed her girlfriend away, quickly turning her back to face her.

"I need to come Jungkook. Wedding stress is taking it's toll on me." You say holding his neck as he brings his mouth closer to your vagina. You wince as he licks your clit and circles it with the tip of his tongue. You were already wet but he made you ten times wetter instantly. He smirked pulling back for a moment to look at your face. He continued not wanting you to suffer but to get release quickly. He inserted his fingers and you knew it was going to be mind blowing. Your brains were bombed when he combined his fingers and tongue on your spots and you would come so hard that it would render you unable to think straight for an hour.

His fingers were buried inside you stroking your g-spot while his tongue stroked your clit up and down. Too much was happening for you to not crazy. Unknowingly your hands went to your breast and squeezed one of them. You moaned out loud without any restraints while it became painful as your orgasm drew closer. And with one final touch on your gspot you came your walls squeezing his fingers and he stroked for a little bit of that painful yet pleasurable overstimulation.

He got up smiling at you and you pulled him closer to kiss him. You put a kiss on his neck before pulling apart. You looked down at his crotch to see if he needed help. He followed your gaze on the flat fabric of his pants.

"Just stress , but I'm so excited for our honeymoon." He had said to you ensuring you didn't take the blame for him not getting aroused.

"I have stopped taking my pills" You had informed him wearing your underwear again. He nodded in agreement with sincerity in his eyes.

"We want a baby after marriage right? So of course you need to stop taking those pills" You both had planned it out discussing it properly that you weren't going to wait for long after marriage to start a family. You had spent five years together you wanted to live as a family more than anything and you both weren't getting any younger instead older day by day.

If you saved up you would be able to buy your own house in another five years until then you could just live at your rented apartment which was decent for a small family.

It was seven months after your marriage you entered the bathroom to stock your pads. Jungkook was there brushing his teeth. He spat the lather to talk to you and muttered "babe" with toothpaste still in his mouth.

"What is it?" You had tried to put it off since you were not feeling well due to your period.

"We know what's happening here" He said before rinsing his mouth.

"I know, guk... I'm not getting pregnant" he wiped his mouth looking at you stand with your head bowed staring the floor with your hands folded over your chest.

"We've a adequately active sex life. We're trying to make healthy choices. Why does it have to be difficult? We're not even that old" You had said tears welling up in your eyes. You'd envisioned getting pregnant in a couple of months after your wedding and having a baby with you before your first anniversary but now it seven months after and your period had arrived not even a day late. It was painful for you hoping to not get it every month but than that blood would pass out of you on the exact date when you're supposed to. It even made you frustrated this behind the scene work was unknown to the man.

He must have mentally hoped for you to tell him you were late but this physical anticipation wasn't something he had to go through. Each time you would pass by that empty room in your house and plan how you would decorate it. The color scheme, the furniture, the human being who would reside there. Meaningless existence but would provide all the meaning to your life.

"Let's not do this right now. Let's just carry on the way we've been for a little while, if it happens it happens." He said to you holding your face in his hands, his hold so desperate to give you comfort and safety, he pulled you into a hug his soul resonating the same emotions as you yet different.

"Jungkook there's something I need to talk about with you" you'd been keeping it from him for a long while but now that you'd finished you'd to inform him. It wasn't unfair to keep it from him all this time it was your sole decision something which wasn't his matter to deal with.

"I have something too, but you go first" he'd said, you were returning from the office where you both worked well, you no longer did.

"I.. I resigned from my job" you said as the car stood at the stoplight.

"Oh.. I didn't see that coming. Did something happen with someone? Why didn't you tell me?" His reaction exactly as you'd imagined.

"I'm rethinking my career path. As I've grown into an adult my values have changed so have my ambitions. I'm not passionate about this job anymore. I worked for money until now but now I want to do something that will satiate me as an individual. I want work to bring fulfillment. Sitting in front of a computer all day long isn't appealing to me anymore. I'm not implying I don't understand you continuing. I know your passion lies in this field but my interests have changed."

"Okay well I know you are always thorough with your decisions. You are a strong headed woman. I hope you'll be successful with whatever comes next."

"I don't know yet. I don't know what comes next" You told him and he respected it.

"You can tell me your thing now" You said as he drove into another stoplight. The traffic was terrible.

"It's not important. You must focus on yourself right now" he said without looking at you.

"Babe what is it? Don't bottle it up" You asked knowing it was something serious.

"I thought we could finally start to seriously think about starting our family now."

"That can come together with this." You blurted out to his immediate opposition.

"I want you to do what you're doing right now. A child can wait."

"Give me three months. I'll figure it out until then what I wanna do next. Until then we can start preparing for trying. I could get better physically and mentally."

"Okay." He had said touching your hand before driving away. Three years had passed and there wasn't a single moment when you regretted your decision of marrying this man.

"Jungkook can you come over? I'm at my gynaec's clinic" You called him the moment you got outside the doctor's cabin. You gave your blood and urine samples to run some tests.

"Are you okay? You didn't tell me you had to visit your doctor" He came worrying if everything was alright.

"It was quite impromptu, I just came to talk with her about how we are planning to start trying for a baby. And just little things came up here and there and she said to get some tests done. And you know what one of them is?" You asked him trying to conceal your smile pursing your lips. He furrowed his eyebrows not quite understanding.

"Is it something serious? Don't worry about it you're the strongest woman I've ever known" He starts speaking thinking of the worst possible situation.

"I just got a pregnancy test done but we're not yet sure about anything" You noticed each second of the change in his expressions how he stopped biting his lip to how they curved up into a smile and how his eyes started shining.

"It could be possible." He said resting his hands on your waist.

"I'm scared" You had said clutching his jacket pulling him closer standing in front of his car.

"Should I pray for it to not happen then?" He asked his arms wrapped around you and playful smile on his lips.

"Oh my god No!! Don't say or think such things. I want a baby more than anything. Please no..." You said hitting him on his chest.

"When do we get the results?"

"In an hour"

"Wanna get something to eat before we get any possibly life altering news?" He asked as you walked to the nearest cafe and ate a sandwich.

When you both were lost in your own little world where only you two existed and nothing else mattered, you got a call. "Doctor's office" You whispered picking it up.

"So everything's alright but they've mailed me the reports so we should check that" you walked back towards the car talking.

"That means you aren't..."

"No why would it mean that"

"Why would they say everything's alright?"

"It won't mean something's not right"

"It wouldn't mean nothing's there"

"They didn't say that"

"They didn't say there's something."

"Let's just check the email, okay? Calm down"

You opened your email and the one from the doctor was above all others. He held your other hand as you opened the file and scrolled down other test results thyroid, haemoglobin, sugar levels, blood pressure everything was alright then it was there pregnancy test and in black capital letters it said POSITIVE.

Your hand shook as you saw it, you locked the phone turning towards him. "It isn't false or anything right?" He asked, it was obvious emotions were exploding inside him. You frowned before smiling and kissing him.

"I love you so much and I'll love our baby" He had said gently touching your belly which was it's normal size at this point.

"I love you too. I didn't even realise our baby's been growing inside me for 7 weeks now."

"I missed that bit, sorry" Jungkook said, when your eyes had inched at each part of the screen his had focused on just that one highlighted word.

"It's okay" You replied your hand reaching where his left. Your life changed forever. This moment changed everything. You were going on a one-sided journey no return possible. You knew you weren't alone he would be there for all of it.

Now you stood in the kitchen of the house you bought together after you had successfully set up your small business. You served rice into three bowls a year from now you would be filling four. Your family was growing.

You watched Jungkook sitting on the couch with his mini version, your son, helping him write numbers. It had just been two weeks since Yul started school and he was getting into the routine so well.

"Thanks for helping out. He didn't cooperate with me." You tell him touching your bump and walking to the table.

Toddler steps make their way to the bathroom to wash hands where a foot stool is placed for him to easily reach the sink.

"I thought homework could be an activity we could do together. I don't get to spend much time with him anyways and after the baby comes that's gonna reduce"

"That's why it's better for me to look after his studies so that you can be with the baby"

"You could handle the baby for an hour or two. I'm gonna be there whole day" You answer him.

"You're worrying about it too much. Now just sit and eat in peace"

"I'm just scared what if I'm unable to divide my attentions equally to both children. How are we going to handle two of them?"

"We'll see how they'll naturally adapt to the conditions even the new baby" Jungkook smiles at you before sitting down after putting the plates on the table. He puts a peck on your cheek tucking your hair behind your ear.

"Did you eat that fruit salad I packed for you?"

"Yeah I devoured it." He smiled hearing those words from you.

Yul came and sat down between the two of you as you sat across from each other and the seat opposite him remained empty.

"Mama will little baby sit on that chair when he grows up?" He asks.

"Ofcourse"

"Oh wow.. our family will be complete" He giggled warming your heart.

"Yes baby our family will be complete" You look at Jungkook signalling 'where did he learnt that?'

"Two parents and two babies"

"Yes sweetheart"

"Mama you said you will get baby's picture today. I want to see"

"You want to? I'll show you after dinner." You tell him remembering that beautiful face you saw earlier in the morning.

"Mama.. daddy.."

"Yes"

"Why is baby growing inside you?"

"Look Yul there's a certain process of how beings come into existence. Like birds hatch from egg and plants grow from seeds just like that humans grow in their mama's tummy before coming outside to the world. Okay?" Jungkook explained and you mouth a thanks.

"Yeah but who put it inside her tummy"

"Well the father helps in that. You'll know about it all when you're a grown up."

"Okay" he says. You smile at him, this innocence is what makes you wanna do it all over again. This beautiful phase that leads after that hard time this is what it's worth for.

Yul doesn't knows he was going to become a brother when he was two years old. That pregnancy wasn't planned and you had to get an abortion done due to a lethal anomaly in the fetus. Those were the hardest times you had to face.

It left an emptiness inside you when all your visions of a family of four came shattering through. It left you with a longing to have another little one. Earlier you had decided upon having only one child but that changed.

Jungkook didn't say anything to you for the first three days after the abortion and when he did he cried "I wanted it so badly."

After the time of grief had passed you decided to start trying again. You did every possible thing to conceive.

When it finally happened you were so scared you didn't talk about it for a week, you both were in denial. You couldn't believe it. You would take a test each morning and leave it in the bathroom for Jungkook to see and he would quietly follow along. You couldn't delay the doctor visit further and spoke about it only when you saw the life inside you on the screen.

The heart that beated inside you, you couldn't contain it any longer and you both finally allowed yourself to be happy. You didn't tell Yul until you started showing, since he's a kid he would go around saying stuff.

Now that the feeling had sinked in that it was really happening. Everything was falling into it's place. You started preparing for birth and the life after with two kids. Pure domestic bliss was all that your life consisted of.

"He is cute" Yul said looking at the ultrasound report in his hand.

"I love you baby" He turned to kiss your belly and wrap his little arms around your bump.

"I love you so much Yul" You kiss his head doe eyes resembling your husband's shining at you.

"Can I watch TV Mama?" He asked cutely and you had to let him. You knew he would go to bed in time.

You walked to the kitchen where Jungkook did the dishes.

"Should I do the rest?"

"You should rest because you've done a lot today."

"Surprisingly I'm not feeling tired at all"

"The second one looks like me too. And it's a boy also" Jungkook teases you.

"Don't start with that. I'm basically a xerox machine more than a mother at this point" He giggles at your words.

"Should we have another one after this then so that you may get your copy too?"

"No way. Personality wise one of them will probably turn out like me so it's okay if they take your looks"

"Any chance you might wanna have sex tonight?" He asks whispering as you stand with one hand on your belly. Ever since you started growing you haven't been able to keep your hands off. Considering this is the last time you're doing this you wanna savor every moment of it.

"You sure you'll be able to do it. You were so apprehensive when I was pregnant with Yul"

"That was our first time. You have experience now, I have experience now. It isnt that weird to me now. Only if you're comfortable though"

"It doesn't seems like a bad idea."

"Let me put that brat to bed and then we can..." He smirks at you when you hit his shoulder "my son isn't a brat" You both laugh.

"Yul go brush your teeth it's time to sleep" He says walking towards your son and picking him up. He nuzzles his neck to make him laugh and then takes him to the bathroom.

"Daddy sing the song!" Yul shouts holding his toothbrush in his hand. Jungkook starts singing the rhyme to get him going.

"Brush them up and down and all around. To keep them neat and clean" He helps Yul to rinse his mouth and then wipes his mouth before walking with him to his room where you were already sitting on the bed.

"What are we going to read?" Yul asked jumping beside you on the bed.

"Friendly elephant" You start reading the story making all sorts of funny noises and doing all the voices while he starts getting sleepy. Jungkook prepares his school uniform and backpack before going inside your bedroom himself not before saying 'good night' to Yul.

You watch him drift into slumber after you've finished reading the story. You look at his peaceful face for a while before departing to your own bedroom where your husband awaits you.

"I'll go use the bathroom" You say grabbing his attention away from the phone.

When you come back he's sitting at the edge of the bed just in his boxers.

"I can't pull that off anymore" You say chuckling at the thought of you sitting in your lingerie on the bed. Something you used to do frequently before conceiving your second.

"Who says that?" He says when you know you'll have to remove your clothes because to him you're still the love of his life. He doesn't sees you the way you see yourself.

You sit beside him on the bed when he leans in for a kiss. You both had lost this sense of intimacy between you for the past few months. You didn't have sex after the first trimester with Yul and now you were walking on eggshells for the first three months so sex was out of the question. Now that it was all going smoothly you had to rethink.

"To me you're a goddess who's making all these miracles happen for me" He says sliding a hand on your stomach to your back. You kiss him again this time more passionately. You feel the hook of your bra coming undone and he breaks the kiss to remove it.

"I don't want you to feel pressurised or obligated to do this. If you don't want to..." He says but you interrupt him by shaking your head "I want to have sex. Just don't make it long because I can't really keep my body in one position for too long."

"Okay" He said nodding his head. He kissed you again but his hair blew on your face so he grabbed a hairtie to tie them into a manbun.

"How can I not want you when you look this hot" You say pulling him closer as he makes you lie down on the bed and hovers above you.

He smirks at you. "You're hard to resist baby" He says kissing your neck and going down towards your breast.

"Do your breasts feel sore?" He asks before doing anything.

"Don't squeeze them hard" You tell him and he puts his mouth on your mounds bigger than usual with the changes in your body. He makes sure to stay gentle yet it sends shivers down your body as his tongue moves around your nipples. He moves down skipping your swollen belly which is more rounder and bigger this time around just at 20 weeks.

"If it's even the slightest bit uncomfortable just push me away" He says standing up in front of you as you bend your legs beside you, your slightly swollen feet resting at the edge of the bed. You can't really pull them beside your chest which used to be a favorite position of yours with how deep he could go.

"I am more concerned about my comfort than you right now" You tell him that it's important to you also that you don't put yourself in a discomforting place.

"Okay" He says before pulling down his boxers while you pull your panties away too.

You spread your thighs awaiting him to enter you and when he does it he's very gentle, slow and careful. He stands in front of you not wanting to put weight upon you.

"I'm trying to not go too deep. Is this okay?" He asks averting your gaze from where you both were joined.

"Yes" You speak clearly. He holds your calf as he starts moving at a slow pace. The sight seems new after so many months of staying away. He hovers you above you knowing this isn't helping he needs to be closer to you. He looks down again and again between your bodies to ensure that he's not putting any weight over your belly.

"Jungkook... please..." You moan holding his tattooed arm and another hand resting on his face.

He starts moving at a faster pace but not too fast as you remember he'd gone, so rough, when you were trying to conceive. He builds a rhythm suitable to both of you. He kept himself in place not moving his hands from beside you fearing he would close the distance between your chests.

"Oh so good... damn..." You moan while he's still moving in and out. Your eyes closed with orgasm building up inside you. It's better than usual with your hormones and the good blood flow down there.

Your hand moves down removed from his arm to your clit and you rub yourself unable to control any longer. Within a minute your orgasms comes crashing through, your clit throbs under your finger your walls squeezing him as he stops his motions still inside you. He ends up coming too with the spasms of your muscles around him being stronger.

You look down when he pulls himself out with his cum spilling outside from your hole.

"I just couldn't pull out" He says his chest heaving with the chain dangling above your breasts. He stays playful and pushes some of the liquid inside again with his dick making you close your legs and laugh at his actions as usual.

You sit up as he walks to the bathroom as you stare at his naked ass.

"Should we go on a trip? We can't call it a babymoon anymore though since we are already a family."

"Yes let's do that" you say walking to the bathroom yourself.

"Where?" He asks.

"Somewhere close so that I don't have to sit on a flight for too long."

"I'll come up with something then." He smiles as you both stand naked in front of the sink and he puts a peck near your lips.

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"I need to come Jungkook. Wedding stress is taking it's toll on me." You say holding his neck as he brings his mouth closer to your vagina. You wince as he licks your clit and circles it with the tip of his tongue. You were already wet but he made you ten times wetter instantly. He smirked pulling back for a moment to look at your face. He continued not wanting you to suffer but to get release quickly. He inserted his fingers and you knew it was going to be mind blowing. Your brains were bombed when he combined his fingers and tongue on your spots and you would come so hard that it would render you unable to think straight for an hour.

His fingers were buried inside you stroking your g-spot while his tongue stroked your clit up and down. Too much was happening for you to not crazy. Unknowingly your hands went to your breast and squeezed one of them. You moaned out loud without any restraints while it became painful as your orgasm drew closer. And with one final touch on your gspot you came your walls squeezing his fingers and he stroked for a little bit of that painful yet pleasurable overstimulation.

He got up smiling at you and you pulled him closer to kiss him. You put a kiss on his neck before pulling apart. You looked down at his crotch to see if he needed help. He followed your gaze on the flat fabric of his pants.

"Just stress , but I'm so excited for our honeymoon." He had said to you ensuring you didn't take the blame for him not getting aroused.

"I have stopped taking my pills" You had informed him wearing your underwear again. He nodded in agreement with sincerity in his eyes.

"We want a baby after marriage right? So of course you need to stop taking those pills" You both had planned it out discussing it properly that you weren't going to wait for long after marriage to start a family. You had spent five years together you wanted to live as a family more than anything and you both weren't getting any younger instead older day by day.

If you saved up you would be able to buy your own house in another five years until then you could just live at your rented apartment which was decent for a small family.

It was seven months after your marriage you entered the bathroom to stock your pads. Jungkook was there brushing his teeth. He spat the lather to talk to you and muttered "babe" with toothpaste still in his mouth.

"What is it?" You had tried to put it off since you were not feeling well due to your period.

"We know what's happening here" He said before rinsing his mouth.

"I know, guk... I'm not getting pregnant" he wiped his mouth looking at you stand with your head bowed staring the floor with your hands folded over your chest.

"We've a adequately active sex life. We're trying to make healthy choices. Why does it have to be difficult? We're not even that old" You had said tears welling up in your eyes. You'd envisioned getting pregnant in a couple of months after your wedding and having a baby with you before your first anniversary but now it seven months after and your period had arrived not even a day late. It was painful for you hoping to not get it every month but than that blood would pass out of you on the exact date when you're supposed to. It even made you frustrated this behind the scene work was unknown to the man.

He must have mentally hoped for you to tell him you were late but this physical anticipation wasn't something he had to go through. Each time you would pass by that empty room in your house and plan how you would decorate it. The color scheme, the furniture, the human being who would reside there. Meaningless existence but would provide all the meaning to your life.

"Let's not do this right now. Let's just carry on the way we've been for a little while, if it happens it happens." He said to you holding your face in his hands, his hold so desperate to give you comfort and safety, he pulled you into a hug his soul resonating the same emotions as you yet different.

"Jungkook there's something I need to talk about with you" you'd been keeping it from him for a long while but now that you'd finished you'd to inform him. It wasn't unfair to keep it from him all this time it was your sole decision something which wasn't his matter to deal with.

"I have something too, but you go first" he'd said, you were returning from the office where you both worked well, you no longer did.

"I.. I resigned from my job" you said as the car stood at the stoplight.

"Oh.. I didn't see that coming. Did something happen with someone? Why didn't you tell me?" His reaction exactly as you'd imagined.

"I'm rethinking my career path. As I've grown into an adult my values have changed so have my ambitions. I'm not passionate about this job anymore. I worked for money until now but now I want to do something that will satiate me as an individual. I want work to bring fulfillment. Sitting in front of a computer all day long isn't appealing to me anymore. I'm not implying I don't understand you continuing. I know your passion lies in this field but my interests have changed."

"Okay well I know you are always thorough with your decisions. You are a strong headed woman. I hope you'll be successful with whatever comes next."

"I don't know yet. I don't know what comes next" You told him and he respected it.

"You can tell me your thing now" You said as he drove into another stoplight. The traffic was terrible.

"It's not important. You must focus on yourself right now" he said without looking at you.

"Babe what is it? Don't bottle it up" You asked knowing it was something serious.

"I thought we could finally start to seriously think about starting our family now."

"That can come together with this." You blurted out to his immediate opposition.

"I want you to do what you're doing right now. A child can wait."

"Give me three months. I'll figure it out until then what I wanna do next. Until then we can start preparing for trying. I could get better physically and mentally."

"Okay." He had said touching your hand before driving away. Three years had passed and there wasn't a single moment when you regretted your decision of marrying this man.

"Jungkook can you come over? I'm at my gynaec's clinic" You called him the moment you got outside the doctor's cabin. You gave your blood and urine samples to run some tests.

"Are you okay? You didn't tell me you had to visit your doctor" He came worrying if everything was alright.

"It was quite impromptu, I just came to talk with her about how we are planning to start trying for a baby. And just little things came up here and there and she said to get some tests done. And you know what one of them is?" You asked him trying to conceal your smile pursing your lips. He furrowed his eyebrows not quite understanding.

"Is it something serious? Don't worry about it you're the strongest woman I've ever known" He starts speaking thinking of the worst possible situation.

"I just got a pregnancy test done but we're not yet sure about anything" You noticed each second of the change in his expressions how he stopped biting his lip to how they curved up into a smile and how his eyes started shining.

"It could be possible." He said resting his hands on your waist.

"I'm scared" You had said clutching his jacket pulling him closer standing in front of his car.

"Should I pray for it to not happen then?" He asked his arms wrapped around you and playful smile on his lips.

"Oh my god No!! Don't say or think such things. I want a baby more than anything. Please no..." You said hitting him on his chest.

"When do we get the results?"

"In an hour"

"Wanna get something to eat before we get any possibly life altering news?" He asked as you walked to the nearest cafe and ate a sandwich.

When you both were lost in your own little world where only you two existed and nothing else mattered, you got a call. "Doctor's office" You whispered picking it up.

"So everything's alright but they've mailed me the reports so we should check that" you walked back towards the car talking.

"That means you aren't..."

"No why would it mean that"

"Why would they say everything's alright?"

"It won't mean something's not right"

"It wouldn't mean nothing's there"

"They didn't say that"

"They didn't say there's something."

"Let's just check the email, okay? Calm down"

You opened your email and the one from the doctor was above all others. He held your other hand as you opened the file and scrolled down other test results thyroid, haemoglobin, sugar levels, blood pressure everything was alright then it was there pregnancy test and in black capital letters it said POSITIVE.

Your hand shook as you saw it, you locked the phone turning towards him. "It isn't false or anything right?" He asked, it was obvious emotions were exploding inside him. You frowned before smiling and kissing him.

"I love you so much and I'll love our baby" He had said gently touching your belly which was it's normal size at this point.

"I love you too. I didn't even realise our baby's been growing inside me for 7 weeks now."

"I missed that bit, sorry" Jungkook said, when your eyes had inched at each part of the screen his had focused on just that one highlighted word.

"It's okay" You replied your hand reaching where his left. Your life changed forever. This moment changed everything. You were going on a one-sided journey no return possible. You knew you weren't alone he would be there for all of it.

Now you stood in the kitchen of the house you bought together after you had successfully set up your small business. You served rice into three bowls a year from now you would be filling four. Your family was growing.

You watched Jungkook sitting on the couch with his mini version, your son, helping him write numbers. It had just been two weeks since Yul started school and he was getting into the routine so well.

"Thanks for helping out. He didn't cooperate with me." You tell him touching your bump and walking to the table.

Toddler steps make their way to the bathroom to wash hands where a foot stool is placed for him to easily reach the sink.

"I thought homework could be an activity we could do together. I don't get to spend much time with him anyways and after the baby comes that's gonna reduce"

"That's why it's better for me to look after his studies so that you can be with the baby"

"You could handle the baby for an hour or two. I'm gonna be there whole day" You answer him.

"You're worrying about it too much. Now just sit and eat in peace"

"I'm just scared what if I'm unable to divide my attentions equally to both children. How are we going to handle two of them?"

"We'll see how they'll naturally adapt to the conditions even the new baby" Jungkook smiles at you before sitting down after putting the plates on the table. He puts a peck on your cheek tucking your hair behind your ear.

"Did you eat that fruit salad I packed for you?"

"Yeah I devoured it." He smiled hearing those words from you.

Yul came and sat down between the two of you as you sat across from each other and the seat opposite him remained empty.

"Mama will little baby sit on that chair when he grows up?" He asks.

"Ofcourse"

"Oh wow.. our family will be complete" He giggled warming your heart.

"Yes baby our family will be complete" You look at Jungkook signalling 'where did he learnt that?'

"Two parents and two babies"

"Yes sweetheart"

"Mama you said you will get baby's picture today. I want to see"

"You want to? I'll show you after dinner." You tell him remembering that beautiful face you saw earlier in the morning.

"Mama.. daddy.."

"Yes"

"Why is baby growing inside you?"

"Look Yul there's a certain process of how beings come into existence. Like birds hatch from egg and plants grow from seeds just like that humans grow in their mama's tummy before coming outside to the world. Okay?" Jungkook explained and you mouth a thanks.

"Yeah but who put it inside her tummy"

"Well the father helps in that. You'll know about it all when you're a grown up."

"Okay" he says. You smile at him, this innocence is what makes you wanna do it all over again. This beautiful phase that leads after that hard time this is what it's worth for.

Yul doesn't knows he was going to become a brother when he was two years old. That pregnancy wasn't planned and you had to get an abortion done due to a lethal anomaly in the fetus. Those were the hardest times you had to face.

It left an emptiness inside you when all your visions of a family of four came shattering through. It left you with a longing to have another little one. Earlier you had decided upon having only one child but that changed.

Jungkook didn't say anything to you for the first three days after the abortion and when he did he cried "I wanted it so badly."

After the time of grief had passed you decided to start trying again. You did every possible thing to conceive.

When it finally happened you were so scared you didn't talk about it for a week, you both were in denial. You couldn't believe it. You would take a test each morning and leave it in the bathroom for Jungkook to see and he would quietly follow along. You couldn't delay the doctor visit further and spoke about it only when you saw the life inside you on the screen.

The heart that beated inside you, you couldn't contain it any longer and you both finally allowed yourself to be happy. You didn't tell Yul until you started showing, since he's a kid he would go around saying stuff.

Now that the feeling had sinked in that it was really happening. Everything was falling into it's place. You started preparing for birth and the life after with two kids. Pure domestic bliss was all that your life consisted of.

"He is cute" Yul said looking at the ultrasound report in his hand.

"I love you baby" He turned to kiss your belly and wrap his little arms around your bump.

"I love you so much Yul" You kiss his head doe eyes resembling your husband's shining at you.

"Can I watch TV Mama?" He asked cutely and you had to let him. You knew he would go to bed in time.

You walked to the kitchen where Jungkook did the dishes.

"Should I do the rest?"

"You should rest because you've done a lot today."

"Surprisingly I'm not feeling tired at all"

"The second one looks like me too. And it's a boy also" Jungkook teases you.

"Don't start with that. I'm basically a xerox machine more than a mother at this point" He giggles at your words.

"Should we have another one after this then so that you may get your copy too?"

"No way. Personality wise one of them will probably turn out like me so it's okay if they take your looks"

"Any chance you might wanna have sex tonight?" He asks whispering as you stand with one hand on your belly. Ever since you started growing you haven't been able to keep your hands off. Considering this is the last time you're doing this you wanna savor every moment of it.

"You sure you'll be able to do it. You were so apprehensive when I was pregnant with Yul"

"That was our first time. You have experience now, I have experience now. It isnt that weird to me now. Only if you're comfortable though"

"It doesn't seems like a bad idea."

"Let me put that brat to bed and then we can..." He smirks at you when you hit his shoulder "my son isn't a brat" You both laugh.

"Yul go brush your teeth it's time to sleep" He says walking towards your son and picking him up. He nuzzles his neck to make him laugh and then takes him to the bathroom.

"Daddy sing the song!" Yul shouts holding his toothbrush in his hand. Jungkook starts singing the rhyme to get him going.

"Brush them up and down and all around. To keep them neat and clean" He helps Yul to rinse his mouth and then wipes his mouth before walking with him to his room where you were already sitting on the bed.

"What are we going to read?" Yul asked jumping beside you on the bed.

"Friendly elephant" You start reading the story making all sorts of funny noises and doing all the voices while he starts getting sleepy. Jungkook prepares his school uniform and backpack before going inside your bedroom himself not before saying 'good night' to Yul.

You watch him drift into slumber after you've finished reading the story. You look at his peaceful face for a while before departing to your own bedroom where your husband awaits you.

"I'll go use the bathroom" You say grabbing his attention away from the phone.

When you come back he's sitting at the edge of the bed just in his boxers.

"I can't pull that off anymore" You say chuckling at the thought of you sitting in your lingerie on the bed. Something you used to do frequently before conceiving your second.

"Who says that?" He says when you know you'll have to remove your clothes because to him you're still the love of his life. He doesn't sees you the way you see yourself.

You sit beside him on the bed when he leans in for a kiss. You both had lost this sense of intimacy between you for the past few months. You didn't have sex after the first trimester with Yul and now you were walking on eggshells for the first three months so sex was out of the question. Now that it was all going smoothly you had to rethink.

"To me you're a goddess who's making all these miracles happen for me" He says sliding a hand on your stomach to your back. You kiss him again this time more passionately. You feel the hook of your bra coming undone and he breaks the kiss to remove it.

"I don't want you to feel pressurised or obligated to do this. If you don't want to..." He says but you interrupt him by shaking your head "I want to have sex. Just don't make it long because I can't really keep my body in one position for too long."

"Okay" He said nodding his head. He kissed you again but his hair blew on your face so he grabbed a hairtie to tie them into a manbun.

"How can I not want you when you look this hot" You say pulling him closer as he makes you lie down on the bed and hovers above you.

He smirks at you. "You're hard to resist baby" He says kissing your neck and going down towards your breast.

"Do your breasts feel sore?" He asks before doing anything.

"Don't squeeze them hard" You tell him and he puts his mouth on your mounds bigger than usual with the changes in your body. He makes sure to stay gentle yet it sends shivers down your body as his tongue moves around your nipples. He moves down skipping your swollen belly which is more rounder and bigger this time around just at 20 weeks.

"If it's even the slightest bit uncomfortable just push me away" He says standing up in front of you as you bend your legs beside you, your slightly swollen feet resting at the edge of the bed. You can't really pull them beside your chest which used to be a favorite position of yours with how deep he could go.

"I am more concerned about my comfort than you right now" You tell him that it's important to you also that you don't put yourself in a discomforting place.

"Okay" He says before pulling down his boxers while you pull your panties away too.

You spread your thighs awaiting him to enter you and when he does it he's very gentle, slow and careful. He stands in front of you not wanting to put weight upon you.

"I'm trying to not go too deep. Is this okay?" He asks averting your gaze from where you both were joined.

"Yes" You speak clearly. He holds your calf as he starts moving at a slow pace. The sight seems new after so many months of staying away. He hovers you above you knowing this isn't helping he needs to be closer to you. He looks down again and again between your bodies to ensure that he's not putting any weight over your belly.

"Jungkook... please..." You moan holding his tattooed arm and another hand resting on his face.

He starts moving at a faster pace but not too fast as you remember he'd gone, so rough, when you were trying to conceive. He builds a rhythm suitable to both of you. He kept himself in place not moving his hands from beside you fearing he would close the distance between your chests.

"Oh so good... damn..." You moan while he's still moving in and out. Your eyes closed with orgasm building up inside you. It's better than usual with your hormones and the good blood flow down there.

Your hand moves down removed from his arm to your clit and you rub yourself unable to control any longer. Within a minute your orgasms comes crashing through, your clit throbs under your finger your walls squeezing him as he stops his motions still inside you. He ends up coming too with the spasms of your muscles around him being stronger.

You look down when he pulls himself out with his cum spilling outside from your hole.

"I just couldn't pull out" He says his chest heaving with the chain dangling above your breasts. He stays playful and pushes some of the liquid inside again with his dick making you close your legs and laugh at his actions as usual.

You sit up as he walks to the bathroom as you stare at his naked ass.

"Should we go on a trip? We can't call it a babymoon anymore though since we are already a family."

"Yes let's do that" you say walking to the bathroom yourself.

"Where?" He asks.

"Somewhere close so that I don't have to sit on a flight for too long."

"I'll come up with something then." He smiles as you both stand naked in front of the sink and he puts a peck near your lips.

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[ the first. ] You’d read an article once—something about the second time you fall in love.

It’s going to feel different, it’d said. The first time felt like a dream.

As you stare across the kitchen at Jeongguk, you think that might be true. The part about it feeling like a dream, because it used to be a pinky-lavender haze and everything that has come after hasn’t felt so good. Not a nightmare, but close. At least with nightmares you can force yourself awake. You can tell yourself it wasn’t real. You can pretend.

This is as real as it gets, watching him smile over the rim of a plastic red cup. Someone else’s hand on his arm. The girl it belongs to looks nothing like you, and you wonder if she’ll be the second time he falls in love. You also wonder why you didn’t stay home. You wonder about fault and regret and if either of them even matter. No, you eventually decide: there’s just you in Taehyung’s kitchen and Jeongguk on the other side of it and the result of a million decisions in between you.

There had been a plenitude of reasons you’d fallen in love with Jeongguk, but he’s undoubtedly beautiful. Soft, tinkling laugh; a smile that reaches his eyes. Not all that long ago you used to be responsible for both, so there’s a lingering, bitter sting beneath your wonder. Jeongguk is beautiful and no longer yours, and that’s enough to have you retreating to the living room.

Jimin’s at your side immediately. Wraps an arm around your shoulders and presses a kiss to the top of your head that does little to alleviate your guilt. Missing someone is always easier with thousands of miles in between you. All those distractions. Just like a nightmare, distance lets you pretend. Not so easy to do when all those ghosts come back to haunt you; when you can still hear Jeongguk’s soft voice in the kitchen. The music is so loud but you’d be able to hear him anywhere, you think.

Even places he’s not.

Jimin leans down, forces his way into your personal space. “Are you doing okay?” he asks, and his words are warm and wrapped in alcohol, but you nod. You’re scared you might start crying if you open your mouth. Afraid of what might come out besides shuddering breaths, which just makes you feel stupid. Baby’s first breakup, you chide yourself. Maybe Jimin can get you a commemorative ornament.

Taehyung is turning twenty-four and it should be joyous. It is joyous. People that aren’t you are laughing and dancing and pressing their cheeks together as they huddle close to take selfies. Someone you don’t recognize is cackling wildly as they wrangle Taehyung into a headlock and smear cake frosting on his face. Someone else is tutting and running a rag under the tap to wipe it off and then the frosting is gone. It’s hard not to draw parallels.

There one minute and gone the next.

Gently wiped away.

But the feeling lingers, doesn’t it? The tack of the frosting, all the love that transpired between you and Jeongguk. Sometimes you fear it’s permanent—not able to be wiped away with a rag run under the tap, not able to be wiped away at all. Just this burden you’re cursed to carry, because Jeongguk isn’t and can’t be yours but knowing does nothing to erase the past. Doesn’t help you forget. It’s fucked and it’s unfair, but that’s just the way it goes.

“I think I should leave,” you say, watching another scene play out in the kitchen. Jeongguk fills a cup and hands it to a different pretty girl. Everyone here is so pretty. Makes sense; so is Taehyung. Pretty people are drawn to one another like that. “Is it too soon? Will it be obvious?”

Jimin sighs, wraps you in a hug. Says, “Oh, love,” in a way that’s too sympathetic. Makes you sound too pathetic. “No one will blame you. These things are hard.”

You squeeze your eyes shut. Not that you don’t appreciate Jimin’s reassurance, but sometimes it all feels a bit silly. Weren’t you the one to walk away? Call it off? Are you allowed to mourn the very thing you destroyed?

And Jimin, bless him, is so patient with you. Asks if you need a ride home and you wave him off, remind him your parents’ place isn’t far, that the cold might do you some good. You tell him you appreciate him and his night shouldn’t be ruined on your account, and you just laugh when he tries to protest, tell him to go get himself another drink.

“Text me when you get home,” he says, voice stern, and you brush that off, too. “I’m serious. It’s late and it’s dark and anyone could be out there—”

“Maybe I should walk you home, then?”

All those articles you read about the second time you fall in love didn’t mention this. Said nothing about the way a voice will always be able to turn your world on its axis and how to right it again. Said nothing about how to coexist with ghosts. Said nothing about what to do with all the yearning and the pain and the stupid, selfish strands of hope. There are paragraphs about an overarching, general grief, but nothing about the specific one living inside of you.

The shock on Jimin’s face is reflecting your own. It’s nice to not be the only one caught off-guard and stammering over their words. It’s nice to have a friend when it feels like your entire world is on the edge of collapse. “I don’t…” he begins. Swallows thickly and turns to look at you, an obvious question biting at the back of his teeth.

You know the answer.

You know that what you should say isn’t what you want, just like you know it isn’t fair, this thing you’re doing. Because you turn to Jeongguk and say, “Are you sure?” which might as well be a yes, because you’re selfish and suspended in this liminal space and don’t want him to go home with anyone else. You don’t want him to move on.

He shrugs. “It’s on the way.”

You say okay. Let Jimin help you into your coat, hide his face in your neck as he tells you to be careful, and that stings. You’ve never had to be careful around Jeongguk before. The two of you never, ever hurt one another—until you did. The kind of hurt your heart hasn’t easily forgotten, is still stubbornly clinging to.

Your heart wants Jeongguk, always.

You want Jeongguk, always, so you let him grab your hand, link your pinkies together. You let him lead you out of the house and don’t turn back to see who might be watching. God, you want to, though. Want all those pretty girls to see that he’s leaving with you. Want them to know it’s your name that’s branded on his heart; your name beneath his skin. For once, you want someone to want what you have.

It’s strange. The two of you have been apart for eight months, and there’s a lot of things you might want to tell someone in that amount of time, but you find it hard now. Don’t know where to start, which words to use. Don’t want to say something stupid, because Jeongguk is just walking you home but you’ve assigned a lot of meaning to it, and eight months is a long time to yearn for something and finally get it.

So you say, “You didn’t have to do this, you know,” because it’s something that’s true and easy to say.

Jeongguk doesn’t answer right away. Drops your pinky so he can hold your hand properly—fully, all five fingers intertwined—and squeezes. “Is it weird for you?” he asks, and he doesn’t sound nervous. Almost sounds like he’s smiling a little, giving you shit. He sounds familiar.

“No. I don’t know. Maybe a little.” He asks why? at the same time he passes under a streetlight. Lights up golden and amber. He’s beautiful—“I don’t know. It’s just… I guess it’s just been a long time. We didn’t leave things the best.”—and no longer yours.

The Jeongguk walking beside you is not the same Jeongguk that walked out of your dorm eight months ago, tears staining his cheeks, the smell of a goodbye fuck still clinging to his clothes, his skin, sweat still dotting his hairline. This Jeongguk is sharper, more selfish with his laughter, and you wonder about all the ways heartbreak can change a person. How you’re changed for facilitating it. You wonder if Jeongguk blames you before deciding you’re too much of a coward to find out the answer.

“Was it that bad?” When you look over at him, he’s chewing on his lip ring, trying to bite back a smile. “You’ll have to remind me. I don’t remember.”

You stop walking, jerking forward when Jeongguk is left unaware and keeps going. “That’s not funny,” you say. “Jeongguk, that’s not—I did what I thought was best, okay? I thought I was doing the right thing—”

The smile drops from Jeongguk’s face. “Hey, hey, look at me,” he says, and he’s hesitant to reach out and touch you but he does it anyway. Cups your face in both hands. “I know, it’s okay. That’s just—it’s just life, right? You did what you had to do, babe. It’s okay.”

You did what you had to do, babe.

Did you?

Jeongguk is selfish with his laughter but never his affection, and knowing that feels like an albatross around your neck. You have broken him so entirely, but he’s still kind to you, finds it a worthwhile thing to be.

His eyes go to your lips. Tattooed fingers dimple your face just a little more, dig in deeper. When you dare to take him in, he looks… different. No longer amused, the way he was just seconds ago; now, there’s something dark there. Longing, anger, hunger. Jeongguk looks like he wants to swallow you whole and make you suffer; looks like he wants to cage you beneath him and worship you through the comedown.

I’d let him, you think as you bury your face in the crook of his neck. As you smell the smoke that lingers, the sweat and the alcohol. I’d still let him.

It’d be so easy to press a kiss there. To feel his skin beneath your lips: flushed, still warm from the party, not all daunted by the bitter winter wind biting at your cheeks. As you lean in further, you wonder if it’ll taste the same. You wonder how much can change in eight months and if all those old comforts change, too. If it’s something inevitable.

Jeongguk moves his hands to your waist. Crawls his fingertips beneath your jacket and finds bare skin. Sucks in the smallest bit of air, and you would’ve missed it had it been any other time, but winter is always quiet and subdued. Always smells transitional, something dangerously close to hope and redemption.

And eight months is a long time to miss the feel of someone’s lips, isn’t it, so you think you can be excused for reaching for something you thought you’d never have again.

The first kiss is hesitant, testing; pressed to the spot just beneath his ear. Maybe you don’t know this Jeongguk, but you know the version of him you used to love—the one you still do—and you know the way he’ll sigh. You know the way his hands will grip tighter. You can still hear it, the way you used to kiss him there and he’d say, don’t start something you can’t finish, baby, and the way you’d laugh and always, always finish it. Can still feel the warmth that used to bloom in your chest. The love.

Jeongguk won’t say that now, you know. Wonder if it’d sound more like don’t start something you already finished if he did. He huffs a small laugh, more an exhale than anything, and asks, “What are you doing?”

And you answer, “I don’t know,” because it’s honest. You admit, “I guess I just miss you,” because it’s true.

A war wages within Jeongguk. You can see the storms, the white flags that are close to being thrown out. Can see the way his gaze flits between your lips and your eyes. What he’s looking for, you don’t know, but the storm rages on. And just like real life, just when you think it’s at its worst, there’s a break in the clouds: a tangible beam of silvery-warm light when Jeongguk tangles his hands in your hair, thumbs at the hinge of your jaw. Jeongguk tilts your head back and looks ethereal in the amber glow of the streetlights.

He says, “We shouldn’t,” and you nod, because you know and the anguish on his face is surely mirrored on yours, but when he follows it with, “let me take you home, let me take care of you,” you find it impossible to care.

You nod.

Everything is amber.

Eight months is a long time to go without the way Jeongguk kisses you: intentionally, demandingly, insatiably. He still tastes the same. Tastes like the first time you’d ever dared to kiss him, back at that party freshman year, tongue flavored with cheap liquor. Jeongguk tastes forbidden and feels like coming home.

You couldn’t say how you make it to Jeongguk’s apartment, but the way you stumble over the threshold feels familiar. The way the door is barely locked when Jeongguk crowds your space; picks you up, wraps your legs around his waist, presses you against it, hips moving on their own accord, rutting, all those little sounds spilling from his lips—everything is familiar. This is not just a practiced song and dance but something memorized. Something instinctual. You could be apart from Jeongguk for years instead of months and your body would still know what to do.

He carries you to his bedroom and you don’t think about who else has been between his sheets, because he puts you down so gently. Kisses your lips, your jaw, your neck—all gentle, powder-soft. Sounds like spring when you paw at the velvety cashmere of his sweater, pull it over his head, and he sighs. Feels like he’s breathing fresh life into something he shouldn’t, something long dead, but then you skim along his warm skin and your world is reduced to the way it feels like silk beneath your fingertips.

“I still love you,” Jeongguk whispers against your mouth, his inked fingers toying with the button on your jeans. Pops it open, pulls the denim down your thighs. Doesn’t bother pulling them off, only goes as far as your knees. And it’s uncomfortable, the way it’s bunched there, but the way Jeongguk says, “Fuck, missed you so much,” is so sweet.

Everything happens too fast.

Jeongguk leaves your shirt on. Drags it up and over your breasts and kisses at the newly-exposed skin. Sinks his teeth in, lets it hurt for a second before he laves over the marks. Settles between your legs and coaxes an orgasm out of you with his mouth and his fingers. Speaks his praise into the juncture of your thigh, breathless as he touches himself, strokes his cock with the wetness lingering on his fingers. Looks so, so pretty when he sits back on his haunches and says, “Just wanna look at you,” and makes it sound wistful and longing.

Makes it sound like it means something.

He’s still touching himself, still slicking himself up. There’s a split second where he goes to move and thinks better of it. Looks to the side before looking back at you. The storm kicks up again. “Have—” he begins before he swallows thickly. Dares to look hopeful, even through the squall. “Have you been with anyone else? Since…?”

You haven’t. Tried to, once—another stupid party, more cheap liquor passed to your mouth from someone else’s, but it hadn’t gone anywhere. They hadn’t tasted like Jeongguk; hadn’t felt the same. Two puzzle pieces that fit together all wrong.

Jeongguk has, though. Something you’d heard from a friend of a friend that you weren’t meant to. They’d called it a rebound, and it had bloomed so many ugly thoughts in your head. Five months had passed. Jeongguk was fucking someone else in his bed while you were in yours, torturing yourself over whether or not to tell him happy birthday. Whether it was allowed to or not, it’d stung.

(You had. You’d reworded the text a million times, plucked up all the courage you could find before you sent it. It’d gone unanswered, just like you expected it would, and you thought it was because Jeongguk didn’t want to talk to you. Thought you were digging your fingers into wounds that had yet to heal, so it’d stung but you understood.

But Jeongguk hadn’t answered because he was fucking someone else. Had someone else’s taste on his tongue; was panting someone else’s name into the dark. The embarrassment had been the worst part.)

Still does, if you’re being honest with yourself, so you lie. “I—yeah,” you answer. “Just one.”

Looks like it stings Jeongguk, too. “Right,” he responds, blinking back tears, and he’s got a lot of nerve, you think. “Yeah, okay, I’ll just—a condom. Are you…”

“Jeongguk—”

“Are you sure? Maybe this isn’t…” He huffs. Drops the condom on the bed, hangs his head. “What are we doing?”

You stare up at the ceiling. Nothing up there but the swirls in the plaster. “I don’t know,” you admit. “Hurting each other, probably.”

Jeongguk walks his fingers down your thigh. Grips at your skin, wants it to bruise. Wants you to have something to remember him by come morning. “Sometimes I’m really mad at you, you know?”

“Yeah, trust me, I know.”

He nods. Refuses to look you in the eye now that you’re watching him. “I still love you so fucking much and I’m still so angry. What am I supposed to do with that? What am I… fuck, I thought I was over it. I thought I’d see you and not feel a fucking thing.” There’s fresh ink on the back of his left hand. You hadn’t noticed it earlier, but you notice it now, when he runs his hands down his face.

You also notice the way the atmosphere shifts, the split second in which his heartache bleeds into something else—resolve, maybe. Obstinacy. Like he knows how this is going to end and he’s going to do it anyway. He’s going to find the most painful part and press on it, dig his fingers in, and it’s just an inevitable, foregone thing. Something he can prevent and something he’s choosing not to.

“You fucked someone else,” he sneers. Rips the foil open with his teeth, flashing too white in the dark of his bedroom. Rolls the condom on like it’s an inconvenience. Like you’re an inconvenience. “Was it good? Was it worth it?”

You roll your eyes. Feel the way your breath catches in your throat, because you’re not going to cry. Jeongguk fucked someone else and is vilifying you and it’s hypocritical and ugly and unfair, but you’re not going to cry over it. You’re going to press the gas pedal as far as it can go, say, “Yeah, it was,” and find some wicked delight in the way his eyes squeeze shut, as if it can spare him from the pain.

The two of you used to love each other. Jeongguk used to smile down at you when you were naked beneath him like this. Used to lean in close and whisper that he loved you just as he pushed inside even though you knew, you could feel it in everything he did. Now, there’s no smile. Now, he leans down and spits on your pussy and pushes inside and doesn’t tell you a goddamn thing.

Not with words, anyway.

Because the way he fucks you says it all. Impersonal, desperate, bitter. He grips your hips and fucks into you frenzied and fast. Takes your hand and puts it on your clit and tells you to get yourself off. An inconvenience. Tells you he misses your tight cunt, tells you he misses the way it milks his cock, tells you he misses watching the way you come undone underneath him, but he doesn’t tell you he misses you.

There’s a moment, just after he spills into the condom and stays inside, just catching his breath, when you think he might say it. Might tell you he loves you around the lump in his throat, might apologize, might ask if you two can’t figure it out.

There’s only a moment.

Jeongguk doesn’t say anything. Lets the moment pass. Pulls out and ties off the condom and wordlessly gets up to throw it away. It’s the silence that pisses you off. The disregard. Jeongguk hates you for something you’d lied about doing that he’d done for real, so you can be wordless, too. You can treat him like an inconvenient, cheap fuck, too. You can get up and find your clothes and pull them on and let him watch, words biting at the back of his teeth, and you can tell yourself to feel nothing.

You can say, “You’ve got a lot of fucking nerve,” and not shy away from the resentment in your voice, because it’s properly placed. “You fucked someone else, too, so you’ve got a lot of fucking nerve, Jeongguk.”

Eight months is a long time to miss someone, to play at daydreams. To think of all the things you want to say, the things you’ll do. In not one of them did you think about this: you, fully dressed and stinking of sex, saying, “It’s late. I’ll show myself out.”

Jeongguk, tears glistening on his cheeks, saying, “No, let me—baby, I’m sorry, please—I’ll drive you.”

A shake of your head. Jeongguk doesn’t push it.

Roll credits.

[ the second. ] Jimin wants to talk your ear off about it—the girl you’re seeing.

It’s new and there isn’t much to say. You tell him the two of you met at one of the student showcases put on by the art department and leave off the part about all of Jeongguk’s old friends being there, that he would’ve participated, too, if he hadn’t dropped out after you broke his heart. Leave off the part where you would’ve been there to support him instead, in another life. Leave off the part where it’d just been morbid curiosity: you, not an art student, wandering those halls to see if Jeongguk’s photographs were still framed on the wall.

“Is she nice?” Jimin asks, head nearly knocking into yours as someone shoves by him. “Fucking asshole.”

You nod. “Why would I date someone that wasn’t nice?”

Jimin, perpetually unbothered until he decidedly isn’t, sends you a look that he hides behind the rim of his cup. “Because you’re in your self-destruction era and aren’t thinking clearly.”

“The fuck does that mean?”

“Exactly what I said. You know I’m happy if you’re happy, but…” He pauses as he trails off. Tries to wrap his words in something delicate. “It’s pretty clear you still aren’t over it. That’s all.”

You snort. “That’s all?” you repeat, like it’s some small thing. Like it’s normal and fine.

“I’m sure it’s easier to pretend when the two of you are thousands of miles apart,” Jimin amends, and he must see how you bristle, stung by the callout, because his eyes soften. “Tell me about her.”

She’s beautiful and kind and smart. Smokes clove cigarettes and the smell is always clinging to her skin. You know how to make her come but don’t know what she’s majoring in—fashion, you think, because she’s always holding fabric swatches against your skin. Tells you what suits you and what doesn’t. Tells you which textures don’t work, what’s too warm, and she doesn’t need to tell you what’s too cold because you already know it’s you.

She’s beautiful and kind and smart and has no idea you’re still in love with someone else.

But you can’t tell Jimin that, can you? Can’t tell him about how she’d dragged you to a private corner in the gallery and kissed you breathless; the way she made you come on her fingers; the way Jeongguk’s name nearly slipped out of your mouth as you shook. Can’t tell him that she’s got arms full of art. Delicate patchwork; nothing like the harsh, bold colors inked into Jeongguk’s skin, but it feels the same to trace the lines.

You can’t tell him much of anything, so what you settle on is, “She’s nice—good for me,” and it doesn’t sound convincing to either of you.

Jimin doesn’t call you on it, though. Not again. Instead, he keeps his gaze steady, staring into the fire, the flames dancing wildly when you meet his eye. “You need to be careful,” he says. “You’re going to hurt her, too. Maybe worse than you hurt him.”

“Jimin—”

“Just be careful,” he reiterates, and all you can do is nod. What else is there to do besides wait for the inevitable crash and burn?

And it’s a little unfair, you think, that Taehyung grows older every single year. A little unfair that guilt won’t let you decline the invitations. A little unfair that you can still pick Jeongguk’s laughter out of a crowd. A little unfair that these hometown friends-turned-acquaintances still throw sideways glances whenever someone else touches him, as if he still has someone to answer to; as if they’re expecting something.

An hour. You’ve survived an hour longer than you did last year, and it’s not much but you’re still proud of yourself. You’ve had a drink, talked to someone other than Jimin. Managed to ignore the way Jeongguk is ignoring you; the way he immediately leaves a room as soon as you enter.  Maybe it’s better like this, you reckon. Maybe it’s what you need.

An hour is long enough. Jimin doesn’t comment on the way your bones crack when you stand to leave. No one needs a reminder of growing older. He doesn’t ask if you’ll be okay, either; if you need a ride home. Instead, he stays quiet as he studies you, clearly wondering if lightning strikes twice. If you’re going to be able to walk past Jeongguk and out the door without making another mistake.

You can at least make it across Taehyung’s sprawling yard and to the house. You can dodge the sweat-slick bodies and the girls sitting in laps. You can toss your empty cup in an overflowing trash can. You can pretend the eyes on your back are well-intentioned.

You can make it to the bathroom.

Annoying, the way your phone has been vibrating all night only to disappoint you. Irrational. You scroll past the emoji-laden messages, the coy flirting, because they’re from the person you’re actually dating—the person you told you were going to sleep early—and not from Jeongguk. You should feel guilty. You should feel guilty, but the face staring back at you in the mirror doesn’t look guilty at all.

She looks tired. A little beat-down, but that’s life.

Maybe that’s just what happens when you’ve spent the last two years of your life chasing after ghosts.

A knock at the door startles you. Sends your phone tumbling to the floor, screen probably cracked to hell, and you swear under your breath. “Just a minute!” you call out, a little stunned from how threadbare you feel all of a sudden.

Still, the knocking continues, and you’re on your knees on this bathroom floor and all you want to do is cry. You don’t want to be on this floor in this house. You don’t want to keep putting in the effort of maintaining the facades of all these friendships. You don’t want to keep coming back to this town, don’t want to keep being confronted with the harsh reality of all your mistakes.

“Just a fucking min—”

The words die on your tongue, because there Jeongguk stands, all the air in your lungs dissipating at the amount of space he takes up. Even worse when he steps inside and locks the door behind him. You feel like you’re going to drown. You feel like you’re going to scream or cry or both, and you’re still on the floor, still on your knees, and it feels too much like penance when you look up at him. Feels like you’re groveling, praying for forgiveness.

You stand quickly, ignoring the rush of blood to your head, the way your legs tingle. Jeongguk still hasn’t said a word, doesn’t seem like that’s going to change, either, and it’s really all you can do to stay on your feet when everything in you is screaming to collapse.

Eventually, he says, “You’re seeing someone,” and it isn’t a question, not really, but it borders on one. It’s a question and a confirmation and somehow sounds a lot like he’s asking for permission for something.

“I—yeah.” You swallow. “It’s new.”

He hums. Steps a little closer. Leans against the sink. Darts out his tongue to swipe at his bottom lip before he tugs his lip ring between his teeth. “Yeah? Does he treat you well?”

“She,” you correct, and there’s a flash of something in his eyes. Surprise, maybe. Jeongguk, at one point, had known everything about you, but not this. “And yeah,” you add on, barely a whisper, “she does.”

Part of you feels embarrassed. Jeongguk had known everything about you but not this, and you shouldn’t feel embarrassed or guilty but it still sits there in the middle of your chest. Feels like you’ve been keeping secrets. Feels like shame, even though you aren’t ashamed. Feels like you’re awaiting judgment. But the surprise in Jeongguk’s eyes disappears and something else settles in its place—uncertainty, if you had to guess.

“Are you happy with her?”

You shrug. “Like I said, it’s new.”

And Jeongguk is as emulous as ever, because he asks, “Does it feel like what we had?” and you already know the answer is no.

“I’m not sure anything will.”

It’s honest; you hadn’t said it to appease him, but he looks pleased anyway. You’re starting to understand why so many people write about their first love. Why it’s such a powerful role to fill. Because you and Jeongguk are standing in a bathroom behind a locked door, feet apart from one another, and you think, I don’t think there’s anyone I will ever love more than him even though it’s been two years. You think, I don’t think I’ll ever recover from this.

You think, I would try over and over and over again if he asked me to.

Later on, when you’re alone in your childhood bed and your face is streaked with tears, only your shame and guilt for company, you won’t be able to figure out who moved first, but one of you had.

Once upon a time, you had known everything about Jeongguk, too. You could recite his taste from memory, but it’s different this time. He licks into your mouth and it tastes like ash—nothing like the clove cigarettes your girlfriend smokes, but close enough that the parallel burns like acid in your throat. It’s close enough that you can keep your eyes shut and pretend again.

This time there’s no softness to be found. There’s just Jeongguk’s mouth pressed to yours, barely letting you breathe, not wanting anyone to hear. There’s just the sink digging into your back. Jeongguk’s hands gripping at your waist, pulling at the hem of your skirt. There’s the frustration and desperation of two people who love each other but will never, ever get it right.

There’s Jeongguk asking, as he spits into his hand and slicks you up, if you’re going to tell her.

There’s you, already too far gone, saying you don’t know.

There’s Jeongguk asking, as you’re clenching around him and dragging him with you to the edge, if you’d come back to him if he asked you to.

There’s you, already knowing the answer to this, too, saying you would.

But this isn’t that and Jeongguk doesn’t ask. When it’s over, he tosses the condom and does a half-assed job of helping you clean up and he doesn’t ask. He splashes water on his face and fixes his hair and he doesn’t ask. He tucks his cock back into his briefs and zips his jeans and he doesn’t ask.

Jeongguk has one hand on the doorknob and he doesn’t ask you to come back. Instead, he asks, “How long are you gonna keep doing this?”

For once, you don’t have an answer.

[ the third. ] You go even farther away for grad school.

You try to put more distance between you and Jeongguk, more distance between you and all the skeletons in your closet, but you just pack them up in different boxes and bring them with you.

You spend New Year’s Eve chain-smoking in your parents’ back yard—that same brand of clove cigarettes, because hearts are easy to break but some habits are not. Sometimes it’s a comfort to hurt yourself in the same way you hurt others, so you chain-smoke and you don’t go to to Taehyung’s birthday party because you weren’t invited and it doesn’t sting in the same way that it doesn’t sting that Jimin doesn’t call you once you’re home because he hasn’t spoken to you in a year.

The clock ticks down to midnight. Someone sets off fireworks. Absolutely nothing changes.

There are no half-baked resolutions. There’s no hope that this is going to be the year you get your shit together. There’s just you and the bed you’ve made for yourself; the autopilot you can’t—won’t—turn off, because you don’t know where you’re going anyway so you might as well just go wherever it’s taking you. There’s guilt and there’s shame and there’s baggage, but they’re all old friends. Those are old scars.

The sweatshirt you’re wearing doesn’t belong to you, and it does little to protect you from the bitter cold that bites at your skin. Jeongguk doesn’t belong to you, either, but he keeps coming back to you like he does.

“Mind if I sit down?”

You shrug, gesturing to the empty chair beside you. The small fire you’d built is down to its last embers, and it’s what you focus on, because you can’t focus on Jeongguk anymore.

“You weren’t at Tae’s.”

“Wasn’t invited.”

“Oh,” he breathes. “Sorry, I didn’t know. I would’ve—”

“It’s fine. I wouldn’t have gone anyway.”

He seems to hear what you don’t say. I wouldn’t have gone because I can’t be around you anymore. I wouldn’t have gone because I don’t trust myself with you. I wouldn’t have gone because I’ve burned down every good thing in my life trying to keep you. “Oh. Yeah, that—that makes sense.”

He’d texted you. Asked if he could see you. Just wanted to talk, and you’ve never cared much for symbolism, but nearing midnight on New Year’s Eve had seemed as good a time as any to let it go, so you’d said yes. Now, when there isn’t much to say, all of Jeongguk’s flimsy excuses are laid bare. Transparent.

“Was Jimin there?”

Jeongguk nods. “You didn’t know?”

You shake your head. Feels like it’s made of concrete. “No. We haven’t talked since last winter break.”

“Because of—”

How cruel, that you’d confessed to Jimin instead of the one person who deserved to know. “Yeah.”

“I’m sorry.”

You shrug again. “It’s okay. I don’t think it’s permanent, just until I can get my shit together, I guess. Wasn’t fair to drag him into my mess anyway.”

“It’s not that easy,” Jeongguk says, and it sounds like something he wants to be true. It sounds like something he’s said countless times in defense of himself. “We’d—I’d do it if I could.”

“Yeah,” you agree, “of course.”

Silence creeps up again, so you dig another cigarette out of the pack and offer one to Jeongguk that he waves away. “Cloves? That’s a weird choice.”

“Just something I picked up along the way.”

He hears you again: They’re what she used to smoke. It helps me heal to hurt myself with something that reminds me of her. Sometimes I chain-smoke clove cigarettes and I don’t wash the smell from my hands, my clothes, my hair, because it makes me feel less alone.

So he asks, “Was it real?”

“Doesn’t matter,” you answer, flicking the wheel of your lighter, words spoken around the cigarette stuck between your lips. “It never had a chance. Not a real one, anyway.”

“Do your parents know?”

“Know what? That I went away to college and started fucking women?” Jeongguk shrugs. Has the audacity to look embarrassed. “What are you trying to ask me? You wanna know if I keep coming back to you because I’m scared to come out to my parents?”

“No. I don’t know. I just—”

The laugh that escapes you is scorched and bitter. Sounds the way the tobacco tastes. “No, Jeongguk. I keep coming back to you because I keep hoping you’ll ask me to.” I keep hoping you still want me.

“I almost did,” he admits, and you can hear how he swallows around the lump in his throat. “The first time.”

“When you were a dick about me sleeping with someone else? Yeah, okay. You didn’t want me back, you just didn’t want me to be with anyone else.”

He huffs. “How the fuck do you know what I want? You’ve never bothered to ask.”

“Because it doesn’t matter,” comes your response, stilted and practiced. “It doesn’t matter what we want, because we’re just going to keep hurting one another trying to get it right.” You suck in a breath, wipe furiously at the tears on your cheeks. “And we’re never going to.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Then ask.” Jeongguk startles, looks at you with wide eyes. “Ask me to come back for real, Jeongguk, and I will.”

A beat of silence.

Two, three, four.

Someone sets off another round of fireworks. A dog barks. It’s so cold that you can see Jeongguk’s breath each time he exhales, each time he breathes out instead of speaking. All the words he isn’t saying. And it’s exactly how you knew it would go, but it does nothing to tamp down the devastation in your chest.

You’d confessed your transgressions to Jimin and thought your silence to your ex-girlfriend was a gift, that it was sparing her the pain of what you’d done. Now you understand that someone’s silence can be the most vicious thing of all.

[ the last. ] Graduation looms. It’s the last winter break you’re spending at home.

Your therapist suspects you get your compartmentalism from your parents.

They don’t mention it. They see the stack of boxes and your bare bedroom walls and they don’t say a word about any of it. They watch you pack everything in your car and don’t offer to help. They process their grief silently, and when you can’t stand it anymore, you say, “I dated a woman my senior year of undergrad, you know.”

They don’t say anything to that, either, but it feels good to tell them. Feels a little like freedom and reclamation, like you can be who you are in front of others.

When you leave for good, you don’t want to repackage all those same skeletons.

So you meet Jimin for lunch and you take it in stride that everything is weird, that there’s nearly two years of silence to fill. You don’t ask for forgiveness and he doesn’t demand it of you, just asks if you’re doing better. “I’m doing the best I can,” you answer, and it’s human and honest enough that he accepts it with a warm smile.

Jeongguk is more difficult.

There’s no way to neatly box up that kind of baggage.

You’d intended to stop by his apartment to talk, tell him you aren’t coming back anymore. There’s nothing left here for you, you’d told him, and there was a flash of something. A there’s me, isn’t there? that had gone unsaid, destined for the same fate as a million other unspoken words between you.

Because there is him, but there’s also the way you’re desperately trying to claw back into something resembling normalcy. You’d lost yourself when you also lost Jeongguk, and you need to figure out who you are without him. You need to know who you are once you stop running and let your demons catch up with you. You need to hear what they have to say.

Maybe Jeongguk had said it best last year—“It’s not that easy. I’d do it if I could.”—because you’re nothing if not predictable and self-destructive.

You’re nothing if not naked and on your back beneath him, your fingers threaded through his hair as he rocks his hips into you, more tender than you deserve. His lips are ghosting along your skin and every press feels like a brand. Feels like he’s both making a mockery of you and declaring you ruined for anyone who might come after him. Feels like you’ll love him until you die.

(Some version of you must exist outside of Jeongguk’s grasp—outside of his orbit, his bed—but right now, as he twines your fingers together and pins them above your head, you can’t figure out who she might be.)

Eight months had been a long time to think of all the things you wanted to say, and four years is worse. Four years, and you still can’t bring yourself to ask him to try again, but there’s nothing after this, nothing to lose, so your voice is hoarse and raw when you say, “Jeongguk,” and he groans a little, nips at the column of your throat because he loves the way you say his name. “Jeongguk,” you repeat, because he senses the urgency, hears what you aren’t saying.

“Yeah, baby, say it. Whatever it is, tell me.”

He rolls his hips faster. Before, he would’ve tried to prolong the ending, but he’s hurtling towards it now. There’s nothing after this, you know, but you need the confirmation. You need to finally put all of this to rest. “I want to—” His cock strokes someplace that whites out your vision. “Fuck, want to—want you to come with me.”

He laughs, full of himself, probably smirking out the side of his mouth. “Keep squeezing me like that and I will soon.”

“No,” you insist, shocked at the conviction in your voice, “when I leave. Come with me.”

Everything slows. Jeongguk pulls back, moves his hands to cover himself, and there’s nothing but cold confusion in his absence. “What?”

“I didn’t ask you before. Last year. I just—I left it up to you, and you’re right, I didn’t ask what you wanted, but I didn’t tell you what I wanted, either. But I’m telling you now. I’m asking—”

There was never going to be anything after this.

Jeongguk’s silence says it all.

The way he pulls out and rolls you onto your stomach. The way he fucks as fast and as hard as he can. The way he used to love you openly and honestly and now holds whatever’s left close to his chest like it’s something to be ashamed of.

Someone’s silence can always be the most vicious thing of all.

Roll credits.

The room was dark, well mostly dark. His single large window aimed straight across his bed. A small rectangle of light laid on his covers just over the bump of the sleeping form next to him. She was tucked under the sheets deep in REM turned on her side and away from him.

He stared at the ceiling in thought, one hand under his head pointing his elbow out and the other was holding the bright device. It was buzzing quietly and the time was replaced by an image. There was a name on the screen with a dumb emoji and the picture was of you. It was of your face with drool down your cheek, mouth parted mid-snore, and Jungkook holding up a peace sign.

Every time he looked at how ugly you slept it made him laugh, so he slid the button across the screen and answered, “Hello?”

“Finally,” you said with a sigh, “I’ve been calling for like a whole minute.”

“Poor you,” he whispered, turning on his side and away from the person sleeping on the other end of his bed, “Now what do you want?”

“Come pretend to be my boyfriend and act like you’ve just caught me cheating,” you said as if it was the most simple request. He scoffed, “It’s midnight.”

“So? Fine, no jaw dropping performance” You stared at your reflection in the women’s restroom mirror. Girls crowded around you touching up their makeup, talking loudly, “But can you still pick me up? Pretty please?”

He groaned, louder than intended as he flipped back onto his back, still in thought. The person next to him stirred, a sound coming from their lips that had Jungkook’s eyes squeezing shut. Your end went silent and he could practically see the wheels turning in your head. After a long moment of silence you released an annoyed sounding sigh, “Fine whatever, I’ll just go home with this guy if you’re going to be lame. If something happens to me I want you to know it’s all your fault.”

The call ended and he laid there for a couple seconds in disbelief.

Drama queen.

He made himself comfortable in bed, distancing himself from the girl next to him. He took a big inhale and released as he felt his body attempt to fall asleep but there was something in the back of his mind.

You called him. No, like, you called him. He’s your friend and you felt safe enough to call him this late to get you out of a tough situation. Whatever, he thought as he turned on his side.

It’s midnight, and you called him because you’re somewhere you don’t want to be with someone you don’t want to be with. Plus, you already jinxed yourself and him. You said if something bad happens then it’s his fault and he can’t have that on his conscience. With a groan loud enough to wake the sleeping person next to him, he was up and blindly searching for clothes.

“What are you doing? Come back to bed,” the girl grumbled in her sleep as his pulled on some black sweats and a hoodie. He was already grabbing his things and heading to the door.

“I’ll be right back, go to sleep,” he whispered back before leaving. She’ll understand in the morning.

It didn’t take him long to get to the address you sent him. He offered to go in and get you but shortly after you were walking out of the bar in an outfit meant for a night out. He wasn’t even parked, his car was just stopped at the curb and he lowered his window for you to see him.

You shivered hugging your arms as you jogged as best as you could in heels. They clacked against the pavement as you crossed the street to him and he watched you go over to the passenger’s side. You stuck a trembling hand into the door handle and pulled only for it to not open. You did it again, slightly more frustrated as the cold began to really hit you.

“Open the fucking door,” you whined moving to the back door and yanking. Jungkook just smiled as he watched you struggle, “Say the magic word.”

“Please?”

“Wrong.”

“Jungkook!” You shouted out in annoyance and his grin only grew wider as he finally unlocked it. You yanked it open and immediate closed yourself in, running your hands over your exposed legs for warmth, “It is so cold out there, asshole.”

“Nobody told you not to wear a jacket,” Jungkook said, reaching into the backseat for the jacket that’s been sitting in his car for days. You took it from his hands as you said, “It would ruin my outfit.”

He looked over to see what you were wearing. A little green dress that complimented your skin tone and accentuated your legs. It rode up on your thigh when you sat down but he tried not to notice. You got yourself situated by the time the car got moving, “Thanks for picking me up.”

“Yeah well you got me worried when you decided to put the blame on me so fuck you for that,” he did a U-turn with only one hand on the steering wheel and his other arm rested on the window ledge. You smiled cheekily, “Muah, you’re the sweetest. Were you with anyone?”

“Um,” he thought about it. Obviously he had been with someone but he’s not sure if he should say it. Well, there’s no reason he shouldn’t. “Yeah, but she’s asleep.”

“Oh my god, you should’ve told me! I would’ve called Hobi or something,” you said but he just shrugged in response. You bit your lip, “Anyone you’re serious about?”

“I don’t know, it’s the second time I’ve met up with her,” he answered honestly, shifting his gaze to you to see your reaction. You just gave a nod before looking out the window. His eyes went back and forth from the road to you wanting to know what you were thinking.

He cleared his throat, “It’s probably not going to go anywhere. I think we’re both just having fun.”

By the time you arrived to the front of your apartment, Jungkook put his car in Park and turned to you, “Text me when you get inside.”

You waved him off barely even listening to what he was saying as you felt around for your keys. Jungkook flicked your forehead making you glare at him, “I’m waiting here till you text me you’re inside, got it?”

“Yes, yes, whatever, I’ll text you,” you told him opening the door and stepping out. You leaned down so you could still see inside and gave him a smile, “Thanks for picking me up, Kookie.”

“Don’t call me that,” he groaned as you rolled your eyes in response. When you finally shut his door and made it around the car, you let out a squeal as he suddenly honked the horn. You turned only from him to be holding up a middle finger against the window which you gladly gave back to him before disappearing inside the building.

Finally inside your apartment, you sent him a text telling him you’re still alive and went to bed.

There’s one thing you can’t explain and that is your friendship with Jeon Jungkook.

It was just a friendship, nothing more, nothing less. It was fun and lighthearted, no hidden feelings, nothing. Neither one of you have made a move on the other and if one did neither of you noticed. As far as you knew, he was just a friend. Everyone knows that’s all you two were and that’s what made you content.

To you, he was a great guy friend. He wards off drunk guys at the club, he gives his honest opinion, and honest just a good guy. What you have is a genuine friendship in your eyes. He flicks your forehead, calls you a bitch during matches, plays mature pranks on, basically treats you like one of the guys.

You met him in a pretty average, boring way. It was in class last semester when you had an assignment together. You found out you had a close mutual friend, Taehyung, and things just went from there. You befriended some of his friends like Jimin, and you were invited to a lot of things. It was only natural you’d get close to him as a friend.

So, as your friend, he was really doing you a favor. When you came back from the kitchen you were hoping to return to your seat. Clearly that didn’t happen as some girl sat there sandwiched between Jungkook and Namjoon trying to make conversation. At first you had full intentions on finding the next available place but something stopped you.

Jungkook didn’t even bother looking at you as he listened to the girl. He was aware of your presence anyway, and he brought an arm up to stop you. His arm was on your thighs and he was slowly pulling you back to him. It was all the push you needed to sit down on his leg turning your body to face the people sitting on the other couch.

“So who’d you say your roommate was again?” Jungkook asked the girl as his arm pulled away from you once you were seated. He rested it on the back of the couch now while the other held a beer. The girl looked at you watching you on your phone texting someone, completely ignoring your new seat.

“Um, Jieun,” the girl said and Jungkook nodded in acknowledgement. His eyes wandered away from her taking a peak at your phone screen. You were on Instagram with some guy in your DMs and he acted.

The hand holding the cold beer came down to your thigh pressing the cold can against you. You jumped at the feel pushing his hand away and turning to him.

“Aren’t you friends with a ‘Jieun’?” He asked drinking his beer. You gave a nod looking between the two and the girl looked you in the eye. It only last a little before her gaze was shifting away. You looked to Jungkook waiting for him to go on but he only pointed to the girl.

“That’s her roommate,” he said in a ‘matter-of-fact’ tone, slurring a little, “What’s your name again?”

You gave an unamused roll of your eyes at him before looking at her, “Yuna? I think Jieun’s told me that before.”

She smiled now, “Yeah.”

Jungkook tuned you out as you talked with Yuna and you moved over to his other leg to talk to her about some celebrity crush you shared. He got on his phone using your back as a shield and went through his notifications. He had plenty of messages but it took too much effort for him to answer right now. He was getting bored, and drunk, and not in the mood for social hour anymore.

After some time Yuna’s attention was called elsewhere and she left you with a smile and a wave goodbye. When she up you took the opportunity to finally get off Jungkook’s lap and sit back in your old seat. You kicked a leg over the other and slouched back in exhaustion, “Meeting new people is so tiring.”

“Aren’t you meeting someone new tomorrow?” Namjoon asked now that the person from outside their inner circle left. You looked at him, narrowing your eyes as he outed you in front of the others. His brows were furrowed in utter confusion still not understanding. You rolled your eyes staring forward, “I don’t know if I’m going to or not.”

“Are you gonna go see a guy?” Jungkook asked sitting up a little. Jimin looked between everyone before asking, “What’s his name? Do I know him?”

Namjoon’s eyes opened in realized, alright, so you only told him.

For clarification, you do have friends who aren’t male, but you mostly hang out with these guys. So naturally, you’ll confide in them for some stuff. You should’ve known Namjoon wouldn’t be able to keep his mouth shut so this is probably your fault. You didn’t even mean to tell anyone but you were talking with him on your way to class and it just sort of slipped out. Now everyone’s going to know why you didn’t want to go out for drinks tomorrow with the others.

“You don’t know him,” you said, but only more questions came. Jungkook was fully turned to you now , “How do you know him?”

“I don’t, he’s from Tinder,” You answered honestly and though you could tell he had more to say he let it go.

“Whatever, let's talk about the chick Jungkook is messing around with,” Taehyung said turning his attention to Jungkook now. He released an exasperated sigh and slumped back on the couch. He rolled his eyes, “It wasn’t anything serious. She got mad over something stupid and cut it off.”

‘Wasn’t she just over at your place last weekend?” You asked as you rose to your feet going for a different drink now. Jungkook just shrugged watching you. When he didn’t answer, you let it go, unaware of the his eyes followed your waistline and down.

Jimin chuckled, “Let me guess, you did something wrong?”

“Probably,” Jungkook tore his eyes off you when he couldn’t see you anymore and looked back to the others, “She got mad at me last weekend and we haven’t talked since.”

He wasn’t bothered by it, but it’s more the reason why that bothered him. He’s not usually a relationship guy but he could have a fling with someone for a while, a few weeks even and that’s what he had going on with this, Mina, girl. Right now he’s got nobody and he’s not in the mood to answer one of the dozen DMs in his inbox. “What happened last weekend?” Namjoon asked making Jungkook look up to see if you were coming back yet.

“Y/n called me super late on Saturday, she needed a ride,” Jungkook said and the others waited for him to keep going, “Mina was over and I told her I’d be right back but I guess she didn’t appreciate me leaving to getY/n.”

Jimin busts out laughing, “Well obviously, dumbass. You ditch a girl you most likely had just finished having sex with, to go take another girlfriend home.”

“It’s just Y/n though,” he said with furrowed brows making Taehyung groan. “Just Y/n? Yeah, that’s the problem. Y/n’s your friend, Mina probably thinks there’s something bet—“

“Shh,” Jungkook nodded his head just slightly to where you were starting to come back. He brushed his hair back looking at you now. You gave him a scowl probably thinking he was going to tease you about something before turning to plant your butt back down in the spot between him and Jungkook.

“What are we talking about?” You asked, your thigh pressed against his snuggly due to the tight space on the couch. He placed a hand down on your knee, “You.”

“Me?” Your brows furrowed looking at everyone else, ignoring the shake of your leg by his hand, slowing down and patting your thigh.

“Tell us the guy’s name. I just want to know if I know him,” Namjoon said, making you roll your eyes. “No.”

Jungkook wasn’t fully paying attention anymore, his eyes had drawn to the person across from him. Taehyung looked at him with an unamused expression that said, ‘seriously?’ which made Jungkook’s brows furrow. Taehyung’s eyes trailed to his hand and Jungkook looked down too.

Oh.

He moved his hand off your leg moving to lean further against the armrest to put some distance. Look, you’re his friend, it’s not his fault he’s kind of a touchy person. It’s also not his fault that you don’t seem to even bat an eye so it makes him do it more. He still doesn’t get why it’s such a big deal that he went to get you the night with Mina.

You’re like one of his best friends, that’s all.

When it comes to friends, you feel like you’ve stumbled upon a great selection of them. You’ve got your coworkers, your friends from school, and random strays you’ve collected on the way. Out of all them you can only think of three who could help you out right now.

You tried Sora at first, her opinion was always helpful and blunt, but she wouldn’t pick up.

You tried your coworker, Yoongi, he’s usually an ass but he’ll tell you one just so you leave him alone. That would have been helpful because you’re very indecisive.

Now you’re trying Jungkook, listening to the phone ring praying he’d answer because if he doesn’t, you think you might have a mental breakdown and call the whole night off. You’re this close to doing so.

The familiar beep of the FaceTime connecting came and Jungkook was in front of you. He was sitting on his usual black couch, and a large painting above his head. His hair had been clipped at the sides by small bobby pins, only leaving the pieces that fell over his face. His hair was getting longer so it was curling forward just under his ears. He looked kind of pretty right now, like he was going to go out.

“Where are you going?” You asked jumping right to it. He looked taken aback for a moment, nervously playing with his lip ring, “I’m gonna go out for drinks with someone.”

Your eyes narrowed, “Someone? That one girl you were messing with?”

His jaw clenched for a moment as he looked away, “Someone else.”

“Hm,” was all you said, dragging your eyes away from the silver necklace that sat on his pretty neck. “Do you have a minute because I need your help and if I don’t get it I’ll cry.”

He rolled his eyes as a smile began to form on his face checking the time, “I’ve got time, what happened? Aren’t you meeting that guy tonight?”

“Yes, that’s why I need your help, nobody else was answering,” you said, moving your phone to your desk so he could see all of you. On the screen, Jungkook was leaning forward watching you as you stepped away from your phone giving him a good view from head to toe. You looked at your reflection on the full body mirror you had on your door beginning to talk, “So I want to wear this skirt but I don’t know what to wear on top. Here I’ll show you the options.”

Jungkook nodded in response watching you pick up a cream colored knitted sweater that paired well with the skirt you had up. It looked warm enough and it made you look way more put together than your messy life actually was. He watched you put it over the simple tank you had on just so you wouldn’t be naked in front of him. He hummed, “That looks fine.”

“Okay, how about this one,” you turned your back to him, yanking the next item on and looking at yourself. It was a little on the short side and the shade of the shirt matched your complexion well. It also puts an emphasis on your chest while also looking good with the skirt. Jungkook felt something run down his body.

“Turn for me,” he said but his eyes were glued to the shortness of the skirt, tongue slowly swiping over his lip ring. Something about the way you looked was really capturing his attention. You did as told, turning so your front was facing the phone but your head was turned to the side still looking at yourself. “Wait, I actually look really good in this. Oh my god.”

Jungkook scratched at the back of his neck, “Yeah,” he cleared his throat awkwardly, “Let me see the next one.”

“You don’t like it?” You asked looking at him and he shrugged looking away, “Yeah but it’s not my first choice.”

How does he tell you, he really likes it but not for tonight. You looked unbelievably attractive and he can see you wearing that whenever you and him go out for drinks with the others. He can see himself placing his hand where that little sliver of exposed skin between your top and skirt would be. His finger would press against the lower part of your spine, just over where your tailbone will start. He could hear himself making an excuse to touch like having to pull you into his side when a drunk walked a little too close. He sees himself around you when you look this good.

He doesn’t want to picture another guy with you instead.

“No, this looks ugly,” you said finally wearing the last choice, “It looked better in my head. I think I’m going to wear the second one.”

“No,” Jungkook answered, making you look at him again, “Wear the first.”

“Really?” You asked, grabbing the first option you had, “You think this is better than the second?”

“I mean,” he leaned back on the couch, checking the time. He was already running late. “I mean you look good in all of them, I just think the first would… you know.”

“You don’t sound all that sure of the first one Kookie,” you tease. moving to sit in front of your friend. He rolled his eyes at that nickname. He seriously regrets telling you his childhood nickname.

“Alright, I like the second one more but I don’t want you wearing it tonight for some guy you just met,” Jungkook finally said.

Whatever, he’s just being honest but you didn’t get it. Part of you wondered what he meant and the other part felt like it knew. With curious eyes you said, “You think I look hot in it?”

He released a breathy laugh, messing up his hair, “Obviously. So, yeah, I don’t want you wearing that tonight. You don’t even know if the guy’s worth getting all pretty for, Y/n.”

“Ugh, okay—He’s here, oh my god I have to go,” you suddenly panicked looking around your bedroom, “I’m not even wearing shoes.”

“Be careful, bye,” he said, hanging up.

His phone sat on his toned chest as he sighed, he hopes you don’t wear his favorite outfit tonight. If you do choose to wear it or look that good in something, he’d like it to be for him.

Jungkook doesn’t like you, you’re his friend. A very good friend, a forever bestie, that’s all. You’re like one of the guys to him, he messes with you the same way he messes with Jin or Yoongi. He just likes to push your buttons because when you get annoyed, there’s this look in your eyes that makes him go crazy. It just makes you look so attractive but he would never go for you.

He’s not even interested in a serious relationship so it’d seem like such a waste to see where it could go with you. And okay if it just so happened to, you know, be great then maybe he would settle down in a relationship. That’s very unlikely—not like he’s been thinking about it. Not at all.

He especially doesn’t see you as anything other than a friend right now that you’re practically clinging to him, not even when his hand rests on your lower back wearing that outfit he liked the other night, all just for him. Your hand was on his chest, “You need to stop working out, you’re getting so big.”

With that, your hand trailed further down to where his abdomen was, going over the soft ridges of muscle toward his bellybutton. He held in a breath watching you with hazy eyes. He’s realizing now that it was a bad idea to come out for drinks with you and nobody else. Now you’re both a little tipsy and very touchy.

“You don’t like it?” He asked in a husky voice as he pulled you in just a little more when a group of girls walked by in search of the bar. You stumbled into him, “I do, that’s the problem. You’re looking too good.”

“That’s a real shame,” he chuckled breathlessly, licking his lips as he looked down at you with dark eyes, “You don’t want to find me attractive? Is it distracting?”

“Full of yourself? You know I think you’re attractive,” you giggled making him smile.

You’re his friend.

You’re just a friend.

You’re like a best friend.

He's not sure if he's the one who took the step forward but all he knew was that you two were moving closer. His hands were on your waist as his head dipped down to meet yours. Your mouth was on his in a second, hands cupping his cheeks as your lips met, hesitant at first before going all in.

It was messy, a little too eager for being a first kiss between you two. In his eyes, and maybe yours too, it had been a long time coming. His hands tightening their grip as he pressed you against him until your neck was angled so that you could kiss him despite your height difference. Your arms wrapped around his neck trying to pull yourself up to kiss him better and he eagerly granted you more access. It was a sight to be seen, the way his jaw moved so effortlessly in a kiss like he was hungry for your mouth, tongue licking along your bottom lip until your lips parted for him.

You let your tongue poke inside exploring the warmth of his mouth. His eyes fell shut deepening the kiss with his tongue and yours relishing in your make out. You kissed along the corners of his mouth, a hand flat on his shirt while you trailed down toward his jaw. He licked his dry lips when he felt the tender affections on the angle of his jaw as the hand over his t-shirt ran over his chest. He let his head fall back trying to catch his breath when you playfully nipped at skin, kissing away any pain and sucking lightly.

There was a small pause, pulling away to catch your breaths and this should have been a moment to reflect. You knew in the back of your mind that you and Jungkook have never kissed. Your friendship has been just that, a friendship, and not the kissing kind.

He always knew you were a great kisser. He had never kissed you before in the past but it's not like he didn't think about it. The few times he's seen you make out with a guy somewhere on campus or in the parking lot told him enough of that. He always walked past slightly annoyed but he always thought it was because he wasn’t getting any action. He didn’t think anything of the glare he’d send guys who approached you when you were out with friends. He must have misread it as being protective over his friend and not jealousy.

“Wanna get out of here?” He asked leaning in for a kiss, biting on your bottom lip as he tugged out making you sigh into it. You nodded in response and he smirked reaching down for your hand and led you toward the doors of the packed club.

The drive to your apartment was quiet aside from some music. Jungkook drove with his hand on your thigh, a firm grip on the soft flesh very close to where your skirt ended. He gave teasing strokes making you wiggle in your seat and without thinking you reached across the console and connected your lips with his neck for a quick moment making him bite into his bottom lip to concentrate on the road.

Once inside your apartment, you led him right to your room. Neither one of you were thinking about what this could mean, all you were thinking about was what it would be like to have him down between your legs. He sat on the edge of your bed pulling you down next to him and immediately connecting his lips with yours once more. There was a hint of a smile into the kiss as he deepened it, dipping his head low. His arm you'd been tracing made its way up to your face cupping your cheek keeping you close. You straightened your back hoping to get closer to him, your hands going to his thighs for support.

Just as you were moving closer to his groin area he reached for one of your wrists. Not stopping the kiss he pulled your hand away leading you to lay back on your bed. You followed his movements laying down as he effortlessly pushed you further up your sheets so he could hover over you. He kissed down your neck, sucking softly on a spot he felt you twitch at. Your hands tugged on his shirt and though it was a quick pace he sat up pulling the shirt off.

He yanked it off feeling your hands fly to his belt loop but he stopped you again. He was slightly out of breath as he spoke, "Y/n..."

He leaned over you trapping you under his hands which rested on either side of your head. “Take this off.” He motioned to your shirt which had been buttoned at the front and you brought your small hands to the top. He watched closely as you undid the first button slowly. Then the second, then the one just over your breasts which bulged through the opening making him lick his lips. You ran your finger teasingly down the valley between your breasts stopping at the next button and undoing it. His eyes were trained on what you were doing, letting his hips press down against yours.

Impatience coursed through his veins and with one hand he yanked on the last buttons pushing it off your shoulders making you lean up enough for him to take it off you the rest of the way. Now that it was out of the way he let his hand trail along your side and over your bra. His mouth left wet kisses down to your collarbone and between your breasts. You let out a sigh feeling his firm touch, big callous hands, from working out, touching the softness of your tits. You moved to unclip your bra, sliding it off. He left a gentle, teasing kiss on your right breast.

His hand cupped the breast kissing on the sides, "You gonna let me touch?”

His voice was airy as he let his tongue poke at your nipple. His thumb swiped over it feeling it begin to harden and let his other hand cup your other breast too. He repeated the actions a couple times letting his hair tickle your neck before his lips circled around the hardened bud, eyes locked on yours as he began to suck.

"That feels good," you whined, wriggling around a little for more. You have obviously never done this with him but his teasing pace was doing things to your body that you’re not used to feeling for him.

He looked up at you, tongue flicking your nipple as his other hand groped the flesh of your left breast. He didn't say anything but didn't move quicker. You wanted to rub your thighs together but with him laying between them it was hard to. Instead you ended up just trying to rut up against him.

When he pulled back a small string of saliva connected his bottom lip to your boob and before you could say anything he moved on to the other. You felt strange, getting so turned on with foreplay. You touched along his back wanting to feel more of him pushing your breasts in his face. He eagerly sucked on your nipples, coating them in spit that made you feel dirty in a good way. Once your nipples were as stiff as they could get he moved along down your stomach. He never once pulled his lips off your skin, not even when he tugged at the fabric of your little black skirt that hugged your ass so wonderfully that his eyes had been drawn to it all night. He yanked it down your legs sitting back again looking down at your wriggling body.

Below him you looked so pretty. Hair splayed across your bed sheets. Expression full of lust with darkened eyes. Exposed breasts moving with every pant of breath you took. Your frilly underwear that left little to imagination and with a smile he leaned forward to capture your lips with his again, “You’re so hot.”

“I know, I always feel your eyes on me,” you said between kisses as you let your tongue stick out past your lips for his to fondle.

A hand trailed down to the hem of your underwear. He relished every soft sound you let out, releasing his own sigh against your skin, "Because you like to wear those little skirts and dresses around me.”

You groaned letting your hips buck into him feeling the smallest hint of a bulge in his jeans. He grunted shortly, finally removing your underwear as he went back to your breasts hungrily latching onto a nipple again. He slid your right leg up until it was bent close to your stomach, exposing more of your wet pussy. Silky strings of arousal coated his fingers as he ran them between your folds and over your clit. At the hint of some stimulation you began to meet the efforts of his hands with a roll of your hips. Unable to keep himself from a taste he dropped to be faced with your cunt.

With a groan, he pushed his nose into the wet pussy and inhaled deeply. Some slick nipped at the tip of his nose. He just wanted to please you and make you feel good. He wanted to make you forget about any other guy and remember that if you want to dress like this he wants it to be for him. His mouth closed over the stiffened clit suddenly and he began to lick and suck you, feeling the outline of your slit get his chin wet. He was lost in his own world, hips rutting against the bed as his tongue worked to taste your raw essence.

You were the sweetest thing to ever grace his tongue. His thick tongue lapped at your juices, running through your slit and pushing into your warm hole. He was quite literally tongue fucking you with a hand to your chest groping your tits again. If he could suck on them while feasting on your pussy he'd be in heaven.

You were in ecstasy with his mouth slobbering all over your cunt making you fuck up into his face. He swirled over your sensitive bud using his other hand to spread out your soft folds. His tongue fucked into your pussy as far as he could go before feeling your walls clench around him. It only made the hand on your tits rougher groping more into his hand holding your hips anchored down to the bed as you began to shake.

"Koo—" you moaned softly hands in his soft dark hair keeping him in place. He stopped, still close enough to your pussy for his breath to hit your sensitive skin. He looked up, “How many times do I have to tell you to stop calling me that?”

You rolled your eyes, “Shut up, Kookie,” with that you placed a hand over his head and led him back down to your pussy. Too distracted by the thought of making you cum on his tongue, he went back in. He focused on your clit, tongue flattening over it and shaking his head from side to side feeling your walls tighten. He repeated the action with more effort and then he felt it. Just under where he had been licking your little clitty, your release came. He kept going, feeling the slick coat his chin and drip further down your open legs before stopping it with his tongue so he could taste. He eased you through your orgasm with a hand stretched across your body letting your hips guide him in a rhythmic motion through your high. Jungkook pulled back a moment, swiping his tongue on his lip, licking a small drop off as caught your breath.

With an effort to lean up and kiss along your neck, you caught him off balance making him land on the bed instead. Quickly before he could try and stop you, you were yanking his Jean button open and tugging at the zipper. He hissed at the sudden friction of losing the thick layer of denim from his member. He let you slide them off, muscles tensing when he tried to lean up to kiss you.

You met him halfway, a messy tongue kiss mixed with the taste of your arousal and spit. Distracting him enough with the kiss you let your hand go over his bulge from his briefs.

His breath caught in his throat at the first feel of your palm over his cock. His eyes glazed over as you smiled seductively at him kissing the tip of his nose before letting your hand slide past the briefs and touching him directly. You start with a couple experimental strokes, his mouth drawn open in a silent moan, "Do you want me to stop?"

His brows are knitted together, a hand over your hair and the other fisted up to his forehead. He shook his head licking his lips, "I swear to God if you stop, I’ll…" his voice was hoarse, feeling you bring your face closer to his tip, licking it gently, tasting the bead of precum on your taste buds. “You’ll what?”

You flatten your tongue on the underside of his cock, a teasing long kitten lick from his base to his tip. You stopped at the head letting spit pool in your mouth and onto his cock keeping your eyes on his. Then, his eyes meet yours slowly and you swallow more of his length into your mouth. His eyes scrunched closed in pleasure, biting the back of his hand to stifle the loudest moan he's ever felt bubble up in his throat. It was something in the way you teased and looked him in the eyes while doing it.

He’s been with a handful of girls, he’s obviously experienced and these aren’t new sensations. But there’s something about having the girl he’s just friends with, with your mouth around his cock, that turned him on so damn much.

Holding the base of his cock with one hand, you begin to bob your head setting a good pace, with your other hand on his thigh keeping yourself from losing balance. Your eyes lock on the obvious muscles flexing under your touch. Your hand helps jerk the rest of him, your other hand coming up to massage his balls.

Jungkook watches the way his cock disappears into your mouth, the feeling of your mouth, your hands working other areas. It took everything in him to not let out everything and instead released shaky breaths and soft groans. He was close thanks to the way you released those pretty little moans when he had you in his mouth.

You press into him, hand on his thigh once more as your nose pressed into his pubic bone. You took steady breaths through your nose doing your best to relax your throat and flatten your tongue. You stayed still for a second, letting yourself get used to his cock so deep in your throat, jagged breaths in and out. Jungkook pants lightly, feeling the throb of his cock as his tip hits the back of your throat, “That’s it, breathe through your nose baby, take it.”

You roughly swallow around him, suppressing a gag as you resume to deep throat him, spit bubbles gathering around his length.

"Fucking hell," he groaned tossing his head back in bliss. Moans were pouring out of his mouth, his groan muffled into his hand, "I'm so—close."

His pants come quicker, more jagged and out of breath. His mouth hung open, hips almost locking from how hard his muscles flexed. With his cock twitching in your mouth Jungkook slowly comes down from his high, hand petting your hair. His eyes were hazy and his mouth dry. It felt like he couldn't move a muscle and yet he was yanking you off his cock and smashing your lips onto his. He could taste himself on you and with your aftertaste on his he wished to kiss more. He was still hard, probably in anticipation when rummaging was heard.

Jungkook pulled back to catch his breath letting you search for a condom tearing into it immediately.

He hissed in discomfort as he dragged his body into a sitting position, back pressed against your headboard. He let you slide the condom on his member watching it come back to life at its full hardness. His eyes locked on the spread of your legs moving to sit on his lap. Jungkook kept a hand at his base and the other on your waist while yours gripped his shoulders.

He watched closely as you lined yourself up watching the head enter. He quickly looked at you as your mouth drew open, sinking down on his length. He didn't push to move even if he really wanted to and instead let you adjust. He wanted this to be pleasurable to you too. He whispered softly, "I want to make you feel so good. Will you let me?"

"Jungkook," you whined at the first expert roll of his hips, digging his cock a little further into your walls. You ground your hips letting your head fall forward when he took a boob into his mouth fucking up into you.

He nipped at the bud playing with it as he looked up at you to the best of his ability. Your pouty lips moaning softly has him pulling away to kiss you again, "Say my name, don’t stop.”

He groped at your ass, spreading the soft cheeks apart and rammed into you when you threw your head back in a moan, "Jungkook, you feel so fucking good inside me.”

You returned to him feeling lightheaded holding his face in your arms forcing him to look at you as he bounced you on his cock. A hand on your ass and another on your tit letting you pull his face into you. Your already erect buds tightening as he pinched and pulled at them. He left wet, sloppy kisses over your throat, moving his hands to grip your waist harshly. Jungkook's nail dug into your soft flesh as he lifted your hips up and down on his cock.

"Just like that," he bit into his lip, staring down at the way your hips gained a more determined rhythm to get him off. You pulled on his hair making him look at you, "I'm gonna cum."

“Already?” He teased, “Am I fucking you good? Is my cock fucking you just right?”

“Stop talking,” you moaned against his lips dragging him into a kiss, “I’m gonna cum.”

“Already?” He kept going, “My dick that good?”

His eyes locked on yours as he felt your warm walls begin to tighten around him. A familiar ring of nerves clenching around his member as it sucked him into your folds. He wasn't going to last much longer either, “Your pussy is so damn good, Goddamn.”

His thrusted slower but still rough, chasing his own high with the sponginess of your spent walls that hugged his stiff dick deliciously, enough to make his lips dry.

When you didn't respond and he felt himself at his peak he added, "I won’t last much longer, fuck.”

He let you snuggle your face into his neck, a hand still on your jaw as his forehead rested on your shoulder. His other hand was forcing your hips up and down roughly.

It was like a wave washed over you, the final words to put you over the edge. Just like that you were releasing, biting back a euphoric moan as Jungkook hugged your sides talking you through it. In all your past hookups not once did they treat you so softly while tossing you around too. It made you want to show him other sides to you too.

When yours had calmed enough, the last squeeze of the ring was enough for him to let go into the condom. He grunted softly into your ear guiding your hips up and letting himself slip out. Your thighs shook as you crawled over to the side of the bed taking a moment to catch your breath.

“Fuck, you’re rough,” you groaned trying to get yourself off the bed feeling sore. He just lied back on your pillows with a lazy smirk still fondling his sensitive cock, “But you liked it.” He leaned forward, spanking your ass hard as you bent down to get a pair of panties.

“Ow!” You squealed throwing his underwear at him and he laughed, “Asshole.”

“Want me to do it again?”

Teasingly, you bent forward again and he connected his hand with your ass just as hard, squeezing in the process.

Was it normal to continue like it never happened? That’s what you and Jungkook were doing.

It’s been a few days since the night he fucked you so good you were sore the next day, and yet neither one of you have brought it up. You weren’t avoiding each other either so clearly you just didn’t care to talk about it.

Now, this doesn’t mean you’ve completely forgotten about it. It’s hard to when his hand is on your thigh under the desk.

“So I told him, ‘Babe, I’m not letting you touch my tits in public’ ugh, Jimin needs to chill, you know?” Sora ranted during a lecture making your brows furrow. You looked at her, “What are you talking about?”

“Ugh, you’re not even listening to me,” Sora groaned with a roll of her eyes before looking over at Jungkook, “Why so quiet, you dumb bitch.”

“Sora, one of these days I’m going to tell Jimin that you’re breaking up with him if you don’t stop being mean to me,” Jungkook spoke up as the others around you began gathering their things. She only rolled her eyes, waving him off, “He won’t believe you, he knows I’m dick whipped.”

You were gathering your things and stuffing them in your backpack as you stood up making him move his hand, “Hurry up or I’m leaving you two, I want chicken.”

“Eh, I’m not worried,” Jungkook said with a shrug even as he got up, “If you ditch me I’ll just pick you up and K.O you until you apologize.”

“Jeez, why so rough?” Sora asked, missing the way he sent you a wink at what she had just said.

Alright, you’ll be honest.

It hasn’t completely gone back to normal, there’s still an intense sexual attraction between you two but nobody knows what you two did.

You groaned, “If I don’t get food into my system right this instant I’m going to be the biggest bitch.”

“You already are.”

“Bitch,” you glared at Jungkook just as you got to the front of the lunch room.

“Jungkook!” You all paused at the door, turning around to stare at whoever had just called your friend. Jungkook froze looking at her, “Mina.”

“Hey, do you have a minute?” She asked looking over to Sora and then you. You swear she glared at you. Jungkook looked back, catching your eyes, seeing if you had anything to say but you didn’t. What were you even supposed to say? He focused on Mina again, “I’ve got time, what’s up?”

“Come on let’s eat, I have to go to work after,” you told Sora ready to leave. She gasped, “Are you working with that new guy? Is he hot?”

“Yeah.”

Jungkook tried not to turn and ask you who, choosing instead to walk away with Mina. It’s not like the two of you were dating anyway, he can talk to her, and you can think about whatever guy you want. He doesn’t care. He doesn’t even want a relationship.

Not at all.

So when you FaceTimed him the next night looking for help again, he agreed.

“So what’s this for?” Jungkook asked on the same couch he was on last time looking the same as then too. The other day Mina asked him out on a date but he doesn’t go on dates. He did get drinks with her but that was it, he wasn’t even in the mood for sex and he kept thinking about who that coworker of yours was.

“I’m going out with a friend for dinner,” you said looking at yourself in the mirror. Jungkook’s tongue poked against his cheek in annoyance, “A friend? And you’ve gotta go all out for dinner?”

“Obviously, I can’t look ugly.”

“Why?” He asked even though he knew it sounded immature. You rolled your eyes pulling down the front of your top to show more taste, “Because I don’t know who might see me, duh. So how does this look?”

“Going out with a guy?” He ignored your question. Once again, you rolled your eyes, “Yes Jungkook, he's a friend with a dick, just like you.”

He scoffed, looking taken back, “Whatever, you look fine.”

“You’re being no help right now, you’ve said that like three times,” you groaned in frustration because if you don’t find an outfit right now you’re going to tell Hoseok you can’t see him tonight and will just see him the next time you work together. He slumped back, “You’re making me help you look good for some random guy, what do you want me to say? You look fine.”

You glared at him through the screen, “Fine whatever, thanks for your help, go call Mina or something then.”

Without a goodbye you hung up on him leaving him sitting there in disbelief.

“Fucking—ugh!” He groaned loudly, tipping his head back annoyed. Fine, you want him talking to Mina? He will.

He’s being so annoying right now. It’s not like you’re asking him to do something he hasn’t done before. Besides, that’s what friends are for.

It’s not like you’re doing anything wrong either. You did have sex but that was over a week ago and neither one of you has brought it up. And yes, you’ve been extra touchy with each other but still, it has no meaning. You haven’t gone out of your way to see if having sex with your best friend was something serious or not and until he brings it up, you won’t either.

Of course the sucky part is watching him talk with other girls wondering if that night was just a one time thing for you two or not. You don’t want a relationship right now but you also don’t want to watch someone you’re sexually attracted to with someone else. Plus, why is he giving you so much attitude on FaceTime like you’re doing something wrong.

If he didn’t like the idea of you getting pretty to go hang out with a male friend of yours then he’s being stupid. You dress up to go out when you’re with him and he’s just a friend too. You’re not even lying when you say you’re just friends with the person you’re getting dinner with so why did he seem so offended?

Hoseok is literally a friend. He just started working at your job and you clicked right away. If Jungkook would just ask you instead of getting all pissy with you then you’d tell him. But, in reality, you don’t owe him any explanation for who you go see. So, him saying, ‘You’re making me help you look good for some random guy, what do you want me to say? You look fine’ is such bullshit. Like, he’s helped you before so clearly something upset him and he won’t even tell you what.

Listen, he doesn’t know what. He doesn’t think he’s looking for anything serious even though he really enjoyed the night he spent with you. One could say he could easily look for a friends with benefits relationship with you but he doesn’t want that either. In his opinion that could damage your friendship more than being in a relationship will.

Like, if you could just not entertain any other guy but him then he’ll do the same. You’ll still be friends but at least he’ll know that if the time comes his chances won’t be ruined by another guy in the picture. He won’t have a problem doing the same with you as long as it’s mutual. But if you’re going to go out for drinks with other guys than he can do the same with girls who are clearly interested in him.

But he can’t. He can’t stop his mind from thinking about you and it’s starting to mess with his mind. This is normal for friends, right?

No.

Not even in this friendly moment can he help himself. The others were around so he didn't think he should do or say anything but you looked so damn pretty. He was also sitting the furthest from you so it probably isn’t obvious, he hopes. He just doesn’t understand how things changed within him so much. Maybe he’s just finally realized how much he likes you and probably for a while now.

Obviously not to the extent of actually falling for you right off the bat but since the beginning he thought you were hot. He was always leaving small touches, he listens to you rant about your day, he tells you how pretty you look in basically anything, he kissed you and had sex with you and has yet to sleep with another girl since. He likes you a lot. Now how does he tell you so?

His love language is physical touch, not words of affirmation like you. This means, his way of showing interest or affection is by touch and he did a lot of that with you, always.

He’s not even trying to hide the fact that he’s been looking at you. It’s not like they didn’t know he’s always been close with you, they’ve seen him drag you into his lap, hand on thigh, all of it. Now do they know the extent he’s gone with you? No.

You obviously know he’s watching you, has been all night and it’s made you feel giddy. You still don’t know what’s going on between you and him but you do know that you want to kiss him again. So, you excused yourself to the bathroom sending him a small wink before leaving then when you got inside, you called him.

It was a little scheme and he picked up on it right away, “I’ll be back.”

“Who’s calling?” Sora asked, sitting on Jimin’s lap looking over to him. “None of your business,” Jungkook said ruffling her hair, making her hit him and Jimin laugh. He left down the hall looking at his phone and passing the guest bathroom, choosing instead to go to the one in Namjoon’s private one where he knew you’d be. He knocked lightly, turning the handle to catch you looking at yourself in the mirror.

He hasn’t brought up the other night on FaceTime because he knows he was being petty. He was just annoyed that he wasn’t the one going out with you. He smiled as he shut the door making sure to lock it, “You called?” A little pun because you obviously called and he ran right to you, like usual.

You faced him now, leaning back against the sink, “You make it very hard to concentrate when you’re watching me all the time.” You were teasing and he was stepping closer until his hands were on the counter behind you. There was a very short time before the others start to notice you’re both gone so he didn’t hesitate to close the distance between you even more, he dipped his head down until his lips were brushing over yours, waiting to see if you’d want this too.

You pressed yours against his giving him the go ahead to finally kiss you after weeks without doing so. His hands came down to your hips using no effort to lift you into the counter to have better access to your lips. You were on a time crunch so it was needy, messy, full of tongue. Jungkook was eager to feel you, trailing his mouth down your jaw, licking you with each kiss moving to your neck, hands grabbing at your shirt.

“Okay,” you sighed in disappointment, “I should probably go, Jungkook!”

“One more, one more,” he whispered, meeting your lips again, hand on your cheek before you were pulling away with a small laugh. He let you hop off the counter waiting inside the bathroom longer so that you could head back. You quickly fixed your appearance as you joined the others.

“Jeez, did you fall in the toilet?” Taehyung asked as you sat back down next to him. “I was taking a shit.”

“Did you at least spray my bathroom?” Namjoon asked looking disgusted and with a smirk you shook your head no. The conversation continued and it was only a couple minutes later that Jungkook came back.

“We need beer,” Jimin shouted from the kitchen looking over at you all, “Someone go get some.”

“Why can’t you go?” You asked, sitting up a little, making him narrow his eyes at you. “Why can’t you go?”

“In what car?” You gave the attitude right back to him making him shake his head as if he was talking back with even more attitude. You did the same making a little game of it since nobody else has spoken up.

“I can drive,” Jungkook volunteered after some time hoping nobody would hear the eagerness in his voice as he looked to you, “Do you want to go with me?”

“Sure,” you said, flipping Jimin off, “Even though he has a car and is also the one wanting more beer.”

You left the apartment with Jungkook going right to his car where he leaned over to plant another gentle kiss on your lips making you smirk, “You’re extra touchy today.”

His hand was on your thigh as he smiled back at you, “I’m just happy right now.” You turned away so he wouldn’t see the blush appearing on your face.

When you got to the store, you went down the snack aisle as Jungkook left to get the alcohol.

“Boo.”

You nearly screamed, dropping a bag of chips as you heard laughter just behind you. You turned quickly, eyes going from scared to angry as you looked at the person behind you, “Asshole.”

“I scared you,” Hoseok laughed, “Good.”

“What are you doing?” You asked, looking at all the things in his basket before smirking, “Drinking?”

“I’m going over to Jin’s right now, I just got off and Yoongi’s there too,” he told you, referring to another one of your coworkers, “What are you doing tonight? Wanna come with?”

You smacked your lips in disappointment, “I would but I’m already hanging with some of my friends.”

Jungkook had only one box of alcohol, if the others wanted more they could come themselves but that was all he’s carrying. He knew where you were but he didn’t expect to see you talking with some guy. He came up behind you placing his free hand on your back capturing your attention, “Ready?” His smile was strained, not bothering to look at the two guys but neither one seemed to care.

“Ah, is this one of your friends? I’m Hoseok,” Hobi asked, taking a step closer, making Jungkook look at him. You gave a shy nod, unsure of what to say since it was clear he wasn’t going to introduce himself to Hobi. You didn’t even know how to respond. Jungkook was technically your friend. You’ve been hanging out as friends for a while but obviously things have been different lately. Even with that and all the kisses and touches you still don’t know what you are, so really, it’s not your fault if your response makes him unhappy if he doesn’t tell you what he wants.

“Um yeah, this is my friend, Jungkook,” you said, going based on what Hoseok asked, “Jungkook, this is my coworker.”

The guy flashed him a grin while Jungkook’s facial expression remained straight. There was something about being referred to as a friend that really just caught him off guard. You didn’t even have to say it, you could’ve just said ‘meet Jungkook’ and not be so quick to remind him. He turned away, tongue poking against his cheek in thought. Even after all the two of you have done, you still just see him as a friend? What else do you want him to do?

“I guess I’ll get going,” He said, sensing the awkward shift in the air, “Y/n, you should come over later if you’re free then.”

You and Jungkook got to the line to pay but you could tell Jungkook was being distant right now. After you paid you went straight to the car and this time around he didn’t kiss you or touch you at all. If anything, he seems to have scooted as close to the window as possible, making you confused.

You tried not to think about it but when you got to Namjoon’s apartment building it was hard not to notice that he was very clearly not even trying to talk to you.

“Why are you being so quiet right now?” You asked as you got in the elevator with him. He pressed the button to Namjoon’s floor as he said, “I’m not.”

“You are.”

“Okay.”

You scoffed, is that really how he’s going to respond to you right now? You looked at him, “Are you mad at me?”

“Do I have a reason to be?” He was being condescending, he knew he was but he just doesn’t know what to think right now. Hearing you refer to him as just a friend really hurts his ego because he’s not thinking of you that way. He knows you’re more than that so for you to do that to him is just really… confusing.

“I don’t know that’s why I’m asking,” you responded to him slightly more defensive than before because why was he acting like all of a sudden? “Tell me. Was it something I said?”

Jungkook looked over at you standing even close in the small confines of the elevator, now he was only inches away making you look up at him as much as you needed to. He spoke, “That guy earlier, Hoseok or whatever his name, what are you?”

Your burrows knitted together in confusion, “What do you mean?”

He resisted the urge to roll his eyes, looking you dead in the eye without breaking contact, “I mean are you seeing him?

“Obviously not.”

“So you don’t kiss him?” Jungkook answered your question with another question, neither one of you have given any answer yet. “Jungkook wha—“

“Do you sleep in his bed? Call him up late at night? Tell me Y/n, is he really just a friend?” Jungkook’s voice was bitter with a little bit of anger but he can’t tell if it was at you or at himself.

You stood there for a second trying to under why Jungkook was asking this stuff, a little annoyed that he even had the nerve to, “We’re just friends, Jungkook.”

He scoffed, ignoring the ding of the elevator, “Really? We do all that stuff, so how are you going to introduce me as just a friend?”

You looked taken back, uh oh. Was this the start of the long awaited conversation you two desperately needed. You shifted your gaze nervously now, “I didn’t mean it like that”

“So how’d you mean it then because you were pretty quick to call me that in front of your friend.” He emphasized the word that just loved to throw around despite everything you do.

“You’re kinda being mean right now,” you said. He huffed in frustration, “Because you tell me we’re not just friends but then you call me your friend in front of other guys.” His voice has evened out as he tries to explain but he still sounds irritated.

“What do you want me to call you then,” you said dumbly.

“Your boyfriend, Y/n,” he finally said, making your mouth part in surprise. Your face smoothed out in realization. The elevator doors opened with a ding filling that awkward stretch of silence. You shook your head finally getting out of the elevator and heading down the hall, “I’m not a mind reader, how am I supposed to know what you wanted?”

“Um,” his voice was sarcastic, “Maybe because I was pretty obvious about it.

He wants to say he’s always felt this way but he can’t because it wouldn’t be true. Since the beginning he’s been attracted to you as a person and he wanted to be friends with you. Sure, he thought you were attractive but he never let his thoughts and actions run past that. And now that they have he literally doesn’t know how to do this. “You’re the one who still treats me like a friend Y/n, that’s why I haven’t said anything.”

You turned to him, “Yeah well, I thought you only wanted to mess around since you never said anything to me.” It took you a while to realize it but the reason why you were so close to Jungkook was because he made you comfortable. He always has, so it was for easy your friendship to evolve and to just effortlessly succumb to each other’s bodies. The hard part had been knowing if it was just a simple tale of the extent of your friendship or if your feelings had gotten involved. They obviously had.

He combed his fingers through his hair as the two of you stood in front of the apartment. The conversation clearly wasn’t done but everyone’s waiting and they’ve probably already heard you arguing. You knocked on the door as Jungkook stood behind you looking just as defeated as he did.

“Fucking finally!” Jimin shot up immediately taking the beer from Jungkook leaving him empty handed. Sora clapped, “You brought food!”

You set the bags down in front of everyone moving to take your seat but before you could, Jungkook grabbed your hand, “Can I talk to you?”

“Yeah,” you sighed following him into the guest bathroom but this time for a completely different reason. You faced each other getting closer in this small space as Jungkook finally spoke, “Y/n, I’m crazy about you, okay? I said it, I don’t know how much more clear I have to be but I’m telling you right now that I want to have a relationship with you. I don’t want to just want to be your friend.”

He let you take in his words before continuing, “So I’m asking you now, do you want to have dinner with me tomorrow night ? Not as friends.”

You were smiling a little now. Yeah you wanted him to just tell you but the way he said it to you just now kinda made you giddy. There was just no room for misunderstandings. You smiled nodding your head unsure of how to say you feel the same.

“As your girlfriend?” You said in a final response to when he wanted you to say he’s your boyfriend. “Yeah.”

The two of you stood there for a moment, both pleased but unsure of what to do now. You could either keep this between you two until you really figure things or you could come out together and say it. Jungkook chose to kiss you instead, pulling you into his arms and kissing your lips with a new tenderness after finally expressing yourselves.

“They’re probably getting suspicious,” you said pulling away when he gave you another kiss and said, “They probably already are.”

You hated to admit he was right because the second you came back to everyone else they were all staring with knowing looks.

“So what were you two doing in the bathroom?”

“Talking.”

“Oh were you just talking earlier when you both disappeared? Kissing!? Because everyone knows. Everyone knows.”

A murmur of ‘yes’s came about.

“Jimin,” you said in a warning tone but he gave you a look that said he couldn’t care less. Jungkook was sitting next to you, “How long have you guys known?”

“Since the other day in class where you basically eye fucked each right in my face,” Sora said pointing an accusatory finger at the two of you, “And then! I ask if your new coworker is hot an—“ “Babe.” “Jimin hush it was for research purposes,” Sora sighed, “And Jungkook looked like he was going to kill me for bringing it up! And then! Y/n looked mad when Mina came up to him! And then! You’ve been acting weird all day!”

Sora’s rant came to an end leaving all of you silent for a moment before Taehyung raised a hand, “You guys are very obvious.”

“Neither you or Jimin know how to mind your business,” Jungkook bit back starting the usual back and forth banter between him and Sora—who immediately responded with:

“Neither you or Y/n know how to communicate your feelings.”

Your jaw dropped, “Why—That’s not—Why am I being brought into this?”

“Alright, whatever!” Namjoon cut in, “There everyone knows. Nothing new. Nothing exciting. It’s literally not a surprise at all.”

“Well… we’re dating, everyone,” Jungkook said annoying everyone even more on purpose as he did a small clap. He smiled at you, placing his hand back down on your leg and bringing you closer a little.

Everyone was gagged.

::.

a/n ok y’all. tell me jimin and sora aren’t THAT couple and it was merely a side plot

also idc idc idc this story makes me kinda happy 🤓like it’s cute but also kinda realistic???relatable??????????? tell me y/n isn’t the definition of the ‘girl best friend’ girlfriends be worried about 💀

taglist: @notmyfaultbutours @rerefundslocals @fandems @sugaluvmyg @guvgguk @kimyishin @libra04 @kooromiwrld @classycreationcupcake-blog @alwaysdreamingnotsleeping @cherrymonlightt @jeonjcngkook

respond to this post to be added to permanent taglist AND upcoming dilf Jk collab fics

also pls yall, feel free to tell me what u think <3 always luv feedback good or bad

jungkook on FaceTime with his bestie boo y/n who’s not his bestie boo and is actually his baby boo instead:

You gnawed on the inside of your cheek, keeping your back facing him as you continued to pluck your clothes from the basket, organizing them into two piles of whites and colors. You didn’t dare acknowledge his existence—why would you? 

That would only cause more trouble. 

And if there was one thing that Jeon Jungkook consistently brought into your life (most of time against your own will)—it was trouble. 

The sound of heavy weighted footsteps approached from behind you. “Are you really giving me the silent treatment?” 

Were you giving him the silent treatment? Abso-fucking-lutely. It was either complete silence from your end or the world’s most intense screaming match. All you’d wanted to do since he ended his six month relationship with your older sister of two years last Wednesday night, was to shout an obscene amount of cuss words and insults in his smug little face. He deserved the smack down of the century; a harsh knock off his self imposed pedestal.

But your sister had practically begged you to leave it be, as she still quote-on-quote ‘loved him’, whilst hiccuping through chesty sobs and shoveling spoonfuls of Ben & Jerry’s into her quivering mouth. 

You reluctantly complied with her wishes, despite wholeheartedly disagreeing. No matter, you kept your word and satisfactorily avoided hunting Jeon Jungkook down for seven whole days. 

Although now your self control is going to be tested big time. 

Once the last item of clothing had been sorted, you filled the basket with the delegated whites and propped it up onto your hip. 

As you approached the washer, you heard Jungkook scoff. No doubt he was either tonguing his cheek or chewing on his double pierced lip; a habit you’d noticed over the months he was your sister’s boyfriend. 

“Are you seriously gonna act like I’m not in the fucking room?” 

Frustration was clearly evident in his voice and you felt triumphant knowing that you were getting under his skin without even really trying. Jungkook always wanted to be the center of attention; expecting all eyes on him at all times. It was one of the reasons why you so desperately wished to give him a piece of your mind and obliterate his massive ego. 

Closing the door of the washing machine, you pulled out the tray and turned to reach for the laundry detergent—big mistake. 

Jungkook was perched (more accurately manspread) on the table where you’d left your belongings, his gaze transfixed on you. And only you. His plump lips were curved up into a knowing, self-assured smirk. 

He looked irresistible and it made you loathe him even more. How could somebody look so fucking attractive in a white wife beater, a loosely zipped up gray hoodie and ripped dad jeans? It simply wasn’t fair. Stop gawking at your sister’s ex! You internally chastised yourself, snapping back to reality and scowling in his direction. 

“Can you move? I’m trying to do my laundry.” You huffed in annoyance, hastily reaching for the detergent before your wrist became encased by a tattooed hand twice its size. “What the fuck? Let go, Jeon.” 

Jungkook swiped his tongue across his bottom lip, “why have you been avoiding me like the plague?” 

You scoffed in disbelief. “You’ve got to be kidding me right?” 

Tugging you forward by the wrist, Jungkook pulled your body between his parted thighs which evoked a breathy gasp from the back of your throat. 

“I don’t kid when it comes to you, honey.” Good god, that fucking nickname. “I’ve wanted to see you all week.” 

You wished you could put your pussy in time out for clenching at that stupid term of endearment. How could your body betray you already? This is your sister’s asshole ex boyfriend! The same prick who shattered her heart and crushed her soul last week. 

Flashing him a curt frown, you roughly tugged your wrist out of his grasp and stumbled backwards to break your close proximity. “Hm, well I can’t say the same about you.” 

Jungkook’s pierced lips broke out into a broad grin. “Liar,” he mused, hopping off the table and backing you up against the row of washers, “if I know you the way I think I do… you’ve been wanting to chew me out all week because you love putting me in my place.” 

How the fuck did he know that? “You don’t know shit, Jeon.” 

“No?” He murmured, eyes twinkling with a mixture of mischief and delight. “Pretty sure I do. And I’m pretty sure your sister told you to ignore me because she knows.” 

You furrowed your eyebrows and folded your arms across your chest, trying to create some kind of distance considering how fucking close he was to you. His broad shoulders and muscular arms were shielding you from viewing the rest of the room and good lord, was it stifling. 

“What do you mean she knows? Know what?” 

Leaning his forearm against the top washer, Jungkook had you trapped. He ducked his head down so that his lips grazed your earlobe. You felt his hot breath and almost instantaneously your skin blossomed with goosebumps. 

“She knows I had eyes for her pretty little sister instead.” 

Your heart rate increased rapidly, thundering against your rib cage. You could feel the blood rush to your ears. The fuck? Did he really just say that? Unraveling your arms, you placed your hands against his toned pectorals and gave his chest an almighty shove. “What the fuck is wrong with you?” 

Your words came out in a breathy rage, eyes ablaze as you stalked towards the table to resume your laundry. Oh how you wished you never opened your mouth. You should’ve pretended he was invisible. You should’ve never entertained him. 

Jungkook quickly slid an arm around your waist and spun you expertly into his chest. “I love when you’re pissed at me, so fucking sexy.” He was grinning like a Cheshire cat. 

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” You repeated, majorly scandalized while mildly turned on. “You were still dating my sister just over a week ago!” 

He hummed in response, his hands snaking down your backside and curving around the globes of your ass, “so? A lot can change in seven days, honey.” 

Your breath hitched in your throat when he gave your ass a squeeze. “You’re such a fucking dick.” 

“Mm,” he chuckled, “you’d like that wouldn’t you? Getting fucked with my dick.” 

“Yeah ri—” 

“The bedroom walls aren’t soundproof, pretty girl. I know you were thinking of me when you’d fuck yourself with those vibrators.” 

Your eyes almost bugged out of your head. Oh shit. 

“Wha—” 

Jungkook squeezed your ass again, this time pressing himself flush against your body. You were now chest to chest, face to face and the sexual tension was so fucking thick that you were beginning to feel dizzy. 

“Tried to act so high and mighty when really you wanted me just as much as I wanted you.” He drawled smugly, lips finding your jawline and he nipped at the skin there. “Can’t blame you though, we look so fucking hot together. Way hotter than me and your sister.” 

You thwacked his shoulder for the comment but didn’t push him away this time. You couldn’t find the self control to remind yourself from the situation any longer, not when he was deliciously sucking below your jaw. “Why are you always so cocky?” 

Jungkook released your skin with a pop, smirking at the reddish bruise with satisfaction. His eyes glistened with amusement, “why wouldn’t I be? I have the cock to back it up.” He rocked his hips against yours then, allowing you to feel exactly what he meant. His bulge was impressively large, hard and throbbing through his jeans. 

You swallowed a moan, “Jungkook…” 

“Fuck,” he sucked his bottom lip into his mouth, “fucking love it when you say my name. So pretty, so hot, so good.” His hands were making their way from your backside to your thighs now, causing your skin to tingle.

“You need to stop. This isn’t right.” You weakly tried to be the voice of reason, bringing your hands to the fabric of his gray hoodie in hopes to push him away from you. 

“Why does it feel so right then, hm?” 

When you felt his hands rubbing your clothed inner thighs, you ended up shrugging the zip-up hoodie off his shoulders instead. Call it instinctual desire, since your body fully went against your brain at that moment. The garment hung loosely around his impressive biceps, showcasing the glorious tattoo sleeve on his right arm and exposing the long silver chain dangling around his neck. 

Your eyes drifted from his body back up to his face and you felt your clitoris pulsate at the smoldering way he was staring at you. Jungkook gazed at you like he was a starved man and you were his first meal. The way he was devouring you with his eyes render you speechless and prompted you to clamp your thighs together. 

No words were exchanged between the two of you for approximately a minute before your mouths clashed together in a heated kiss. Jungkook hoisted you up onto one of the washers located in the middle of the laundry room, ironically the only one that was mid-cycle. 

You involuntarily gasped into his mouth, your body instantly reacting to the vibrations from the washer. It was stimulating your lower half much more than you cared to admit. Your hands clutched at his wife beater, holding the man as close as physically possible. 

Jungkook smirked against your lips, relishing in the way you reacted before stealing your breath with the most scorching kiss. His tongue invaded your mouth, licking and teasing behind your teeth whilst one hand busied themselves with unzipping your jeans and the other cupped your left breast. 

He was everywhere; invading your senses and claiming your body in a way you’d only envisioned late at night when you would touch yourself. This whole scenario was taboo and so fucking wrong, yet you couldn’t recall the last time you were this turned on. Your mind was totally fogged and your pussy was leaking like a broken faucet, undoubtedly soaking your panties. 

“Bet you’re dripping for me,” Jungkook mused huskily, expertly shrugging the denim down your thighs and rubbing his index finger over your clothed slit, “fuck. You’re drenched.” 

He wasn’t lying. You were absolutely saturated. Your panties were undeniably ruined. “Do something.” You complained, bucking your hips as he rubbed his fingers over your panties. 

“Bossy,” he chuckled with mischievous eyes, “love putting me in my place like I said.” Jungkook removed his hands from the apex of your thighs (despite your whines) and cupped both your clothed breasts. He squeezed and kneaded at the soft mounds, producing soft, breathy moans from the back of your throat. 

“Touch me.” You pleaded. 

“I am touching you, honey.” His cocksure smirk was basically audible. 

“Fuck off Jeon,” you hissed through gritted teeth, trying to hold back your moans but it was practically impossible when he lifted your shirt and expertly tweaked your nipples through your bra. “Please touch me properly.” 

Jungkook wasted no time in peeling your shirt from your body, discarding the garment somewhere on the table with the rest of your (now abandoned) laundry. He dipped his head down to where your neck met your shoulder, leaving wet, open mouthed kisses along your skin as he unclasped your lacy bra. 

“So fucking pretty.” 

You whimpered when your breasts became exposed to the cool air of the laundry room, shifting your weight on the washer that was still slightly vibrating as it continued its current wash cycle. You wondered if Jungkook had planted you here on purpose. 

Seconds after your bra was flung away, you mewled when you felt the cool contrast of Jungkook’s piercings against your peaked nipple. The heat from his tongue swirling around your areola left you shivering, head knocking back as he suckled on your tit. He groped at the other one, rolling your nipple between his fingers and pinching it to tease you. 

“Jungkook!” You resorted to a moaning mess, bucking your hips in desperation as he played with your breasts. “Please.” 

He released your nipple at your plea, dropping you a cheeky wink and then proceeded to kiss down your naked upper body towards your clothed center. Your hands found purchase in his long, raven locks, grasping at the strands. 

His skilful and beautifully inked fingers hooked the waistband of your panties, dragging the flimsy material down your quivering legs. Jungkook husked out a groan at the sight of your glistening pussy; wishing he could capture the moment in his brain and keep it there forever. 

“You’re such a filthy little slut,” he tsked, “soaking wet for your big sister’s ex boyfriend. What would she think if she saw you right now, hm? What would she do if she saw her sister naked with a greedy pussy craving my cock?” 

Your cheeks burned at the degradation. The hair that resided at the nape of your neck prickled at his provocative words, meanwhile your pussy clenched around nothing. That little traitor loved his filth and wanted nothing more than to be filled to the brim with his girth. 

After a few heavy breaths, you finally managed to answer him: “I don’t wanna talk about her.” 

“Oh?” Jungkook’s eyes twinkled naughtily. He took both hands and spread your legs even further, lifting them up over his broad shoulders. “You don’t wanna be reminded that you’re being a little whore? It’s okay baby, I like you even better like that.” 

Without warning, Jungkook dived straight into your wetness. His lips suctioned around your engorged clitoris, sucking the sensitive bud into his hot mouth. 

“F-Fuck!” 

The man between your thighs hummed in approval at your response, absolutely feasting off your juices and your breathy moans. He groaned lowly when your fingers carded through his hair before yanking hard on the strands. You were tugging him closer and Jungkook was absolutely here for it. 

He dragged his nose along your slit, teasing you briefly before finally giving you what you so desperately ached for: his tongue. 

“So fucking good.” 

“Jungkook.” All you could do was whimper his name unabashedly. 

He lapped his tongue at your slick folds, slurping obscenely. The sound was so lewd that usually you would’ve flushed in mortification—but you were far too dazed to give a shit. He was making you feel better than any of your battery boyfriends ever could. 

“Best fucking pussy I’ve ever had. Can’t believe I wasted my time on hers when I could’ve had this.” 

As if his words weren’t enough, the way Jungkook waggled his tongue up and over your aching cunt was more than enough indication that he immensely enjoyed eating you out. 

“God!” You whimpered, fisting his onyx colored locks. “Don’t stop. Please don’t stop.” 

Jungkook loved the way you begged for him. He growled gravelly in approval, dipping his tongue inside your seeping hole in hopes to have your thighs squeeze around his head. “Like fuckin’ hell I’m gonna stop. S’obsessed with this pretty cunt.” 

You tightened around him almost immediately, crying out his name desperately. 

“That’s it pretty girl,” he rasped out encouragement, “keep saying my name like that and I’ll let you come.” He replaced his tongue with two long fingers then, curving upwards against your snug walls. He located that spongy spot inside you within mere seconds, jackhammering his digits in a delicious rhythm that had you keening. 

You practically sobbed out his name, head thrown back and breasts bouncing in perfect sync with his handiwork. You were a fucking sight to behold and Jungkook knew that this wouldn’t be the only time. It couldn’t be. He needed to have you every single fucking minute, every single fucking second. Twenty-four-seven, seven days a week. 

“Wanna come,” you strangled out through a string of high pitched moans and squeaky whimpers, “please lemme come.” 

“Yeah?” Jungkook chuckled against your heat, quickening the pace of his fingers. He knew you were close; it was so fucking obvious. The way you were clawing at his scalp and grinding shamelessly against his face was proof in the pudding. “Gonna come for me? Gonna make a mess on my tongue like the dirty little slut you are?” 

You weren’t sure what compelled you to squeal—either the way he grazed your g-spot or the nasty words that fell from his spider-bitten lips. Or both. 

The familiar tightening sensation that pooled in your lower belly only got more intense as Jungkook ruthlessly fucked your cunt with his inked fingers. You were so close and you knew without a shadow of a doubt that this orgasm was going to hit you like a tsunami. 

Your moans increased in volume and octave as you climbed higher and higher—only to have your climax ripped from you within milliseconds. 

Lifting your head up to meet his mischievous expression, you gaped at the man inexplicably. “What the fuck?!” 

“Such a dirty mouth,” Jungkook chuckled in self-satisfaction, bringing his moistened fingers to his lips and sucking off your juices, “for someone with such a sweet pussy.” 

You glowered at him. How fucking dare he not make you come? 

“You’re a bigger dick than I thought.” You hissed in his direction, shoving him back by the shoulders. You didn’t dare gawk at the swirls of marvelous body art that covered his arms—now wasn’t the time to appreciate his body when he just denied you of what would’ve been the best orgasm of your life. 

Grinning devilishly, Jungkook reached behind his head and shed his wife beater from his upper body. The way he peeled off the material was nothing but sinful and your pussy squelched at the motion. He stood before you in nothing but his ripped jeans, the denim hanging low on his trimmed waist. 

You wanted him bad. And you absolutely hated yourself for it. 

“Think I’m a big dick, huh?” He captured your hips with his large hands effortlessly, yanking you (more like manhandling you) off the washer and bending you over the edge of the table. The same table that held your forgotten laundry on the opposite end. 

Your ass was now exposed to him and the compromising position stirred something deep inside of you. 

“How’s this for a big dick?” Jungkook husked, bucking his pelvis and prodding his denim-clad bulge against the swell of your ass. “Are you gonna be a good little whore and take it?” 

“J-Jung—”  

“Gonna take your sister’s boyfriend’s cock?” 

You didn’t bother to correct him. Not when he was grinding his erection against your ass, creating a delectable friction. Your mouth hung open and no words came out; only tiny, strangled noises.  

Jungkook wasn’t satisfied with the lack of verbalization. His hand collided with your right ass cheek, leaving a slight mark and causing you to shriek out a moan. “Use your words, honey.” 

“Y-Yes!” 

He hummed in disapproval, delivering another slap to the other cheek, “yes what?” 

Head lolling forward, tears pricked at the corners of your eyes as you whimpered at the tantalizing condition of pleasure and pain. “Yes Jungkook, I’m g-gonna take it!” Your words were jumbled together, slurred and stuttered. 

You were turning into a crybaby and Jungkook was so fucking turned on. Never had you been at someone’s mercy like this before. All you wanted was to feel full of him. You wanted to be owned by him. Little did you know, he wanted that too. And had for the longest time. 

“Good girl.” He cooed, calloused hands gently rubbed at the reddened flesh. “Keep being a good girl for me, ‘kay? Gonna give you what you need, pretty baby.” 

The sound of a zipper being undone followed, leaving you quivering in anticipation. You pushed your backside out towards him, purposefully shaking your hips in order to entice him to fuck you. You were sick of waiting. You needed to feel your walls dragging along his cock. 

Jungkook, on the other hand, had a different idea in mind. He quickly untucked his hardened erection from his boxer briefs, palming himself for a few moments. He hissed gruffly at the sensation, fisting his cock in his tattooed hand until he was leaking pre-cum from the mushroom tip. 

“Got me so fucking hard,” a guttural grunt escaped his lips, “gonna fuck you just as hard.” Jungkook teased the head of his cock between your plushy ass cheeks, causing you both to release a suppressed gasp.

His words ultimately carried promise. One that you wholeheartedly believed he was going to live up to. 

Although you couldn’t deny that you were becoming fed up with the teasing. “Can you hur—”  

Your impatient demand died with a loud yelp as Jungkook nudged his cock between your creamy folds, thrusting inside of you with one rut of his hips. 

“Fucking shit!” The male cursed from behind you, snapping his hips against your backside with fervour. “So fucking tight, honey.” 

He wasn’t over-exaggerating—your slick walls were hugging his throbbing length like a vice. Your eyes rolled to the back of your skull as Jungkook drilled into your cunt, his cock hitting all the right places. 

“Should’ve fucked this pussy six months ago.” He growled. 

Heat spreads across your entire body. Your cheeks flushed, your clitoris pulsed and your grip on the table wavered. His admission implied that he wished he fucked you first instead of your sister and with the way he was slamming his cock in so fucking deep, you couldn’t help but believe him. 

Reaching for the back of your head, Jungkook gathered a fistful of your hair. He roughly tugged you back so that your stare zeroed in on your reflection in the doors of the floor to ceiling tumble dryers. 

You looked totally fucked out. Your lips were swollen, cheeks puffy and forehead sheen with a clear coating of sweat. Your eyes were glossy with unshed tears and your nipples were taut, aching for attention.

“Look at how good I’m fucking you, baby.”

Jungkook commanded through a gravelly rasp, his tongue swiping across his bottom lip as he increased the speed of his powerful thrusts. “What would your sister think if she saw this right now?” 

“Can we—ngh!—not talk about her? Just fuck me.” 

Jungkook laughed, like actually laughed in response. “Yeah, you’re right. Your pussy puts hers to shame any day. Who cares what she would think.” 

With that, he almost pulled out all the way, only to slam his cock back inside your squelching cunt. You were so fucking wet that you could hear every indecorous sound coming from your connected bodies over the whirring of washers.  

Jungkook growled at the lascivious echo of skin slapping skin, sucking in his bottom lip between his teeth. “Mm, yeah, so much better than your sister.” 

You genuinely wished he would stop bringing her up. Everything was already a competition between the two of you (had been since the day you were born) and this wasn’t exactly the kind of clusterfuck scenario you wanted added to the shit-pile. 

You bit back a moan. “I hate you.” You didn’t really. 

Chuckling haughtily, Jungkook released his grip on your makeshift ponytail and snaked his hand around the column of your neck instead. Grasping gently at your throat, he forced you to make eye contact with him through the reflection. 

Tears involuntarily slipped down your cheeks. Not because you were in pain, but because you were beginning to feel overstimulated. Jungkook’s thick cock stuffed you full in the most exquisite way and you were still experiencing aftereffects from the denied orgasm previously. 

“You hate me, huh? Is that why you’re crying over my dick?” He gave an almighty thrust to finalize his question. 

“Ungh!” 

Victoriously, Jungkook attached his lips to below your earlobe, nibbling on the sensitive skin with intentions to leave another mark, while he gently squeezed your throat once more. He fucking loved that you couldn’t answer him, because your body was doing all the talking he needed. His thrusts were starting to become sporadic—meaning his climax was impending—but he was determined to have you creaming all over his cock before he buried his load inside you. 

You gasped brokenly at the sensations that were exploding around your body. Your legs were trembling, thighs quivering, pussy convulsing. Every inch of your skin felt like it had been set alight and there was only one thing that could put it out. 

And that one thing was the man fucking you like no tomorrow. 

“Squeezing me so tight, holy shit,” Jungkook rasped, “is it because you’re watching me fuck you? Does that turn you on, pretty baby? You like getting off knowing if I can see you getting railed into oblivion then anyone who walks in can?” 

You sobbed out a wretched moan of his name. 

“You just pulled my cock all the way in—fuck!” He gnawed on his lip piercings, eyebrows furrowing as he freed your throat and gripped both of your hips with his enormous hands. “Naughty little girl. So dirty. Wanting to be watched as I fuck you full of my cum. Fucking love it.” 

“Jungkook!” 

“I know, honey. I’m gonna get you there.” 

Sprawling his palm across your lower back, Jungkook impelled your weight down onto the table and in effect, allowed his pulsing cock to slide in even deeper than before. 

You could’ve sworn you felt him in your guts. 

The two of you groaned in unison and Jungkook only waited for a split second before increasing the pace of his thrusts. With a newfound motivation, the raven haired male pounded into you from behind like it was his last mission on earth. He grinned ceremoniously when you squealed as he brushed your cervix. 

“Hold on, pretty baby. Gonna make you scream.” And that was a promise. 

Slithering his hand between your thighs, Jungkook located your swollen clitoris with ease and immediately started drawing a figure of eights over the sensitive nub. 

More tears cascaded down your cheeks as your body shuddered in pleasure. Your walls clenched down on his throbbing length as that familiar sensation from earlier reappeared, only this time more intense than ever. 

“S’close…” You slurred, drunk on euphoria. 

“That’s a good girl,” Jungkook murmured hotly against the shell of your ear, delivering hard but sloppy thrusts deep within your quaking cunt, “now come for me.” 

You cried out his name as your climax crashed over your body; knocking the breath from your lungs and causing your heart to pound rapidly in your chest. Tingles exploded from your thrumming clit, to your taut nipples and all the way down to the tip of your toes. 

Jungkook couldn’t tear his gaze away from the dryer door, eyes fixated on the compromising reflection of the both of you. He was enthralled with the way you had come for him; utterly entranced by your impeccable beauty and flawless body. 

He shortly snapped out of his reverie and resumed his movements, rutting his hips in order to chase his own orgasm. He wanted nothing more than to splatter your walls white with his hot cum, leaving traces of him in a way you couldn’t forget. In a way that had you craving him the same way he craved you. 

He meant it. He wanted you seven days a week. 

“So fucking perfect,” he grunted throatily from behind you, his thrusts now erratic as his climax approached, “better than she’ll ever be.” 

You were affronted but also unbelievably aroused. Reaching back, you grasped strands of his hair that resided at the nape of his neck. “J-Jungkook, come inside me. Wanna feel you.” 

He didn’t need to be told twice. 

With one almighty thrust, Jungkook croaked your name when his climax overcame his body. His dick twitched against your walls and spurted his hot cum deep inside your cunt. He leisurely thrusted to ride out both your highs, his hands kneading at your tender breasts simultaneously. 

Your eyes fluttered closed then, head nestling back into his toned chest and puffy lips parting as you relished in the afterglow of amazing sex. 

Jungkook once again peered at the reflection in the dryer with a smug smile. Only this time, it wasn’t because of you. It was because of her. A pair of scandalized eyes staring at the two of you, mouth agape. 

Pressing a delicate kiss to the side of your temple, Jungkook made sure his declaration was loud enough for your witness to hear: 

“Hey honey, just know that every time I would fuck your sister, I was thinking of you.” 

© tattookoo. all rights reserved 2023.