stella’s library

It took you two days to respond to your friends again. The weekend was really on your side, letting you cry in your bedroom without disturbance. You weren’t crying because he cheated or she betrayed your trust. At this moment you couldn’t give a smaller fuck about them. You were crying because you were so fucking mad and there was nothing you could do about it that wouldn’t make you look like a crazy ex girlfriend. You were mad you had to pretend to not know anything Monday morning when he joined you and your friends throwing his arm around your shoulders with a kiss on your cheek.

It took everything in you to not speak up. To not yell and scream and tell him how much of a piece of shit he was. And ask how long they’d been sleeping together when you’d been dating for three years now. You needed to wait for the right moment, where suspicions wouldn’t raise about your course of actions, and this calm facade you’d carefully constructed over the years wouldn’t break. So you let him pull you away from Jieun and Soo Ah, and take you over to his friends, showing you off almost.

“She’s my lucky charm, right babe? We haven’t lost a single game since the season started,” Hobi said smiling widely. You nodded your head, forcing a smile on your face when he spoke about the basketball season this year. “I’m just nervous for next week’s, I heard their team is good,” Namjoon sighed, looking over to you, “So you better work your magic soon because we’re close to semifinals already.”

Later on in that day you let Hoseok walk you home. The apartment complex was a bit farther from the University. It was located in a college district, where majority of the people living there were college students from different schools. It was cheap housing and was just in reach of the neighboring school to have a mix of students living in the area. “Are we still studying for Calc?” Hobi had asked slowing down in front of the cement steps leading to the building.

“We should break up,” you said abruptly, watching his face instantly change to one of confusion. His brows furrowed, mouth slightly open as he searched your face for any sign of this being a joke. “You’re graduating soon and I’ve got a lot on my plate, so I think it’s good to take time away from each other.”

He scoffed nervously, “Then say you want to take time for whatever you have going on. There’s no need to break up, what we have works.”

“Does it?” You questioned, tilting your head the same way you had done to Soo Ah, “I don’t think that’s true. It’s been three years Hobi, and we’re not any closer than what we were back then. Doesn’t that say something to you?” You began the journey up the steps, looking in your bag for keys, “Think of it like this, now you’ve got all this free time to work on your 3-pointers before next week.”

A part of you was waiting for a text from Soo Ah, asking why you broke up with Hoseok. But then again that’d only prove that he spoke to her more deeply or else how would she know. The only person blowing up your phone was Hobi.

hobi: don’t u think you’re being irrational?

hobi: please just tell me what I did wrong bc I thought things were going great

hobi: are u seriously gonna ignore me?

missed call from hobi (7)

The next day you got ready for class just like any other day, except the night before you’d been crying. This time you actually were crying over the kid. You’d been together since your first year. He’d been one of the upperclassmen showing you around during orientation. You played your part in your flirting game, and were hard to get. It took him two weeks of buttering you up at social outings and during free time to even get a date. He enjoyed the chase, he always had. So it didn’t come as a surprise when he went for your best friend, someone he couldn’t have. Except she didn’t put up much of a fight either but you weren’t going to call her out just yet.

You weren’t blaming her, it was both of them. Him from being in the relationship, and her for not caring about your friendship enough to not sleep with your fucking boyfriend.

“Where’s Hoseok? I haven’t seen him come looking for you at all today,” Soo Ah was the first to speak up about it, expectedly that is. You just shrugged, not pulling your eyes away from your open textbook as you copied down paraphrases, “I don’t know, we broke up.”

“Wait what?” Jieun asked a bit louder than the rest of you. A few eyes turned her way but she didn’t care as she looked to you genuinely confused. Soo Ah’s reaction was a bit more delayed, too collected and calm before feigning distraught, “What? You’re joking right.”

“No, I broke up with him last night,” you continued watching the way her brow twitched for a minute, maybe he told her otherwise. You reached for your phone, unlocking it and going to your missed calls and texts showing him practically beg for you to think it over before leaving him. “See?”

“Why?” Soo Ah asked, tone slightly edgier than before. You shrugged her off, “Don’t know, wasn’t feeling it anymore.”

“You do this all the time,” Soo Ah sighed, “You ruin every good thing that comes to you just because I’m bored.”

“I do,” you agreed, “But why do you seem so bothered by it?” Jieun looked over to Soo Ah, watching the way she gripped her laptop. The girl sighed putting her things away quickly, “Because I care about you and hate seeing you ruin every good thing to happen to you.”

When you saw Hoseok across the courtyard later on he looked normal. He wasn’t the type to make a big fuss over things, at least not publicly. But when he saw you, and his friends waved you over, he pushed out of the group in your direction, “We need to talk.”

“I don’t think we do.”

You didn’t leave your bedroom till it was dark out already. You left through the sliding doors in your living room to your balcony. Taking a seat in the hammock, you looked up to the stars scattering across Seoul. It was hard to pay attention to anything though with whatever was going on next door. That was partially the reason why you found yourself outside. Your neighbor was throwing another one of his weekly parties and you couldn’t do any work with that loud shit music playing. Your peace and tranquillity had been crushed when he stepped out to his balcony, just next to yours. A cigarette in hand as he looked around until his eyes landed on you.

“Music too loud?” He mumbled due to the unlit cancer stick hanging off his lips. You ignored the way his eyes traveled down your bare legs hidden by the oversized hoodie belong to a certain piece of shit who was never going to see this comfy lump of fabric ever again. “Isn’t it always?” You asked. The corner of his mouth tilted up as his head fell forward, “You got to the University down east from here, right?”

“Why?” You asked, brows furrowed in suspicion. He took a step toward you as much as his little block of space let him anyway. He leaned against the railing facing you, “Because we play you next week in basketball.”

Your eyes shot up, “Next week?” He nodded clicking his tongue, “Doesn’t your boyfriend play? I’ve seen him come around in his jersey.”

“Ex-boyfriend, but yeah he does,” his ears perked up at your correction. He nodded, “Well this Friday I’m having another little get together, you know how it is. And you’re welcome to come, bring anyone you want.” He tapped against the railing turning his back to you, “Oh,” he looked back again, “I’m Jungkook.”

“Y/n.”

On Friday night, you did just that. You brought Jieun along with you, leaving Soo Ah to her own plans surely with your ex boyfriend. Poor Jieun, you thought, you couldn’t bring yourself to tell her about the turn of events and be stuck between which childhood friend she’d side with. Not necessarily childhood, but high school, close enough. “Why is this the first time I’m meeting your neighbor?” Jieun asked waiting with you at the door.

“Do I know any of your neighbors?” You asked just as the door opened, Jungkook standing in a loose black t-shirt exposing the tattoos you only ever caught a glimpse of. “You listened,” Jungkook smiled eyeing Jieun quickly before leading you in, “You’re welcome to anything on the counter. The bathroom’s first door on the right, and um, yeah.”

You shrugged him off pulling Jieun along with you. “So why didn’t you invite Soo Ah?” She asked you. You licked your lips nervously, “She’s been busy with her Psych partner on weekends and I guess I just assumed tonight wouldn’t be any different.” Psych partner or Hobi, you wouldn’t say. Jieun wasn’t the type to press for answers and left it at that. Halfway through the night Jungkook joined you two. He brought drinks over for you. “So how does it feel to be on this side of the wall?” He almost shouted in your ear over the loud music.

“Surprisingly just the same,” you spoke loudly, thanking him for the drink. He nodded, “You weren’t kidding when you said you and your boyfriend broke up, I had a feeling something was up the other night.”

Your eyes hardened, his staring down at you with instant regret as Jieun looked over to you. The night he was implying to was the one he found you during your mascara ruined breakdown. He cleared his throat, “Jieun, right? How do you know Y/n?”

Jieun looked over to him, familiar heart eyes set for your neighbor, “We went to high school together. Me, her, Soo Ah.”

“And where’s this Soo Ah then?” He looked down at her with a mesmerizing smile. She shrugged, “Doing God knows what.” He was a flirt, that was a fact.

“Why don’t we go play a round of beer pong?” He threw his arm over your shoulders pulling you back into the conversation. You dropped your head back, “I’m awful, like complete shit.” Jieun disappeared to the bathroom leaving you two alone for a moment.

“Then you’ll be on my team and let me show off,” he said. “Why not wait for Jieun? She’s super good,” you said letting him drag you away from where you had been hanging out. “Who do you think I’m trying to show off to?” Your face lit up.

“Are you into my friend?” You asked, smile on your face making him snicker. “She’s cute, not my type but yeah I guess.”

“Y/n!” Jieun called out to you before you could reach the crowd around the beer pong table. You looked back to your friend who pushed through the crowd to get to you. “Soo Ah just called me, she was crying over something and asked if I could come over. Come on let’s go.”

“She asked you to come over, not me,” You specified finding your position at the table. Jungkook looked over to you, noticing your harsh tone. Jieun sighed, “Come on you know she’d want you there too. Let’s go.”

“If I leave this party it’s because I’m gonna go to bed, so why don’t you just text me or call me when you’re in the cab?” You said stubbornly. Jieun huffed in annoyance, nodding her head as she left quickly. Jungkook chuckled, shaking his head as he looked away from you, “Are you sure that Soo Ah chick is your friend?”

“It’s a long story,” you sighed taking the pong balls out of the last player’s hands. He reached for your wrist, “I’ve got time.”

“No offense, but it shouldn’t matter to you. So let’s just play this game like you wanted to, and there,” you said. His grip didn’t loosen, “Then I don’t want to play anymore so I guess it’s just you.”

You took a step back, “Weren’t you the one who wanted to play?” He didn’t miss the roll of your eyes in clear annoyance, he just couldn’t tell if it was because of him or anybody else. “Well now I don’t, what now?” He teased, enjoying this little back and forth the two of you were having though you just formally met earlier in the week.

“I’ll go to bed then, I guess,” you sighed checking the time on your phone. He rolled his eyes, “You give up just like that? No fight, nothing?”

“Oh I’ll fight, but not over a drinking game,” you clarified. His brow raised, “Over what then?

“I should get going.”

The next time you saw him again, you had the unfortunate luck of walking up with him. The elevator was shut down so you were forced to take the stairs. Which actually there were worst case scenarios for walking alone up the stairs than with Jungkook. You walked closer to the cement railing overlooking the complex courtyard. The sun was setting and the sun was hitting you directly from the side. “I really did like your friend, she was cute,” he was the first to speak up.

“Yeah she’s a sweetie,” you nodded, holding your grocery bag with both hands, “She’s single too.”

“Unlike you, you seen a little more… I don’t know, uptight?” He questioned ignoring the sharp look you gave him, “I could be wrong though.”

“Jieun is super easy to talk to too, she tries to find the best in everyone so if you shot your shot in sure he’d be able to overlook whatever you’ve got going on,” there was a small hint of feistiness in your voice that brought a crooked smile to his face. He enjoyed this little friendly banter, “You know, for being recently dumped you seem pretty okay with it.”

“I wasn’t dumped,” you stopped in your tracks, “So let’s get that straight first.”

“Right, but hey!” Jungkook looked over to you, “This Friday’s the game, you better be there cheering someone on, your team or not.”

Fuck, the game was this weekend. And normally you’d only care because of how anxious Hoseok would get before games. You’d usually have to give him some space or he’d snap at you for being clingy even though all you did was ask if he wanted a drink. Now, you found yourself interested in the game solely because Jungkook was playing. And now knowing your neighbor was going to play against your ex boyfriend, it made things much more interesting than before. Maybe you would swing by the game, just to hopefully watch Jungkook’s team beat Hoseok’s ass.

And he was wrong. It wasn’t that you were okay after the break up, you were just a master of hiding it. Between feeling your schedule with useless things you have yourself very little time about the cheating ex boyfriend of yours. And Soo Ah too, you didn’t think of her as a friend but you kept her close. You had it all planned out in your head, how things would unfold and who would say what almost like a script that you’d written. So far things had been going your way. Neither suspected you knew about their rendezvous together and however many times they had them, but he knew he did something wrong. And you could tell it was eating him alive, the uncertainty of where he went wrong. Because even though you both knew what was wrong, he didn’t know you caught onto him cheating. He thought that maybe there was another reason, since surely you couldn’t know about it, Soo Ah said she didn’t say anything after all. So you still recieved at least one text every night asking you to call or answer his calls. And messages begging to meet up because he missed you.

hobi: please just talk to me. it’s been a week already and I still don’t get what happened.

hobi: I miss u :(

hobi: I can see that ur just reading them. pls just respond

hobi: look, let’s make a deal

hobi: if you go to the game on friday, my lucky charm, that means u miss me too

hobi: if u don’t. I get it. we’re done

His lucky charm. Of course he’d ask you to go to the game as his way of needing closure or not. What he didn’t know was how you were already planning on going, just not for him.

On Friday night you found yourself in the bleachers with Jieun and Soo Ah. Soo Ah didn’t know you knew she was a backstabbing bitch, but possibly she sensed it. Or better yet, she felt guilty because she’s been distancing herself from you lately. Not that you minded much

And it was hard to miss the huge smile Hoseok had on his face when his eyes scanned the bleachers and found you sitting. He waved over to you, waiting for you to do the same but you never did. He shook his head, focusing on his warm ups. What mattered was that you were here and he felt like they couldn’t lose now. Except in the first half they were down three, you were right. He should’ve been practicing his 3-pointers. So at halftime he found himself with his hand ducked down and clearly out of breath, this wasn’t how the game was supposed to go. You were supposed to show up, express how you messed up and missed him too much to be away from him, and they’d be in the lead.

“Wait, isn’t that Y/n?” Yoongi asked pointing to the bleachers. Hoseok’s head shot up, immediately finding you, but this time you were blocked by a Jersey.

“Thought you wouldn’t make it,” Jungkook said during half time, clearly out of breath. You could’ve sworn every girl’s head turned when he passed and eyes bulged out when he stood in front of you wearing the opposing team’s jersey and looking that good in it.

“Well, unfortunately I couldn’t turn down Hoseok’s latest begging for me to come,” you said clearly, knowing Soo Ah was listening. She nudged Jieun trying to get answers but Jieun didn’t say anything. Jungkook looked over to her, smiling in her direction in acknowledgment before pushing you leg over so he could sit in the empty space.

From across the court you could Hoseok stand up, eyes locked on Jungkook as he almost sped in your direction.

“Babe, do you know this guy? Is he bothering you?” Hoseok asked stepping over to you. You looked up at him with furrowed brows noticing the way his nostrils flared this time from anger or exhaustion you couldn’t tell.

“Babe?” Jungkook looked over to you with a playful smirk on his face, “Listen man, we were just havi—“

“Was I talking to you?” Hoseok asked staring down at Jungkook. Jungkook looked up at him, eyes sparkling in mischief, “No but you were talking around me, so I answered. Now what?”

“Listen dude, you don’t know me so don’t try me,” Hoseok stood taller. You stared at the two, not caring much for intervening but more so the entertaining aspect of it. Jungkook stood up, almost immediately making you regret what you had just thought seeing his broad shoulders and muscular back flex as he tightened his muscles.

“Or what? Judging based on your playing, I’d say luck is on my side,” Jungkook said. Hoseok licked his lips nervously, “Why are you talking to my girl?”

“Last time I checked she’s not your girl,” Jungkook smiled. Hoseok took a step forward, more eyes turning your way to watch the scene unfold. Hoseok’s jaw tensed, “Don’t fuck with me kid—“

“What are you gonna do? Get mad?” Jungkook scoffed. You looked up just in time for the halftime to finish, loud buzzing filling your ears as you looked over to the two.

“Hobi come on,” you could hear Jin call for him, “Drop it, let’s play.”

“You should go too Jungkook,” you urged him on once the others had taken Hoseok away before things escalated. He looked over to you, eyes glancing to Jieun before he smiled cutely, a huge contrast to the look he’d been giving your ex boyfriend.

“What was that all about?” Soo Ah asked watching Jungkook jump onto court from the bottom bleachers, “How do you know that guy? Looks like a thug.”

By the end, Jungkook’s team won by seven points. And as everyone in the gym filed out including the players, the tension was still high between everyone including the two boys.

“You’re mad that you lost the game and your girlfriend. Don’t take it out on me just because I’m a better player,” you could hear Jungkook say. A crowd had began forming and you managed to wedge yourself in the middle of it. Hoseok’s hand clenched to a fist, “You have no clue who the fuck you’re talking to.”

“I’m talking to you,” he answered quickly not stepping down from the older player. Hoseok looked around, eyes landing on you and his face hardened, his wall breaking down finally, “This why you wanted to break up? You were fucking around with this lowlife?”

“And what if she was?” Jungkook asked coming to your side, “It’s still an upgrade from you.” Hoseok pushed at Jungkook suddenly, the guy stumbling back a step.

“Dude, step off,” Jungkook moved forward, tongue poking against his cheek. You finally made a decision to intervene as stupid as it sounded. You reach for Jungkook’s duffel bag, holding the strap and tugging, “Kook, just let it go, let’s go home or something. You won anyway.”

Hoseok looked over to you, Jungkook doing the same. He licked his lips turning toward you. He nodded, giving in instantly, “You’re right. Let’s go home.” A playful smirk on his face at your choice of words as he grabbed your wrist and pulled you away from the crowd.

Your ex boyfriend’s face livid as he watched you go off with Jeon Jungkook, possibly the cause of the sudden break up between the two, at least in Hoseok’s mind.

| next

hey besties. It’s midnight and I just finished this chapter. it was kind of quick and a little too forward but it’s just setting the mood for the rest of the story.

“We need one last look-over the contracts to finalize. I think the visit this weekend will finally see us wrapping this up. And then inauguration one month from now.” Seokjin’s voice fills the enclosed space of Jungkook’s car, a slight echo to his voice coming from the speakers.

“Sounds good, hyung. Good work.” He tells his cousin, right hand and the COO of his company.

“Hey, is Ira coming this weekend?” He asks. His question leaves Jungkook wondering. He assumes she will.

“Haven’t discussed it yet, could be good for her though. We can make a getaway of it.” He replies, head already swimming with ideas of how refreshing a family trip could be for the three of them.

“Alright, kid. Send my love.” Seokjin says, making him let out a light chuckle, before the line goes silent.

In the road ahead, the sun resumes its steady descend. His home comes to view at the very end of the street, the colours of the sky dancing against the sleek white walls. It’s been a long day and he’s tired. Now more than ever, with the inauguration of the new addition to his chain of hotels nearing, he craves the grounding feeling of being home – two familiar faces awaiting. One full of unconditional love.

He parks his cls next to hers, the sleek white shade contrasting against his black one. Grabbing his phone and keys from the cup holder, he exits the car, climbing the steps to his front door and inserting the code that unlocks it.

Home. He takes pride in the need he holds for it, how much he craves it, how much he wants to be the backbone of the one he built. The idea of family gets morphed when you’re brought into an immeasurable amount of wealth. His parents, although good intentioned, lacked the warmth he so badly wants to install in his own roots.

He wants his daughter to grow up in a house that doesn’t look like a showroom, a distinctive smell swarming its spaces, one she’ll hold in the back of her memory until she has kids of her own. Home, never lacking the coziness a touch of love can bring a space, no matter how vast. He wants her mother to be half of that love, more than anything. Because he wants that love for her, more than anything.

He heads upstairs, the house eerily quiet. It’s two hours to bed time and he assumes Ira is winding Soori down for the night.

He reaches the top of the stairs and begins walking down the long corridor, passing a room, then two, until he finally reaches Soori’s nursery. The door is wide open and as he steps in, he sees Ira standing in front of her crib, back to him, almost hovering. He sees Soori fast asleep, blanket covering her tiny body, pacifier moving gently to the in and out of her suckling, a tight grip on her favorite giraffe plushie on her chubby baby fist.

“Hey, beautiful.” He says to Ira, though she doesn’t move from the place he found her in. “Why is she asleep so early? Fun day?” He asks, voice filled with hope. He pictures the two of them by the warm sun, basking in the easiness of the season. They’ve been introducing Soori to the water – the idea of the two of them splashing in the big pool pulling his lips upwards in a soft smile.

It doesn’t linger, the smile. Ira turns around, a sombre look to her face, unable to hold his gaze for more than a second as she redirects her eyes to the floor.

“Jungkook…,” She begins, voice barely a whisper, but ever so stern.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” He asks, approaching her, instinctively resting his hands on her arms before they come up as she holds herself, bracing her front.

“I booked a job. In New York.” She says, eyes finally meeting his.

“Ahh! That’s great! That’s amazing, Ira.” Jungkook says, pulling her into a hug she doesn’t return. He knows how badly she’s been craving this. A breakthrough, a taste of independence – the power of knowing she could hold all titles whilst still being mom. “We can make a trip of it! We could all go.” He muses, excitement lacing his voice as he pulls away, eyes scanning for hers.

“It’s this weekend-” She begins, but his words bring hers to a halt.

“Ah, I have that business trip but hey, you take the plane, alright?” Jungkook knows how much Ira hates flying. Long haul flights doing a thing to her nerves that require a dose or two of her therapist’s strongest prescription drug. This all comes ironically, considering her title – It girl, world-renowned model, Ira Sommersmith.

“No, Jungkook. No.” She says, arms coming to rest at her sides, pushing his hold on them away as she takes one step back, creating distance between them. The action is loud to Jungkook, the emotional space between them being too much to bear for his heart and her actions breaking it all over again.

“Bab-” He stops himself, the pet name fresh on his tongue, remembering how she’s come to despise it as Jungkook began adapting it to Soori, too. “Ira.” He says, his voice a plead, a prayer. He doesn’t know what the prayer entails but he’ll start mentally chanting it, bracing himself for impact.

“I’m leaving, Jungkook. I need to- I need to go. For good.” Her voice lacks hesitation, no pause. He simply stares at her, dumbfounded, numb to the effect his body is taking, cold sweats breaking through him. “I’m sorry. This is- you play this role too well, Jungkook. I just can’t seem to follow the script.”

“It’s not a role.” Jungkook says, voice a whisper that makes his words hard to grasp to Ira, but she knows what he said. She knows he would say that. She takes him in, takes one last long look at his face before it breaks her. She’s not scared of backing down from her plan, she’s scared of seeing his eyes full of heart look into hers, a lack thereof.

And she can accept it. She can wholeheartedly confess she doesn’t have the heart it takes to become selfless, to give into the three that makes the whole – Jungkook’s line that he’s adapted to bring hope into the immense cloud of blue that fell upon her when it all became too real. When the idea of three became a reality one morning after he’d gone to work and she stared at the mirror, a bump bulging at the center of her otherwise lean physique. Her first thought wasn’t that of excitement but of confusion. It felt foreign and it took her aback so frantically she found herself calling her OB/GYN, voice shaky as she repeated, “it came out of nowhere, I just- I wasn’t showing yesterday…” Her panic was received by a faint laugh on the other line, reassuring her pregnancy had no fixed agenda and that her “little one” had decided to make him or herself known. She waited for the doctor’s words to hit, for the excitement to follow, but it didn’t. What truly broke her came next as the doctor took her silence for something else and ended her discourse with a, “surprise, mama!”

Ira brought her phone down, staring at the screen before abruptly hanging up. She’d hope the doctor would blame it on poor connection.

She went about her day in autopilot, waiting. Waiting for the new curvature her body was taking on to simply be an add on in the sea of hopes that her pregnancy had brought until that very morning. But it never came. It never came, and the tears that would stream down her face late at night when the world slept and the darkness accepted her thoughts as they came, weren’t due to the impatience of her heart longing to love the life she was forming inside of her. They came out of fear it would.

Ira’s heart wasn’t fragile. Quite the opposite – it lacked the fragility it requires to love unconditionally.

When Soori came into the world, she made her entrance kicking and screaming. Ira understood; the overwhelm of the space was getting to her, too. At least on that they could agree. Her wails filled the room and muffled her hearing, everything in slow motion as shock set upon her. The pain between her legs from delivering her minutes prior subsided as numbness took over. She could hear her cries nearing and she finally came out of her trance the moment the nurse placed Soori on top of her chest. She looked down at her, arms coming up to hold her tiny frame in place. And when she did, dense silence filled the room as she found comfort in her mother’s arms and her cries came to a rest, opening her eyes for the first time. Ira looked down once again and understood the meaning of unconditional love. Soori was warm against her and that’s when she knew she’d never be able to reciprocate said love. Cold shivers ran down every corner of her body, settling into her heart. She understood it, but she couldn’t feel it.

“I’m sorry,” she says again, “I tried.” The last words fade away as she turns around, taking one last look at her daughter, a part of her tries again, focusing on the heartstrings of her soul, waiting for the pull. Nothing comes and she closes her eyes, breathing in, knowing that'd be the last time she'd take in her daughter. She turns around, looking at Jungkook for a split second. He’s frozen in place, gaze lost, fixated on the pastel pink wall in front of him, unable to look at her. “Goodbye, Jungkook. You-,” she can’t tell if he’s listening but she finishes anyway, “you were good to me. Okay? You-,” she needs to get out of there, now. “Goodbye.” And with that, she leaves. Past the door of the nursery, not a beat behind, without second guessing. She leaves and doesn’t turn back to witness Jungkook’s world coming to a slow, quiet shatter. The sort of silence that settles into your bones uncomfortably.

His world stops and, in the numbness, he becomes hyperaware of his senses. He doesn’t miss her steps down the corridor and back, the sound of wheels against the floor distinct this time, down the stairs and finally, he hears the front door close.

Soori stirs behind him, a faint whine leaving her mouth as she begins to wake up.

~

Jungkook’s legs feel heavy, glued to the floor, and his eyes haven’t left that spot on the wall they fixated in when he realized that watching Ira leave would make it all that more painful. And so, he stands there, mind empty yet hazy with incoherent thoughts he can’t puzzle together. An ominous cloud fills the space as the sun finally sets and the room goes dark around him. For a minute, Jungkook basks in a thought surprisingly comforting: the worst thing has already happened. It takes him in and cradles him as he goes with that narrative.

It doesn’t last long. Soori’s cries from behind him sound distant, faint, for the briefest of seconds before they fully snap Jungkook out of his trance. His baby. He turns around and sees her little figure propped up against the bars of her crib, looking up at him, pacifier hanging from the string that attaches it to her sleeping gown. Her eyes are red and glassy with tears and he wonders for how long she’s been crying.

“Hey, hey…,” his voice is gentle, a soft coo as he reaches for Soori, flushing his chest to hers once he has her in his arms. His free hand coming up to cradle her head as he softly sways back and forth, “it’s okay, baby. I’m here… I’m here.”

Her crying comes to a halt but she fusses in his arms, little whines escaping her mouth as Jungkook settles into the rhythm he knows she finds soothing. It’s then that it dawns upon him – his brief encounter with comfort was a lie his brain told his heart. Delusion a form of survival. His hold on Soori’s head tightens a bit, almost as if to ease the impact his thoughts might have on her. The worst is yet to come. His tears fall freely now, fear and uncertainty tugging at his chest in a way that takes him aback with how physically painful it is. His hands shake and his legs feel weak, like they won’t be able to hold him, or the burden that settles through him for much longer.

He gives in before they give out, slowly lowering his legs as they cross until he can finally feel the soft fabric of the carpet underneath him. Soori’s tears release yet again the moment the swaying stops, the new position on the floor in her father’s arms making her even more restless. He holds her, whispering a string of sorry, sorry, sorry against her ear as he brings her soft cheek flush to his until their tears form an even stream of droplets falling down their faces, settling uncomfortably on their necks.

He loses track of time and he can feel, ever so distinctively, as his spirit weakens by the minute. Mind still in that haze that makes it hard to distinguish between an empty mind and a racing one. He can’t find the words and as soon as his worries fixate on one thing in particular, he swerves around it. Not really letting his brain linger on just one to nit-pick, instead preferring the overwhelm of them all combined, thrown at him together. He rather not know what exactly scares him the most about this situation.

Usually enticed by challenge, this one finds him unwilling. He wants nothing more than to lower his whole body to the floor, hold his baby and close his heavy lids until he falls into a deep slumber. But he knows he can’t. Soori can’t stay still. Soori crawls. Soori is small but mighty and it would take her a matter of minutes to find her way to the stairs. Soori’s cries bounce on the walls, getting louder and louder. He wonders if she had her night bottle. Soori nibbles on her hand the way she’s come to do as she teethes, face scrunched up in discomfort. Soori needs him.

Soori came into the world kicking and screaming and with a healthy shade of pink adorning her tiny body that finally made Jungkook release the breath he’d been holding from the moment he could see her head from his position next to Ira as he held her hand. His first thought was how small she was, he couldn’t shake the fear of having her in his arms, wondering if she’d fit just right. Her cries restored something inside of him he’d long lost when he was very young and the harshness of the world tumbled down upon him, stripping him of an innocence he knew he’d want his daughter to carry for as long as she could. The overwhelm in his heart when he cut her umbilical chord was the sweetest he’d experience; and when she was finally placed in her mother’s chest and he could allow the world to slow down around him to take in his daughter for the first time, he made an unspoken vow. Love would always be stronger. Hope would always prevail. As long as she needed him, those two would be the root of his every action. Strength found its way to a corner of his heart that was growing by the second the more he stared at Soori. He’d take on the bravery of the world so as to make hers softer. And he’d love her in all of his lives.

He gets up, body feeling lethargic but adjusting his grip on his daughter’s body, putting his whole consciousness there. He doesn’t trust his limbs.

“Are you hungry, baby?” He asks her. It’s rhetoric, for various reasons. “Yeah, you are.” He says, even though he’s not sure. He begins the trip towards the kitchen, forcing a mental strain to go about his every step. To wrap around his every thought. To figure out where to go from here.

He reaches the bottom of the stairs, stopping by the living room first to lay her gently on the couch before removing her sleeping gown, setting her free from the restraints and letting her legs kick at him. Her demeanour changed and when he stares into her eyes, slightly envious of how her tears have seemed to dry, she smiles at him. It’s a wide grin that flashes him her two little bottom teeth that are beginning to come through and his heart melts at the sight. His heart hurts but she nurses the wound slowly and he can’t help but smile back at her. It takes him aback at times – how in nine short months he’s come to grow so enamoured with this fun-sized version of a human that demands so much time, attention and energy from him. But it’s moments like these, when she shines light into his dark corners with just a smile, that he understands. She holds more power in her two peeking bottom teeth than half of the things Jungkook thought gave him purpose nine months ago when she made her entrance into the world. Kicking and screaming and pink.

He cradles her in his arms once again as he stands up and positions her to rest at his waist. She instinctively grabs his ear – another one of the habits she’d picked up recently. Jungkook likes knowing he’s able to soothe her, almost mindlessly. Something catches his eye and he recognizes it immediately. Ira’s phone, resting on top of the coffee table. He leans, tapping the screen until it flashes back at him. Her wallpaper is a picture of her and Jungkook, taken three years prior, at the beginning of their relationship. Their happy faces stare back at him – mocking him. He scoffs. Nothing’s funny but he’s laughing because he can’t allow himself a fit of anger right now. And crying sounds too exhausting, his eyes too tired.

It hits him again, not that he needed much confirmation. It hits him that she’s not looking back. It hits him that she left with every intention to not spare them a second glance. It hit him that wherever she is, their realities are so different now. The moment she walked out that door she left nothing and everything that mattered behind. She freed herself from her role and walked steadily into the direction of whatever she deems as freedom. Ira was never one to ease into things. It used to be something that excited him. He looked at her and at times his brain painted flames of fiery orange seeping through her. Bold, confident – fearless.

He stands in front of the kitchen counter, one handing the process of making Soori’s bottle. Eyes lost, not really following the formula as it goes inside the bottle, the water – its temperature. Too hot? No, too cold. He puts it inside the bottle warmer, pushes the button and waits. He asks himself if he’s surprised or just heart broken. Mentally, he shakes the Jungkook from two hours ago and asks him, “did you not see it coming? Were you trying or were you lying to yourself?” The conclusion he draws feels like not enough. He saw it coming, yes. For over a year now he’s felt like the path he’s been walking went from eggshells to shattered glass – unavoidable, painful, way too fucking loud. So, he knew. He knew his feet would give out. He knew she was going to cut through all of him one day. Yet as much knowledge as he held when it came to his situation, he could’ve never seen this coming. He’d imagine their impending doom hitting him in the face eventually. They weren’t married, she could just leave at any moment. She could leave him at any moment. He’d set her free and he’d still give Soori a home, doubled in love to make up for her parent’s distance and the back and forth she’d have to endure. He would’ve tried. More couple’s therapy, individual counselling, all the help he could muster to get from friends and family. Trips to bond, trips to escape. He did all that and he would’ve done more. Because he loved her. He loves her.

He’s not sure when their love became mechanical, a form of habit. Disappointment tends to do that to people, he reckons. But he still did love her and he tried. Not just because of Soori but because of Ira, too. And because of them. Not the three, but the two they used to be. The same two that rest on top of his coffee table, trapped inside a memory forever, unaware of the future ahead but so hopeful. He loved the love they had and so for that reason, he loved her.

The bottle warmer beeps and he takes it out of the sleek looking machine. Soori bounces in his hold, excited. “Come on, missy. Let’s have dinner.” He tells her and she throws some unintelligible baby noises at him.

He heads back to the living room and sits them down on the couch. He props Soori against a pillow and feeds her the bottle. What are we going to do, he thinks, but brushes the thought away. This weight falls on his shoulders and he makes yet another unspoken vow as he stares down at her. He promises her a soft impact, painless whenever it can. He promises to hold her and coax her through it, to ease the burden and to explain with lullabies when the time is right. He stares at her until her eyes flutter, beginning a sleepy dance as she fights to stay awake, holding her feet in her small hands. A silent tear falls down his eyes and that’s the last sight, slightly blurry because of her long eyelashes, between her heavy lids before she falls into a peaceful slumber.

~

He paces around the living room. He paces the way he does when ideas are brewing inside his head at work – new locations, new investors, new partnerships. Ideas, ideas, ideas. He’s good at coming up with them. He’s good at quick solutions to whatever problem might arise – it’s what made his father ease so effortlessly into an early retirement after teaching Jungkook the ins and outs of the so-called empire he now calls his.

Soori sleeps on the couch. The pillow she’d been propped up in now besides her, building a barrier between her body and the soft cushions. He knows she’d be off better in her crib but the idea terrified him, made him feel alone.

Ideas, ideas, ideas yet he can’t come up with a single one. A part of him tells him there’s not much left to do. It tells him that it’s been done. That it’s time to move on with his life, with their lives. But the mere idea of taking the leap – of moving on, finds him scared, confused and shatters him more and more. It also reminds him of the way she so casually walked out, like it didn’t matter. She set flame to the fire and didn’t even linger around long enough to watch it burn. It angers him, her carelessness. He’s not like that, never has been, and he’s not going to start now. He knows forcing himself to move on will only repercuss in him breaking even further in the long run. So, his first idea is to face the reality. But he can’t right now, he feels too alone, too small. He has to push his heroic persona aside and admit defeat. And so he does.

His second idea finds him seeking comfort. He can’t be comfort to Soori if he’s just breaking. He knows he’s going to break; he knows this is just the beginning, but he needs there to be more to it. He retrieves his phone from his back pocket, inhaling loudly as he unlocks it. He needs a friend. He has a couple, another thing he takes pride in, but he knows this situation is way too sensitive. He thinks of Seokjin, his contact the most recent call on his phone, but he quickly diverts. Suelgi, his wife, had grown rather fond of Ira and in a way, she’d become her confidant amidst the whirlwind that was motherhood. He doesn’t feel like delivering news that will require him comforting someone else to that extent – he can barely comfort himself, let alone his friend.

His eyes find Taehyung’s name on the screen, also a recent contact on his call history. Yes, good – this is good. Taehyung is good. Him and Mai have been a constant in Jungkook’s life for as long as he can remember. He’s seen them go from high school sweethearts to a painful college breakup that luckily ended up in them finding their way back to each other. It took Taehyung approximately 37 days to ask her to marry him. He’d never seen two people sport a last name with more pride – The Kims. Nowadays they also go by mom and dad. They’re Soori’s godparents and Jungkook’s best friends. He taps on his contact and the first ring against his ear sounds obnoxiously loud. His head pounds against his skull.

“Yo, you’re on speaker phone!” Taehyung’s voice, enthusiastic as always, fills the speakers. Jungkook stays quiet.

“Ggukie, we were just about to call you!” It’s Mai’s voice on the phone now. “Dae is down for the night and we just popped open that bottle of Don Julio 1942 Tae got after the inauguration of the gallery. He had an early mid-life crisis after Monsters Inc had him shedding tears before bedtime.” Jungkook can hear Taehyung’s gasp of offense at his wife’s confession somewhere in the background. He’s unable to make a sound as Mai continues. “He’s insisting we do something crazy to ‘feel young again’ so shots on a Wednesday it is!” she mocks.

“I…,” Jungkook begins – but where does he even start?

Taehyung grabs the phone from Mai, “come on, tell Irie. Soo can sleep in Dae’s old bassinet.”

“Ira’s gone.” He blurts out. It’s abrupt and probably not the best way to break the news but the pet name breaks him and he doesn’t think he can stay in their bliss for a second longer.

“Gone where?” Taehyung asks innocently and even though his question makes Jungkook’s temple throb in pain he doesn’t pin it against him.

But silence is all he can offer.

“Oh…,” Mai starts – intuitive as ever. Her voice is soft, and already Jungkook releases a bit of tension in his shoulders, knowing she understood. “Oh, Gguk…”

“I just-”

“Come over, Gguk. Or we can go – as you wish. Just say the words.” Mai comforts.

“No, I’ll go. I need to get out of here.” And those are the surest words that leave his mouth that night.

~

He’s gentle with Soori as he straps her into her car seat. She’s a heavy sleeper, just like him, but he still holds his breath as he settles her down and gets her ready for the road. He double checks the diaper bag and when everything ticks off his mental list he heads for the driver’s seat.

Soori sleeps and he tries to focus on the road and just the road. No music on the stereo. Just full focus on what he can see from his windshield as he takes turns on the wide streets of his neighbourhood and mental turns in his head, swerving all the painful thoughts away.

The quiet lasts maybe a total of three minutes before Soori’s wide awake and back to inconsolable crying. She’s not a whiny baby – her demeanour often praised for being so peaceful, big eyes taking in the world around her as she graces it with her softness. But she’s been in and out of sleep, out of schedule, and Jungkook knows she misses Ira.

Because when Ira said she tried, she wasn’t lying. She tried, she did. She breastfed until it was physically painful. She did the exhausting night feeds right alongside Jungkook and then what felt like ten years with no rest as Soori was sleep training. She gave her baths, took her to Thursday brunch with her friends, read her books before bedtime. When they took weekend trips to get away from routine, Ira got this aura about her – something bordering on happiness that she carried so effortlessly. It would leave Jungkook hopeful – but his hopes would crash the moment they settled back home. Her therapists’ suggestions for bonding with Soori all made sense to Ira. In fact, they were so good she almost believed them. Sometimes they would have long days in the sun, fun family gatherings where the affection Jungkook’s parents would give Soori would fill her with something that almost felt like pride. They would sit in the grass of their big garden and watch her play with his family dog and a glimpse of hope would knock on the closed doors of her heart. Those days felt so good, but the sun eventually set and the air would feel sombre again as they drove back to their house. Totheir lives. Deep within, Ira wished she could enjoy the day without having to take it back home with her.

The love Ira gave Soori was also mechanical. But Soori didn’t know better – all she saw was love. And warmth. And the smell of her mom’s clothes as she rocked her to sleep. The sound of her voice as she begged her to, ‘please be good. Please don’t cry. I can’t take it anymore,’ when Jungkook would leave and she’d have a whole day ahead of a life that felt like a chore. All Soori heard was lullabies because she doesn’t know better.

“We’re almost there, baby. Shh, Soo. You’re alright, pretty girl.” He says, but he doesn’t think she can hear him with how loudly she’s crying.

Soori misses her mom.

Jungkook cries, too. And, taking advantage of her high-pitched mewls that fill the confined space, he sobs too.

~

Jungkook parks behind Taehyung’s car in their driveway. He grips the steering wheel, afraid the moment his friends take them in it will all become too real. He sits there – Soori’s cries less sporadic this time, almost like she gave up on getting her father’s attention. He opens his door, welcoming the soft breeze inside his car for a brief moment before he’s closing it and heading towards the backseat.

Mai had been standing next to her window for the past fifteen minutes. Heir brain had been running around in circles, wondering how exactly things escalated, how they got to this point. She fears for her friend’s sanity, knowing Jungkook had been walking a thin line for as long as her memory remembers her very own excitement over Soori’s prompt arrival.

She sees his car drive in front of her house, taking a swift turn until he’s finally parked in her driveway. She can’t see much but she can paint a mental picture of Jungkook just sitting there, lost – an expression she’s seen him adapt more and more lately. She perks up at the sight of him but her face falls into a frown the minute she sees him walk back to the backseat.

“What-?” she whispers to herself. “Tae, Gguk is here. With… Soori,” she says, watching her little head come out of the backseat of his car.

“Soori?” Taehyung asks, confusion lacing his voice, a frown adorning his face.

Mai walks quickly to the front door, opening it before Jungkook reaches it. His eyes meet hers and he sighs. He notices her eyes fixated on Soori, who’s own are red and swollen from crying, whimpers still leaving her lips. Her breath is erratic and Jungkook feels her little body jolt as she begins to let out another cry. Mai’s confused expression lets Jungkook know that of course, his friends were expecting Ira to leave him. They were expecting Soori to leave him, too, by pure default. That’s just how the narrative usually unfolds, doesn’t it?

But the narrative isn’t catering to Jungkook’s best interests. Their narrative is far from what you would consider normal.

“Come in, Gguk. What-,” she begins, but opts not to bombard him with the hard questions right away. “Come in.”

Taehyung immediately reaches for Soori who falls into his arms seamlessly. “Hey, princess. Hey, you’re alright Soori girl. Come here.” He coos and she begins to soften at his voice, “that’s a big girl. Stop growing up.” He tells her, his last request a whisper, as he brings her cheek to his, holding her in embrace – comforting her.

Jungkook steps inside their home, its warmth embracing him immediately and he’s glad he came here.

Taehyung and Mai got an unexpected influx of money before Dae was born. The gallery they’d been running attracting a different sort of crowd all of a sudden. The curiosity and modernity of the curation they’d put their hearts and souls (and savings) into attracting a crowd of curious yet wealthy collectors, investors and sole lovers of the craft. One turned into two galleries, then three and now recently, four. They amount their success to the faith of the people, the artists and the consumers and the ones that were simply driven by the passion for it. Mai was seven months pregnant when they upgraded from their small one-bedroom apartment to their four-bedroom, white picket fenced home. The very first materialization of that first taste of big-time money.

The first words she let out when she stepped inside were, “I can’t wait for toys to litter these shiny floors.” And litter them they did, giving it a feel of family Jungkook admired and promised himself his own wouldn’t lack. Ira hated clutter though.

“Let’s sit down, okay?” Mai says calmly, holding onto his arm. His steps are a bit hesitant and wobbly – if she didn’t know better, she’d think he was drunk.

“Okay.” He returns.

Taehyung follows behind him, a quiet Soori nuzzled against his shoulder, breath fanning the crook of his neck that grows steadier within the second. Now more than ever, Jungkook is grateful for the soothing effect he has on her.

He sits down, Mai occupying the spot besides him. Taehyung stays positioned on his feet before them, gently swaying Soori from side to side as her body grows limp, temping sleep.

His head comes forward, gaze fixated on his shoes. He breaks. “She left us. She just… left. Said she’d booked a job in New York. I thought she’d be gone for a week at most. But then she said she’d be gone for good. She,” his words get stuck in his throat, pain unleashing inside of him all over again at the fresh memories, “said she tried. Took one last look at Soori and then just… left.”

As soon as his recollection of the story comes to an end, he realizes just how short it was. His life came to an abrupt stop and then took a 180 degree turn in the span of what Jungkook deems to have been five minutes.

He never wants to utter the words she said again.

He’s crying and Taehyung wants nothing more than to hold him, let him know that it will all be okay. But he’s finding it hard to believe it himself, so he leaves the words of comfort to Mai. His arms instinctively wrap tighter around Soori – heart breaking at the realization she’d been abandoned, too.

“Come here,” Mai says, wrapping her arm around him and letting him cry, head against her shoulder, his own shaking as silent tears spill from his eyes.

“Do you think she’ll come back, Gguk?” Taehyung asks, even though he knows the answer. He’s always found it easier to console after knowing the facts, not believing in the whole ignorance is bliss bullshit.

He shakes his head. His voice is quiet when he says, “No. She left her phone behind, her half of the closet was empty. I’m not even sure it’s New York where she was headed.”

Mai shakes her head in disbelief. Her motherly instincts take on flight or fight mode as she tries to grasp just how someone could do something like that.

“Okay…,” Taehyung begins, sitting down next to him. “Listen to me,” but Jungkook’s gaze is still transfixed to the floor. “Jungkook-ah.”

“Huh?” He says, voice distant, eyes still lost.

“We’ll figure it out. Okay? You and Soori- you’re not alone. We’re here and we’ll figure it out. You’ve got us, the both of you.” Jungkook nods at his friends’ words. Taehyung rests his head on top of his shoulder. He’s grateful for his reassurance, even if he doesn’t fully believe it.

They don’t press on any further, well aware this is not the time to dissect the situation. He lets Mai pull him to his feet. She asks him a couple of questions that he can’t fully follow so he shakes his head at every single one of them. With Soori asleep in Taehyung’s arms, he lets himself disassociate.

He follows Mai up the stairs, Taehyung right behind them. He doesn’t complain when the darkness of their guest bedroom impairs his sight slightly, finding comfort in its density. The feel of the bed against his aching body lulls him into something that almost feels like peace – senses calming down slightly, as if telling him the day has finally come to an end.

Taehyung is detaching Soori from his body, lowering her down towards the bassinet besides the bed. Jungkook jumps from his resting position in the bed, startling Mai who tries holding him back instinctively.

“No. Put her here. She- she needs to sleep with me, she-” His voice is frantic.

“It’s okay, Gguk. Look, she’s here.” Taehyung places her in the bed next to her father who follows the baby’s movement as his own head hits the mattress.

Mai builds a makeshift fort of pillows that surround Soori’s tiny frame, stacking one on top of the other for good measure. She makes a mental note to check up on her throughout the night.

“Baby monitor. Just in case he doesn’t wake up.” Taehyung says, placing one of the devices in the bedside table.

“Tae,” Mai starts but she doesn’t really know where the sentence was going. Shock settles upon her.

“I know.” He says.

“Fuck, Tae. What is he-,” Mai makes sure to hear for Jungkook’s soft snores before she finishes, “Soori’s only nine months old. How could she just leave?”

Taehyung wraps his arm around Mai, bringing her close to his chest as the same fear she’s feeling begins taking over him, too. He shakes his head. “I don’t know, baby. I- we’ll figure something out. It’ll be alright.”

Soori twitches in place, letting out a loud sigh that has Mai sure will be followed by another restless string of sobs. But Jungkook places his hand on her tummy, eyes still closed, gently rocking her as he lets out a soft coo, something so faint they can’t quite make up his words. But his daughter relaxes against his touch, falling back into a peaceful sleep.

Fear plagues him but Taehyung is sure of the words that fall past his lips next.

“They’ll be alright.”

~------------~

“Well yes, things are rocky and she had to go for a trip, then I had to go. But we’re going out tomorrow, hopefully, to finally talk things through and settle back to being normal again.”

“Oh, so that means you’re still together?”

“Well, yes.”

“So if I say, hypothetically would kiss you right now, that wouldn’t be so clever. Right?”

He looked at you, really looked at you.

“Look, I know – or like I knew you had a crush on me. Your parents were always joking around, but then they stopped mentioning it so I thought you got over that.”

This is the time when you have to be strong. Here comes the rejection. You whispered out a low “I stopped mentioning it”

“I’m sorry but, I love Yura. And I’m just too old for you. You’re not even twenty and here I am closer to thirty than twenty.”

And with that, he left the kitchen.

It’s been a few weeks since your first encounter with Jungkook in your living room. Unfortunately, you haven’t seen him since then. Well, at least not until now. You and your friends decided to go out clubbing, and what are the odds – Jungkook is here too.

This time you won’t be here for his entertainment. All this time whenever he was near you, you seek for his validation, his attention. But not this time, for once you’re going to have fun and you will pretend as he’s not even here, or better, he doesn’t even exist.

At first, it was hard not to look at his way, to not go over to him. However as the night went on, and you drank more and more drink, you’ve completely forgotten about him. You were dancing with a man – whose name you’ve already forgotten, maybe he didn’t even introduce himself, whatever – when you looked up and saw him staring straight at you.

For a moment you panicked, do you push the man away? Do you turn around so you’re not seeing him? Do you hold eye contact? Maybe it wasn’t the smartest idea of yours, but you did just that. You didn’t look away, you kept staring right into his big, brown doe eyes.

You don’t know for how many songs did you dance with the stranger while keeping contact with the man on the opposite side of the club. After a while, you got bored, fuck it. You excused yourself from the stranger’s grasp, who didn’t even flinch and was onto his next prey.

You made your way to a clearer place in the building, where you could still see Jungkook. He followed you with his eyes, saw you leaning back on the wall. One moment he was looking at you from across the room, and in the next, he was standing before you.

“What do you think you’re doing?” He asked with a voice so low, you could barely hear him because of the music.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about” You shrug “I’m having fun, isn’t that what I’m supposed to do in a club?”

“Like that?”

“Like that. Do you have a problem with it?” You could see on his face that he was more and more annoyed by every second. At this point you two were barely inches away, you were just waiting for a sign to kiss him. And a sign is what you get. When you looked into his eyes, you saw that they were looking at your lips. This could be your chance, again. So you took it, again.

You pressed your lips on him, and for a few moments, you stayed still. Waiting for him to either push you away or kiss you back. And boy, he kissed back. His hands found their way on your waist, fingers pressing into your skin. Your hands got lost in his dark locks, you were grabbing and pulling on them. Then you opened your mouth, tongue waiting for acceptance, which he gladly gave to you.

The battle for dominance quickly ended, you let him take the lead. His tongue explored your mouth, his hands grabbing your ass. You could feel him hardening under you, which made sudden wetness appear between your legs.

That night you got eaten out in one of the stalls in the poorly lit bathroom.

On Monday morning your father told you, you’d be working in the finance department for a while. One of the employees got sick and their place needed to be filled immediately.

“Who would be a better replacement than my daughter?” Said your dad.

The finance department head was none other, than the man, Jeon Jungkook himself. After he left you in the women’s bathroom on Saturday night, you haven’t heard a word from him. You’ve tried to reach out to him, texted and called him, but he straight up ignored you. The first stop was in your dad’s office, where he called Mrs Oh from the finance sector. She will be the one assigning the tasks for you.

“This will be your desk for the time remaining. For today analyze these papers, it has all the income from the last few months, look what took the most and the least money and what was beneficial. After you’re done, bring the papers to me.” She was ready to leave you alone at your desk, but she turned around last minute. “Mr. y/l/n, while I respect your father and I’ve known you since you were little this is a workplace. I’m not going to treat you differently, but you can’t use your status to slack off or to do half-done works.”

You nodded “of course”. Then you jumped into the pool of numbers and charts. You didn’t even have lunch and by the time you were done, it was already 3 pm. I’m going to dream about charts, you thought. After Mrs Oh scanned your papers, she sent you to give them to Jungkook. You didn’t expect to see him this soon, though you expected to have an encounter with him sooner or later. You knocked on his door, and when you heard the words come in, you walked inside his office. His eyes were wide, looks like he’s surprised by your presence.

“Look Yura I have to go, meet me in the lobby in 20. Bye, love you”

Yura? Love you? What’s going on? “Aren’t you two on a break?”

He cleared his throat “Mrs. y/l/n, what do I owe the pleasure to?”

“Mrs Oh sent me, she said to give you these. Charts and analyzes about the last few month’s incomes, what we’ve spent on the most, what was the most beneficial payment, things like that. But you didn’t answer my question. Are you or are you not on a break with Yura?”

“I think that’s not work-related. Therefore I’m not obligated to answer. This is work, don’t try to bring personal stuff into it.”

“Oh, but you can go on a date with her, right? Isn’t that also mixing the two?”

“You can leave” He dismissed you.

“I’m not leaving. After Saturday the least you can do is tell me if you’re back together.”

“Stop acting so childish. Saturday was a mistake, it wasn’t supposed to happen. We both drank, that’s it.”

“You’re such an ass”

“Watch it. I’m still your supervisor and this is your job.”

“I’m sorry my responsible and oh-so-adult supervisor, but I don’t think lying would be the best policy of mine.”

You were on your way out of the office, but something didn’t let you leave in peace. The next thing you did can be counted as something reckless. You didn’t think everything through, but what’s the worst that can happen?

You’ve turned around and marched over to Jungkook, who was quite shocked by your behaviour. You sat on his lap, thighs straddling him on both sides. You put your hands on his neck and into his hair, and you kissed him.

“What are you doing?” He asked, not even inches away from your mouth. You could feel his lips’ movement on your lips. You would be panicking because of his question, if his hands weren’t on your hips, drawing circles with his thumbs.

You continued kissing him on the lips, and slowly you’ve made your way towards his neck. You suck on the skin there, not too much to leave bruises, but enough to be enjoyable for him. You pulled away for a second, just to say “If you want me to stop, tell me, and I swear, I’m never going to do this again.”

It was risky to say this to him, but you had to know if he wants it too. You’ve waited for a verbal answer, but what you get was his hands - which were on your hips - started to guide your hips to grind your heat on his growing bulge. You got back to kissing him. The kisses weren’t anything like before. They were lust-filled, messy, full of tongue, teeth clashing and lip biting. You slowly worked on taking over the dominance from him. You wanted answers, to all of your questions.

You reached down between you with one of your arms and starting caressing his length through the fabric of his pants. Little moans left his mouth, his eyes were shut and eyebrows knitted. You kneeled in front of him, left kisses on his inner thighs, but not touching the part he wanted most. Pleads were heard from his mouth, asking you to do something. You pulled down his pants and took out his dick from his underwear. You spit on it, and your hand was sliding up and down on his length, while your other hand was touching his balls. You’re not going to lie, he was huge. You always thought he was packed in this area too, but you were surprised to see how packed he is. Nevertheless, you didn’t have time to ogle him, maybe next time.

“Tell me, why did you ignore me?”

He answered with a breathy “I didn’t” and you squeezed your hand around his shaft. “I was ashamed. I– Jesus, y/n, just like that”

“Keep talking, pretty boy”

“You’re my boss’ baby daughter. You’re barely an adult, and I.. Shit”

Shit right, the same old reasons – again. “Did you regret it?” You thought he didn’t hear you, or just ignored your question again so you squeezed your hand once more “N-no, just please faster, tighter, please it hurts”

“I have only one question left…Are you back with Yura?” “No, we are not back together”

As you said, that was your last question, so after his answer, you licked his dick from the base to his head, and then you took him in your mouth. You started bobbing your head, Jungkook’s shaky hands made a quick ponytail from your hair. The tugging on your scalp was not too hurtful, not even close to that. You’ve found pleasure in that hurt.

His hips started to buck up in your mouth, his tip hitting the back of your throat. “Want you to fuck my throat”

A loud moan left his pretty mouth after hearing your wish, but he got into action immediately. Tears were starting to form in your eyes, and you were so focused on keeping your throat relaxed for the man above you. A few more thrust and he came in your mouth. You swallowed every bit of cum, then cleaned him up.

You stood up, adjusted your skirt and blouse, raked your fingers through your hair so it didn’t look like you were just on your knees, and walked over to the door ready to leave Jungkook’s office. You didn’t even turn around to look at the man when you said “Have fun on your date with Yura, Mr Jeon. I hope you won’t feel any guilt while sitting across the table looking straight at her”

Jungkook doesn’t know, what’s going on with him. He was never, ever attracted to you like that. Of course, he’s not blind he could see that you’re indeed, very beautiful, but that was that. Nothing more, nothing less. So why’s that ever since you showed up again, he’s been acting like those college guys, who don’t know what they want. It’s not that either, that you did something against his will, because he wasn’t against neither of what happened now, or what happened in the club. But right now Jungkook had to go and talk to his, well, girlfriend. She is not really his girlfriend because they’re on a break. Technically he’s not cheating.

Sitting at a table in a restaurant, Jungkook’s feeling anxious. Does he have to tell Yura what happened, or he can just not say anything? Will that be counted as lying, can that be put under the label of white lies? He doesn’t have to think for a long time because Yura goes straight to the point. “I think I need a little more time”

The boy doesn’t know what’s the feeling that rushed through him. Shock, panic, sadness … Relief? “W-what?”

“I just” Yura took a deep breath “I feel like we need more time to, you know… be independent of the other. That doesn’t mean I don’t want to talk to you or meet you during this break” The girl put her hands on Jungkook’s, who fidget with it until he could interlace their hands. “I love you, Jungkook. You’re it for me, I do not doubt that.”

“I love you too” Jungkook didn’t know what else to say. If they would’ve had this conversation a few weeks ago, he would’ve had an immediate reply. Now, he’s just not sure, but he’s not ready to start that topic. So instead he asks about Yura’s trip, her family and her days, thinking that that information can make him feel closer to her. However, at the end of their meeting, Jungkook’s way more confused, than he was when he stepped foot into the restaurant.

Arriving home, he sits on the sofa with an empty look on his face. He looks into nothing, thinking about when did his life become this complicated. He doesn’t even react when his hands move with a sudden movement. He types a message on his phone and sends it without thinking about it. The answer comes rather quickly. “I’ll be there in 20”

The doorbell rang and Jungkook opened it as quickly as when lightning strikes. There you were with a bottle of wine in her hands. “If it’s not a problem, I brought wine.” Jungkook motioned with his head, giving the sign to you that you can come in. The place was rather neat with light coloured furniture in it. The big windows also giving natural light to the rooms. “So, why am I here?”

Jungkook didn’t know what to say. You could see on his face, he was lost. “Honestly? I have no clue. But you’re here and you have wine so give me, I’m opening it” You gave him the bottle and made yourself comfortable on the couch.

“So, I’m guessing Yura and you’re still on a break,” You said to him, carefully, because you didn’t know what his reaction will be. Judging by the way he looks and that he called you over, he’s not in his best form.

“Yeah, we aren’t. But I think it’s for the best, as of right now” You looked at him with one eyebrow raised. You were confused, you thought he wants to get back with his girlfriend.

“So then why is this behaviour?” You pointed at him and the bottle on the coffee table, explaining to him what you mean.

“I’m confused” And then he looked at you, and you swear, your heart fastened its pace from one to a hundred in a millisecond. He’s confused because of me, you thought. “I’m giving you the control, chose something to watch.” And that you did.

You wanted to put on the new season of the series Elite, but Jungkook didn’t saw the previous ones, so you put on the very first episode. He was quite interested in it, for a while you two sat in silence, drinking your wines and just watching the tv.

It was the fourth episode when he first spoke up “What made you have a crush on me?” You almost spilt the wine on yourself, his question caught you off guard.

“You’re asking me or twelve-year-old me?” You asked because, well… that’s two different things. “Both”came the answer right away. “Well twelve-year-old me thought your eyes were stars from the Milky Way” You giggled, and even he let out a little chuckle. No kidding, his eyes are everything, even now. “As I grew and understood life a bit more, I think your personality weighs more than your appearance. I remember there was a time when I was sixteen and there was this boy in class who’s gay and these homophobic guys in school made fun out of him. You were to one who picked me up that day, and I was with this boy who was crying his eyes out because at that time he wasn’t fine with himself. You came over to us, asked what’s the problem. Then you made me show you those guys, and you went over to them, gave them a life lesson about how they’re the backbone of this society, not this little kid who hasn’t done anything to them. I’ve realized there, that you’re way more mature than those guys in my school, like your mentality is not on a kid level anymore”

“I remember him. Do you know what happened with him after you two graduated?” The guy became one of your closest friend in school, often riding home with you and Jungkook. They had many things in common, like hobbies. Both of them loved to sing and paint.

“He’s in the same college as me, just another department. He’s doing arts” Jungkook smiled at that, he saw a few of the boy’s paintings, has his own in his bedroom. He got it from him after the boy’s graduation, so he won’t forget him.

After a while, and a lot of glass of wine later, you found yourself kissing Jungkook. You were sitting on his lap, legs on both sides of him. His hands-on your hips, moving you on his crotch. The same position as in the office. He slowly trailed kisses from your lips, over your jaw to your neck, finally reaching your chest. “I want you”

“Then take me, Jungkook” He didn’t need anything more, your shirt was on the floor, your pants following shortly. You were on top of him in just your underwear, “Now’s your turn” You took off his clothes, with a little help from him. He laid you back on the couch, his mouth working its way down and kissing your core through your panties.

He started to draw circles on your clit through the fabric, small moans leaving your lips. Jungkook thought you were ethereal. Your hair splayed out on the cushion on the couch, your chest heaving up and down with your hands in his hair.

He pulled your panties aside, now touching your clit directly. Occasionally he dipped his fingers inside you. “Don’t tease please” You asked him in a whispering tone. Even if you wanted you couldn’t have spoken any louder. You felt like you’re in heaven. “Shut up” he slapped your cunt, making your legs involuntarily close, thanks to him and his quick reflexes they didn’t. “it’s not you who’s making the rules this time”

He then dipped his fingers in you, moving them in and out, scissoring them. He was stretching you. He wants you. You let out a loud moan at that, Jungkook smirking up at you from his place between your legs. “So pretty, baby. You’re so pretty for me” Your chest fluttered hearing his compliments “My pretty baby, you’re gonna be good for me, right?” You were nodding, his tongue now licking your juices, teasing your clit, while his fingers were still moving in and out in you. “Words baby” You’ve cried out a loud yes, and by the humming which was coming out of him, he was satisfied with your answer.

His tongue was working magic on your private parts, and the tightening in your belly was stronger and stronger by the seconds. “Kook, I’m close, please” “Hold it” So you did. You tried hard not to cum, but the feeling in you was more and more intense. “I can’t. I’m gonna cum”

Jungkook pulled out his fingers and stopped eating you out. “No, you won’t” He stood up from the couch and walked away. What the actual fuck? , you thought. Is he for real? There you were, naked, on the couch of a man who just almost made you see starts, but cut off your pleasure right before it's happening. “Don’t worry baby, I’m not leaving you here high and dry”

He came back in the living room, putting up his hand showing you the condom between his fingers “Protection first” You pulled him in for a kiss, while your hand was sliding up and down on his dick. He was hard, precum oozing out of his red tip. You tore the condom open, rolling it up on his cock. Meanwhile, he pulled your panties off of you. You noticed that he was big even before, but now that he was entering you, you can confidently say he is the biggest you’ve ever worked with.

“Ah shit, you’re so tight. Fuck” “You feel so good Kook, you’re so big” When he bottomed out, he pulled the cups of your bra down from your tits, making sucking on them easier for him. You were pulling on his hair making him letting out little grunts.

He started to move, at first hips thrusting in a slow motion. Both of you were a moaning mess. You put your hands over your mouth when he sped up his thrusting. “Don’t, I wanna hear you” He said to you, but his voice was muffled because of your neck. He was licking and biting, sucking on the skin carefully, creating light purple marks there. “I’m gonna cum Kook, please. Can I cum? Let me cum please” You were begging for your sweet release. His hands reached your neck, wrapping them around you, making you breathe harder. The pressure wasn’t enough to hurt, but it was enough to feel – they were there. “C’mon baby, cum”

You didn’t need more, a few thrusts later you were coming undone under him. Your whole body was shaking, a few tears rolled down your face. Neither Jungkook needed a lot more time, he was soon cumming too. He let himself lay down on you, your hands on his back, stroking him in a calming way. When your breaths were calmer, he pulled out of you, removing and tieing the used condom. He rolled down off of you, laying next to you on the couch. “We should move to the bedroom. The bed is way more comfortable than this shit couch”

You were surprised. You thought…No, you were waiting for him to send you away. “We should?”

“Why, do you have energy for something else? I mean I’m down for another round if you are” He wiggled his eyebrows at you, and despite the situation, you laughed.

“Pick me up, please”

That night was the first time you slept cuddling to Jungkook. And this time, this wasn’t a dream. At least you hoped.

After that faithful day, your relationship with Jungkook turned for the better. The next morning before work he took you out for breakfast, and when you were done he ate you out on the backseat of his car. You two went into the building separately, but for lunch, he called accompanied you to the diner on the first floor. Nobody batted an eye on that, they knew you’re your father’s daughter and Jungkook is close to your family.

On Wednesday he came to pick you up. Coffee and some doughnuts were waiting for you in the car. “I’m leaving work earlier today after you’re done I want to take you somewhere” And that is what happened. After you were done, Jungkook was waiting for you in the parking lot of the company. He took you for a picnic date, next to the river. He brought strawberry dipped in chocolate, banana cake, banana frappe and blueberry loaf. That night was the first night that didn’t end up with you fucking somewhere. You two ended up back at his place, continued watching the Elite and fell asleep cuddling in his bed.

On Thursday he was stressed, snapping at everyone and anyone that only just looked at him. You tried to help him, visited him during his lunch break with his favourite dish, but he yelled at you. During the morning everything was fine, so you don’t know what went wrong since you came to work. Maybe a deal wasn’t made as planned or an employee messed something up. That afternoon, when everybody left the floor, he called you inside his office and apologized in many ways, while making you cum more than three times.

On Friday Yura visited him. You were curious what they were talking about, so you made a mental note to ask Jungkook what they discussed. They left the building together and Jungkook didn’t come back that day. After work, you went over to his place, just in time to see Yura leaving his apartment. “Are you back together?” You let in yourself with the spare key that was under the pot of flowers next to his door.

“No.” “Then why was Yura here?” You asked, and you could see on his face that he was getting annoyed. But can somebody blame you? You were irritated as well.

“Because she can visit” “You left the building together, everyone thinks you’re with her again”

“I don’t care what everybody thinks”

“What did you talk about”

“Y/n stop asking questions” He looked at you with stern eyes, his voice now a little louder than usual “It’s not your business. I could have just slept with her, or just talk with her. It wouldn’t change the fact that it’s not concerning you”

“When I’m the one you’re fucking then yes, it’s concerning me” You were hurt, because he – even if not on purpose – intended that he might have slept with her.

“Remember Y/n. Yura and I, we’re only on a break” That was the last straw, the tears were pooling in your eyes. He voiced out what you thought, that you’re only here so he won’t be lonely. You’re here as a replacement.

You throw the key to his apartment at him “Fuck you Jungkook” And you left.

On Saturday, he called you. You foolishly picked up immediately. He called you over, telling you he wanted to talk. You’ve prepared yourself for the worst, for the heartbreak, but when you reached his apartment a nice candle lighted lunch was waiting for you. Jungkook apologized, telling you nothing he said was true, he was just stressed and took it out on you. He told you Yura and he agreed to meet up at least once weekly because after all at first they’re friends than lovers. You told him that it’s fine, you were the one who pried into things and you apologized too. After lunch, the whole afternoon was spent between the sheets. You two went on until you couldn’t do more and fell asleep.

It’s been a few weeks since the fight with Jungkook, you think it’s safe to say that Yura and he are not getting back together. While they still meet up, it’s only just a few hours out of the week. Jungkook’s still alone in his apartment, that’s why you woke up this morning in his bed, next to him.

You opened your eyes, the sunlight seeking inside through the open window. You can hear the faint noises of the cars below and if you listen closely, the chirping of birds too. Next to you, the dark mop of hair moves a little, turning to the other side, now facing you. Jungkook pulls you closer and you can’t help but trace his features with your fingers. He’s so beautiful.

“Good morning” The boy next to you greeted you with his raspy morning voice. You smiled at him, his morning voice and look sent butterflies inside your belly. No, correction, a whole zoo was there.

“I’m going to make breakfast, what do you want to eat?” Jungkook looked like he was in deep thought over what he should choose, but his final decision was pancake in the end. You were putting out the ingredients on the kitchen counter when you’ve found a ring on the upper shelf of one of the cabinets. The ring was in a velvety box, and also was a little dusty. There’s only one person to whom this ring belongs, and it’s not you.

“You need help, babe?” You turned towards the voice, the boy’s face was lit up with his bunny smile. His hair was a little wet, probably took a shower too while you were in the kitchen. His smile, however, disappeared from his pretty face the moment he saw you holding the little box in your hands. “I can –“

“Oh, I’m sure you can. Go ahead. Give me your best” Please don’t. Say it was before, say you planned to. But please. Don’t say you’re planning.

“I bought the ring so I can propose Yura” You knew that was the reason, but it didn’t mean that it’s hurting less. “Shit, I mean I was –“ He came over to you so he can hold your face in his hands, so he has the chance to look you in the eye “Look at me. I was planning to. Not anymore” Your eyes hold all the uncertainty they could, you were unsure as never before in your life. They are on a break, you still don’t have a secure place in his life, in his heart. “I promise, believe me, babe”

Thank God you were in your clothes, and not just in one of his shirts, because the next moment the door opened and a clueless Yura walked through the door. You put the little box in Jungkook’s hand and pushed him away from you. “Oh y/n, hi. What are you doing here this early?” The girl asked you, her eyes darting between Jungkook and you, she didn’t understand the situation. Jungkook’s expression was a painful one, and if it was obvious to you, it was surely obvious to Yura, too.

“I came over for a little tutoring yesterday, but I fell asleep on the couch. Jungkook was kind enough to let me stay over, so I wanted to repay by making pancakes for breakfast.” Your lips formed a forced smile, one that was either noticeable to Jungkook or none of them.

“That won’t be necessary, didn’t Jungkook tell you that we’re going out to the tropical café?”

The tropical café. Hurt flashed through your face, you wanted to go there with him. You were the one who showed him there’s a thing like that. So why is he taking her there, on top of that even before taking you. “No, he didn’t. I heard of that place too, you have a nice taste, Yura”

“Thanks, but it was Koo’s idea, right love?” Love?

“Yeah buttercup, I uhh” He brought his hand to his nape, scratching the skin there. His eyes didn’t meet yours, he was looking at the floor before him. “I found the place through an ad”

“Look at the time, I forgot I have some things to do. Sorry but I have to run.” You looked at Jungkook, and you let all your feelings shown in your eyes in front of him. The way his eyes saddened, you knew, he knows he messed up. “Thanks, Jungkook, for the help”

“You’re welcome”

The moment you stepped out of the house your tears started to pour. The moment you got home and into your room, you closed the door and fell onto your bed. You cried through the whole day to the point, where you thought there are no more tears for you. She called him love, he called her buttercup. He asked her out to that fancy café. No matter what he said, you knew, you felt it – he didn’t plan the proposal as in past tense, he is planning to propose, he’s just waiting for them to be together again.

That night, around 8 pm you get a message from Jungkook.

from Bunnyboy: come outside, I’m in front of your house

“Are you back together?” “No”

“Why did you take her there?” “I’m sorry”

“Why did you call her buttercup?” Same answer.

“Why didn’t you correct her when she called you love?” Same answer.

“Do you still want to marry her?” “I don’t know”

“Do you love her?” No answer.

“Do you love me?” Still, no answer “You have to let me know what’s up, you can’t lead me on anymore. It’s not just about you but –“ His lips cut you off. They were so soft on yours, moving and fitting with them just like they were made for each other.

Your hands found their place in his hair, his hands on your waist, pushing you up against the car. He lifted one of your legs, you took the hint and jumped a little. His hands were now on your ass, supporting you. His fingers digging into your skin. You were getting too carried away, and no matter how much you wanted him to take you. You couldn’t. “Stop, stop”

Jungkook stopped. “What’s wrong?” He asked, but he immediately went back kissing up on your neck.

“No, stop. Put me down” You pushed him away, and he let you go. Your legs felt wobbly, your heat felt sticky, but you had to be rational here and not be driven by lust. You had to be strong, or you’d be played. Ugly. “I need to think. Tomorrow, brunch. Pick me up at 10.” With that, you left him there.

Brunch the next day didn’t come, instead, your father’s happy mood was greeting you, first thing in the morning.“What’s with this mood of yours, dad?” You asked, eyeing him, with a smile on your face, because it was a rare sign to see him like this. The last time you saw him this happy, your brother announced they were having a baby with your sister-in-law. “Jungkook asked Yura to marry him”

What? You looked up at your dad with an alarming look, he didn’t see it, but your mother surely did. “Honey, are you feeling good?” She asked you, her hands on top of yours, sympathy flooding out of her eyes. You cleared your throat and put on a smile

“I haven’t heard about this, must be recent, right?” Your dad nodded his head “Yesterday they went out for breakfast to this café and there” Your heart stopped. You almost had sex with him. He lied to you. You believed him. You felt so stupid. So so, so stupid.

“I’m sorry I have to go” You left in a hurry and made your way to his place. You needed answers, he owed you an apology too. Oh, how bad you wanted to slap him across the face, tell Yura what went down behind her back.

The past few weeks were like a dream come true. But dreams are dreams for a reason, and the cruel reality is that you never had a chance with the man. He was always someone else’s. You knocked on the door like a madman, hardly keeping your tears at bay. You heard a voice call out an I’m coming, a voice that didn’t belong to Jungkook, but Yura. “Y/n, what are you doing here?”

“Is Jungkook home?” You asked her, she nodded with her head and told you he’s in his study. You didn’t spare a glance to Yura, afraid if you’d look at her, you’d spill her fiance’s top secret. You were so mad at him, you weren’t a horrible person, and you won’t destroy an innocent person’s happiness, just because yours didn’t work out the way you planned.

You didn’t even knock, just opened the door and stepped inside, closing the door behind you. “You are a horrible person, Jeon Jungkook” He looked at you surprised, but then his expression turned into a guilty one. He opened his mouth to speak, but you cut him off before he had the chance to say something. “You’re horrible, you lead me on, lied to me, lied to her, lied to everyone around you and you cheated on her. You proposed that morning and you still dared to think about fucking me in your car? To come over? Ask me to go out?”

He hung his head down, his posture was screaming shame. “You deserve nothing. I should go out and tell her what happened, I should scream at you right now, make a scene. But I won’t” He looked up at you, taking a step towards you, but you took a step back the same time he stepped forward.

“Babe, let me just – “ “Don’t you dare babe me you asshole, your fiancé is right outside the door” “I know fuck, I just –” He pulled on his hair, it was the sign of frustration “You have to believe me when I say –“

“I don’t have to believe you shit. Every time you told me to believe you, you lied” The realization, that you were so naïve you believed him everything, let him manipulate you into thinking he was telling you the truth made you let your tears fall, you just couldn’t keep them in.

“When did you get back with her?” The look on his face told you, you won’t survive the answer. That he’d been back with the girl outside for a long time now. “Since when are you together again?” This time you raised your voice a little, which made him open his mouth. “When you caught her leaving my place. The one time we had that fight”

“That was weeks ago,” You said in disbelief. Jungkook tried to come closer to you, to touch you, but you stepped away, out of his reach. You put your hand on the doorknob, ready to leave.

“Y/n wait –“ “You’re disgusting” You left the house, not even saying bye to Yura. You didn’t even care if she asks Jungkook about your state, your discussion or anything. You frankly didn’t care about the story he would say to her either, the lie she will be living from this day on. You only knew that you don’t ever want to see that man again.

5 years later

It’s been years since your fiasco with Jeon Jungkook, and this is the first time you’re seeing him since that day. For a little while, you were angry at him, angry at yourself. Basically angry at the whole world, but then you were lucky enough to move on, you let the anger go.

This is your dad’s 50th birthday, a big grill party outside in the backyard. Not many people are there, just the ones your dad considers family. He was always joking, that Jungkook is like an adopted son to him, which explains why he and his family is the only one, who is not blood-related to the birthday man.

Your brother’s five-year-old daughter and Jungkook’s three-year-old son were playing in the sand, which was placed under a big tree so they’re in the shade and not out in the sun. Your mother, Yura and your sister-in-law were sitting under the same three with lemonades in their hand. The men were around the grill, cooking the meat and laughing, with a beer in each of their hands.

You stepped out from the house, with your hands in your fiancee’s. Your mother was the first one who got up, she jumped on you and engulfed you in a big and tight hug, followed by your sister-in-law and Yura. You introduced your fiancé to the latter, and then made your way towards the guy section. Your brother and dad greeting you and the man on your side. You barely introduced him to Jungkook, but your brother was already talking about a football match and how he has four tickets to them.

You rolled your eyes and made your way towards the kids, giving them the present you brought for them. Soji, your niece got a new barbie doll with two outfits and a unicorn, while Hyun, Jungkook’s son got a new toy car, which can be transformed into a motorcycle.

You felt someone’s gaze on you through the whole day, and you knew exactly to whom did that stare belong. When there was the chance for you to wash the dishes, you lived with it, deciding to be in the kitchen. You knew the moment you’ll be alone, he’ll be on his way to talk to you.

“Isn’t this déjà vu?” You laughed when he entered the kitchen and grabbed a glass of water “We had a similar event when we got into this same position, me washing dishes and you drinking water”

“Your graduation” You were surprised he remembered, but you didn’t want to give your feelings away, so you just focused on cleaning the dishes. “Congratulations on your engagement”

“Thank you.” You looked at him the first time in the kitchen “I didn’t even gratulated you back then. I’m sorry.”

“You had bigger problems than congratulating me.” You wanted to ask him if he’d told Yura about the things between you. He must’ve sensed your question coming, or he just wanted to clarify everything because the next thing he said was “I told her, what happened. I couldn’t do it immediately, so I told her a week before our wedding”

“Uhh, Jeon. A girl needs her stress free days before weddings” You told him teasingly, you were glad because Yura didn’t treat you differently, and because of Hyun you think it turned out just right for them.

You saw him fidgeting with his hand, not looking at you. While you didn’t know him that long, you knew him from observing him through the years of crushing on him. He was hurting by something. “I forgive you. I’m not mad anymore”

“I don’t even know how could you not ruin my life, I deserved you telling everyone about it. And here you are, talking to me about forgiving me instead of hating me”

“That wouldn’t do me any good Jungkook. I chose to forgive because of my own sanity. I was blind and young, but I never wanted to destroy you. Yes, you shouldn’t have lead me on. You should’ve told me to stop, don’t or anything that could’ve been counted as rejection. But you didn’t do anything and I took it as a sign. I never hated you, was mad at you, big time. I couldn’t ever hate you, you were my first love – unrequited or not” You shrug and looked up at him.

His eyes were soft. Jungkook felt something, something of sorts of adoration maybe? That here you are, despite everything and not looking at him as a monster, even though the last thing you told him was that he’s disgusting. He had a family, he was happy and by the look of it, you were too.

“Are you happy?” “I am, are you?” He nodded. He took the last plate out of your hands and hugged you. You buried your face in his chest, inhaling his scent. However his touch and his presence this close to you didn’t make you feel anything like before. It was more like hugging your brother or your best friend.

“You know, I’m always going to be here for you” He pulled away from you, looking into your eyes. You could see that he was full of something, mischief maybe? “Like a brother to his baby sister”

You pushed him away and slapped his arm with a big laugh that came from your heart “Eww, please don’t ever compare yourself to a brother. That’s nasty”

a/n : Thank you so much for reading the story. I have never written something this long like this and in English. For any grammar mistake, I'm sorry, I probably will read this over later and correct it if something's wrong. I have written hire my first-ever smut scenes, so I'm sorry if it's cringey or awkward I've tried my best. Please reblog and give feedback bad or good doesn't matter, let me know what you think and if you have a request don't be afraid to send them in. Have a nice day/evening. Love you all xx

a/n2 : Thank you to everyone who wanted to be added to the taglist. I hope I didn't leave out anyone, and that I tagged the right people. Also, Tumblr is messed up again and won't let me tag everyone, those who couldn't be, I'm going to dm you when it's out.

“Hey!” Jeongguk’s hair dances in the night wind, delicate curls lifting gracefully. “Sorry–sorry! Coach kept us late for a team meeting and then Yoonoh wanted to borrow my notes and then I found out I had an essay due which I had no ide–”

“It’s okay.” You cut him off with an iciness, kicking yourself off the wall, your dark sweater coddling your frame. Autumn was seeping in, once vibrant green trees falling into hues amber and gold. This was your favourite season, the slow quiet onset of winter warming your heart. But that feeling is absent now, your face sent in a scowl as you trudge towards the nearest convenience store, eyes focused on the bright white luminescence of it not bothering to check if Jeongguk is following you.

You can’t see it but he’s staring at the back of your head strangely, lips twisting down with concern. 

When he grabs your arm, easily linking it with his, you nearly shrug him off. 

“Hey,” Jeongguk tries, tone ginger. “I really am sorry. I didn’t mean to be late, but today was he–”

“You could have texted.”

“I–I I know, I just for–”

“It’s fine, Jeongguk,” you snap, finally giving into the urge to shove him away. “It’s fine. You just keep doing this and I hate it.”

You steady walk forward is interrupted by him yanking you back, twisting you around to face him.

“Doing what? Is it my fault that I’m busy all the time?”

“No,” you spit. “I understand that. But you keep thinking I’m just gonna be around waiting for you forever, Jeongguk and that’s not fair!”

The sigh that drifts from his lips irks you. Like you’re the inconvenience to him when all you’ve done is rearrange your world to fit him at the centre. 

“God what is your issue? I’m late a couple times and suddenly I’m the villain?” His eyes are hard, jaw set like this has been stuck in his throat for a while and the words are ecstatic to be let out. 

“Literally fuck off,” it’s there already, the edge you’ve been slipping on since this all started. At first it was a quiet worry, mulling at the back of your head, but lately, ever since Chayoung opened her big fat mouth it’s grown louder. Insistent to be heard, demanding to break this gentle thing in your hands. “You’re being a dickhead right now.” 

“Me?” Jeongguk huffs. “You’re the one complaining about something useless.”

“Useless? My time is useless to you?” 

You see it flash in the honey of his eyes, quick enough that you might have missed it had you blinked. “What the hell is this about?” Jeongguk whispers. He’s reaching out for you, hands looking for an anchor. “Why are you so cryptic all the time? Why can’t you just tell me what the problem is?”

Maybe he’s right, because you’re not being honest here. But admitting it to him means admitting it to yourself and you’re too afraid to do that. Too afraid to lose the most precious thing to you, to your heart. 

“Cryptic? If you even fucking listened to me for one sec–”

“I do!” Jeongguk returns, eyes narrow. “You just say things and never mean them.”

That gets you, heart stopping dead in your chest. You suddenly wish you could take it all back; the kiss on the rooftop of his apartment, the nights you spent in his bed learning the taste of him, the murmurs of love you’d left on his skin. Because did they mean anything? Did you even truly love him?

That question burns in your head, splits your heart right open, bleeding through the cracks of your ribs. 

“You should go home,” you finally murmur. Jeongguk blanches, doe eyes wide. 

“What–what? Y/N what the hell are you talking about?”

“Go home,” you repeat, twisting your head away. You can’t look at him cause if you do you’ll cry and you don’t want Jeongguk to see you like that. He grabs your shoulder, you rip his hand away. “Go home, Jeongguk! I don’t want to talk to you right now.”

Jeongguk doesn't usually shrink into himself like this. He abhors it, knows it's not him at all. And yet, he can't help his behaviour, knee bouncing harshly against the bricked pavements as he waits for you to leave your chemistry lab. There's a dainty silver bracelet sitting in his pocket, his head resting in hands as the autumn sun beats down on his back. You don't know it yet but he's got a pretty date planned: a late lunch at your favourite restaurant, an evening walk in the park at the centre of town, maybe some arcade games or a movie if you feel like it, and then a drive down to the hillside where you can watch the sun slip beyond the horizon and Jeongguk can gift you the bracelet and the cute bunny teddy he picked out last night.

It's not for any reason in particular, Jeongguk just wants you to know how much he cares (loves) you. Adoration is what drives his actions, his head springing up when the doors finally swing open and your fellow students spill forth into the afternoon breeze.

You're always one of the last people to leave because you liked buttering up your professors with casual conversations and sweet compliments, so Jeongguk isn't too bothered when everyone disperses and you're still not visible. It's not like you knew he was here away – he did tell you he was stuck in practise all afternoon.

When you do appear, the tiny welcoming smile that was sitting on his lips plummets to the floor.

You're gazing up at a familiar face, eyes sparkling as the sun hits them, your features bright and eager. His eyes eventually shift to the person ambling beside you, taking his towering stature and confident stride, a sickening feeling spreading through his system when he recognises who it is.

Kim Namjoon.

Of all sights to see, Jeongguk would rather have his eyes plucked out by birds that see you around Namjoon again. Especially after what he said to him.

You're giggling, completely unaware of the violent twisting of Jeongguk's heart in his ribs and the words he'd planned to say dissolving on his tongue. You don't even notice him at first, Namjoon's eyes are the ones that stray away, idling over the campus scenery until the settle on Jeongguk.

He wants to smash something, fingernails digging into his palm as his fist curls. Namjoon just grins, waving him down like they're old friends. "Jeongguk!"

You follow then, surprise bleeding over your pretty face. Jeongguk doesn't know why it hurts.

"Gukkie?" A question. He notes how you lean into Namjoon as you draw close, like he's your boyfriend.

"Hey." It's said so quietly that Jeongguk considers smacking himself in the face. A tight cough follows the meek word, clearing his throat from the heaviness that plagues it. "How was class?"

"Good," you return, still confused. "I thought you had practise?"

"Coach let us out early," he lies, smiling hard so you don't see through it.You make a non-committal noise, vaguely appeasing the turmoil in his head. "Namjoon," he adds, finally acknowledging the asshole. "Didn't expect to see you here."

"Ah," he sighs, a sheepish grin spreading across his lips. "I got an internship here; Professor Song was kind enough to give me an assistant position. I'm considering applying for master's here too."

"Oh," he doesn't even try to mask his irritation. "That's nice."

But you don't hear it, nodding like an enamoured puppy. "Right? It'll be nice having you around again!"

"It feels good to be here," Namjoon returns. "Don't know why I didn’t apply to this university, to be honest."

Jeongguk knows. It was because this was your dream university and Namjoon didn't want to do his undergraduate with you trailing around like a lingering stench, especially right after your break-up. But now, apparently, he's totally fine with it.

"Hmm, yeah. It's a great university," Jeongguk states, disinterested. He turns to you with a tired smile. "I actually came to pick you up for lunch, you haven't eaten yet have you?"

"I actually did before class," you say, lips forming an apologetic pout. "Can we reschedule for dinner? I wanna show Namjoon around first."

Oh. The weight of his heart sinks him into the ground, earth eagerly swallowing him up as his head splits. So Namjoon gets first priority. Kim Namjoon, over him. Over your boyfriend.

"Yeah, yeah," Jeongguk shrugs. "That's fine. We can reschedule. Text me when you're done, okay?"

He doesn't miss the way Namjoon's gaze lingers on him as he turns away, waving you a quick goodbye. You didn't even give him a hug, stationed beside Namjoon like you watched to attach his limbs to yours. It's unsettling, how swift you loyalty glides away from Jeongguk. He hates how annoyed it makes him because he knows you don't do it purposely. But still, shouldn't he come first?

It's that thought that sends him spiralling, sitting alone in the heat of his car as the bracelet in his pocket grows heavy. Where you like this with Namjoon? Did you put him first? He thinks you did – you cancelled on him so many times in the course of that relationship. Did Namjoon take you to similar places? Did the two of you have moments you never shared with him? That one hurts the most, because even to this day Jeongguk has never shared the titbit of information Namjoon granted him. What did Namjoon give you that you never see in Jeongguk? Even with the title of 'together' hanging over your heads he doesn't feel secure enough – good enough for you. It's what leaves him on edge, overthinking each moment and word and touch shared between the two of you. Because it took you both so long to get here, what did you see in those other guys that you never saw in Jeongguk at first? He longs to be only one you remember, wipe away any lasting memory of any of the others, until it was only him.

The door opens slowly and you step inside, teeth worrying your bottom lip as you hear Jeongguk in the living room, sounds like he’s gaming.

Kicking your shoes off and setting them on the mat next to the door, you pad softly into your home, soft smile on your lips when he hears you.

“Baby, you’re home”, his voice is tender, soft. You melt at it.

“Hey, Koo”, and he’s off the couch and in front of you in seconds.

His arms wrap around your smaller frame, lifting you off the hardwood floors and spinning your body around in giddiness.

But you don’t quite match his excitement, and he notices.

“Baby? What’s wrong?”, your boyfriend’s voice is gentle but firm, he’s worried.

His hands travel from your lower back to your shoulders, holding you at arms length away.

Jeongguk can see the way you’re about to tell off your thoughts, and before you can, he interrupts you.

“Tell me”, he mumbles, face serious.

At his prying, you give in, stomach rumbling in anxiety once more.

“I’ve just been thinking”, you mutter out. “About?”

Sighing half heartedly, you drop your gaze to between his feet, staring at the floorboards.

“Two weeks ago, during our movie night”, you start, trying to find the words. Jeongguk watches your expression quietly. “When we got… intimate. You were very.. mean?”, you test the word out, fingers fiddling with the hem of your work shirt.

You feel your boyfriend stiffen so you rush to continue. “I liked it! It made me feel.. good.. I.”, you inhale sharply before just getting it over with. “I was wondering if we could try it again. If you’d be meaner to me”.

A breathless chuckle falls from Jeongguk’s nose as he coos, “All this because my pretty girl wants me to be mean to her?”, it sounds like he’s mocking you and the condescending tone sends a rush of wetness to your panties.

Tenderly, Jeongguk cups your cheek and brushes his thumb over the bone, “You sure you want this, kitty?”, the question is mostly in his eyes.

You give him the only reassurance he needs.

As his thumb approaches your lips, they part, spreading to let him in. The digit traces your plump bottom lip before you slip your tongue out, wrapping it around the tip of his finger.

And just as you had planned, something inside Jeongguk flips. His eyes darken as they drop to watch the show you put on.

His hand comes away and delivers a light slap to your face, and you mewl. A tattooed hand snakes up your neck and into your hair, yanking your head backwards with the firm grip he has on your roots.

“You asked for it”, he murmured.

Before you can question him, you’re in your shared bedroom, on your back with your clothes stripped off.

Jeongguk strokes his cock behind you, already half hard from the little show you pulled in the living room.

“I assume you don’t need much prep, I can see how wet your cunt is from here. You’re such a little slut”, his voice is thick, aroused.

You chance a look back and yelp as a harsh slap is delivered to your cunt, “Eyes forward”, he murmurs.

The bed dips as Jeongguk hovers over you, slapping his cock against your ass.

Yanking your hips up off the mattress, he puts two pillows underneath them and positioning your back down into an arch.

In this position, Jeongguk presses the head of his cock against your cunt, rubbing the tip through your folds before he finally slides home, stretching your cunt apart and stuffing you to the brim. The pace starts off slow but quickly builds to something primal.

You said you wanted mean.

Drool pools on your tongue as your eyes roll back into your head, cheek pressed into the pillows and hands balled into the sheets, gripping on for dear life.

The pillows beneath your hips doing little to stop the squirming, one specific thrust from the larger form forcing a cry from your kiss swollen lips. “Fu-ck please, slow- down-!”, your voice breaks towards the end, cunt slick with wetness as it’s fucked open.

A breathless chuckle falls from Jeongguk’s lips, his forearms tensing on each side of the smaller frame writhing below him, hair swinging in front of his face as he fucks like an animal, stuffing the poor girl beneath him as you cry and beg for mercy.

“Pretty kitty”, he coos, slowing down to a deep grind, sitting up on his haunches and grabbing handfuls of your ass, squeezing the meaty flesh before delivering a firm slap to one, the ripple delicious. “Begging for cock but can’t even take me, you’re crying, baby”, he’s feeling mean as he looks down at the battered cunt wrapped so tightly around his fat cock, a few tears on your face when his dark gaze flickers back upward.

“Stupid little girl wants to be thrown around but can’t handle getting fucked like the little slut they are, aww”, he mocks against your ear, teeth grazing against the marks on your neck and jaw, a warning of who you truly belong to.

Your cries cease when Jeongguk’s hands find your waist, flipping you over until you’re pinned below him, one leg on his shoulder and the other around his waist.

Barely getting the chance to bitch about the sudden position change, he’s pushing his cock back inside of you, pushing until his heavy cock is snug into your walls, tip pressed against your g-spot.

“So squirmy and whiny, shut the fuck up and take my cock like you were made to, hm?”, he mutters, your lupine whimpers echoing throughout the room as he starts his brutal pace again, bulge against your lower tummy prominent.

Making the mistake of letting your eyes flutter shut, a firm slap echoes throughout the room, a warning to keep them open . “Keep those fucking eyes on me. Watch me use you and take your cunt for myself, cock slut.”, he sneers down at her, eyes staring straight into her own.

So you watch, cunt full of cock, mouth full of drool, and hand around your throat.

Jeongguk’s hand drops down to toy at your clit, rubbing circles into the bud and your mind blanks, eyes rolling back into your head.

The headboard knocks against the wall and your next door neighbor hits the wall back.

Jeongguk takes that as a challenge.

Hands grab at your plush tits, slapping them around and pulling at the nipples, “I need you to be louder for me, kitty”, he growls.

You’re already loud, hands searching at anything to hold on too and ground yourself. But Jeongguk wants to hear you scream.

You barely register the sound of his fangs flicking out, only feel them prod against your nipple and before you can react, his teeth sink into the fatty flesh of your tit, a loud yelp coming from your lips.

That slight pain sensation is what pushes your taught body over the edge.

A squeak tumbles from your lips as your toes curl, hands tangling in Jeongguk’s mop of hair. Your orgasm is suffocating, hitting you from all angles as you arch into his mouth, cunt seizing around his cock.

The scarlet liquid that coats his tongue combined with the grip of your cunt forces Jeongguk to finish, his cock twitching before he empties his balls into your cunt, filling you until it starts to leak past his softening cock.

Moments pass as you both catch your breath, post sex afterglow causing Jeongguk to keep his gaze on you as you both come down.

However, this silence is short lived as the next door neighbor is at your front door, knocking loud.

Groaning, Jeongguk pulls out of you and wipes your messy cunt down with his boxers, tossing them in the laundry basket.

“Were we that loud? She sounds pissed”, you ask, voice hoarse.

Jeongguk sends you a boyish grin as he pulls his sweats on, running his hands through his hair.