koenaswift13

Fearless, I was 18, I had moved out for the first time, I ran away from my problems, drank too much, hid from the world, disguised my tears, put on a brave face every single day and smiled even though I was broken. I cried listening to Breathe and Tell Me Why on repeat, wrote down the lyrics and hung them up all around my room… Once again, wondered if I would ever have a place where I would fit in.  Little did I know, Taylor’s music once again was and always would be my safe place. I screamed Change at the top of my lungs every single day, hoping that one day it would. I learnt how to be Fearless, and that’s a lesson I have taken with me in every day of my life since. 

Speak Now, I was 20, I was just starting to find my voice, which fit in so perfectly with Speak Now. I stood up for what was right even if my voice shook when I spoke, i learnt to have no regrets,  I cried listening to Mean 900 times in a day, for once I felt understood, I felt like I wasn’t alone…. I felt the power that they didn’t control me, I had the last say. Some days, I had to skip Never Grow Up, because I couldn’t handle my emotions and couldn’t accept what was going on around me, couldn’t accept that maybe I would never figure out who I was supposed to be and maybe I was growing up too quickly to progress my world. I cried myself to sleep listening to Long Live because once again, music saved me.

Red, I was 22, I was misunderstood, maybe because I didn’t know who I was… I was bored in life, I really was happy, free, confused and lonely… I didn’t know which way I was coming or going, every day was different, I woke up each day with a different purpose, a different message I wanted to project, a different person I wanted to be. I cried to All Too Well probably more than once a day, I learnt that it was never too late to Begin Again, I learnt that real love was possible even though I ran from my own, I ran so fast from most things, things i hated and things i loved, I tried too hard to fit in, i couldn’t accept again my world, so I ran back to music. I drove around and around with tears streaming down my face singing Treacherous, I cried to Come Back Be Here thinking I lost the one. The Lucky One mirrored parts of my life and it soon became my security blanket. This album became part of my every single day, i listened on my way to work, on my way home, and the messages that i learnt became part of how i lived my life. 

1989, I was 24, I was facing with hate that was unthinkable that destroyed me, I was in a new job where my whole life turned upside down, I couldn’t keep up, I was pleasing everyone, I lost my voice and my messages i told turned into what they wanted me to be, I learnt the act of hate in harder ways than I had ever experienced before, i moulded into what they wanted me to be, I couldn’t swallow and digest the things that had happened to me and I pushed them away, I ran as fast as I could and then Shake It Off caught me just in time. Clean was the friend I needed in the long drives and the dark nights when I was crying myself to sleep, New Romantics gave me hope, Out Of The Woods grabbed my hand and caught me right when I was just about to fall and it never let go.  I learnt to Shake It Off with my world falling down around me, it calmed my fears, it stopped the noise, my anxiety was on hold and it taught me that being myself was okay, and it still does. 

Reputation, I was 27, my life was falling apart, some really personal things were going on and this album mirrored every single thing I was feeling. it helped me up after my crash landing, it helped me brush off the dust, it helped me process my anger,  It helped me find my voice again, and it helped me find me again. It gave me the courage to speak up, it gave me the motivation to fight, it gave me a reason to keep moving and in the darkest nights, it gave me a new friend who would never leave. A time in my life, where I was getting older and yet I had never felt more alone, and yet, music was right by my side again.  

Lover, I am I’m 29, right now, my world is falling down around me even faster and more than any time it has before.. I didn’t think it was possible for things to get worse, but life does its thing and here we are… my scars are still healing, my bruises are still visible, and my cuts could still get infected. I am used to crying, I am used to the anxiety, I am used to being breathless, I am used to shaking in unfamiliar situations, I am used to holding back when you just want to scream, I am used to the stinging on my face the tears create,  I am used to that feeling of your stomach dropping, i am used to that feeling of helplessness,  I am used to the fears, I am used to the lump in the back of my throat, I am used to running, I am used to the long drives… but now I know my Daylight is coming.

• i was in 4th grade when someone asked me if my dad died when he bl*w up the world trade center

• i was in the 5th grade when my teacher refused to send me to the city wide spelling bee after i won the qualifying rounds (they sent the white kid who won the next year)

• i was 16 when someone told me i need to get an arranged marriage

• all throughout middle school people made curry jokes to my face

and countless other things. wasn’t i too young then?

you all have an extraordinary opportunity here to set aside your biases towards people of color, towards lgbtq+ people, towards literally any minority and be educated on the ways you are priviliged and the ways they are not. instead you have chosen to remain ignorant and spend your time thirsting for taylor’s attention like it’s the only thing that matters anymore.

the excuse “not all of us are like this” fell short a long time ago. it didn’t work when men tried to tell us “not all men”. it doesn’t work when white people try to say “not all white people!” it simply isn’t a good excuse. if you aren’t fighting against oppression/racism/islamophobia/sexism/homophobia/LITERALLY ANY PHOBIA HERE, you’re complicit in it. i understand that a lot of you are young and are still learning, but then admit that. SAY that you’re still learning, that you want to be better. and then FOLLOW THROUGH ON IT. you will stumble. you will make mistakes. we are human. but it is literally not hard to try to NOT BE A HOMOPHOBE, NOT BE A RACIST, NOT BE A TRANSPHOBE. stop thirsting for taylor’s attention constantly and start opening your eyes and ears to what’s going on around you, then maybe you wouldn’t be in this situation.

For years I asked, pleaded for a chance to own my work. Instead I was given an opportunity to sign back up to Big Machine Records and ‘earn’ one album back at a time, one for every new one I turned in. I walked away because I knew once I signed that contract, Scott Borchetta would sell the label, thereby selling me and my future. I had to make the excruciating choice to leave behind my past. Music I wrote on my bedroom floor and videos I dreamed up and paid for from the money I earned playing in bars, then clubs, then arenas, then stadiums. 

Some fun facts about today’s news: I learned about Scooter Braun’s purchase of my masters as it was announced to the world. All I could think about was the incessant, manipulative bullying I’ve received at his hands for years. 

Like when Kim Kardashian orchestrated an illegally recorded snippet of a phone call to be leaked and then Scooter got his two clients together to bully me online about it. (See photo) Or when his client, Kanye West, organized a revenge porn music video which strips my body naked. Now Scooter has stripped me of my life’s work, that I wasn’t given an opportunity to buy. Essentially, my musical legacy is about to lie in the hands of someone who tried to dismantle it.

This is my worst case scenario. This is what happens when you sign a deal at fifteen to someone for whom the term ‘loyalty’ is clearly just a contractual concept. And when that man says ‘Music has value’, he means its value is beholden to men who had no part in creating it. 

When I left my masters in Scott’s hands, I made peace with the fact that eventually he would sell them. Never in my worst nightmares did I imagine the buyer would be Scooter. Any time Scott Borchetta has heard the words ‘Scooter Braun’ escape my lips, it was when I was either crying or trying not to. He knew what he was doing; they both did. Controlling a woman who didn’t want to be associated with them. In perpetuity. That means forever. 

Thankfully, I am now signed to a label that believes I should own anything I create. Thankfully, I left my past in Scott’s hands and not my future. And hopefully, young artists or kids with musical dreams will read this and learn about how to better protect themselves in a negotiation. You deserve to own the art you make.

I will always be proud of my past work. But for a healthier option, Lover will be out August 23. 

Sad and grossed out,

💔