i always thought you made me feel alive. and maybe i wasn't wrong. the adrenaline i had pumping through my veins wasn't because i felt thrilled to feel something that intensely for someone, it was the chemicals in my brain trying to cover up the pain you were giving me. you were slitting my throat, slowly and carefully, and instead of screaming for help, i just had a bunch of hormones boosted through my body trying to convince itself it was love killing me. love doesn't make you blind, it makes you numb. without you in my life i am withdrawing from that adrenaline rush i got every time i saw your name pop up on my screen. every time you looked me in the eye, or felt your skin on mine. every time i sensed your scent. i thought it was love. now i know it was just fear, and my body reacted to the lingering threat like any wild animal would do. without the numbness of your constant presence in my life, i can suddenly feel the cold blade you pressed against my throat.