Misadventures of a shit talker

every time i see a stingray i’m like fuck that guy…. not after what you did to steve jobs

I’m in tears!

I just want to know how the writers of snl knew about my very specific sexual fantasy

my soul: saved 

One of my favourites

the shot of a pizza roll dragging across bare skin fucking kills me

They did two previous ones of these and, no, she never did have a name.

i want to know what bears think sometimes

WAS I THE ONLY PERSON WAITING TO SEE HOW HE WAS GOING TO RIDE THE BACKS OF TWO PEOPLE AT THE SAME DAMN TIME ?!!

WTF IS THIS?!?!?! 

its style in it’s rawest and purest form my dude

Millennials hating on fortnite and kids doing fortnite dances is the first step in their inevitable transformation into the grumpy older generation that hates whatever younger people enjoy and insists their version was better

what did i just read

Irish women are strong as fuck

“I lived, bitch” irl

honestly the only reason im not an old man is that i happen to have been born somewhat recently. other than that 

Gonna b honest. A lot of hot ppl go to art museums. I’m one of them

im 2 ugly they won’t let me in

that and my shirt that says “i eat oil paintings when security guards aren’t looking”

I’M IN PHYSICAL PAIN!!!!

this advertising is so effective that it made me want to go buy a brand that’s been defunct for 40-something years

having a permanent full time job is you thinking to yourself “so this is really the rest of my life huh” as you come home every single day before using your 4 hours of recreational activity to do nothing and then going to bed

I’m so fucking sad please invent a pill that will turn me into a salamander that only thinks of nutrients

you mock my plight for the last time, Dad Bot