take your time.

@ghculboy

@daviscre

⸢ 🌴 ⸥

            she had gave their suggestions a shot. she tried to work through her issues as they came back to her in ravaging nightmares and suppressed memories pushing through to the present day. they said if she talked about it that it would lessen the blow and help the healing process begin. not too much time had passed before jennie realized she wasn’t strong enough for the group. she couldn’t talk about it because she hadn’t felt she did anything wrong. she didn’t want to talk about it because she didn’t want to think of the place that she called home once before as being filled with people who had turned their backs on her. she was fighting a battle she was not yet ready to fight and so she had quit.

             but not before she met jinri.

             she was so nice. and she was so understanding. jinri was probably the only reason jennie had lasted as long as she had in the support group but while it helped jinri, the young model from maui only held onto tidbits of information pertaining to stress relief. trailing behind her impromptu hiatus, jennie had felt the stress piling on and for a more healthy release than the parties and the strangers, jennie planned them a spa date to lessen the blow and let their hair down. that was what being on a hiatus meant right? gathering your facilities?

             she’d gather them with a mud mask.

             her hair was thick and drawing it into a high ponytail certainly was a task. her arms slowly grew tired as she pushed and pushed the tresses up into the ideal spot before she began to secure it with a hair tie and she looked at the changing room where jinri still lingered. “are you almost done?” she called, her white robe tied and slippers cushioned comfortably beneath her feet. there was no rush in her voice but rather excitement. she couldn’t remember the last time she had went to a spa.

--

⸢ 🌴 ⸥

            it was a new car but she honestly didn’t know too much about cars. her license was really just a formality she had gotten to prove a point to her management that she could handle herself without a manager but it was a form of documentation that she had hardly ever used. so she sat behind the wheel of the 2018 hyundai g8 sport in blissful ignorance as to why she was stalling when the damn car had just been working fine before she went into her meeting. the internet told her it was an overheated engine and to get water to solve the issue. the closest thing she had was a water bottle. it would have to suffice.

               but the internet was not always that descriptive.

               she had the uncapped water bottle in her hand and she stood at the opened hood of the car -- finding that button alone had taken all of fifteen minutes -- without a single thought in her mind. the longer this took the more frustrated she got and the picture she looked at to try to identify the metallic mess that was underneath the hood made it that much worse. not to mention having the guts of the car out in the open for the sun to beat directly down upon them was making things worse. impatience grasped her and her ignorance was discarded. she knew how to get to the engine. with a generous hand, she upended the water bottle over every metal part that was in sight. 

               that should do it.

--

⸢ 🌴 ⸥

            she was on hiatus from modeling but that did not mean she was in the clear from attending public events as was in the job description of any celebrity based in korea. her scandal wasn’t exactly public news and consisted mainly of rumors she’d decided to avoid and so attending a movie premiere wasn’t necessarily detrimental to her image. then again that’s what she had her public relations representative for: damage control. she just hoped that there wouldn’t have to be any after such an innocent outing for once in her life.

            the cameras could have been blinding with the way they flashed near the movie poster. anybody with a recognizable face was called over by the eager journalists and fans to capture their favorite stars supporting fellow entertainers and jennie was no exception. a hand rested on her hip with her clutch tucked into her wrist, she wore a beautifully charming smile for the cameras whilst quietly ignoring the questions about her hiatus. she wanted to snap at them but her facade did not crack. when the crowd had had their fill of her, she knew by the ruckus that idols had entered the scene.

             she thought their fanbases were insane but the music they made was so damn catchy and almost necessary for every other entertainer in the industry to know to survive that even jennie found herself curious enough to stick around. they were new and their thing was that they were a co-ed group. they had a nice aesthetic from what she could tell from their styling. her eyes made contact with one of the girls and instantly her smile broadened across her features in greeting.

             smile nicely, she thought. idols were dangerous territory.

--

⸢ 🌴 ⸥

            the best thing about summer was not just the beaches and the beautiful weather that drew out the bonfires and camping trip but the sweet treats that came with the season to cool one’s palate after a day in the sun was honestly the most refreshing part of the day. well that is if you don’t count the waves of the beach washing over your sunkissed body and soothing your skin. now that was exhilarating. standing in line for a fresh bowl of bingsoo that you had been craving was a close second.

             what constituted the worst things about summer came next. she had been eager. excited even. her plans were all set in stone and she had already scoped out an area to come back to enjoy her treat that had a  beautiful view of the ocean waves and a lovely cross breeze that would make an ideal picture shot when she took the selfie to post on her instagram. however all of this work was for naught as the gentleman before her stepped away and a blaring red sold out sign was promptly placed in front of her as if luck had decided to spit in her face. she looked to the fortunate recipient and then to the bowl he held in his hands with childlike desire. she had half a mind to question his commitment to finish the bowl but she digressed.

             what was she going to do now?

--

⸢ 🌴 ⸥ a sleep headcanon.

            “sometimes i have a hard time sleeping so i drink chamomile tea to help make it easier and it knocks me out like a light every single time. the best sleep i’ve ever had is after having a cup of chamomile tea but maybe it’s too good? i’ve been told that i start to snore…” her face scrunched in faint embarrassment but she smiled it off. totally not cute.

⸢ 🌴 ⸥ how my muse tells someone they love them without words.

           “maybe i don’t look the part,” or really act it. “but i love domestic things. after coming here in high school i lived on my own in the boarding school so i had to take responsibility to keep my flat clean and provide hearty meals for myself because, well, my parents were back in maui so it wasn’t like i could just go home for dinner. but for me making sure the people i care about are well fed and living in comfort is a big part of my affection for them. some people don’t have that and i knew people who had much less than what i did so for me to be able to stave off some of that stress and feeling of hopelessness that comes with the lack of basic resources and food, with the lack of a home, then i’m going to do it.” once she got past what she needed done for herself first.

⸢ 🌴 ⸥ my muse’s drinking habits.

           “shots, shots, shots!” her eyes instantly got excited just mentioning them. “i like mixed drinks but only after i’ve had some real drinks so that i can nurse it and keep the buzz going.” or did they mean habits when she was drunk? “once i’m drunk though, trainwrecks are probably more well put together than i am. i like to talk and i like to talk about everything so sometimes i end up crying really, really hard but i don’t like staying in one place for too long so we have to keep moving. i’m not a puker or anything like that but i do complain a lot if i feel like someone is trying to baby me too much or underestimate my abilities. and i like to challenge people and i will go there so don’t say the words bet around me unless you have the money to pay up. and i love drunk pictures! they’re so fun to look at on a dim screen the next day when you’re nursing the hangover.”

⸢ 🌴 ⸥ an anger headcanon.

           “i don’t know if i ever get outright angry as opposed to a steadily building annoyance and frustration that chips away at my ability to care about your feelings. i run my fingers through my hair alot because i get agitated and i side-eye and refuse to look at you because chances are i probably think you’re being really stupid and i don’t want to hear what you have to say but almost 9 times out of 10, i walk away. i’m not a fighter but i will tear you apart with words if i have to.”

--

⸢ 🌴 ⸥ the biggest problems my muse is currently dealing with.

            her concerns ran the risk of sounding trivial to those who were unable to see past the facade she wore for the general public. rumors were surrounding her attitude and her conduct: detrimental attributes to be tied to a model’s name. but she knew just how quickly connections could be severed and how fast a face could be replaced with a fresh look in the modeling industry and so her hiatus was a huge risk that she had been bombarded into. no. that wasn’t fair. she chose to take a hiatus and it was because of the same crippling fear that struck her whenever she felt that she was breaking the surface of who she was. those rumors were not baseless but she could not mentally or emotionally handle the consequences head on in an industry where models were eaten for breakfast, lunch and dinner. she’d witnessed on several occasions through a long series of self destructive acts exactly what happened when she expressed too much of herself and acted upon it and the trauma that came with it each time pushed those tidbits further and further down beneath the concrete wall she hoped to bury it behind. she wants to be someone who can express herself without the judgement and without the shame but it was sometimes easier to be the pretty little jennie that everyone knew.

--

⸢ 🌴 ⸥

           “likewise!” she chimed with a friendly, gummy smile. “i’ve seen your work before and you serve some of the best looks. you make me realize i still have a lot to learn.”

–

⸢ 🌴 ⸥

            she couldn’t lie that she was a bit taken aback but everyone had their opinions and she respected it even if she thought he needed to see an optometrist. “well, in my field, that’s basically a compliment so i’ll take it as that. models aren’t supposed to be conventionally pretty. conventionally pretty limits you to commercial modeling but if you have a unique look or a fierceness to your features that makes you stand out or looks a bit off, so long as you know your angles, skilled with posing and willing to take the potential risks you can build yourself a solid career in editorial and couture modeling and probably land yourself some pretty high-end runways. so thanks!” i think?

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