_me_

Sitting on the roof, crying yet again. Used to come up here to enjoy the beautiful scenery, just taking a moment to see and feel. Now I come here to hide and weep. This is the only place I feel safe. It protects me. Here I can’t see their judgemental stares. Here I can’t hear their venomous words. Here I am secure.

They have worn me down. I am tired and at my limit. I can no longer enjoy the scenery, for it no longer seems real. Through my clouded vision it looks blurry as if it were a mirage. This is one of the many things they have taken from me.

I no longer belong in a world where I am an outcast. A world where I am not loved. A world where I am labelled as defective. A world where I will never be loved.

I will forever be alone and surely, I will never be missed.

“Wait! Don’t jump.” I open my eyes and see I am about a foot away from going over the edge. I don’t even know when I closed my eyes. “Wait! Don’t…”

“And why shouldn’t I?” I asked, my voice barely above a whisper, still hoarse from all the crying. “Why do you care anyway, no one else seems to.” I don’t look back as I feel a new wave of tears flow freely down my face.

Before I understand what is happening, I feel arms wrap protectively around me. “I’m not gonna lie and say I understand your pain fully but I do understand how much it hurts. I know yours is different but I also know what it feels like to be in that place. That is why I can be kind to you and care.”

I stand there on the roof in the arms of a stranger crying my eyes out. I don’t know how long we stand there, but eventually I calm down enough to be able to form coherent sentences. “I still don’t understand. Why comfort me. Someone who has been deemed strange, defective, unusual and unworthy of something as basic as love.”

“Because like I said I know what it’s likes to reach this point. What it’s like to be where you are now. What it’s like to be hurting. Someone once said, “Knowing what it feels to be in pain, is exactly why we try to be kind to others.” That is why I’m comforting you. Why I am helping you.”

“Sorry but you are kind of too late. This one act of random kindness is not enough to combat the countless acts of cruelty.”

How do you save someone who doesn’t want to be saved? How do you save someone who is so far gone down the rabbit hole they can longer see the light? How do you save someone who is drowning but breathes the water as if it is oxygen? How do you save someone who doesn’t want a hero?

Every day I watch as she becomes more unreachable and unhinged. I don’t know what I should do anymore. It hurts watching her descend further and further from reality. For her reality is too painful to accept. It hurts that I can’t help her. It hurts even more that she doesn’t want my help.

Not even while sleeping is she at peace. I watch her twist and turn. I watch as the moon light hits her face, before it made her look more beautiful, peaceful and elegant, now it is a painful reminder of what was. I watch her face contort in pain. She starts whimpering, no later her soft whimpers turn to screams so horrid they would put the proudest of banshees to shame. Through all of this, as always, I remain by her side whispering sweet nothings until the early hours of the morning.

I do all of this for her…

The mornings after these episodes, she refuses to call them nightmares, are the worst. She becomes angrier, more violent and hateful “because the world is at fault not me”. She recoils further down that hole. I want to take it all in stride, be stoic or impassive but I cannot.

I do all of this for her…

On a rare occasion she told me she loves me. My heart could not take it. It hurts to know she loves someone who cannot even save her.

I am tempted to ask her why she loves, when she can do better. I am close to telling her that she could have better because she deserves that and much more.

But I am selfish…

I want and need her. I am afraid if I do tell her she will realise I am right and find better, but I also want her with me.

I am conflicted…

She is my everything. That is why I want to save her, be her hero even if she doesn’t want. But it hurts. Yes, she is my everything but she causes me so much pain. It is no longer me wanting to save her. I need to save her for my own sanity.

I want us to be happy again. To go back to how things were, before she started drowning, before she went down that hole, before she needed to be saved.

...but this makes it look like it's Iruka and Kakashi's wedding and it fits perfectly❤💖💖😢

Indirect proof...

Everything was moving in slow motion, all the noise from outside seemed to get lost in the wind. I was losing myself, I was losing control. I didn't want to lose control, not again, not after last time. I can still remember. It haunts me.

I could feel him losing control, losing himself. Soon I would be in charge again. I could feel him losing his grip on reality. His strength was fading. I can still remember the first time I was in charge. It was wonderful, but the last time was better. What he didn't understand was that I had to be in control, I was and still am protecting him.

...

I had lost control of myself again. When I woke up I was surrounded by faces of disgust, horror and fear. I had no idea what happened but judging from the faces I could see it was something awful. The headmaster was approaching me and his face was the one I could not bare to look at. In his eyes I could see the disappointment and anger. His usually calm sky blue eyes looked like a raging storm.

"What have you done?!" the headmaster had bellowed, but there was also an undertone of concern. Soon all eyes had turned to observe the conversation. Only then did I notice grief in some of the eyes. Only then did i notice that the headmaster stood over a lifeless body on the playground. Only then did I realise what had happened. Only then did I see the gravity of the situation.

"What have you done?" this time I noticed the headmaster had fear in his eyes as well, and that hurt more than anything else. Never had the headmaster ever looked at me with fear but I could not really blame him, it was different this time. If I was him I would react the exact same way.

"I don't know." It was barely a whisper but I knew he heard me, I knew they all heard me. I wouldn't be surprised if they didn't believe me. I wouldn't be surprised if they locked me up in solitary confinement. They were scared and people like to get rid of things that scared them, why should I be any different?

"It happened again." It was more of a statement than a question but he answered any way, with a small inclination of the head. I hung my head not in shame as most believed but in disappointment.

"I'm so sorry" and he hugged me. I knew why he had apologised. I knew what was to come after he let go of me.

"I know." I never hugged him back because I knew it would be difficult for me to let go. I knew I had to say more. I knew I should have done something but I never did. I remained there waiting for the inevitable to happen.

Sasuke Pov

It's a cold evening and I'm feeling pretty loney. My phone seems to be taunting me. I want to call you, I really do, but I'm probably the last person you would to talk to right now.

The fireplace is giving of some good heat but not as warm as your smile. The flames are pretty bright but your blue eyes shine brighter.

My lips are clinging to a cup of dark coffee, thinking about what I have done to you, thinking of how I hurt you.

I'm here with her...but honestly I would rather be with you, breathing in the warmth of your neck, being burnt by the desire in your eyes, and absorbing the gentleness of your lips on mine.

______________________________________

Naruto Pov

I loved you...but I was joke to you. You hurt me deeply. And yet a day doesn't go by where I don't think of calling you, so many unsent messages...

I wake up and no longer do I feel your strong arms around my waist, making me feel so protected. No longer can I gaze into your eyes the most beautiful part of your body, I always got lost in them and I never wanted to get out. More often than not I sleep in the guest room ours just has too many memories I'm not ready to face, not easy to deal with.