knowmeorudont

ilya: uh. like. one spoonful of pasta ago. you were there. we have been fucking for like a decade tho

if i'm shane (autistic), I'm so floored by the ilya-is-laying-his-head-in-my-lap of it all and i want to make sure i do not do anything to fuck that up. he laid his head in my lap while i was staying relatively still, and if i move too much it might make this position uncomfortable for him. or it might spook him back into his usual guarded demeanor. it might jostle him out of this moment and remind him that talking about his feelings is something he doesn't do. i am so thrilled by the intimacy of ilya talking about his family and his feelings. i want to hold onto that so bad. i must not spook him. and naturally the best way to do this is to stay as still as possible and say very little so i avoid saying anything wrong. to me his minimal reaction is just his best effort to hold onto this precious moment in the only way he can think of. i don't think it has to be deeper than that.