vote knope

“Yesterday if you would’ve asked me, I would’ve said no. But thank God my grandfather just died so I am A-FLUUUUSHED WITH CAAAAASH!” (2.17 “Woman of the Year”)

“What about your trust fund?” “My parents had it amended. I don’t get anything until I’m 50, which is a waste because I’m going to be a billionaire in Costa Rica by then. Eatin’ dolphin and hangin’ out with lady singers.” (2.17 “Woman of the Year”)

“Just bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce—now all the ladies sayin’!—bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce. What do you say, sexy?” (2.17 “Woman of the Year”)

“One time I waited outside a woman’s house for five days just to show her how serious I was about wanting to drill her. Turns out, it was the wrong house. She loved the story anyway. We got to third base. Over the pants.” (2.23 “The Master Plan”)

“I would start with a joke, joke—Vince Vaughn quote, obviously…Fred Claus. Talk about Andy’s ex-girlfriends, quote from Love Actually. Hold back your tears, pause…drop the microphone, get out of that bitch. *explosion noise*” (3.09 “Fancy Party”)

“K to the N to the O-P-E, she’s the dopest little shorty in all Pawnee, Indiana.”(3.13 “The Fight”)

“R to the O to the N-N-N, I say Swanson’s got swagger the size of Big Ben Clock.”(3.13 “The Fight”)

“Go B to the O to the double-S, do what he say and you’ll be success-ful.” (3.13 “The Fight”)

“Why don’t you turn that friz-own upside dizzity.” (3.13 “The Fight”)

“I made my money the old fashioned way: I GOT RUN OVER MY A LEXUUUUUS!”(3.16 “Li’l Sebastian”)

“Which one floats your penis?” (3.16 “Li’l Sebastian”)