this soul of mine will never break

the feeling of minho’s hand on his cheek was enough to bring the butterflies back to jinwoo’s stomach, more sure than ever of how much he liked him. “yeah, i-” he was interrupted by his roommates voice, making him roll his eyes. he shouted back some cursewords at him, before looking at minho again. “maybe if you kiss me again the moment will come back?” he joked, leaning back again and absentmindedly starting to play with minho’s hair. “want to go to my room?”

he appreciated the small gesture of the tighter hug, even if he was telling he had to leave earlier than expected. “that’s fine, what matters is you’re staying.” he answered, this time quieter and more sincere. he was still for a moment, before moving his body just a little to face minho better. he rested his hand under his chin to tilt it up, leaning down to meet his lips. he left a soft kiss there, dragging it out for a moment before pulling back. “i’m glad you came over.”

when minho mentioned being awkward, jinwoo tugged on his hand a little, bringing him closer towards him. he let go of their hands to rest his arm on the back of the couch, inviting minho to rest against him. “you’re really cute.” he couldn’t resist complimenting him, pressing a kiss to his temple. “i’m not usually romantic. i just like you a lot.” he chuckled. “stay tonight? i’ll even be big spoon.”

jinwoo’s smile grew as minho answered, cheeks a little pink. “going slow works for me.” he responded without hesitation. it was a lot for him to take in too, and all he wanted was for minho to be comfortable. “wait. slow doesn’t mean we have to stop... you know?” he half joked, wiggling his eyebrows at the other boy. “we don’t have to label anything, and i don’t exactly expect a ring. i just want us to be exclusive, and i want to keep holding your hand, and i want take you on a real date.”

jinwoo was certain that if minho got any closer, he’d feel his heart hammering in his chest. he matched the softness of the kiss, and it felt more intimate than anything else they’d done together before. after a short while, jinwoo couldn’t stop his smile from interrupting the kiss. “you like me.” he muttered against minho’s lips, leaving a few more small kisses there before leaning back again. “you like me.” he repeated it once more, laughing a little from relief. “so, now what? are we... is this... are we dating?” the question came out awkwardly and he shook his head, trying to get this right for once. “do you want to go on a date with me?”

“oh.” he repeated himself, this time with a smile. he moved his free hand to rest over their hands, just taking the moment in as he thought of what to say next. whatever nerves he had before were now replaced with excitement, and he couldn’t drag his eyes away from minho. “kiss me.” he spoke finally, a smile still on his lips. 

jinwoo’s stared at their hands as minho spoke, the butterflies coming back as he shyly moved his hand to intertwine their fingers as he listened. he looked up at him again after a few moments, taking in his features as he kept talking. “oh.” he tilted his head in thought, eyebrows furrowing a little. “you like me?”

hearing such a quiet voice from minho made jinwoo almost reach out to hold his hand, but he stopped himself. “hey,” he spoke gently, trying to ignore how fast his heart was beating. “i wouldn’t lie about this.” he continued, searching minho’s features for some sign of how he felt. “i’ve been scared to admit how i feel. i haven’t been able to open up to someone in a long time and i really...” he lent back, gaze dropping to the floor. “i don’t want to lose you. even if it’s just as a friend, i want you in my life.” 

jinwoo wasn’t good with talking about his feelings on a good day, but it was especially difficult now. “no, i’m sorry.” he sighed. “we were fine, we were more than fine. it’s been great.” he took a moment to think, trying to get his thoughts in order. “that’s kind of the problem. because i started to like you. i’ve tried to deny it, but i do. at first i could ignore it, but now i get butterflies when we kiss. when we watch a movie, i just want to reach over and hold your hand. i... i’m happiest when i’m with you.” he offered with a sad smile. “that’s why i have to stop because if i keep doing this, i’m going to break my heart. it’s too hard to be with you like that and pretend that i’m not falling for you.” 

jinwoo was more nervous than he’d been in a long time, bickering with his friend because he was so on edge. “hey.” jinwoo answered quietly, fiddling with the t-shirt he’d thrown on in replacement of his pjyamas. “that’s okay, come in.” he moved out of the way before shutting the door, leading them both towards the living room. he sat down on the couch and took in a deep breath before finally meeting minho’s gaze. “i don’t know what to say, i thought i’d have time to prepare.” he laughed breathily. “i want you to know, i really didn’t want to end this.”

“so,” jinwoo had just paused the movie they put on, both of them deciding it was far too boring to continue trying to finish it. “wanna go get some food? because, no offence, but your cooking is awful.” he teased with his typical wide smile, his arm moving to loosely rest across he back of the couch as he awaited a response.

“no, i swear she does this really cute thing.” jinwoo argued with a smile as he waited for his daughter to do her new trick, who was too busy smiling at her aunt to listen to her father. “little one, just...” he put his hand to his mouth to hint to her, and she finally followed by blowing a kiss and giggling loudly afterwards.

“i love you a lot.” jinwoo replied, smiling even though he knew how predictable it was. as he looked up at him, his softened, hand moving to brush hair away from minho’s face. it was messy from sleep, and jinwoo found him adorable as ever. “so, how does being old feel? do i need slow down when we walk now so you can keep up?”

instead of just gently taking him into his arms, jinwoo took his opportunity to dive into minho inside. he tackled him back down onto the bed, hugging him tightly and laughing. he then rolled over whilst holding onto his husband, letting minho rest on top of him now. “i think we should go out to celebrate today.” he grinned from beneath him.

jinwoo just laughed softly as minho whined, endeared by it all. “it’s you day!” he laughed, clapping his hands excitedly. he helped him sit up, not resisting the temptation to kiss his face again, this time once on his cheek and once on the corner of his lips. “for you, there’s a note there too.” he added, pointing to the little yellow card inside the bunch. inside, it read “to my dear minmin, i hope you have the brightest birthday, i love you always” in the neatest handwriting jinwoo could muster. 

“morning, sunshine.” jinwoo smiled as he walked into their shared room, the bouquet of flowers he’d sneakily bought that morning already sat on the bedside table besides minho. they were a mix of yellow, pink and white, of course featuring daisies and roses. he’d left minho’s usual mug filled with coffee on the coaster, as he sat perched on the edge of the bed. he lent down to kiss his forehead, pulling back with a wide smile. “happy birthday, baby.” 

every time jinwoo opened up about something, minho knew exactly how to comfort him. it had always been that way, and jinwoo didn’t know how he did it. he kissed his forehead in response, showing his gratitude that way. “okay.” he answered quietly, nodding his head. his shoulders slumped as the pressure started to lift off himself, looking down at his hand again when he stepped back from minho. “do we have any bandaids?” he pouted cutely, the cut still stinging.