dyspraxia

there’s silence for awhile, there’s 2 sides to every story and I never asked for yours

NO...I WANT TO BE A CAT ON MARS.

i want to look myself in my masters dilated pupils i want to kiss him all over and be punished for it.

A girl bitch thrown outside in the backyard

cries louder than the proclamation

you’re not any fun

Out there isnt all bad, i have my friends to keep me company and it’s really the only place i am allowed to groom myself.

Does that make any sense?

Being alone?

cats on mars

it was the first time i remember stepping on the moon…the night BLUE FUR, ONE EYE put me in a chokehold & asked me with that devilish smile

do you want to sleep forever or will you behave

i tried to howl.

I tried to call all the same fur, mixed blood to come & get the poor girl out of this life

There wasn't enough time

the love i have known myself to love

is scalpel with teeth, cigarette burns where my tits used to be 20lbs ago

the love i am capable of,

is holy, sanctity not confusing intensity for intimacy

the way i want to remember it:

the proposal.

bloody wedding dress-apartment with big windows

pure, healing, sensitive. it’s the way you’re covering the blinds regardless

love.

the only body i have ever known myself to love is bruises, stitching wings where shoulder blades go, blood mixing with cum and tattoo ink. love.

i could make you a promise but i am only in love with the way it looks . often i find myself thinking about running away with someone who is me but is not me.

even more, i wake up and find myself wanting to go home in my own shower. shampoo still in my hair. i went to church the next day and he didn’t even recognize me.

the love i no longer wish to love, rusted scalpel. dominated.

-stop having unprotected sex

-cut back on drinking

-figure out how i am going to make rent

-try to graduate drug court

-schedule dr apt for std panel (see point 1.)

-break up with chud “boyfriend”

-gain some self respect

A DRUNK!? Yeah probably. hey alexa insert the idiom about the hammer and looking for nails

“If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail”

girlfriend who tries to kill herself every morning after we link