Opened Bottle

Sometimes, you make me want to give up on us. But I'm such a fool. I'm so blinded by love. I keep telling myself that you love me too. How long will I live in denial?

And I wish I can come see you. I feel so bad. I know that if I don't come, no one else will. I'm sorry, baby. It hurts my heart so much to know that you're there all alone. I miss you. You are still on my mind everyday. And I promise, the moment I am able to, I'm going to be right there. No matter what, you will always be my handsome little man. I'm sorry I'm not there for you.

A: And then when I got home, my husband said to me, "Why did you say that to her? You should've known better! You should have told her." But I didn't know it was going to be like this, I didn't know this was going to happen. And I feel so bad, I'm so sorry. I've been thinking about you since and I'm so sorry.

My husband is such a smart ass. Since I wouldn't let him go out to play poker with his friends, he invited his friends over to play poker at the house instead. 😑

2015 has been such a roller coaster and one of the hardest years for me. My baby Junior, the one man that I can and will never be able to replace. Though I may not have him here with me, he will always be in my heart, my sweet angel. Words cannot even begin to express how much my heart aches for you. I am truly blessed to have married the one man that has always had my back since the beginning of time. He has always supported me, held my hands, and lifted me back up when I was too weak. He gave me strength when all I wanted to do was give up. I will forever be grateful for my husband. Happy anniversary baby. Here's to many more years with you, till we grow old. I have also been blessed to be given another chance to be a better mother, in the same year. Baby Hailey has given me new hope. I just wish Junior was here to be the big brother he was meant to be. Through all of this, I was still able to push through and finish school. I now have my Bachelors to show off. It was only possible through all the support and love I'm constantly surrounded with. 2015 will always be etched in my heart. May 2016 be kind to me.

If I disappeared from your life, would you be happy? Would you be able to do all the things you wanted to since I won't be there to limit you anymore? Would it all be as great as you imagined it to be? Would you even miss me?

I am a hopeless romantic, I am still madly and deeply in love with you. I still want to be around you all the time; I want to hold your hands, lay next to you, and kiss you. I get insecure when you're not around. So yes, I know I should be used to it, but my heart still breaks each time you hurt me. I still cry when you yell at me and get depressed when you choose other things over me. Maybe one day, I won't have to be this way anymore. One day, I will be stronger. As for now, you still hold that power over me, and you probably always will.

When you finally realize that all that you have done has gone unappreciated and that it will just never be enough, it is time to give up. There's no more point in trying so hard just because it was the right thing to do.

Dear Junior, How are you doing my sweet baby? I hope you’re being a good boy. I miss you so much. I hope you like the roses I brought to you on Saturday. I know they took your toys away. I’ll buy you new ones, even better toys. I want you to always remember that I love you, the same way I’m always going to remember your handsome face and the love I have for you. Guess what? You’re going to be a big brother. I bet you would had been a wonderful and protective, but loving older brother. I wish you were here. I miss you. I love you, always and forever.

Even my dog is a better mother than I am.