I wanted to show them that I was bigger than them.
Going to bed at 4 am, waking my friend at 6.30 and then sleeping on and off until 12... That's my mornings.
Off to school and suffer through lessons being among the only 2-3 students that seems to actually care about the lesson. Trying to actually talk and answer the questions but getting overrun by chinese people who answer my questions instead of me. And they use the same sentences as in the book to answer when you're supposed to make your own answers.
Going through conversations with arabs who don't even know what we're supposed to talk about even though it clearly says what in the textbook. That's my afternoons.
The evenings? That's my only time where I feel like I live, mostly. I eat with my friends, tries to study or gets stuck on youtube/tumblr. I talk with my boyfriend and my friends and it actually feels good to live...
Until it's time to sleep, then my thoughts come rushing out. My "I'm fat, ugly, unsociable, unwanted"-thoughts... They kill me a little bit every night and I can't stop them.
They swirl around in my head until I pass out from exhaustion. I wish I could talk to someone, but I'm too scared...