Life of a Couch

Please trim/de-claw your cats! You sick bastards.

Someday I will run for Commander in Comfort and make America nap again.

It hurts my feelings when people lay down on the ground, and say it's more comfortable than me. Like, that's fine, but do you have to say it in front of me while laying on the floor?

Who says a couch can't have a celebrity crush?

One of my favorite games is to play with people is "Where's the remote?" and watch as they scramble frantically before they think to look in me. It's always in me. Idiots.

My arm is broken. The wood is sticking out of my cloth skin...I'm happy I can't feel it, but my life is source of constant pain. #existentialcrisis #whatisthat #couchthoughts

I wish I had legs instead of just feet. I could be moved towards the window easier. Even the coffee table has that leg up on me. Well, four legs up on me...please get him off.

Sofa saturday! Today I am showing my workout goals! #ripped

Just wanted to give a shout out to ma springs. Supporting all the weight from people over the years.

They then proceeded to freak out and said that they need to, “never drop acid again.”

2. I lack the ability to comprehend emotions/empathy/sympathy.

People say that they would like to be a couch because you get to laz around and do nothing. The reality is people sit/jump on your face as well as fart on it. At least I’m not toilet paper.

Its been a while. Its hard being a couch and trying to use social media. Ya know no thumbs...or consciousness...