REST.
so much for not making a post ha.
with everything going on with yoochun and the investigation, it’s becoming harder and harder to deal with it all emotionally.... JUST when I come to acceptance and peace with things with the split (took me long enough huh?) ha. I’ve been loving these boys since I was 12... and now I’m going to be 23. dbsk holds a place in my heart that I just can’t even begin to explain... and can never be compared.
I don’t know what to say, or how to feel really...... the investigation is still on going as of now... so... I don’t want to say much.
To put it in perspective... this past week I went to stay at my parents house to kind of get away from things (unrelated), and find healing. My first night staying in the room that is no longer mine and now the ‘guest’ room.... was strange. I looked around at the painted walls. And remembered my youth and how I had dbsk posters covering from top to bottom, from corner to corner...I remembered how I had my bookshelf full of their albums, magazine,dvds, things I got from the Tokyo Dome merch stand when I was in Japan... and I fucking balled. I wasn’t allowing myself to feel much once news broke out of the allegations. But then it just all came rushing back... only it wasn’t all sadness, anger, confusion... surprisingly, a lot if it was waves of remembrance and thankfulness. Back in high school, I got all my friends into them and every couple of months I would host fanmeetings at my house where we’d play games related to dbsk triva, watch concerts, videos... we’d all wear red, all the food would be nothing but red haha... and we’d sing and shout proudly as Cassiopeia..... it was fun... and I’m so thankful for those memories.
Dong Bang Shin Ki... and as we use to know them.. HERO/Youngwoong JaeJoong, XIAH Junsu, MAX/Choikang Changmin, U-KNOW Yunho and MICKY Yoochun.. were the cornerstones of my youth. Even saying such names as Dong-Bang-Shin-Ki..... and their stage names...which would become forgotten for some (when was the last time we called Jaejoong HERO?? haha).. feel so far away.
These days being into vixx and watching music programs and festivals, hearing newer groups sing or talk about dbsk... it’s still so emotional for me. And I can’t help but think of the past... just a couple weeks ago at the end of dream concert they played balloons and I couldn’t stop crying and thinking of the dream concert back in 2007! lolll
I mean I even unconsciously picked 55 as my parking spot here at my apt complex... dbsk is so engraved in my heart and my soul. It’s a hard thing to erase. And despite the sometimes heartache and longing.. I will always be thankful.
(rest under the link because it may trigger some; warning: sexual abuse trigger)
