I Can See / I Can Touch

okay so. it was generally rather uncomfortable immediately after but felt pretty manageable with standard ibuprofen, but oh my god... i got my period a couple of days ago and it has been AWFUL. there's a likely chance that my periods will cease after this one (🤞) but ouhhhh this has not been fun. i've hardly been able to sleep at night, i have been so fucking nauseous, and i have had to do breathing exercises through the cramps WHILE ON PAIN MEDS. so, like, kind of a standard period for me, which is why i got the IUD in the first place... but waow the combination of adjusting to the IUD (generally uncomfortable, but new) and having my period (always agonising, but the devil i know) is just. a LOT. wayyyyy too much going on in my uterus atm, it's really hard not to feel a bit cursed, damned-if-i-do-damned-if-i-don't... also taking pain meds as frequently as i have needed to only to doze off has been very demoralising! my poor stomach lining fhgdkskjhjkdh oh well.

not to mention the sweet sweet irony of being a (for now) celibate lesbian who never ever ever ever EVAAAAA wants kids. and going through all of this shit because i happen to have a uterus. literally it is so easy to convince myself that the universe is Punishing Me For Not Having Children, but that's insane in the membrane kind of thinking. i am very much not unique in this but holyyyyyy shit someone take my pain, double it, and give it to some guy with a podcast. RELEASE ME!!