KJ Ryom

Let’s seeeee. Okay, I dare you to walk around asking people if they have a condom and act like it’s a life or death situation. You can stop when you either get one, or you’ve asked 5 people. 

Okay so in retrospect maybe I deserve that. But my taste in music changed if you know what I mean. I’m an ex-swiftie. These days I think Ed Sheeran is more my speed. 

Oh, you think I’m embarrassed by that video. Sorry to burst the blackmail bubble but I don’t think that’s gonna work out for you. Marrying a stranger sounds like fun, it could be like a reverse relationship. 

[recording sent]  “Don't cry, snowbank, not in front of me Who'll catch your tears if you can't catch me, darling If you can't catch me, darling Don't cry, snowbank, don't leave me this way A puddle of water can't hold me close, baby Can't hold me close, baby I want you to know that I'm never leaving 'Cause I'm Mr. Snow, 'til death we'll be freezing Yeah, you are my home, my home for all seasons So come on, let's go”  [end recording] 

Stupider than that time I ate the forbidden corndog? But okay, I’m game, I love a good challenge. 

Well that went from sexy to challenging real quick. Bet. Me and you, ice rink, 20 minutes. I might not be on the team anymore but I can still out skate you. 

Maybe not surprising but you can’t say it’s not accurate in more ways than one. 

Tell me you’re a poor college student without actually telling me you’re a poor college student. If I was your prof I wouldn’t have given you anything. D+ for effort. 

You got it bestie, banana. Wow, this might actually get really annoying, banana. At least it matches my vibe, banana. Yup, definitely on brand, banana.

Denial isn’t cute. But fine, fine. I don’t know why you dressed up at all then. Buzzkill. 

Sure, but the other type of how is a lot more fun. The game is literally to find Waldo?? It’s “Where’s Waldo” not “Leave Waldo alone to wallow in his introverted misery.”

This party just levelled up. Roomba beer pong anyone?