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I haven't been to many house parties... but I have been to a few and I'm going to write my experiences because I can (and no I haven't done any drugs like those swinger boujee parties you see in the movies... or at least I can't remember if I have lol)  for the record I also have been invited to quite a lot but being the anti- social being I am, I didn't go out much. - I'm also ruling out family  parties... which are the wildest.

the first proper friends house party I remember was my friend from college LC’s* 19th birthday party, it was fun (not a rager of anything) I didn't drink much and for some reason I don't... perhaps I get really responsible at parties which is odd as I act like a 12 year old all the time. I think I drank some cider maybe, possibly a little vodka. 

most of the drama class I had were there (which was pretty much my whole friendship group at the time) I had a little crush on ZH  so I tried buy best to flirt (which I have gotten worse at over the years- in school I was a massive flirt...what happened I lost my mojo man) I remember me and EP with ZH in the kitchen with a chocolate fountain licking the chocolate off our fingers in a sexy (totally non sexy) way, i liked him but I have this thing where I like the idea of them, which seems to be the thing with all the guys I fancy...

The next party I remember (Warning this gets crazy lol) was OP’s halloween party. only a few of us (again from Drama class) we had his brothers strobe on and music bangers. I ate nothing that day then we got Chips just before we started partying. I chugged a big WKD (again little reminder, I don't drink much so don't laugh at me) after a few good hours of pure stone light dancing (it was on the whole night btw surprised none of us had a seizure). ZH was there and we were flirting a bit, he picked me up and threw me on his sofa...not going to lie to you guys but 😏😏😏😏😏😏😏 wowe lmao lolol. I started to feel a hurt in. my tummy and ran to toilet and instantly threw up... it was like a crime scene man. im surprised that no-one heard or followed but I would of been so embarrassed so im glad no one did. - I did miss the toilet tho and didn't know what to do so I pushed some of it behind the toilet out of scared-ness and embarrassment. I went back and kept partying, no one knew... for a month then the guy texted us all asking who did it (but how did it take a month to notice puke... 1 week rule man, finders keepers) 

Most recently I went to a Uni House Party LB’s to be exact. now I admit I did stand outside deciding whether or not to go in, but im so glad I did. it was one of the funnest nights of my life lol. some people from my film course were there - and I drank so I was giggly me -  I’m going to sum up what happened. dancing, shots, more shots...more shots. MB turned up to everyones surprise, but he's fun to be around although I did feel some intimacy going on but I wasn't vibing with it. shower time, we locked MB and DR in a shower and turned it on that was funny. went in a car ride with MB (different MB) LC,CC. we shaved JW head and now he's a bald boi. I rode on MB (different MB shoulders - I got picked up quite abit being honest) we tied PH legs up as he was out ‘shagged’ (out of it). 

Last one was one of my society’s members house party, I love her (not like that) so I was happy to be invited. it was ok, bit awkward at first as I didn't really know anyone but a little drink and giggles and fun me came out- we then went to a club and danced quite a lot so lovely lol.

And to be continued hopefully... fingers crossed CONVID-19 ends soon... please go man. please.

XOXO - me

The title is kinda a spoiler isn't it. oh well. 

so recently I may have had a fling going on, but as usual it never works (may I just add; I rarely have any romantic flings...and I'm 18. apart from the weird mini relationships that I had in primary and secondary school. And I'm talking about the type that only lasted 3 days lol)

so what's been bothering lil ol me? well as I was saying I had a fling. This guy mike*  at a club we both go to (a drama club) and we got along very well. I mean very well! we would walk back to my car and speak for 2 HOURS!! (no joke we stood by my car speaking about random shit) so ww did what any normal, awkward couple of teens did when they begin to like each other. we planned a date. 

date(s)** was good and after we watched films together on a sofa, we kissed in my car as I dropped him off (lol funny thing was my foot was on the clutch the whole time!) it was a while since I kissed someone (my family holiday to span where I kissed some random guy after staring at each other in the pool over the course of a few days... as you do) and IT..WAS...AWKWARD!! lol. I do this thing where I don't really take in the situation until 3 hours later when Im staring at my bedroom celling. but I really liked it, I liked the attention. I liked him, the way he made me comfortable and special (the usual). 

there was a slight bit of doubt in my head, silly me. I sometimes didn't feel a sexual attraction, I think it was because he was a lil goofy...or his hair :/

So you're still reading and asking, what went wrong? well... I'm asking the same thing. he just all of a sudden stopped giving me attention. no messages, no pictures (of his face... ya nasty) I kept asking him to meet me but he didn't show. 

any ideas?

he legit just ghosted me, apart from the occasional reply to messages I force! and even when he does it sounds depressing “yeh, kk” (as we speak he still hasn't replied to my messaged :( .) I'm angry yet sad at the same time, I want to see him and speak to him. what do I do?!!

Do I confront him? ask him if he likes me, like I like him. (so many likes in one sentence lol)  or do I ignore him and risk any type of future at all. 

well there you go, I'm hopeless with love

*name changed for privacy, and if they saw this how embarrassing would that be lol. (btw mike if ur reading this...hmu)

well hello there. I have decided to create a blog, as any normal teenager who's heart was recently broken does. and may I add I'm currently living through an pandemic (CONVID- 19) so I'm currently stuck at home and this is something I can do to express myself, reflect on life and I'm also bored as shit lol.

so what do I plan to achieve? well I don't know, maybe I can entertain who ever views this. Maybe I can clear my mind or solve all my problems. lets find out.