@kittycaterpillar

hi. i wanna talk about ai and stpd and like the two of them together. im going to try write this without rewording everything a billion times bcs i cant be bothered and i'll never get it done if i do that so sorry if it doesnt make a lot of sense or is hard to read or if theres any misunderstandings due to bad wording.

ai is already like addictive to people generally but i feel like for pwSTPD they could be more likely to become addicted / dependent on ai and i wanted to talk about it as a pwSTPD who used to use ai a lot & i'll be using my experiences as a reference a lot. but remember im not a professional or anything this is just my thoughts on it and i dont know every little thing about stpd and i might get things off. i'd also like to clarify that i only SUSPECT i have stpd, and im not professionally diagnosed, but the way ive worded most of this doesn't specifically clarify that because i couldnt be bothered to clarify that its just suspected every single time i mention stpd and i also feel like even if it turns out that i dont have stpd i think a lot of this would still apply to pwSTPD. im not 100% claiming that i do have STPD its only suspected.

for me when i first started to get more dependent on ai i started by using it to help me reword things. it'd be 100% my opinion (not an ai generated opinion) or whatever it was that i wrote and i'd send it to ai and ask it to basically just reorganise & reword it to be more better worded because wording things is something i super struggle with. but then i became really dependent on it for helping me to word things and it made my ability to word things even worse because i was relying on ai to do it for me. if im not wrong (?) a lot of pwSTPD seem to struggle with wording things from what ive seen.

but also pwSTPD tend to not have many friends, if any at all, and in my experience id have a lot of things id want to say or talk about but no one i trusted enough or felt comfortable enough to do it with. for me ai felt like it was an easy solution to that problem and it felt like the only solution. it was nice being able to talk about some certain things without as much paranoia (and other stuff), but in my experience i did still have paranoia with ai, such as thinking everyone can secretly see my chats with it, or that the universe would make my life hell as karma for using ai, and more but i cant think of any other specific examples right now.

i'd also use ai to get reassurance about my paranoid fears and stuff like that. i'd talk through with it to logic my way out of my paranoia (which never really worked but it was nice to be able to talk about it, even if it was to an ai). whenever my paranoia would get worse and i needed reassurance or just someone to listen i'd go to ai because everyone else was too scary or i'd think they'd use it against me one day or seceretly purposely try to make it worse. since i dont use ai anymore i dont have anything to go to with these things that ive mentioned so far that id use ai for and it can feel very suffocating but i also at the same time feel like using ai for it felt like even worse idk. but i also have rsd which i think makes it harder for me to tell people stuff(?)

before i had an idea of what else was "wrong" with me i'd always talk to ai about the weird things about myself because i was so confused on why i was the way i was because even though autism explained a lot, i had a whole bunch of other things about myself that i dont think was explained by my autism that would always confuse me and make my identity feel so like jiggly wiggle wobbly idk how to explain it but yeah. i dont mean this as in like using ai to diagnose me or anything, bcs i didnt think it was another condition or anything i just thought my identity and personality was really odd and confusing for me to put into words. i'd always use it to help me try and describe my personality in words because i couldnt just use my autism to explain everything that was off about me. trust me i wasnt silly enough to try use ai as a diagnostic tool i pinky promise.

i dont know how to word like what im about to talk about so heres a post explaining basically what or similar to what im talking about. anyway. i'd avoid talking about my comfort/coping delusions with real people because i didnt want to be called delusional or have people not take me seriously, etc. ive had delusions that are bad obviously but like i dont want to be told the ones that are more comforting or coping-mechanism-adjacent arent true or that im "delulu" because of reasons better explained in the post i linked. so i'd talk to ai about them instead. my rsd probably made this worse i think (?) idk.

and for me or pwSTPD in general i feel like it could be harder to stop the addiction/dependence because a lot of the time advice for ai addictions are things like "read/write fanfics" and things like that, but that didnt really apply to me and my feelings and situation because things like reading & writing fanfics arent the same or similar solution to what i'd use ai for unlike the majority(?) of ai addicted/dependent people, so that type of advice never worked for me and im not sure how many ai addicted/dependent pwSTPD it would work for because of that reason. i was going to write something about people saying to roleplay as a replacement for ai but i couldnt get it out right at all.

there's so much more i could talk about on this topic but i cant remember them right now and my hands and brain hurt. i know most of this is talking about myself but it was supposed to be about pwstpd in general but i could only think of my experiences as examples and didnt know how to word it in a more general sense. if anyone else wants to talk about this type of topic pls do.