Tch.

Karamatsu held his ground against the urge to shy away once more. It was true that they were secret best bros–or was it best bro friends? Either way, they had a relationship status, but was he ready to breech that sort of territory?

“Ichimatsu… don’t tell them, but we may be the only two to ever lose it, period. I think we have time to become more… physically acquainted… before we…” he cleared his throat in lieu of finishing his sentence.  

After a moment of silently eyeing his brother, he added softly: 

His brother wasn’t ready. He could understand. It was sort of funny to him though considering they had grown up naked around each-other during their entire life so far. But he wasn’t going to argue. No point in making it uncomfortable, yet.

“Hee hee... Yeah, that’s okay. But I would like to be ...around you now, still, eh?”

He hugged his brother close, rubbing his face against the other’s chest. He was so warm.... It felt amazing to hold someone.

“Maybe we should just go out and walk. And ...maybe talk about ...things? Er..” he paused, awkwardly thinking of what to say. “It might make you feel more okay with this whole ....thing.”

He rubbed Karamatsu’s back softly with one of his hands.

Karamatsu’s lips quivered briefly but noticeably before he jerked back; did a scowling double-take of the room. Thankfully, it seemed they were still alone. A look of conviction crossed his face as he refocused on Ichimatsu. 

“Sorry. I just hope no one…” but he trailed off.

Taking one more scrutinizing look toward the door, he closed the created space between them. Face flushed and mouth quirked in a show of pseudo-confidence, he leaned in, his lips brushing against Ichimatsu’s before gaining purchase. The kiss was brief and chaste, but long enough to count, and warm enough to feel intimate; he made a grab for his brother’s hand before pulling back and half-grinning guiltily. 

“Well...yes.” 

Ichimatsu chuckled quietly. Who would have known that Karamatsu was so shy about a kiss on the lips? How amusing.

“A little. I mostly feel that you’re nervous about this.”

He looked around and squeezed his brother’s hand tightly.

“Would you perhaps feel better if we were to go somewhere alone? Somewhere outside of the house, where we can be together without being at risk of being caught.”

Ichimatsu blinked, smirking softly and watching the other boy. He wondered how much flirting he could let on before Kara would implode. He was being such a child.

forcing them to talk about their trauma

forcing them to OUT THEMSELVES about something they may not want their friends to know

encouraging the idea of lying in order to be allowed to ship a ship

creating an unsafe space for the csa survivors you claim to be defending

trivializing the experiences of survivors by comparing their trauma to a piece of art on the internet

insulting survivors and nonsurvivors alike by claiming that by simply indulging in a ship, they’re one step closer to becoming a real live sexual predator which is something that should NOT BE TAKEN LIGHTLY

Karamatsu settled into the hug, wrapping his arms secure around Ichimatsu. He stayed quiet for a long while, only breathing and thinking and frowning thoughtfully down at the floor beneath them.

The silence became loud as the seconds dragged on without a word from Karamatsu. He wouldn’t budge, but his hands kept mind to stay braced where they were. 

But finally, he spoke: 

“Ichimatsu… this is quite a turn of events. I can’t say I’m certain how this will go…”

He pulled away, enough to hold his brother at arms’ length, to stare him firmly in the eye.

“But I do love you, Ichimatsu, and I accept. Consider it our secret!”

Even in this scenario his brother was trying to act cool... What an idiot. He loved it.

“K....Karamatsu! Thank you!” he quietly blurted out, closing in close enough to leave little kisses on the other’s forehead, cheek, and nose.

“This....makes me so happy....” he panted out, excitedly. “I cannot believe how I am feeling right now. It’s so strange and wrong. So gross.”

He paused with his mouth brushing slightly against Karamatsu’s. He took a moment to just breathe and think before going on.

He eyed the hand on his shoulder as it took its place, then the one bracing his. He found that he hardy had the guts to meet eyes with his brother–but he managed, with an audible gulp.

His voice lowered as he piped up, breathier. 

“I..ichimatsu. Ichimatsu, what would our brothers think?”

He was now locked into place, vastly aware of their proximity, feet planted on the ground like fresh-dried cement. His face was burning red, and his eyes were unreadable beyond the obvious fear for their situation. He gripped his brother’s hand as though he needed it for support.

“Hm...”

Noting the obvious fear in his older brother’s eyes, he attempted to wrap his arms around him, giving him a gentle squeeze.

“Karamatsu, it’s okay Karamatsu. Nobody knows about what is happening right now. Nobody but us.”

He tilted his head, trying to stay relaxed. He was somewhat scared too, but he tried to keep it bottled. He didn’t want to be weak. He wanted to show his brother that he was strong and dependable. He wanted desperately to be appealing to him.

“Just as you said, Kuso.” he mumbled softly, using a hand to guide his brother’s face to his shoulder. “It could be our secret, as best brothers.”

He carefully laid his head against the other’s and waited a minute before continuing his speech.

“If you’ll have me, that is.”

Another pause.

Source: https://twitter.com/mmatsusan/status/689145518400770048 Artist: M松@mmatsusan Translation: @yuseirra Typesetting: Me / Kidokon-kontsu

“Ichimatsu?”

He took one careful step back, eyes locked on the pair ahead of him. His grip on his brother’s hand faltered and failed; he widened the gap once more. 

“Ichimatsu, that’s…”

But he didn’t have the words. Wrong, morally speaking? Sudden? Both of those, and he couldn’t let his younger brother fall to something so depraved. As his elder, it was his responsibility to give him a chance off of this path.

He straightened. 

“Heh. Guess my Karamatsu charm has taken even my own brother victim, eh? It was bound to happen.

Ichimatsu blinked, watching his brother curiously. Apparently there was a misunderstanding.

“It is not confusion, Kusomatsu. I am speaking from my cold, dead heart. It beats still for you.”

He let out a small, shaky sigh. He was doing a pretty good job at being bold, but it was still very hard on him. He was proud he had made it this far, however.

“I have been wanting you for a long time,” he mumbled, “and now I have the chance to have you.”

He once again began to approach his nervous sibling, reaching out carefully for his shoulders.

“Niisan, Oh Niisan...” he cooed, lowering his voice to a deeper pitch. “Are you afraid?”

He gave a little chuckle at the thought and placed one of his hands on Karamatsu’s shoulder; the other one grabbing for his hand. He grumbled happily, a smile smugly plastered onto his face.

“Of course I do, Ichimatsu…”

“I want us to be… best brothers. Forever. Like best friends, but brothers.”

After a moment of watching for his brother’s reaction, he added reassuringly:

“K....Karamatsu..”

Ichimatsu turned and looked at his brother’s face, studying it. He could feel his cheeks burning red. He wanted to show how much he loved him, but it was hard. He wasn’t good at this sort of thing. His voice rose slightly from the almost whisper he had been using prior.

“Karamatsu...!”

He looked around quickly to make sure nobody had come to spy on them when he was not paying attention. Seemed they were alone still. Ichi spoke louder, still.

“Karamatsu- I hate you. I hate you....”

He stepped toward his brother hesitantly, slowly placing his hands on Karamatsu’s hips. Without much of a pause he quickly pushed himself to kiss his brother; just above the corner of his mouth. He then shifted slightly, causing his warm cheeks to brush against the other’s. He gave him a small nuzzle and then leaned close to the other’s ear. He spoke quietly, whispering.

“Ichimatsu… I understand.”

Of course he did. Ichimatsu had a good reputation with their brothers – he was the mysterious one, the dark one. The one you didn’t mess with. If he was caught not hating the group’s punching bag, what would the others think? It would surely be no good for his place in the hierarchy. 

Any Matsu would be scared of that. 

Karamatsu freed one hand to rest flashily aside his temple, shooting a sincere glare in Ichimatsu’s direction. His once-betrayed pride now showed painfully once more in his entire self presentation.

“Thank you, brother. I swear, I will protect your secret with my life…”

Ichimatsu avoided eye contact as he stood. He rubbed the tears from his eyes and tried to take deep breaths. He finally knew...

“You.... you will..? You’re not... disturbed?”

He paused, face growing red. He turned away completely, though he didn’t let go of Karamatsu’s hand. Instead, he held it a bit tighter.

“...What do you think of me..? About... what I told you... About us.”

He gulped slightly and sighed deeply.

He almost didn’t want to believe what he was being told. In a way, he really didn’t. Either way, the temptation to indulge in the possibility was too great. 

For a moment, he simply stood over Ichimatsu from a short distance; peered down at his curled form. This alien display of emotion was almost enough to strike real fear into him. Finally, he found it within himself to take a step closer and crouch beside him.

“…So you saying that you don’t think I’m the scum of the earth,” he cautiously inquired. 

“You’ve never been the scum of the Earth. I am. I’m the useless trash that should be treated like I’m worthless.”

He wiped at his eyes again, lip quivering as he let out a small sob.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t tell you.”

He covered both of his eyes with his sleeves.

“I was afraid to talk about how I feel. And I still am.”

Moving his arms after about half a minute he turned his head in the opposite direction of his brother, finally taking his hand in the process. Rather than use it to stand he simply held it in his soft, shaking hands.

“I don’t want you to hate yourself just because you are better than any of us. I think you’re the best.” He paused for a moment, gulping in hesitation.

Karamatsu forced himself up onto his elbows, reaching one hand up to cradle his head, having banged it in the fall. The tears that once threatened his eyes now streamed silently, but without any accompanying cries.

Still, his eyes bore into his brother’s, determined even despite everything. He didn’t speak for a long while, opting instead to rub his sore head. 

“Ichimatsu…” He sounded tired.

“Please, don’t make me talk about this.”

Silence. The grounded Ichimatsu stayed down, laying on his back with his legs bent forward in front of his stomach and off of the floor. He watched his brother with an expression that screamed hopelessness; tears were still dripping from his eyes occasionally. He took a moment to do anything before he gritted his teeth and sniffled hard.

He waited and watched as his brother cautiously stood up. Wait.... No...

Staying down and pulling himself into a more helpless position he quietly squeaked out Karamatsu’s name.

“Please. Don’t go. I’m sorry. Please forgive me, Karamatsu. You are none of those things-- I don’t think you are. I am the one who is the worst of all. It’s so hard to understand you.”

He pouted, looking as pathetic and miserable as he could muster.

He was speechless. Something glinted in his eyes as he scowled; they darted between his brother’s and the grip on his shirt before settling on the former. Everything about him, from his hand raised as if to gain purchase on the sill that was no longer there, to the way he even still tried to lean away from his brother’s face, to the way tears formed in his frustrated eyes screamed total confusion. 

How did this happen? He felt like he’d been yanked from one extreme to the next – neither of which made any sense in the first place… but then again, he could hardly be surprised.

And in the end, all he could muster was one quiet, uncertain: 

“......................How.”

Ichi’s grip faltered before tightening even more, tugging hard enough to throw Karamatsu to the floor. Having tossed the timid man onto his back, Ichimatsu proceeded to step semi-forcefully onto his stomach with one of his feet. How dare this idiot? Who did he think he was?? Ichimatsu felt angry and distraught from the answer he received.

“How can you have hope inside and out, you asshole? How can you keep going everyday when everyone treats you like shit? Don’t you ever want to die? Don’t you ever feel like you don’t belong?!”

He glared down at his sibling hatefully, face twitching with rage. He didn’t understand. What was this guy’s deal?

“You are treated like the worst brother and ignored and you still act nice. Is it a ruse? Are you being passive aggressive? Do you think about hurting yourself ever? Why do you seem so fake!?”

Shaking, he knelt down and sat over his brother’s belly, not holding back any force of his own weight. He once again grabbed him by the collar-- this time with both hands-- and pulled him forward. He began to shake Karamatsu back and forth erratically and violently, choking out sobs the more he moved.

By the time he let go and let his brother’s upper torso fall back to the floor he had tears streaming down his face. He managed to quiet himself, but still he couldn’t stop the pathetic thing that was his crying. He took a moment to wipe at his eyes in vain.

After a minute of staring at his brother, he spoke again.

“So which is it, Karamatsu? Are you lying? Or do you really not understand how it feels to be a mistake?”

Holding himself back from grabbing him again, he gripped his own arm; fingers clawing at the arm of his pullover. He lowered his voice more to only slightly over a whisper.