kittenmonger

The Sex Magick Ceremonies of L. Ron Hubbard and Jack Parsons,

Jack Parsons was a brilliant man, a rocket scientist who is credited with being the co-founder of the Jet Propulsion Laboratory.  In his private life, however, he was a very odd man.  A follower of the Thelema religion created by the English occultist Aleister Crowler (pictured bottom right), he was a very devoted occultist who claimed to have once summoned Satan through ritual magic when he was 15. In the 1940’s he used the money earned from his inventions to build a mansion for his many students, disciples, artists, and scientists in Pasadena, California.  In 1945, the legendary science fiction writer and Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard (pictured top right) moved in with him.  Hubbard was recently a Lieutenant in the Navy and patrol boat captain, serving stateside throughout World War II where he lied about sinking two Japanese submarines and bombarded a small uninhabited Mexican island just for shits and giggles. After experiencing a spiritual awakening when he overdosed on laughing gas during a dental procedure, he moved into Parsons’ Pasadena mansion to further his spiritual life.

Hubbard and Parsons quickly became close friends.  It was then that the two came up with a brilliant idea; to summon forth the redheaded goddess Babalon using “sex magick”, impregnate her, and birth the “Daughter of Babalon”, which would bring about a new age of spiritual enlightenment and prosperity as prophesized by Crowley.  The two began with special sex magick rituals in which they would masturbate on a sacred parchment, with Hubbard divining the resulting patterns and taking notes.  Apparently, the ceremonies worked, because they soon met a stunning redheaded actress named Marjorie Cameron, who agreed to become a part of their sex magick practices.  The rituals continued.  I won’t speculate as to the fine details of what their sex magick practices entailed, but apparently it involved Parsons and Cameron having vaginal, oral, and anal sex after consuming hashish while Hubbard muttered a series of chants and incantations.

Viennese Jewish actress Hedy Lamarr marries ethnically Jewish Austrofascist arms dealer (and purported party-thrower for Adolf Hitler and Benito Mussolini and then-biffles with Hermann Göring), Friedrich Mandl, who forces her to convert to Catholicism and have a Catholic wedding

Turns out he’s a controlling fuck (who was surprised) who hated that she simulated a climax on screen and kept her from her acting career so she fled and made a career in Hollywood, but as wartime approached she felt guilty for having a luxurious career as the state of the world became what it was, and wanted to do something about it

She comes into contact with American-born avant-garde composer, pianist and female endocrinology enthusiast George Antheil, of German heritage, because she wants suggestions for bigger tits, but they end up talking about torpedoes instead

The two of them invent a weaponized player piano, using a mechanism from one of Antheil’s avant-garde compositions and the knowledge Lamarr gained from her shitty marriage to a fascist arms dealer, which used frequency-hopping spread-spectrum technology (which gave way to WiFi, GPS, and Bluetooth) to encrypt torpedo torpedo attack signals by use of a piano roll, where all 88 keys matched a different frequency making it too difficult to jumble and send torpedoes off course

I reiterate, a conversation about wanting bigger tits led to the conceptualization of a torpedo encrypter controlled by a piano meant to defeat the Nazis

It got patented in 1942 but the US Navy was too hesitant to use technology from outside the military so it didn’t get used

Hedy instead sold kisses and a lunch even went for $4.5 million, for war bonds, and she dubbed herself “just a plain gold-digger for Uncle Sam”

The Cuban Missile Crisis happened, after which the patent had already expired, and the US Navy used her technology

She only ever got any recognition in 1997 for this, three years before her death. Her ashes are scattered in the Vienna Woods.

I know there are a ton of “all hail our mother of wifi Hedy Lamarr” posts out there but I don’t know if any of them quite capture the beautiful absurdity of how this genius ended up doing what she did, so

All Hail our Mother of Wifi Hedy Lamarr

and the scene that pissed off her fascist husband, may we all make fascists as uncomfortable as possible