meow

Try venting until you have nothing left to say and just stare at a wall, it actually feels better once it's all out.

Image description: 2 bears climbing on clouds with stars and moon. in the middle there's a see through plastic cup with straw and bear eared lid. The background is purple. Text reads "I'm sorry if i bothered you by talking too much, you're the highlight of my day."

Image description: Gif of a white cute creature rolling into a pink teacup

Image description: Cute bear themed milk boxes in grocery store shelf. Text reads: "Crying myself dehydrated faster than i can drink it back"

Image description: Pastel pink teddy bear in bed, text above reads: "Unwanted, not unworthy"

Being an unwanted child has made me feel like I've done something wrong just by existing. It's weird to me that there isn't a community for this extremely isolating experience. I know that there is a community for people who have been abused but what about when your mom has done nothing wrong, she just didn't have access to abortion? That feeling that in a perfect world i wouldn't had even been born. The guilt that comes with it. The guilt i never asked for. Just like she didn't ask for me.

Should had been or should not had been born, i am here now, so I'll have to make it worth it, find the silver lining in an inherently unfortunate misfortune. I need to distance the pain my birth caused my mother from my own moral doings. It's not anyone's fault, but if i choose to feel guilty forever then I'll make it worse than it has been.

Image description: purple suburban neighborhood at night the text reads "Over the past few years the universe has been continuing to gift me with 24/7 chronic physical pain, just to make sure I'll never get a moment of true rest" End of imagine description.

Mentally im here

Image description: picture of pink sakura flowers and a pocky box, text says "i get overwhelmed too easily"

Image description: picture with pink school supplies and text: "why can't i do it? Everyone else gets perfect grades and has 3 full time jobs on the side, why can't i do it! It doesn't even matter that i passed a last exam i had, I'm so much behind that it doesn't matter."