. you don't know how to die quietly

Send “⁇” for a DRUNK text.( @dlanq )

JO: my life is over

JO: with a capital O V E R

JO: you don't happen to know anywhere i can crash for the summer...?

KIT: u ok?

“ 𝐢𝐭'𝐬 𝐦𝐮𝐬𝐢𝐜 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞. “ 𝐚𝐝𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐨𝐧 𝐬𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐬, 𝐫𝐮𝐟𝐟𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐨𝐰𝐧 hair as a means of expressing his frustration. “ yeah, as of right now, with the path i want to take with my degree, it’s very necessary. it’s a bunch of bullshit though — i’m in three different ensembles, all music classes are given at eight o’clock, and i have to go to ten concerts per semester and perform recitals and juries. it’s fuckin’ — it’s a lot. and it’s not even my major. “ he can feel his stomach rumble at the sight of something that wasn’t coffee but he shakes his head, offering a small smile. “ thanks, i appreciate it. but i’m good. it’s encouraging to hear that sophomore year sucks for everybody though; does it get any better next year ? or ever ? “

     “ so i’ve been told , so i’ve been told , “ she murmurs tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. “ there’s more too me then meets the eyes , i’m deep like that , “ her voice is sarcastic as she take a pointed bite of a fry almost reaching the bottom of the container. “ i know , i know , i’m just messing with you , it’s just a part of our friendship . “

    she gives a feigned frown as he ducks away from her projectile, “ complete MOVEMENT purposes, i swear ! “ her eyes roll, “ plus there are like shorts under there i need everyone to get their mind out of the gutter when it comes to them , “ she crosses her arms across her chest, “ i’ll try not to , but i make no promises … it takes hard work to stay on top. “

“So I’m not the first?” It’s a statement more than a question. “Still not gonna make it easy on us, are you? Gotta play at mysterious.“ He doesn’t mind that she’s a hard read. Not while the climate of their relationship is warm, comfortable, and easy. It’ll only be a problem if they got closer, he thinks. Then the guessing game he plays with Jo all the time would have more serious consequences. Then they’d probably have to have ‘A Talk,’ maybe, about making it easier. But they’re not at that point. He’s not sure Jo’s ever gonna let him get to that point. “Don’t bully me. I’m bigger than you.“

The fry she’d tried to hit him with is on the table, and he stares at it for about 3 seconds before finally deciding to pick it up and eat it anyway. “That’s asking too much of college kids. Aren’t a third of us hardwired to have our minds in the gutter?“ He wipes his fingers on his jeans. “You never listen to me, do you?“

‘ I DON’T.. i don’t know what i want — okay ? ’ and it’s said with frustration , free hand running through his hair as he tries to hold kit’s gaze . ‘ i don’t know , okay ? i just.. kit , i don’t know . ’

what did dominic want ? he doesn’t.. really know . but all he knows is he wants kit — wants him close , wants him doting over him , wants him taking care of him , wants him up with him on all those late nights he can’t seem to find any semblance of peace , wants him all soft with his fingers running through his hair — dominic goes wide - eyed , both from being pushed off and from the sudden onslaught of his own thoughts . 

and fuck — he’s fucked .

dominic takes two more steps back , a sudden distance growing between them . and it’s suddenly still too much because fuck — he’s fucked . but kit’s words , kit’s words make him panic , chest tight with anxiety — ‘ kit please . ’ because dominic’s selfish and loves to spoil . but this ? he can’t — he can’t do this . he can’t cut kit loose that easily , not when he’s realizing there’s something there — even if he refuses to dwell on it . ‘ kit i can’t — i’m.. i can’t . ’

“Dom.“ Kit shakes his head. And he can’t help himself--mouth parting to let a low crinkle of dry laughter escape and he even manages a smile but it twists all wrong, doesn’t really reach his eyes. “You’re a mess.”

It’s a familiar line. Kit huffs it when he drives Dom home from parties, or when his best friend leaves piles of laundry for him to fold but this time--there’s something different about the way Kit says it. Like the words are really sinking in this time. Like it’s really hitting hard how much they’ve really fucked this up.

Then again-- softer. “You’re a mess. But, hey--right now we match.” When Dom steps away Kit bends down to pick up his backpack, easing the straps over both shoulders. He usually gives in. Dom doesn’t use ‘please’ lightly and it’s almost a knee jerk impulse for Kit to say--yes, okay, sure--like he usually does. But all he has to do is think back to all the people Dom brings to their place, and having to listen to the noises through the walls.

     “ hmmm , you sound confidant about that , “ she feigns a serious look pushing her lips forward at his words. she tries not to think too much about how she only would be up for the position because of manon’s death. even if she had always been better cheerer then the other girl there was no way she’d do anything to go against her like that. “ cheerleads and football player, having each other’s back ? sounds so cliche . “

     “ shut up ! “ she retaliates by throwing back a fry in his direction, “ i’ll have you know the short skirts are for movement purposes not your gross enjoyment , “ her voice whines playfully as she cross her arms across her chest. “ me competitive ? never , “her eyes roll, she knows her own competitiveness. it was a direct result of her parents pressure, she was sure of that, “ competitive people get things done . ”

"I’m mostly bluffing. You’re kinda a hard person to read sometimes, Jo. Please don’t call me out.” The tension he’s been carrying around campus on his shoulders all day feels like it’s eased a bit. This sort of idle, light conversation distracts him, and Kit appreciates it. “But, yeah. Kinda. I don’t have your back because you’re a cheerleader though. I’m not shallow like that.“

“Hey--” He ducks, avoiding the fry. What is it with Jo and attacking him with food? “Listen. I’m just pointing out that they seem shorter than last year. But movement purposes. Okay. Sounds fake.“ He props his chin on the back of one hand. “Just don’t wear yourself out.“

「    𝗁𝖾  𝗋𝖾𝖺𝗅𝗂𝗓𝖾𝗌  𝗍𝗈𝗈  late  why  his  face  is  familiar  -  kit  is  dom’s  roommate ,  or ,  was ,  apparently .    chase  suffles  awkwardly  in  his  seat  and  starts  to  jiggle  his  leg  without  much  of  a  thought .    “  well  -  i’m  renting  a  two  bedroom  house  in  this  quiet  suburb ,  never  any  parties  around ,  no  annoying  apartments  around  us .    the  only  drawback  is  finding  parking  around  campus .  ”

HE KNOWS PUSHING IT was going to get him into this , into something messy that even kit wanted to back out . dominic’s been too persistent and greedy . it’s what he is and what he does — push and push until he gets what he wants . he pushed kit into this mess with him , blurring the lines . dominic takes and takes until there’s nothing left — even if it ruins something good , like their friendship . but in all honesty , he never realized just how heavy it was — not until he came home one night to an apartment devoid of warmth . 

but that’s the thing isn’t it ? they were supposed to be friends — best friends even . but kit walked out without so much of an explanation , much less a goodbye . didn’t dominic deserve something like that at least ? and he’s about to say just that , to try and pull at the other’s heartstrings , just to make him see reason . but then —

‘ we could both use some space . ’

and dominic’s already moving , takes the two steps it takes to be in front of kit , hand planted firmly next to other’s head as he looks at him . ‘ but that’s not what i want , ’ he says , uncharacteristically soft as he stares into kit’s eyes . ‘ kit , i want you to come home . come home to me , please . ’

When Dom swoops in it startles Kit enough that he drops his backpack, gaze flickering to the hand on the wall. It’s too familiar--this gesture. It’s how things between them usually start before they escalate and Kit’s voice is rough, frustration making the words catch in his throat as he pushes out-- “God. What do you want from me?“ He tips his chin slightly up to stare his best friend down.  “Dom. Just-- what do you want?”

“For us to keep playing house?“ The cooking and picking up after Dom--he never minded any of it. Looking after people validated Kit, and Dom who could barely boil noodles and who left his socks all over the house kept Kit busy. Made Kit feel needed and wanted and it wasn’t ever dirty work because Dom was-- no, still is his best friend. “That wasn’t the problem, Dom. I’ll always look out for you.” He lowers his gaze to Dom’s shoulder..

“It’s my fault. I know. I’m sorry.” He inhales. Holds his breath. Tries to figure out the right words to make this okay again but-- “I know we were just fucking around. I know-- I know it wasn’t supposed to mean anything. But I think... I fucked up.”

     “ now it just sounds like you’re trying to get on my good side , “ she counters back with a roll of her eye before dodging the fry with a twist of her head, “ but thanks really, it’s nice to have support , ” a bright smile falls on her lips before her eyes dropped to table in front of them. “ oh so you don’t need anything for all that long anyways , i hope you find somewhere though … “

    “ that’s our job after all , distracting from your guys mistakes , “ she teased him with a crinkles of her nose, “ i guess that and keeping your guys mood up . “ she takes another fry pointing it at him , “ that’s major han to you , “ she played along with his words taking a quick bite, “ you got to do what you gotta do to the best , ya know ? “

“You act like I’m not already on your good side.“ And, really-- Jo’s better than Manon was. But that’s not really something he can just throw out there, considering how the position only opened because Manon died. “No need to thank me. You’ve got my back so I’ve got yours.“

Kit cocks an eyebrow. “Is that why the skirts are so short?“ Slouching forward he bites the fry she’s pointing at him in half, chews and swallows before attempting a crooked salute. “Yes, ma’am. Anyone ever tell you that you might just kinda be... a bit competitive?“